I'm currently working on a story, which uses some fairly clichéd plot devices, the most significant being Voldemort chose Neville not Harry, and so Harry's parents are still alive etc. Along with a slightly toned down Voldemort (He's still very skilled and clever, just not as overwhelmingly powerful after his rebirth, still handy in a tight spot though don't get me wrong).

In later years i can then use the situation created to allow Harry to become an Jason Borne-esque assassin/dark lord so that lord Voldemort will come to him (To eliminate the competition as it were) all secrectly minestry sactioned. Harry will be fairly awesome by the time he graduates, in a knowledge of magic way, not due to some random super power gift thing like elemental powers. Also he will have to be fairly 'nothing left to lose' so the first part of the story is more a series of (very) unfortunate events.

The first problem I have is with the first few years at Hogwarts. At this point Harry is going to have grown up in a loving family, probably be quite similar to James, and will have been hearing about Neville Longbottom as the Boy who Lived all his life, so will have a bit of the old hero worship going on. Its intended to be quite a light hearted year, with a few pranks and Quidditch etc. However I'v seen quite a few people comment that they are bored with the plot of PS, and would like to see more variation.

At the moment my main focus would be on Harrys view of Neville shifting from hero worship to disappointment to annoyance, only to be saved by him in the confrontation with Voldemort ( as Neville will have the blood protection ), along with the different dynamics of the Golden Trio when expanded to include Neville as the Boy who Lived, along with more pranks and so on.

Basically what I'm very ineloquently trying to say is does that sound interesting enough to warrant a read? I'm trying to use it for character development, but obviously you don't want a boring start to the story!

Which leaves me with the other major problem. I hadn't really planned to diverge too far from major cannon events until year 5, but since James and Lilly were never killed, Sirius was never incarcerated, meaning that POA's plot is useless to me. I don't want to replace Sirius with some other random person because it seem's somewhat contrived, and now i'm a bit stuck. The best i can come up with is a Plot that revolves around Harry ending up with the timeturner, either through stealing it from Hermione or whatever, and focusing on the trouble he gets up to with it

The one thing that makes it easier is that i do still have a big character death bombshell to drop at the end of year three, but i just need some sort of climax to the year as well, perhaps Harry's theft being discovers, resulting in some fairly major falling out with Hermione? What do you think?

If you need more plot details just ask.

 

You could skip the boring parts, maybe. One minute, we see Harry entering Hogwarts for the first time, but then you skip ahead to something else relevant to building the guy he becomes later on, while any savvy reader would get that Harry still goes to Transfiguration and Potions but that it doesn't have to be read. Skip the boring parts.

Or use flashbacks or somesuch. I wrote a story that starts in Year 6, and any relevant information from the past 5 years (That diverged from canon a little) either get flashbacks or throwaway lines. It depends on your readers - are you going for the crowd that wants to be spoon-fed, or the crowd that is perceptive enough to understand and still be entertained without questioning everything?

But since you posted here, I'm going to assume you're going for the latter, so a boring step-by-step of Harry's first year would be pretty awful. Skip the canon stuff or add throwaway lines that indicate it all happened, and the story might be worth something...

Hope that helps...

 

It actually sounds fairly interesting to me, but I usually like stories that start in first year. Luckily, there have been some good one's lately (The Santi's, nos tres reges, Voice of the Nephilim). The major disappointment as a reader is these stories often get abandoned.

As you already know, the most difficult aspect of a full seven year story will be keeping it entertaining. The best way to do that will be with excellent characterization and enough modifications to keep readers guessing at least a little. If the characters are unique and interesting enough the wait for the later years will be worth it.

Personally, I think the stone's plot works for the first year. You'll be so busy introducing all the characters and such that it'll be fine as long as the stone's plot is kept to the background. Although perhaps you could throw in a twist or two, such as maybe the stone doesn't actually get destroyed. The stone could then play a part in the later years of the story too.

Once you get the characters introduced, consider skipping large periods of time where nothing unique/different happens. For example, you don't really need a plot for POA, just spend a chapter or two describing the happenings of the year and get on to the good stuff. Unless, of course, you really want to write all seven years in high detail, just be careful not to get burned out.

Either way, I'd recommend skipping the whole time turner thing... they're bullshit. Quite frankly, I think it's best if authors just pretend they don't exist.

 

A sincere effort, but you'll have to try harder.

Calling the 'Neville as Boy Who Lived' plot device a cliché is an understatement. A more fitting description would be 'done to death, and the remains flogged, to resemble a squishy soggy mass'. However, I'm sure a person could make this work - provided that s/he is armed with an abundance of time, grey matter and dedicated reviewers. For instance, The Santi's Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived employs a similar plot device, and has yet to be binned, despite the serious attention it has managed to garner over the past couple of months.

And I agree with MattSilver's sentiments on skipping the boring parts, though I'd advice against using flashbacks too often. Reveal bits and pieces of Harry's past as you go along, and make sure they are pertinent to the story line - this way you'll keep the mystery and intrigue surrounding the AU alive by not giving too much away. If you're going for a 'Jason-Bourne esque!Assassin/Dark Lord' Harry, I don't see how pranks and light-hearted humour would serve as a good basis for Harry's characterisation. Also, I'm a bit wary of fanon's concept of pranking - 'New Marauders' and 12 year old Animagi roaming the halls of Hogwarts are a perfect way to ruin a great story.

