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Fanfiction's Worst Reviews

Discussion in 'FanFic Discussion' started by Moridin, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. chaosattractor

    chaosattractor Groundskeeper

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    Well I think one is quite the hypocrite if one demands warnings for slash but scoffs at trigger warnings.
     
  2. Lesath

    Lesath Second Year

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    It's not a fact of particular relevancy to discussion, but even in Hannibal fandom it's a rare trope. I encountered only one story that can be considered 'cannibalism smut' and it was removed from fanfictions.net, what make me think that reaction to this wasn't great. So I wouldn't judge Hannibal fandom on the basis of Harris's tetralogy or tv series' level of violence -the community mainly consists of Hannigram shippers and from what I discerned their fiction is more of a kink fest than a murder fest.

    Personally, I see these trigger warnings more like tags that help me avoid shitty stories. For example, when I see HP fic with a warning about "child abuse" then I'm happy to avoid something that can be abysmal fic featuring bad Dursleys, pathetic Harry and Snape-the-rescuer. So I consider triggers convenient, though the whole idea of offending someone's sensibilities escapes my understanding.

    Sometimes I read reviews under stories I commented or the ones that I want to read. Recently I saw that:
    It fit in the theme of easily-offended sensibilities, doesn't it? We are speaking here about a story, where Harry's been toying with Dark Magic for (supposedly) decades and where he has become quite attached to idea of his accidentally gained immortality.
     
  3. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    As an aside, Lesath, link to the fic?
     
  4. Lesath

    Lesath Second Year

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    here
    I know pairing can deter some people from even checking - but for now there is promise of plot and not a word about romance.
     
  5. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Ah. Never mind then.
     
  6. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I just got 15 or so reviews from the same person. Here is a representative sample:

     
  7. Plotless

    Plotless Groundskeeper

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    I'm like 99% sure that has to be a bot.
     
  8. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Nah, just a legitimate crazy:

     
  9. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    Lord Potter? Yeah, that's crazy.
     
  10. Download

    Download Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Lol, that's some delusional shit.
     
  11. FloreatCastellum

    FloreatCastellum First Year

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    Perhaps you lot can help me make sense of this... I guess I accidentally offended someone? Initially they left this review on my humour one-shot:

    Several months later, on the same one-shot, they leave this:

    ???
     
  12. Dicra

    Dicra Seventh Year

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    I bet the author was literally squealing from joy when he saw that thoughtful, elaborate comment on his writing.
     
  13. Lungs

    Lungs KT Loser Prestige DLP Supporter

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    That's a better review than most I've gotten, Dicra. I'd probably welcome it, to be honest.
     
  14. 13thadaption

    13thadaption Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    As a contrast to the reasonably well articulated but deeply unhelpful review I posted before, I'm going to offer this (off CR again) as an example of being functionally empty but nonetheless heartwarming:
    There's basically no useful feedback in there, but man I feel like this reader gets it. They're just so excited, I actually love this "bad review." Knowing whatever you're doing seems to be working has to be worth something right?

    Or if you're a gigantic word nerd like me, what an interesting example of clearly conveying thought and emotion absent conventional linguistic form.

    Cue discussion of what actually makes a bad review, I suppose. Or not, there's a lot of "right" answers in this thread.
     
  15. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Not a good review, perhaps, but a nice one.
     
  16. Steelbadger

    Steelbadger High Inquisitor

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    A deeply thoughtful response to Chapter 3 of my story 'The Power He Knows Not'.

    This raises many troubling questions. I shall have to retreat to my sanctuary to consider the full ramifications of this hard-hitting review.
     
  17. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    13thadaption

    As a rule, I consider any review that doesn't actually provide any critique empty, but this review isn't void of feedback. Granted, I'll still take an actual review over this any day, but it's at least a step above some idiot posting gibberish to bump the review count, "cuz good stories have more reviews".
     
  18. Inert

    Inert Auror

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    Don't normally bother with FFN reviews, but clicked on Hurricane Suite on a whim and found this absolute gem.
     
  19. vlad

    vlad Seventh Year Prestige

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    I don't know if it's the worst review I've ever gotten, but it was one of the least helpful.

    I apologize for butchering the beloved canon character.

    ;_;

    I'll be honest: An ego I may have towards my own prose, I do not consider myself anywhere near the level of Mr. Wright. Awake in the Night Land is haunting on a level I can only aspire to; Somewhither and Iron Chamber of Memory are among my favorite recent fantasy novels.

    Not wrong, but interesting choice of criticism given that Romilda just polyjuiced Harry, and then raped Harry who she forcefed polyjuice to look like Romilda.

    Though this was the most... special... review I've ever received. Keep in mind that it's relation to the story in question, other than the correct fandom, is 0%.

