WIP Not Sick by Ser Serendipity - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Republic, Feb 2, 2015.

  1. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title: Not Sick
    Author: Ser Serendipity
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Naruto
    Pairings: None/Of no importance
    Summary: In one world, after defeating his brother, Itachi Uchiha dropped dead, victim of a mysterious disease, and the future of the ninja world was set for the worse. However, in another, Itachi was not sick. From this small difference, many changes will spring, and many plans will be overturned. The path of the last of the Uchiha, and the world itself, will be altered forever.
    Link: Not Sick


    This fic came up on the Naruto Quality Thread/Almost Rec, but that was several chapters and months ago.

    The summary is pretty much self-explanatory, if slightly inflated and even inaccurate. In this fic, Itachi overcomes the disease that canonically lead to his death early on, and alters his plans accordingly.

    This isn't a fix-it fic by any means. It merely spawns a different progression of events, complete with its own failures, tragedies and battles. I believe the author has handled it well, in that I can realistically see things going the way he leads them in these circumstances, even with the occasional raised eyebrow.

    It's a great fic, and one of its few flaws imo is that sometimes fights seem skewed, in that characters who should stand no chance theoretically against another specific character are shown to fight on equal footing for whatever reason. It sounds worse without context, because the author does make it work, but it was one of my only complaints that some fights really should not have gone the way they did.

    Many characters are explored, the author managing to, for the most part, nail their voices and behavior. Moreover, I really like the author's writing style. It's not without the occasional typo or missing space, but those are easily ignored.

    Honestly, this fic gives me the creeps. I keep expecting it to crash and burn, but it doesn't. I have this sense of apprehension that all the carefully cultivated quality of the last however many (26 as of now) chapters is going to be unmade in this chapter, in this update. It hasn't yet.

    If it does, I'll be the first to switch my 5/5 rating to something more appropriate.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2015
  2. Darth Disaster

    Darth Disaster The Waking Sith Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm actually rather fond of this story. The first section can be a bit of a pain to slog through, but it gets progressively better as the story continues and the difficulties of the first chapter are not seen, later.

    Even I, a Notorious hater of all things Uchiha, am a fan of both Itachi's and Sasuke's portrayal in this fic, that should tell you all you need to know.

    While the first chapter is YMMV, the battles after that are superb, and the characterization is pretty good. Not perfect, but well within acceptable.

    4/5 for the purposes of voting, with potential to slide either way.
     
  3. Legacy

    Legacy Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    Agreed, this is a story I've been following for the last few months after I started reading Team 7's ascension. The early bits are indeed a slog but it picks up quick enough when Pain begins to make his presence known. The fights are wonderful and everyone gets a decent degree of screen time. The most recent fights in Amegakura have been fun to go through and the author has no problems showing just how outclassed most people are in front of an S-class shinobi. 4/5 for me.
     
  4. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

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    It's solid writing and definitely deserves a spot in the Library.

    While I agree on the quality of the battle scene writing, I do think they go on for a bit longer than necessary (perhaps inspired by the manga, where a single fight might span a dozen or more updates). I found myself reading less attentively in spots than I might have otherwise (probably a personal preference thing). In addition to the Uchihas, I was pleasantly surprised with the way the author wrote Hinata, whom I normally find annoying.

    There are a few outstanding scenes that make the story worth reading for them alone. And from what I've read (I've not caught up with the last couple of chapters), the story seems to hang together decently Rounding up to 5/5.
     
  5. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    This new chapter really did a number on my rating of the story.
    I'm sorry, but having Minato and Kushina stand by relatively uselessly, watching Sasuke deal with the Kyuubi?
    Fuck that shit.
     
  6. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    They are just shades of their originals while Sasuke has an EMS, which according to canon can take the nine-tails. I always enjoy stories where Pain is humbled.
     
  7. Hal

    Hal Professor

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    His reasoning
     
  8. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    I, just, wow, what the fuck. I just realized this fic has 255,000 words. In that time, we've pretty much seen two fight scenes and a bit of filler in between. And here I was going to say "It's a pretty short fic".

    I suppose kudos to the author to write fight scenes that manage to go for that long and keep you interested.

    I kind of treated this fic as a guilty pleasure when I started it. But it's actually pullde off really well for what it was, and manages to actually seem somewhat unique despite what initially seems like a really boring, straight forward concept.

    The fight between Mikoto/Fugaku and Sasuke was really, really fun.

    On the other hand, I found myself really bored during all the fight scenes between the Konoha nin and Pein.

    I'd be giving it a 3.5/5 or 4/5. Executed perfectly, but somehow I feel like the plot is lacking something that'd take it up higher.
     
