At times, we all have an axe to grind. Currently, I'm grinding my axe in regards to Dark Lord Potter's remonstrations. Before I get moving here, let me point out that Dark Lord Potter has already been able to exhibit cruelty to animals. What worries me more than that, however, is that if Dark Lord Potter ever manages to instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with its complaints, that's when the defecation will really hit the air conditioning. Am I angry? You bet. We can divide Dark Lord Potter's publicity stunts into three categories: homophobic, crotchety, and raving.

Dark Lord Potter's secret passion is to use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more accurate targets. For shame! Have you ever stopped to consider the enormous havoc and ruin that has been wrought in this world by Dark Lord Potter and its spokesmen? I have. That's why I say that it once said that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. Oh, please. I'm just glad I hadn't eaten dinner right before I heard it say that. Otherwise, I'd probably still be vomiting too hard to tell you that I've never bothered Dark Lord Potter. Yet Dark Lord Potter wants to transform our whole society to suit its own inarticulate interests. Whatever happened to "live and let live"?

I know more about Maoism than most people. You might even say that I'm an expert on the subject. I can therefore state with confidence that unenlightened jujuism is Dark Lord Potter's preferred quick-fix solution to complex cultural problems. This is equivalent to saying that Dark Lord Potter likes to posture as a guardian of virtue and manners. However, when it comes right down to it, what it is pushing is both unpatriotic and capricious. Irrational, repugnant Luddites who revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era might not recognize the incongruities in Dark Lord Potter's nostrums, but Dark Lord Potter has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. It can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches Dark Lord Potter's nostrils, it'll start talking about the joy of metagrobolism and how obtuse, foolish utopians aren't ever crass. As you listen to Dark Lord Potter's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that its stupidity concerning onanism is laughable. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that Dark Lord Potter likes to quote all of the saccharine, sticky moralisms about "human rights" and the evils of phallocentrism. But as soon as we stop paying attention, it invariably instructs its worshippers to convert lush forests into arid deserts. Then, when someone notices, the pattern repeats from the beginning. Though this game may seem perverse beyond belief to any sane individual it makes perfect sense in light of Dark Lord Potter's crude pleas. As I have tried to show in this letter, Dark Lord Potter is the devil incarnate. As long as you remember that, we may yet be able to carve solutions that are neither fastidious nor ignorant.

/cough.

I thought this complaint generation template was pretty nifty. http://www.pakin.org/complaint

 

...Nigga whaaaaaat?

 

Lol this thing is fucking hilarious MrMucus, great find.

 

Wow. Just wow. Awesome find.

 

Wall of motherfucking text.

 

I could write a very angry letter right now about Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter, Ph.D., but I decided instead merely to express some constructive criticism. What follows is the story of how Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter can be so rich in the rhetoric of democracy and yet so poor in its implementation. Anyone who has spent much time wading through the pious, obscurantist, jargon-filled cant that now passes for "advanced" thought in the humanities already knows that he dances to the tune of cantankerous immoralism. What may be news, however, is that we are at a crossroads. One road leads into the light of a bright, shining future in which lecherous pipsqueaks like Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter are totally absent. The other road leads into the darkness of sesquipedalianism.

The question, therefore, is: Who's driving the bus? The answer is almost thoroughly obvious -- this isn't rocket science, you know. The key is that Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter has announced his intentions to put a treacherous, soporific spin on important issues. While doing so may earn Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter a gold star from the mush-for-brains deconstructionism crowd, if I were to compile a list of his forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter is unequivocally up to something. I don't know exactly what, but he thinks that drossy power brokers are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. However, we must reach out for things with permanence, things beyond wealth and comfort and pleasure, things that have real meaning -- not just in the poetic sense, but in the very specific and prosaic terms I am outlining in this letter.

Given Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter's propensity for repression in the service of paradigmatic integrity, it is little wonder that Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter says he's going to promote, foster, and institute ethnocentrism quicker than you can double-check the spelling of "plethysmographically". Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that in asserting that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy, Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. But don't despair. Rather, take comfort in the knowledge that we must show him that we are not powerless pedestrians on the asphalt of life. We must show Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter that we can delegitimize him.

Maybe then Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter will realize that the objection may still be raised that ageism is a noble goal. At first glance this sounds almost believable yet the following must be borne in mind: He feels he has not only a right, but also a duty, to undermine the basic values of work, responsibility, and family. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. So, sorry for being so long-winded in this letter, but Princess Dark Lord Potter Potter, Ph.D.'s biases would be absolutely risible if they weren't so fastidious.









I am amused by this machine.

 

Whoever wrote the templates for this shit deserves a wrap. Congratulations, nosebleeds in word form.

 

Perhaps you'll pardon me if I write this letter in a more personal vein than usual. I want to tell you about some personal perceptions of mine, primarily because we must respect each other and learn to live together in peace. The full truth of my conclusion I shall develop in the course of this letter but the conclusion's general outline is that I am more than merely surprised by Capt. Crunch's willingness to discredit legitimate voices in the fanaticism debate. I'm shocked, shocked. And, as if that weren't enough, were he alive today, Hideki Tojo would be Capt. Crunch's most trustworthy ally. I can see Tojo joining forces with Capt. Crunch to help him supply the chains that bind the individual to notions of self-loathing and unworthiness.

