1. Another story competition is beginning! (Q1 2018)

    "You're bleeding on my floor."

    We've moved to a quarterly format, so you really have no excuse not to participate this time.

    So check out the new thread discussing scoring, rules, and other such matters in the in the Story Competitions forum and get cracking.

    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Ruin by Master Slytherin

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Ragon, Jul 13, 2008.

  1. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    May 2, 2005
    Messages:
    387
    Location:
    Heidelberg
    MS always surprised me with his pairing choices. A dark harry with ginny! unimaginable but he has done it and it was well readable.
     
  2. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Again, 'Grapevine' was H/G. 'Ruin' (you know, the current incarnation) is apparently not. Frankly I'd say he's angling for L/H in this one.
     
  3. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity High Score: 3,994 Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    599
    Location:
    Elsewhere
    High Score:
    3,994
    His earlier story was H/G, but not H/GinnySue; there is a difference. For what it's worth, some of the best H/G I've read were linked on this site.

    H/G can work if written carefully, though you have to work much harder to find anything novel. This is in contrast to, say, Harry/Lily or Harry/Molly, where the pairing itself supplies all the novelty one needs.
     
  4. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,026
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    High Score:
    13,152
    You know, I think there's some kind of odd blindness occurring on DLP with regards to this story.

     
  5. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    652
    Harry/OCsister?
     
  6. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,054
    I'm thinking that it might be Harry/Andromeda. So far I'm enjoying the story, it hasn't blown me away or anything but I'm still looking forward to the next update. For now I'd give it a 4/5 with potential to be better.

    Edit:

    Considering his sister would be at most something like 2 and 1/2 years old that makes oh so much sense...
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2008
  7. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    3,999
    Location:
    Australia
    This. ^

    Ted Tonks is in the way. I predict death.
     
  8. fuubar

    fuubar Headmaster

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2007
    Messages:
    1,054
    Great minds eh? ;)
     
  9. Dirk Diggory

    Dirk Diggory Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Messages:
    249
    He's even dumber than canon Harry then. Lestrange returns Teddy to his grandmother. Then yells "Gotcha, bitch!" and AKs her in her blood traitor face since the only person who knew there was danger walked through the veil. Zing.

    The first chapter was a lame device to get him through the veil. But the story improves markedly from there, at least.
     
  10. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2005
    Messages:
    679
    Location:
    The land down under
    Andromeda would seem likely but like MS mentioned on the title page it would happen in the second installment even if Ted Tonks died like next chapter i cant see HP hookin up with Andromeda anytime soon...well unless he goes like 19 years in the future epilogue? Im hoping for Alice Longbottom, with Vash co-writing the Lemon that kicks shit off.
     
  11. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    3,999
    Location:
    Australia
    If HP and Andromeda are forced to continue working together on missions for the Order after Ted's (hypothetical) death, then I can see something developing despite the inappropriateness and guilt.

    That's a bit of a long shot, but I'm calling it.
     
  12. Vegemeister

    Vegemeister Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2007
    Messages:
    260
    Location:
    Texas
    When I sat down to read the first chapter of this, my first thought was, "Damn, Harry's let himself go."
     
  13. Lucullus

    Lucullus High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Messages:
    575
    Location:
    Classified
    Master Slytherin's story-telling is at a level not many can compare with. While I do not really liked how Harry essentially threw himself threw the Veil, everything from there on was well-written. Definitely a 5/5.

    I also think MS is going for a H/A pairing, but I would not really be surprised if it became H/Lily in the end, if he thought it fit the plot.

    In "What Lies Beneath", he originally intended it to be H/T, then changed his mind and tried to go for a H/Hr because of plot-related reasons before finally settling back for H/T after he altered the plot. In short, nothing is guaranteed with Master Slytherin, pairing wise, despite what he might have said.
     
  14. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    Ah, I can see the confusion.

    By L/H I meant Luna/Harry, not lilly

    Edit: Always vote for the more insane pairings when it comes to MS's work...

    Actually I'd like to revise my vote, I'm going for Harry/Ariana.
    ^.^ It'd be an Epic Win.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2008
  15. Goddessa39

    Goddessa39 DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Messages:
    162
    Location:
    My Mind, Earth
    Meh. It has promise. Too short though to really tell.
     
  16. Warlocke

    Warlocke Prisoner

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2006
    Messages:
    2,861
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The armpit of Ohio
    Agreed. When an author takes the time to make Ginny their own, she can be just as good as any other character...

    EXCEPT, even a great depiction of Ginny will carry the baggage of canonsue!Ginny and marysue!Ginny around with her, because people will automatically assume what she'll be like and dismiss your story, even if you've rewritten her from the ground up. They will not only choose to pass over your story, they will recommend that others do the same, even though they haven't read it.

    Personally, I don't bother clicking on Harry/Ginny stories anymore unless the summary is very compelling (edit: or it has been recommended), and since so many people write summaries full of spelling/grammatical errors and/or say things like, "I stink at summeries" (sic), story is much better!" (yeah, right) you can bet that's not many.

    It's a shame that a story with a decent Ginny was discontinued. This Ginny seemed like a good person and while it wasn't precisely smart to follow Harry into the veil, it was selfless and devoted.

    Hmmph, it would be nice to see a decent Harry/Lily story actually survive to completion as well (no, one-shots don't count).
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2008
  17. Gizmore

    Gizmore Minister of Swedish Affairs DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2006
    Messages:
    786
    Location:
    Sweden
    no harry/lily? :(
     
  18. Cy Block

    Cy Block Second Year

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2008
    Messages:
    55
    Location:
    Clark & Addison
    The opening scene in Harry’s flat was very well thought out and executed. There should be more stories where he is a proper Englishman and watches the football. So far this alternative universe seems suitably alternative to be utterly unpredictable. I did not read the H/G story this is based on, don’t know if I would have, but am interested enough to keep following “Ruin”.

    It is very well written and reasonably well paced. For now it’s a solid 4/5.
     
  19. Philly Homer

    Philly Homer What you call elephant cum I call mouthwash

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    578
    Location:
    Look at the name, it should be obvious.
    I thought proper Englishmen were more into Cricket, and the hooligans were the Soccer lovers or is that just stereotypes?

    Moving on to the story.

    I have never read any others of Master Slytherins's works, but I like this one. Others have expressed that Harry's reason to jump into the veil were dumb, I happen to disagree. It completely fits into canon!Harry's character. He wouldn't let his godson die, because of him, even if it meant his own death.

    Following that the story has, so far, been very well written, and it has a reasonable pace. The update rate isn't too bad. The characterization seems top notch for the characters we know like Dumbledore, Moody and Harry, and even Lucius, once you take DH into account. Lily and Andromeda are interesting, but Lily's character should be explored better once she she gets over her grief. As for the pairing, I believe it is headed into the Harry/Andromeda direction. I have seen only one one Harry/Andromeda pairing before, so they don't get any rarer than this one.

    I found only one mistake in the latest chapter.
    It should be "Yes, it is I who convinced the Ministry"
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2008
  20. BioPlague

    BioPlague MD DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,561
    Location:
    United States
    RIP Heath Ledger