    Relative to the Reach. Hightower is the richest, Redwyne has all the ships, Tarly is the Reach's military powerhouse, Florent has more historical prestige, but nobody's as strong at political maneuvering and raw cunning as House Tyrell. The only reason House Tyrell is in power is because they were smart enough to give up the capital of the Reach to Aegon, after Highgarden's owner just died.

    Compared to the other Great Houses of Westeros, the Tyrells have contrasting good relationships with their vassal houses (save from some exceptions) and take actual interest on their domain; for instance, the City Watch of Oldtown belongs to them. Should they have problems, the Tyrells still have a foot firm in Highgarden should there be need to regroup.

    they use every trick in the book as pragmatically and hard-nosed as possible, they also haven't neglected the roles good PR and soft power can play in advancing your influence without adding people to the "who wants to kill us" list. For all they are actually playing the game as ruthlessly as others, often enough. Loved, somewhat feared, but mainly respected; and, certainly not hated: that's the route they're aiming for as a group

    The Tyrells got away with putting the Baratheons under siege twice with no retribution whatsoever. Even when Stannis takes a great chunk of their bannermen, they still have complete and undisputed control of the Reach other than some dissident houses who aren't even opposing them in battle (like the Florents).

    Whereas the Tyrells are physically attractive and pleasant, the Florents are butterfaces with a sense of entitlement and no social skills
    _
    Florents not only they are unsociable, they are smug, stupid and pretty ugly.

    Not only are they unpleasant people as a whole, they are generally fairly unpleasant-looking, too (all sneers and ears). Subverted by the half-Florents Shireen Baratheon (she is innocence incarnate) and Edric Storm (an energetic little charmer). Even though they still have those ears, neither wear sneers.

    Florents consider themselves to have a better claim to Highgarden than the Tyrells as they descend from House Gardener through the male line and not the female line like the Tyrells

    They are said to be descended from Florys the Fox, a daughter of Garth Greenhand who had three husbands who did not known of each other and fathered the founders of Houses Florent, Ball, and Peake

    they may have a fox as their sigil, but their arrogance and stupidity screw over nearly every single "cunning" plan they make

    When Renly and Stannis each declare themselves king, Alester declares for Renly, despite Stannis being the rightful king and Selyse being his wife. This can be chalked up to Alester being loyal to his liege lord, Mace Tyrell, who declared the Reach for Renly, though it is pointed out that Brightwater Keep is too close to Highgarden for the Florents to risk Tyrell displeasure. However when Renly dies Alester breaks his oath to Mace and heads over to Stannis' camp, because if Stannis wins it will mean House Florent gets more political power in the Reach (though Mace hadn't declared for Joffrey yet). Then when Stannis' campaign is failing Alester goes behind his back and selfishly offers Shireen to the crown (as in the Lannisters who are known for their cruelty and child abuse), in exchange for a pardon and Brightwater Keep back in Florent hands. Loyalty is not this man's strongest quality.

    Despite his flaws, he is the only Florent encountered so far who is not a R'hllor fanatic or a complete Jerkass. He even treats Davos courteously
    _
    Just like Harlen Tyrell surrendered the Reach to Aegon The Conqueror by bending the knee, Mace Tyrell surrendered and bent the knee to Robert Baratheon when the fighting was all but lost. In both occasions, it gave them huge advantage leaps forward, consolidating their power. Dudes are very good at surrendering.

    And just like ambitious house from the Reach who married their gorgeous daughter to the King and the patriarch is the second most powerful man on the country? Hello again, Hightowers! Other than that, the Tyrells don't seem to be failing in the War of Five Kings where the Hightowers did during the Dance of the Dragons, which is the fact that they have never overplayed their hand (except with Renly, and they corrected that remarkably fast).

    Where the Freys have tried their social climbing the direct and dirty way when not marrying into every power in sight, the Tyrells have gone about it rather differently (if, also including marriage). Both have large families (granted, the Tyrells don't outnumber the Freys: but, they're still not a tiny family), both have Thicker Than Water tendencies. But, only one is succeeding at this whole PR thing and has plans in place for when various linchpins may no longer be in the world.

    They seem to have a flexible code of honor and a love of family that's seeing them stick together and manage to stay together while forging ahead in the Decadent Court atmosphere. "Strong" is in their motto. "Stark" also means strong. The Starks remain strong through endurance and will power, the Tyrells through clever alliances. Both are loved by their smallfolk but while the Starks are honorable to a fault, the Tyrells have no true loyalties but to themselves. Both have ancestors who surrendered without a fight to Aegon the Conqueror

    Like the Lannisters both are ancient and powerful houses that have been working to exert their influence over the Iron Throne to their own benefit, but whereas the Lannisters are essentially a Big Screwed-Up Family who cooperate through Teeth-Clenched Teamwork at best, the Tyrells work together out of genuine love and affection for one another, treating one another as actual family rather than rivals for power.