It would be bad enough if Capt. Crunch's votaries were merely trying to shame my name. But their attempts to make me the target of a constant, consistent, systematic, sustained campaign of attacks are just plain scabrous. The great irony is that Capt. Crunch wants you to believe that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Capt. Crunch's self-serving goals. Summa summarum, the baleful influence of exhibitionism is plainly evident in the palpable one-sidedness of Capt. Crunch's credos.

 

ROFL. This is gold, especially the post by you MrMucus...Great find. Someone should hit up ginnypotter or potterplace with this, i'd be curious about the reception.

5/5

 

Great find, Now to go find some things to complain about.

 

And here I was ready to come in and ban people... fucking cock tease.

 

Awesome, good find. At first I thought you were serious and was like wtf? but then I lol'ed.

 

I would like to fight for our freedom of speech. First things first: I see how important Dark Lord Potter's dour shell games are to its agents provocateurs and I laugh. I laugh because I don't see how it can build a workable policy around wishful thinking draped over a morass of confusion (and also, as we'll see below, historical illiteracy), then impose it willy-nilly on a population by force. I'm not saying that it can't possibly be done but rather that Dark Lord Potter uses the word "nondenominationalism" to justify destroying our moral fiber. In doing so, it is reversing the meaning of that word as a means of disguising the fact that its favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". Dark Lord Potter likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. It then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for it to leave a generation of people planted in the mud of an amoral world to begin a new life in the shadows of unilateralism. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that today, we might have let Dark Lord Potter crush national and spiritual values out of existence and substitute the diabolic and deplorable machinery of mercantalism. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will advocate social change through dialogue, passive resistance, and nonviolence.

I'm unquestionably bewildered by the incompetent nature of Dark Lord Potter's hariolations. I explained the reason for that just a moment ago. If you don't mind, though, I'll go ahead and explain it again. To begin with, this is a free country, and I feel we ought to keep it that way. After watching Dark Lord Potter's apologists destroy the natural beauty of our parks and forests, one might conclude that Dark Lord Potter et al. would lay out their own ideas of philosophical pedagogy, textual interpretation, and moral philosophy. Surprisingly, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making "statistical studies" about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I'd like to see a statistical study of Dark Lord Potter's capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many quarrelsome psychopaths realize that Dark Lord Potter wants nothing less than to make people suspicious of those who speak the truth, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its pestiferous squibs.

I certainly find that splenetic wimps are no different from possession-obsessed, narrow-minded adulterers. In reaching that conclusion I have made the usual assumption that its propaganda factories continuously spew forth messages like, "It's okay for Dark Lord Potter to indulge its every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole" and, "Dark Lord Potter has the mandate of Heaven to vilify our history, character, values, and traditions". What they don't tell you, though, is that it appears to have found a new tool to use to help it produce a large number of entirely censorious extravagancies, most crotchety indecencies, and, above all, the most ugly blasphemies against everything that I hold most sacred and most dear. That tool is lexiphanicism, and if you watch it wield it, you'll indisputably see why on a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "Dark Lord Potter has been a bad apple for as long as I can remember." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual.

The point at which you discover that Dark Lord Potter wouldn't know a new idea if it hit it over the head is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that insecure, pestilential knuckle-draggers, almost by definition, kill the messenger and control the message. An equal but opposite observation is that its animadversions are nothing shy of a slap in the face to all those who have fought and fallen in war for this country. That's self-evident, and even Dark Lord Potter would probably agree with me on that. Even so, its self-deceiving dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Onanism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these unsophisticated trends is to empower the oppressed to control their own lives. To be precise, if I try really, really hard, I can almost see why it would want to help wayward fugitives evade capture by the authorities.

Let's keep our fingers crossed that Dark Lord Potter doesn't turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals. All kidding aside, I realize that some people may have trouble reading this letter. Granted, not everyone knows what "historicocabbalistical" means, but it's nevertheless easy to understand that in the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Dark Lord Potter, but if Dark Lord Potter bites me I will unequivocally bite back. I've left out many criticisms of Dark Lord Potter from this wailing wall of a letter. Nevertheless, I assert that it's a start -- a philosophical space where we can plant a new flag symbolizing all that is wrong with Dark Lord Potter.

This is fucking epic. I'm going to use this for fandom bitch fests in reviews. People are going to go WTF?

 

Weird thing is, someone of them seem seriously close to what the religious nutjobs write when annoyed by shit.

What's weirder is that someone seem very close to DLP XD

 

Once I realized what it was, the first thing I thought was "Troll Ammo".

 

Before anyone takes umbrage at what I'm about to say, let me explain that Sarah L.H. Palin bickers and argues over petty things. But first, I'm going to jump ahead a bit and talk in general terms about how Palin's belief that ebola, AIDS, mad-cow disease, and the hantavirus were intentionally bioengineered by nasty ingrates for the purpose of population reduction is pure and total fantasy. Then, I'll back up and fill in some of the details. Okay, so to start with the general stuff, because of her obsession with factionalism, Palin complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that she hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today.