  9. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    Sure, that's the reasoning behind it.
    However, I can't see the reasoning for it.
    If that's unclear, I mean that yes, it is possible that Sasuke can do that.
    But he wouldn't've done that without Ser Serendipity making him do that, and the thing I'm complaining about is why he had him do that.

    Yes, this fic is rather Sasuke-centric.
    On the other hand, the Kyuubi (or, maybe more to the point, Kurama) is part of Naruto's arc. Releasing him against Pain when he has no other option and resealing him with the help of his father is a huge moment for him.
    So why does Sasuke do that instead of him? Why can't Minato let Naruto seal away the Kyuubi when he could in canon?
     
  10. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm not seeing much in your post other than you hating on anything Sasuke does. The scene makes perfect sense within the story's context. The situation is different from canon in that the seal has actually been broken, not just deteriorating.

    If you really can't deal with a story that actually features Sasuke, don't read this. If you do read it, don't post stuff that can be summarized as "OMG WHY IS SASUKE DOING THINGS?"
     
  11. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    How is that what I posted?
    I can deal with a story featuring Sasuke. I read Sasuke-centric fics without any problem at all. I don't hate the guy, nor do I hate other Uchihas.

    It's just that what he does, diminishes Naruto's character arc here.
    I'd complain as much if Shikamaru suddenly resealed the Kyuubi, even if it would make sense in the story's context.
    Because Naruto's problems just got solved by Sasuke, without him doing jack shit of any use.
     
  12. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    But you'd had no problem if Naruto's problems had been solved by a mere shade of the Fourth? A sliver of his chakra that merely replicates his character?

    Yeah, bullshit.
     
  13. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    I wouldn't, because in canon, Minato (or his shade) motivated Naruto to do it himself.
    That's not solving, that's helping you find a solution.
     
  14. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    He motivated Naruto to do what exactly?

    In canon, shade!Minato repaired the seal. The motivation went towards not giving up on world peace, not the seal.

    Shade!Minato could not repair the seal here, because Naruto broke it before he could have. And Sasuke has controlled the Kyuubi in canon, too. The author pulls nothing out of his ass.
     
  15. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    Jesus, mate, I'm not saying he pulled anything out of his ass.
    I'm not saying Sasuke couldn't've done that, that it was impossible, that Kyuubi should've smacked his shit or anything like that.

    What I'm saying is that the resolution, no matter how well written, diminishes Naruto and his arc. As I said in the original post, I'm not asking how, I'm asking why.

    And Minato did apply the seal, yeah. I just reread chapter 440. My bad.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2015
  16. Bramastra

    Bramastra Groundskeeper

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    So what you're saying is his character arc is diminished because his shade parents couldn't stop sasuke with an EMS from controlling the Kyuubi
     
  17. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    Basically. Then again, they didn't try and stop him in the first place, even being "entranced by his sharingan."
    I'm just wondering what the hell Naruto has accomplished so far.
    Because in all aspects, he's inferior to canon. In resolve and in ability.
    And I wouldn't have a problem with that, but it's just that there is no real reason why he is. Sure, it follows logically, but it'd follow just as logically if he was basically the same.
    Just as easily, Ser Serendipity could've not made Naruto tear off the whole seal and let Minato apply it. Or let both of his parents handle it. Whatever.

    But as it is now, it just feels like Sasuke was shoved in to make him look badass, and (in my mind) this really fucks over what I see as Naruto's development for no real reason.
    That doesn't have to be the same as canon, either.
     
  18. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Or maybe the author has a plot in mind and is working towards it?

    You've made your point, either way. You can stop now.
     
  19. BTT

    BTT Order Member

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    Sure, I guess we'll see. I'll stop.
     
  20. awinarock

    awinarock Alchemist

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    It makes sense for this Naruto to be inferior in his resolve and ability than his canon counterpart at this point in time. In canon, Jiraiya's death drove Naruto to become a strong as possible in the little time he had so he could defeat Pein in a manner that would make Jiraiya would be proud of. Whereas in Not Sick

    Jiraiya doesn't die, which has a huge impact on his ability and resolve. There's also the fact that he's not really in Amegakure to defeat Pein so much as rescue Sasuke. Finally, Naruto is fighting Pein in his home turf. Not only does Pein know the layout of his home better than Naruto ever could, he has a shit ton of back up Path's at his disposal. I think you should really wait. There's no way this fight isn't going to be burned into Naruto's memory forever and leave a lasting impression. I can't really see how this wouldn't push him to reach new heights so this sort of fiasco doesn't happen again. As for Sasuke, I'd just like to add that this fic is very Uchiha centric.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2015