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WIP Equilibrium by Jon (Surarrin) - HP/SW - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Nuhuh, Oct 2, 2015.

  1. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Moderator

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    Title: Equilibrium
    Author: Jon (Surarrin)
    Rating: T
    Genre: SciFi/ Fantasy
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: None that I know of

    Summary:Ahsoka feeling abandoned, betrayed and disillusioned with the Jedi Order, decided to part ways. She left to find meaning and purpose in her life. She never expected it to come in the form of an enigmatic green eyed young man who had more than a passing interest in the past. She never imagined that learning about the history of the galaxy could be so dangerous—or magical.

    Link: FF.net

    WBA

    Like many such stories, Harry is looking to get back home or find out what happened to his home. Interestingly he looks to the past of the galaxy, where answers may be buried in the ancient crust of the many planets in the strange world.

    And within this search is twined Ahsoka's struggle to find faith in herself, others, and a stranger who knows too much and too little at the same time. The story balances being plot driven and character piece very well.

    I found this to be a very different HP/SW story. For one Harry is not simply bulldozing everything via the power of being out of context. Second, the time period of Star Wars is set to be between movies around clone wars. Third, the actual plot, which I have only briefly touched on so not to spoil, is more the driving factor than Harry Potter and the uniqueness of his magic in Star Wars universe.

    5/5 for me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2015
  2. Paradise

    Paradise Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Is this really even a question?
     
  3. Nuhuh

    Nuhuh Dastardly Shadow Admin Moderator

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    Maybe not . But it is a place to discuss the story.
     
  4. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    The only thing I've disliked about this story so far is the update rate. Far too slow, Jon. ;)

    I haven't watched the Clone Wars series, nor did I know anything about Ahsoka when I read this, but her character is established pretty quickly and I haven't ran into anything that I couldn't work out via context and the explanations Jon gave. The only real fault I can find is that Palpatine seems a bit more... relaxed in how he talks to Harry than is usual for either his Senator or Sith Lord personae.

    Still warrants a 5/5 with ease.
     
  5. Ankan

    Ankan Groundskeeper

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    I haven't watched the Clone Wars series either, but the characterizations / general plot is in my opinion really well done.

    5/5
     
  6. Radmar

    Radmar Disappeared

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    It's far too early to rate.
     
  7. Ankan

    Ankan Groundskeeper

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    42k words.
     
  8. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Since before now no one thought to submit it to the library for evaluation, yes.
     
  9. Klackerz

    Klackerz Bridgeburner

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    I love this fic and Harry was awesome in it. I don't really like Ahsoka that much though. It may be from me not seeing Clone Wars at all and all SW fanfic using her too much which has made me dislike her.

    Most of the fic was awesome, but the section at the Sand Camp was a little too long and boring imo especially when Ahsoka went to kill the Sand Demon.

    4/5 for now. Update moar.

    nuhuh probably put this for review to prod Jon into updating.
     
  10. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Reading it when Jon was updating was awesome. I hope he gets back to it.

    Having said that, as much as I like Ashoka's characterization, I have some issues with Harry's. Also, it appears that for all the cool stuff we've seen and all the words we've read, not much has actually happened, plot-wise.

    3.5/5 rounded up to 4/5, because it's very well written, despite my reservations.
     
  11. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

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    What even happened to this story? Jon was cranking out updates like every 2 days and then he just stopped.

    I really really like Jon's style of storytelling. I found this fic very engaging and enjoyable to read. Usually when something updates I typically leave it open in a firefox tab and only go read it a couple days later when I'm bored, but I read every update to this story pretty much as soon as I saw them.

    I'd rate 4/5 for now only because the main part of the story hasn't even begun and I'd like to see that before rating, else it would be an easy 5/5.
     
  12. happyg

    happyg First Year

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    "I've never really gotten along with groups whose name start with death." I think I'd rather jump in a sariac pit. Quotes from chapter one. Not library material, for me at any rate - would not recommend. 2/5.
     
  13. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    That was a pretty shit review. The only reason I'm not infracting you for it is because it could be considered a conflict of interest. Try harder next time, if you know, you can. I understand some people aren't capable—sorry I meant are 'handicapable'.
     
  14. Rayndeon

    Rayndeon Professor

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    The fic to compare to would be kathryn518's I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, although this fic has a very different feel and is a lot more lore-centric, which is unsurprising given Harry's role as a self-proclaimed "histologist." (It's also moving in very different directions despite starting around the same time point with Ahsoka's resignation from the Jedi Order and Harry in this fic is very different from the Harry in kathryn518's) We haven't really seen Harry truly cut loose yet -- as he says, he rarely uses the Elder Wand -- so it's not clear how exactly magic squares up against the Force, but I trust Jon to do a good job with respect to balancing the two.

    While 42k words long at this point, it doesn't quite yet feel like enough has occurred plot-wise to fairly rate it, but I'm giving it a tentative 4/5 for now.

    Now, if only Jon could update Abjuration as well...
     
  15. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2015
  16. theronin

    theronin Order Member

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    This more or less sums up my thoughts. I like what there is so far, but I still have no clear idea what direction the plot is headed. I will hold off on rating for now, but if it maintains the current quality it's easily a 4/5 if not higher.
     
  17. Anumidium

    Anumidium First Year

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    I started reading this fic with almost zero knowledge of the Star Wars universe other than some vague memories of the plot of the movies. I knew nothing of the vast and amazing lore that Star Wars has.

    Equilibrium completely obliterated my limited view of the Star War universe and truly opened my eyes. It was not only a well written story. It was a story that truly brought Star Wars to life. I could feel the world, as if it where our own.

    I also enjoyed the point of view, as showing the story through characters other than Harry give it a mysterious mood. Due to the point of view, the application of lore, and the overall quality of writing, I give Equilibrium a 5/5. I also hope that Jon will continue to write what could one day be referred to as a completed masterpiece.
     
  18. Darth Tarded

    Darth Tarded Squib

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    I really like this story. I too hope Jon will finish this and his other stories. And maybe he can get Heather Sinclair to finish her HP/SW fic. Harry's character has a bit of a 10th Doctor vibe and I like this bit of madness with his morality.
     
  19. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    That guy is a lot more wordy than I could be. Great story Jon, would read again.

    Seriously gonna go read everything you've published so far. I forgot how talented you were as a writer.
     
  20. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I enjoyed this and I'm not terribly big on SW in general, let alone crossovers. Some awkward phrasing keeps this from being a 5/5, but a good beta could do a lot for that.