Palin once heard an improvident, misguided mattoid say, "Granting Palin complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air." What's amazing is that Palin was then able to use that quotation plus some anecdotal evidence to convince her cultists that Lysenkoism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society, which indeed makes me wonder, "Is she just trying to defile the air and water in the name of profit?" The answer is obvious if you understand that the ultimate aim of her ruses is to restructure society as a pyramid with Palin at the top, Palin's lieutenants directly underneath, jejune hermits beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable Palin to disarm us morally, make us rootless and defenseless, and then destroy us, which makes me realize that if you were to ask her, she'd say that she doesn't remember forcing me to dig my own grave and pay for the shovel. Not only does Palin have a very selective memory, but a central point of her belief systems is the notion that the purpose of life is self-gratification. Perhaps Palin should take some new data into account and revisit that notion. I think she'd find that if we can understand what has caused the current plague of squalid anthropophagi, I believe that we can then focus on concrete facts, on hard news, on analyzing and interpreting what's happening in the world.

The largest problem, however, is that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that Palin is extremely obscene. In fact, my Obscene-O-Meter confirms that Palin attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, she calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, Palin says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does she say such things? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that she does not play nice with others. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Where do we go from here? A clue might be that she undeniably needs to come to terms with her bad-tempered past. I challenge her to move from her broad derogatory generalizations to specific instances to prove otherwise. Help me promote peace, prosperity, and quality of life, both here and abroad. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time.


I think this sounds like it could actually be read at a political conference... Scary.

 

I indubitably hope Mr. Xiph0 gives this letter five minutes of his precious cappuccino-sipping, cancer-stick-puffing time. The rest of this letter is focused exclusively on Xiph0, not because I harbor any ill-will towards him but because he wants all of us to believe that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Tell me something: What exactly is the principle that rationalizes his stupid tactics? I once asked Xiph0 that question -- I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that thanks to Xiph0, I'm now suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that Xiph0's behavior might be different if he were told that he wants to rid the world of "defective" people. Of course, as far as Xiph0's concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that his trucklers allege, after performing shoddy research and utilizing threadbare scholarship, that a number of their enemies are planning to impinge upon our daily lives. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: He's the quintessential gruesome extremist.

Here's a specific example of the way in which Xiph0 has a deep conviction that violence and prejudice are funny: He wants to adopt approaches that have not been tested to try to solve problems that have not been well-defined. He is doubtlessly up to something. I don't know exactly what, but solipsism is correctly defined by its eccentric style, structure, and methods, not by its stated or apparent ideological premises or goals. That's just a fancy way of saying that whenever I turn around I see Xiph0 forcing me to get torn apart by wild dogs. To deny such a truth would be to deny the evidence of our own senses. The word "superserviceableness" is so compromised that I retain it only as a pejorative. But even if we disregard all that and examine only Xiph0's huffy, macabre apologues, this seems to me to be enough to show that Xiph0 has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and create new (and reinforce existing) prejudices and misconceptions -- all by trumping up a phony emergency.

Xiph0 is hardly the first proponent of unimaginative autism and he is unlikely to be the last. Now take that to the next level: Xiph0 claims that there should be publicly financed centers of ageism. I respond that sometimes, what you don't know can hurt you. I once told some of his emissaries that they should punish those who lie or connive at half-truths. Not surprisingly, their response suggested the enthusiasm of a man feeding on a diet of sand. That's why you and I need to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to unveil the semiotic patterns that Xiph0 utilizes to undermine the intellectual purpose of higher education. Only then will people see that people often get the impression that aberrant domineering-types and Xiph0's apologists are separate entities. Not so. When one catches cold, the other sneezes. As proof, note that I can't follow Xiph0's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that he craves more power. I say we should give Xiph0 more power -- preferably, 10,000 volts of it. Help me stop this insanity. Join your hands with mine in this, the greatest cause of our time.


LOL Xiph :awesome

 

Used to use something like this (or maybe it was this) a few years ago to send to newbs who annoyed me on some other forums I used to frequent.

edit: It WAS this.

Edit2: I generated an awesome one :awesome

My original goal for this letter was to scrutinize Mrs. Sarah Palin's remarks point by careless point. Unfortunately, Mrs. Palin's focus wanders so wildly that she never actually finishes any of her points. I think you will notice this in the ensuing discussion. To begin at the beginning, I have no idea why Sarah Palin wannabees have sprouted across the country like mushrooms after a downpour. We can therefore extrapolate that Mrs. Palin wants to be the one who determines what information we have access to. Yet she is also a big proponent of a particularly bumptious form of exhibitionism. Do you see something wrong with that picture? What I see is that Mrs. Palin often expresses great interest in, and approval of, violent acts reported in the press -- spousal abuse, shooting sprees, capital punishment, and so forth. That's clear. But given a choice of having Mrs. Palin turn over our country to the worst classes of contentious, snippy crumbums there are or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I, for one, would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. The facts are in: A theme that appears repeatedly in Mrs. Sarah Palin's ebullitions concerns her desire to foment insensate forms of political tyranny.