However, if you do decide on a seven year story line, with little divergence from canon, you'd have a hard time with the old plot-driven versus character-driven dichotomy. Since the plot is almost non-existent (your readers would know what to expect for the first few years), you'd have to rely on characterisation a lot more to give your story a new perspective. It's hard work. And with the same old material to go on with, odds are you'll most likely bore yourself into dropping out.

Harry ending up with Hermione's time-turner would actually make for an excellent POA one-shot. Although I'm not sure if integrating time-travel into your story would be the wisest course of action, given how it already employs an AU.

Good luck.

 

Well the idea was that he wouldn't be born a angry desperate person, the basis of the story is to show how someone from a normal background could slowly become angry and bitter enough to take on that sort of role later in life. So it's very important to show Harry a little more carefree at the start of the story.

I'm uncertain as well. My justification would be that I'd tone it down a lot and add some major restrictions. I've always liked the idea that no matter how hard someone tried they can't change the past (ie they try, but things keep happening so they don't, and the time line preserves itself)

The other advantage to using it would be that getting a huge telling off when discovered would be great in terms of character development, especially at that point in the story.

Come to think of it I could write it as a one shot, and if it goes down well enough I could include it in the story later, which would also give me something to work towards

Anyway thanks for your feedback

 

If you want Harry to slowly develop into that sort of character, starting off with an extremely cliched plot is a bad way to start. You could make a semi-new plot, possibly something where Harry was raised by a different family altogether. Instead of having an interesting first year that blends in with hundreds of others, you could instead just make a different idea.

Also, making the Golden Trio fall into place just seems like a contrived occurance put into place for no other reason than forced character interaction. You might as well name Harry as Ron and Neville as Harry, and you'd get yet another canon rehash with small, late plot changes. If you really want to make your story AU, you shouldn't have Harry fall into the same catagories he fell into in canon.

 

If you're doing something similar to Burn, it may be better to start up with a memory-less assassin, revealing more important parts of early years as more memory fragments come to Harry.

Just a suggestion.

 

Agreed. Forcing the "Golden Trio" to come together in AU's pisses me off to no end.

Instead of using that cliche, you could have Neville become friends with lesser known characters or even people from other houses. Canon!Neville didn't give me the impression of xenophobia towards other houses unlike Ron and Harry (influenced by Ron), so I see no reason why you couldn't have his friends be primarily from a different house.

Also, if you are going to turn Harry into a dark wizard, you better have a damn good reason for it. Even though it's AU, it's best if you show a believable divergence from canon over a period of time, rather than have him all jaded, bitter, and ready to start slinging dark magic in his first or second year, for no apparent reason. If you do that, then Harry really is just an OC with Harry's name.

Perhaps you can change something with Harry's family or upbringing that causes the character changes, as you would have to have something drastic happen to Harry to have him turn dark if he's brought up with a loving family. However, in these stories abusive!James/Lily is highly cliche and a sure way to get your readers to click the red x. I don't know what you could do; maybe have them die in a way unrelated to Voldemort or switch them with canon!Neville's parents and have them tortured into insanity. The possibilities are endless.

Whatever you do don't rush it, and try to carefully plan what your goals are for the story and what you want to achieve at its end. I'm not a writer but I've heard writing outlines for each chapter and having clearly defined goals helps.

 

Basically, if you are going to write a dark story, it should be dark from the beginning or you will attract the wrong crowd. I would never read a story where Harry grows up happy and plays pranks for a few years before the actual story began.

Start the story in Harry's seventh year, during his NEWT exams. Do it like they did in "Slumdog Millionaire", make him have flashbacks of how he learned the information he writes on the test (Example::: Question: "Describe all you know about the devils snare" and Harry remembers his first adventure).

Also, it doesn't have to be full flashbacks since they can be quite irritating. Just have him think through certain key moments of his life quick while answering the questions. Some of the more important stuff could be flashbacks if long scenes are needed.

Also, make the flashbacks non-chronological. Start with something that happened in his fifth year (He may be comparing doing his OWLs to doing his NEWTs and how that was a happier time?) and then zig-zag your way trough his Hogwarts years.

You don't have to tell everything either, leave some loose ends and you can return to describing them later on.

 

And for god's sake, make sure there's an up-tempo Bollywood dance routine at the end.

You could have Harry (use Hari, it's Indian) working on a wizard help line, answering wizarding-wireless-phone calls from across the world and trouble-shooting problems for incompetent wizards as he pines for Jinny-wala and wants to take her away from the abject poverty she and the other Vrisha-Weasleys are living in there in Mumbai-agon Alley.

In a desperate attempt, he goes on "Who Wants To Be A Galleonaire" to answer questions and has flashbacks of studying Hogwarts: A History with his dear friend Hindi-mione and Ranjan Vrisha-Weasley, the brother of his love.

:awesome

 

Thats pure fucking awesomesauce.

 

:awesome indeed.

 

Yep. Definitely clichéd. But there is some good advice here I think...

Disagree. The beginning is here...

Voldemort and the Assassin. There's your beginning.

Let this be your backstory and post as little of it as possible.

Agreed. But spend little time on Hogwarts because for all practical purposes your story begins with Voldemort and the Assassin.

Not as is. Harry's hero-worship should not be the main focus. I can see having a subplot of Bourne!Harry being annoyed with Neville and then use the occasional flashback of young hero-worshipping Harry if it works.

You've already got a major canon shift with BWL!Neville, so diverge.

What I think depends on how the bombshell affects Bourne!Harry. And I agree with Stenstyren in that I don't think you should have a linear story based on your description of it thus far.