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Abandoned Stargate: Commonality by keiranhalcyon2010 - M - Stargate

Discussion in 'Stargate' started by Taure, Mar 3, 2009.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title: Stargate: Commonality
    Author: keiranhalcyon2010
    Rating: M
    Fandom: Stargate
    Status: WIP
    Genre: AU
    Summary: Something has changed in our distant past. We are totally different. We have created a near Utopia. We have already begun the exploration of space. What we found in the final frontier was not what we hoped for. Our dreams of a peaceful Universe shattered.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4879378/1/Stargate_Commonality

    Extended summary:

    “We'd be colonizing space right now if it hadn't been for the Dark Ages. There was a period of over eight hundred years where science was heresy and anathema. Maybe they didn't have that set-back.” – Daniel Jackson on the reason for the Tollan’s superior tech.

    What if the reverse was true? What if the Roman Empire had endured? What if the Renaissance in Scientific thought had occurred over a thousand years before it originally happened?


    My review for his chapter one:

     
  2. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

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    The writing is good, but the opening paragraphs did not grab me. Not all writers appeal to all readers?
     
  3. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    The opening paragraphs didn't really appeal to me either, but I stuck with it because I'm a fan of the author's other fics and it got a lot better. I'd say give the first chapter a go and if you still don't like it by the end of that then give it up.
     
  4. Othalan

    Othalan High Inquisitor

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    Meh, the Terrans are entirely too powerful. Where's the challenge of it all, if they're invincible? Unless there's some greater enemy than the goa'uld that could actually come close to matching them, I have no motivation to read any further.

    That, and the Terrans annoy the crap out of me with the typical "enlightened utopia = hippies w/ray guns" mentality. Why do so many sci-fi authors insist on making future humanity squeemish and lame?
     
  5. Link

    Link Order Member DLP Supporter

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    It's a different and refreshing fanfiction about what humanity may have been - it gets a little more interesting in the last chapter plot wise.

    It doesn't scream "impossible" (for the most part) when reading this, and I liked many concepts in this fanfiction, for example the "Halo" which at first was a very popular design for space stations a few decades ago. Nudity isn't so much of an issue - it makes sense in this story.

    It's not a mind-blowing fanfiction; it will never be because of the lack of action, of protagonists (yet), because of the near-perfection exhibited by the Terrans. But it is certainly a good read and I'm looking forward for the next chapters.

    4.5/5.
     
  6. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    It written well but is hopelessly plot less, I mean this is basically a repeat of SG-1 only with Bratac replacing Teal'c as the Jaffa guide. The update is also somewhat disheartening, but I have learned that a copious amount of patience is needed with this particular author and 4 times out of 5 the updates are well worth the rate.

    The quasi utopia that Keiran seems to have established with the Commonality seems dubious at best, I mean a collective mind that is connected to each individual no matter their distance from the Terran home systems? Let's not forget the apparently easy meeting between the Asgard and the Terrans. Don't get me wrong if there are aliens out there who are just waiting for us to get of our arses for first contact I wouldn't mind doing the aforementioned action. But straight out accepting the Terrans as equals or at least strategically important enough to hold talks with? I actually like how SG-1 introduced the Great Races, not that I condone Big Brother like actions, but at least it seemed credible. No matter how much the Commonality has developed the Great Races are still leagues ahead of the Terrans. But that's just my opinion.

    3.5/5 at the moment, but if I see a plot developing I would gladly bump it up a point.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2009
  7. Narf

    Narf Administrator Admin DLP Supporter

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    It's a good story.

    Just not grabbing. I don't feel anything for any of the characters, be it annoyance, hatred, like, or what have you. They're just names on the screen. There's no background, there's little to no character dialogue in which any information concerning themselves (other than Matty) is revealed. And the whole "dumping information" thing in the Terrans brains just doesn't sit right with me.

    The naked thing was wtf at first, but it got explained later. Too much later, in my opinion. It would have been better if a member of the team had had some introspective thoughts about the whole thing when the Abydonians were in shock at their nakedness. Like just explain the whole thing so that doesn't always stay at the back of your thoughts as you read the story. I mean, the author doesn't seem to mind description -- that's most of what the story is, after all. A short description detailing WHY the members were naked would help.


    Basically what I can see from the short description we're given of Terra, the Terrans are basically Asgards. They have about the same level of technology, better in some things (reproducing, even their form of FTL travel has some advantages) and worse than some things (FTL travel, displacement or transportation technology) than the Asgard. They even have the same idea of taking the human consciousness and transferring it to a new vessel, be it a new body or machine, to achieve a huge lifespan. They even seem to have perfected the method, unlike the Asgard, and they are still constantly reproducing so there is no fear of the Terrans dying out.

    This will basically make them the dominant race in both the Milky Way and Pegasus galaxies, and make them equal to the Asgard. So basically, in the known universe, the Terrans are the top race.

    I'm guessing that when the Terrans and Asgard meet they will trade information regarding cloning/moving consciousness' and the Asgard method of FTL travel.

    Also, what exactly does the author have against the FTL drive that the Go'auld use? Is it canon that it's destructive to space?

    And can anyone explain the Halo to me? Personally, I didn't feel like the author described it very well.
     
  8. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    Personally it reminded me a bit of the towers and rings from Gundam OO. If you have no clue what I am taking about here is a link. Where there is an orbital ring, the inner ring is slowly spinning, connected to the earth with three towers. Sci-fi dictates that the towers also function as space elevators, however since the author has not mentioned such things just yet I would be cautious about labeling them such.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2009
  9. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    The first thing that came to my mind was a book by A. Clarke 3001 - The Final Odyssey . The whole concept of terrans (with saying deus instead of god, braincaps, clothing etc) is almost the same.

    In the book the population of Earth is less than 5 bln people, most of whom live on the Ring - huge space station built around equator on geostationary orbit. It is connected to Earth by four (that's the diffrence I guess) space elevators equipped with inertial engines. Their support work also as living quarters and midstops for people to get used to gravity. The ring itself contains entire cities (sort of, more like places with denser population), shipyards, docking bays etc.
     
  10. Father Jack

    Father Jack Guest

    Hi All.

    Long time listener, first time caller.

    Most of the tech and sociological background of the Terrans in the story can be very closely paralleled to Iain M. Banks "The Culture" universe.

    The Halo admittedly is almost infinitely smaller than a true Culture Orbital (80,000 km diameter approx. versus 6,000,000 km for the real deal), but the idea's there.

    I like the story. I can see them taking a Contact/Special Circumstances slant in defeating the Goa'uld through guile and subversion, rather than simply using brute - yet stunningly precise -force.

    Gurgeh - "It's a mean old Empire, isn't it, drone?"
    Flere-Imsaho - "Mean enough.... But if it ever tries to fuck with the Culture it'll find out what mean really is."
    From Iain M. Banks - "The Player of Games"
     
  11. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, it reminded me of that a good bit, but the problem with that is that the Culture is the product of many thousands of years of advancement, wherein humans (and other species of the Culture) are given pretty much total freedom, but have very little say in the way things are run. That's the reason the Culture is such a utopia, because human irrationality is secluded from the decision making processes. That doesn't really happen here, and it seems as though he's trying to create a perfect society with imperfect materials.