    Some think they gave their cousins the Gardeners the idea to go fight the dragons

    Did it occur to anyone that the Khal is the threat and just have him killed and when the new khal kills Dany and her child well they didn't create the Dothraki culture they can't put that on them or maybe the assassin would fail and if they don't wait until the have proof the Dothraki at least plan to invade they will not have justice on their side and the Dothraki may get over their fear of sea water for revenge

    Cersei can scheme and treacher and backstab with all but the very best of them she knows how to GET power but not keep it she has no idea what to do to secure her own future or the actual job of ruling, keeping the masses or bare majority fed and entertained, she has no patience for the balancing the budget stuff and etcetera

    Robert didn't thank or reward or even recognize Stannis duty and going above and beyond and his great accomplishments as well and he gave credit to others for Stannis' successes, he blamed the mistakes of others on Stannis but he gave him Dragonstone which is traditional seat of heir and technically made Stannis the third most powerful man in Westeros, to hold those parts of the Crownlands so loyal to the Targaryeans though he probably never said so to Stannis and Stannis probably didn't understand that Robert needed someone as Draconian as Stannis to keep the Targaryean loyalists in line

    Baelish doesn't need to embezzle, he's a very successful pimp, not to say he doesn't manipulate the finances of the realm for his own benefit he does but through much more subtle, complicated, and far reaching parts of his schemes
    Baelish is trying to create a meritocracy ninety nine percent of Westeros live in squalor

    Valyrian steel blades were scarce and costly, yet thousands remained in the world, perhaps two hundred in the Seven Kingdoms alone

    I was thinking the name Frostflame for Jon Snow a shadowcat or blue winter rose sigil Flourish, Blossom, Bloom; Suffer Not Injustice

    Also Shadowflame/Phyr for daughter line of Blackfyre/phyr Sheepdog sigil Prosperity Stability Freedom

    I don't believe the North will survive without the South any more than the South will survive without the North

    It's generally admitted even after the ousting of the Targaryen regime that the Valyrian monarchs centralized most of Westeros into a single realm, which put an end to endemic warfare between the Seven Kingdoms, for the most part put an end to Ironborn reaving, kept the Faith of the Seven on a leash and also developed trade via the creation of a new city like King's Landing, while earlier rulers also abolished horrible practices like Droit du Seigneur and made laws common across the realm

    If Aegon isn't a real Targaryean Young Griff is qualified to rule (Illyrio gave up marriage into a very influential family who never forgave him and he knew they wouldn't to marry a woman he truly loved)

    Stannis is the only other one who puts the needs of the realm before his own the rest are deluded fools who fight for personal glory and power

    His problem is he doesn't understand that almost anyone will believe almost anything, they will believe a lie is the truth because they want it to be true or because they are afraid it might be true

    He should stop talking about his rights and start talking about how he is the best man for the job, that he always does his duty unlike the others

    Stark forces rape pillage and burn just as much as their Lannister counterparts

    Mace Tyrell would strangle a thousand babies to death with his bare hands if it meant putting Tyrell blood on the Iron Throne

    The blood of the Riverlands is on Catelyn's hands as much as Gregor Clegane and Tywin Lannister's, her efforts to protect her children only put them in greater danger and all that other death

    Balon Greyjoy wants revenge more than gold, he blames the Starks and the North for costing him his crown and his other sons and is too stupid (like most people) to see it was Stannis destroying his fleet that cost him all that

    Robb is a great general he wins every battle but loses the war because he completely fails the diplomatic side of things, there is more to being a lord much less a king than winning all your battles he's wise beyond his years in some ways but still young in others to a lesser extent so is Dany Robb is a tactician but not a strategist he has no real plan for winning the war as a whole he seeks no alliances all his forces are his or his grandfather's

    And how many innocents will Arya murder for her freedom, someone needs to tell her of the realm’s need for stability, and unless she wants to go beyond the Wall and hunt and kill for her daily bread, she must also do her duties as a Lady of her House as the Mormont women do, work is called work not fun for a reason, in short she doesn’t get it both ways, we need the tedious minutia of governance, someone needs to tell her war is hell something like it's about protecting your home and family and living up to noblesse oblige

    Melisandre is trying to ensure the human race survives

    I don't think Jaime should be hated for breaking his vows given what Aerys was but because people think he did it to increase his family's position, influence and power remember he was young and stupid and as one of the world's greatest warriors almost never needed to actually use his brain and think like most people so it's somewhat understandable he hasn't overcome these shortcomings until he lost his hand and saw his sister for what she is

    Renly like Cersei and Robert would spend so much on clothes and tournaments not what is best for the realm, extrajudicial execution Westeros taboo maybe but what is best for the realm

    Gendry has what it takes to be a great warrior BUT

    Edric at least has a proper education and we do need the tedious minutia of governance unless like Conan he's naturally cunning

    Sansa until she got cold hard taste of reality thought all adults were as honorable as her father, she thought the real world worked like a fairy tale not like the real middle ages

    The main conflict in Westeros is between various warring families. The conflict is driven by the desires of the respective heads of households to further the political power and/or political independence of their houses. Family honor is practically an obsession, and the more ambitious lords want to take their families as far as they can (which is the Iron Throne). Everyone is concerned with furthering the ambitions of their families and factions, not what is best for the realm as a whole.

