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Oneshot Simple and Clean by DigiFruit - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by luckykas, Jan 29, 2011.

  1. luckykas

    luckykas First Year

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2007
    Messages:
    20
    Title: Simple and Clean
    Author: DigiFruit
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Drama
    DLP Category: General
    Pairing: Harry/Hermione
    Status: Oneshot

    Summary: Trelawney never made the prophecy, Voldemort was never defeated on Halloween of 1981, Britain has fallen into darkness, and Harry Potter is just another no-name rebel soldier trying to smuggle a certain Muggleborn witch out of Death Eater territory

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691692/1/Simple_and_Clean

    Very well written. A bit angsty and sad. A Harry Potter who is fighting a losing battle all his life. No prophecy, no unknown power. Harry's resolve despite the overwhelming tragedy is very nicely portrayed. I rate this 4/5. The sappy end seemed disconnected with the overall theme of uncertainty and tension.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  2. Schadenfreude

    Schadenfreude Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    123
    Interesting idea. I like it.

    The references to canon annoyed me a little, and the obvious influences of certain manga were a little overbearing. I lol'd when the illusionist Death Eater made all of Harry's perceptions opposite... Very similar to how I lol'd when that happened in Bleach. God I hated that battle...

    The writing flowed pretty well, and there weren't any spelling/grammar mistakes that I could see. The story was attention-grabbing, and the general mix of ideas were written in a fairly original way. Story-line was fun, but like Luckykas said, the ending didn't really fit. 4/5
     
  3. ParseltonguePhoenix

    ParseltonguePhoenix Unspeakable

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    This... is a perfect example of a decent idea turned to shit by shoddy execution. And the author's obsession with the pairing. Because really, that's what this story is - a pretty different idea that leads into nothing but overly fluffy, sudden romance between Harry and the Daphne who isn't.

    The flashbacks were distracting, and most of the 'story' left me wondering where the actual story was. I understand that each scene is supposed to drive the tale forward, but generally, I expect coherence in the progression. And there really wasn't any progression here.


    2/5 from me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  4. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
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    Can people (i.e. YOU, "luckykas") please read the damn Sticky that's at the very top of the page and tells you how to add the correct pairing tag? It's there for a reason. And you can't have read Raven's Posting Format Sticky either, because there's a big and bold IMPORTANT: inside, which reminds you of exactly that.

    Seriously, it's not that hard. Edit Tags --> Harry/Hermione. (For this story, obviously.) And that's it.
     
  5. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2008
    Messages:
    2,553
    Location:
    Music City
    My guess is that the unpardonable sin here isn't the lack of a tag, but rather the fact an unsuspecting Sesc began reading a Harry/Hermione story.

    God, would I have loved to be a fly on the wall when he realized his mistake. :awesome
     
  6. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
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    ... it's got nothing to do with that, Portus. I haven't even looked at the story. The point is that it's part of the official posting format, and that not tagging the story (which has been happening a lot lately) fucks up the index that you use if you want to find a Harry/Hermione story in the library. I thought that was self-explanatory.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2011
  7. Zerg_Lurker

    Zerg_Lurker Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,020
    Location:
    Burrowed
    The story was almost recommended not an hour before OP.

    Just a tip: the search function is helpful in avoiding such redundancies.

    On the story itself, this sums up how I feel about it pretty well.
    One things that really fucked it up for me is the incorporation of animu characters and tropes. It worked better in his time travel story, but Tifa and Cloud? Honestly. :facepalm

    I like his Naruto stories better. I think it's easier to mesh different anime together than to do so across genres. Also the standards for HP seem higher here.

    3/5. Bin worthy at best.
     
  8. GrandHighPoobah

    GrandHighPoobah Third Year

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2010
    Messages:
    107
    I've got to agree with Lurker here. The first time Neville said something retarded like, "Complacency is his weakness!", I could tell that it wasn't going to get better from there. Add to that that the characterization of Hermione in this is reduced to blushing and bumbling about and I don't really see the appeal. I had to hit the X at the Cloud and Tifa bit; it just made no sense on so many levels. 2/5
     
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