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WIP Crippled by Paynis - T - Highschool DxD

Discussion in 'Anime, Cartoons, and Comics' started by Jon, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Title: Crippled
    Author: Paynis
    Rating: T
    Genre: Action
    Status: Work in Progress
    IP: Highschool DxD
    Pairings: Issei/Math
    Summary:
    Link: Click Here

    So, this is an interesting little story which will obviously appeal to a select few. As you may or may not know, magicians in Highschool DxD use magic via mathematical equations.

    In this story Issei is hit by a truck and can suddenly ALL THE NUMBERS!

    I was under the impression that I knew where this story was going, but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that while I was correct, it wasn't the bad kind of correct.

    Issei is a prodigy, but he freezes up and fucks up whenever shit hits the fan and he is attacked by enemies. So all his 1337 haxxor skill means jack shit when he can't get his head on straight.

    In fact, that is one of my pet peeves with it. Issei is supposed to be broken, but it never feels that way. There is no real gravitas to when he uses magic, and unless you're carefully reading each and every word then you might even miss it. It's understated—and don't get me wrong, he is a beginner, but It feels like he should be capable of more.

    I'm of the opinion that it's a case of the author reigning him in so they don't get called out for 'mary sue', but at the same time I feel it detracts from what I personally want from such a curious little fic.

    Aside from ALL THE MAGIC!!!! There are hints at a pairing, with Sona, surprise surprise. Some characters feel OOC (like Kiba) but I can't bring up the urge to care too much since Kiba is.. Kiba. Some OC stuff that is mildly interesting since they never steal the show.

    But.. yeah, if DxD is your thing, definitely give this a go and tell me what you think.

    It's the first one in a year that I can actually say 'read this'.

    I give it a tentative 3/5.
     
  2. Zel

    Zel Professor

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    Yeah, Crippled is one of the few good ones in a fandom plagued by bad self inserts and even worse smut.

    I liked how he handled Matsuda and Motohama, in few fics they are real bros instead of ways of showing how badass the Godlike!Protagonist is in comparison.

    Also, in his more recent fights, Issei showed the first hints of a badass in the making. I give it a 3.5/5.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2016
  3. CleanRag

    CleanRag Groundskeeper

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    4/5

    While it isn't a particularly gripping story, it doesn't make me want to stab the author either. In any other fandom, I would give it a 3/5, but High School DXD is so hard up for stories that this is an essential read.
     
  4. Legend3381

    Legend3381 Seventh Year

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    Why not just make it a cross over and replace Isse with The Accelerator into the story. That who he modeled Isse after down to the remote collar and the cane. It would also fit better.
     
  5. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I hate the characterisations in this fic. They don't react properly to situations. Issei's extreme passivity drives me up the wall.

    Also, the author seemed to forget that Issei has a bum leg and is crutching it everywhere for several chapters. It suddenly made a reappearance the second time Issei met Church Healer Girl.

    Issei also has a magical crutch that only exists when he's leaning on it. He casts magic and fights fine, is his crutch in his hand, under his arm, dropped on the ground, or what? Where is it during class. His ability to walk revolves around the crutch and yet it barely seems to exist.

    2/5
     
  6. Mutton

    Mutton Unspeakable

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    I'm mostly just left wondering why it even exists. It doesn't add to the plot, it disappears entirely from relevance for characterization, and nobody even gets beaten with it like a red headed stepchild!
     
  7. Gengar

    Gengar Polymagus Prestige DLP Supporter

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    That would all drive me up the wall too, specifically nonsensical characterisations...

    Which is annoying. Finding non harem-garbage in the genre is an exercise in futility...
     
  8. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I didn't realise that the collar came from another series. I thought that the author was just being lazy about writing Issei seeing numbers, so decided to switch them off for 95% of the story. The collar didn't make sense to me otherwise (not for Issei, Scientist Devil, or for Issei's character development).

    Some of the trappings exported from The Accelerator character are ill-fitted for this story, or at least need to be sold better to the reader.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2016
  9. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Jeez, how did I not see that? Feel a bit embarassed, hadn't seen Index in ages.

    I suppose Issei not being a crazy bitch kinda disguised the fact... You ruined this story for me. :( I cannot unknow this.
     
  10. Legend3381

    Legend3381 Seventh Year

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    My bad, the characters are completely different though. But i do think Accelerator would have had the story more interesting.
     
    yak
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