    Ironically, however, the two most powerful men in Westeros are the ones that don't have families. Littlefinger has no family to speak of, and Varys, as a eunuch, is physically incapable of having one. So their primary concern instead becomes the realm. Varys's behind-the-scenes machinations are meant to preserve the country, and to put the best possible ruler on the Iron Throne. In a sense, he sees the realm as his family...and he is just as ruthless in the course of protecting and furthering his family as any noble lord is. Littlefinger, on the other hand, has no ties whatsoever. He's solely in it for himself.

    George RR Martin said that he originally planned to write a War of the Roses novel but decided against it because everyone knows how it will turn out and that "the princes in the tower" will not escape.

    In history, the two young children of King Edward IV, of the House of York, the Bran and Rickon of their generation if you will, were the heirs of the throne. Upon the King's death, Richard III presented a claim to monarchy citing the illegitimacy of the King's marriage to Elizabeth Woodville, since the King had already been secretly married to another before, an action which vindicates his claim. Richard III, then took those children hostage and locked them in the Tower of London, a traditional castle for raising royal children, the Dragonstone if you will. And then the Princes vanished...an action which eroded much support for Richard III, presumed culprit, and placed Henry Tudor as the next best claim to the throne, a Welshman who flew a Dragon Standard on the Battle of Bosworth Field. The mystery of these disappeared Princes is disturbing for many reasons. If Richard III killed those Princes as is generally believed, he brutally violated all norms of decency to claim the throne, showing a ruthless amoral urge for power that completely tramples over all notions of feudal honor and chivalry. If Henry Tudor or his supporters ordered the deaths of the Princes, as some Ricardians believe, than an Usurper maligned and tarnished a worthy and honorable man, framed him for the crime of the deaths of two innocents and rode over their corpses to lay claim on the dynasty that ultimately birthed England's Golden Age. Either way, the implication one gets is that those two children's deaths cleared the path for many men of ambition.

    Robert Baratheon became King by conquest, by having a distant claim to the Throne through a Targaryen grandmother, Rhaegar even called him cousin to Jaime in his flashbacks. But as Tywin Lannister points out that the only real way to clear his path to the throne is to kill Prince Rhaegar's children since supporters will always rally around their claim. The result of Tywin brutally killing those children via Gregor Clegane is the lifelong disgust of the Starks and other houses of honour, the enmity of the Martells but also 13 years of a fragile peace. This peace is disturbed because Lord Eddard Stark refuses to kill children or allow them to die. Ned Stark informed Cersei because he knew that Robert in his wrath would kill Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella, bastards of incest. By refusing to kill those children, Ned Stark fulfills the standards of decency that everyone adheres to but in the end, he gets killed by the very boy-king he wanted to spare. Both in the series, by the likes of Littlefinger, and by readers, people lamented Ned Stark's softness in wanting to "spare" the children. The deaths of children is what certain actions are defined and measured by. Moreover, these actions are framed by the context of society.

    Theon Greyjoy presumably killing "Bran and Rickon", two miller's sons, is treated as much lower on the scale than Tywin Lannister killing Rhaenys and Aegon, why? Because Theon Greyjoy Turncloak Ironborn is an idiot while Tywin Lannister is smart, a man who does what he has to do, the lord of the wealthiest part of Westeros and who is careful to frame his actions around an acceptable pill of necessity and pragmatism which Theon fails to do. Tywin Lannister has toadies like Pycelle and Kevan making apologies for his actions, indifferent a$$holes like Robert Baratheon shrugging and accepting the Throne he fought for, while Ned Stark and others sulk in the corner about honor. Ultimately society will arbitrarily support and accept as Necessary Evil the deaths of some children while in other cases, the deaths of Bran and Rickon, even when feigned, is used by Stannis to claim vengeance in North and rally against Roose Bolton and Theon Greyjoy. It's not just what characters are willing to do, but the manner in which their actions are seen and judged by society in the proper context
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
  20. DarthRevan72

    DarthRevan72 Squib

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    Jesus Christ...That must have taken hours to write. I hope they wrote that in a word document before posting it to the wrong story.

    Grammar problems and ranting aside, it contained fairly accurate information and relevant suppositions about the ASOIAF universe. That being said, It's not a review. I have no idea what they are critiquing, but I suppose that might be more clear if I knew what story they intended to post to.