1. Another story competition is beginning! (Q1 2018)

    "You're bleeding on my floor."

    We've moved to a quarterly format, so you really have no excuse not to participate this time.

    So check out the new thread discussing scoring, rules, and other such matters in the in the Story Competitions forum and get cracking.

    Dismiss Notice

Abandoned Traitorous by Flamata - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palt, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,787
    Location:
    California
    Terry might have given him out, but since Voldemort has a lot of power (and will), he might have made it so the younger Death Eaters don't give away the other younger Death Eaters. Or just specific people perhaps. Just speculating here.
     
  2. Vincent V

    Vincent V Slug Club Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2006
    Messages:
    197
    Location:
    United States of America
    I can see the information Terry gives going either way. If I remember correctly then Harry was never given the dark mark, but some other that marked him as Voldemort's apprentice. If that's the case, Terry wouldn't be forced to tell them Harry's position.

    However, at the end of this chapter someone (Malfoy maybe) tells Voldemort that they should attack Hogwarts while they are still reeling over the information. The only way I can see Dumbledore not finding out who the apprentice is, is if he assumes that the apprentice is one of the Death Eaters and he doesn't specifically ask the apprentice's name. And if that happens it only takes away from Dumbledore's character.
     
  3. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    Based on the first chapter, and the amount of surprise shown by DD, I would say that he isn't given up.
     
  4. vlad

    vlad Seventh Year Prestige

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2007
    Messages:
    264
    Location:
    Georgia, SSR
    High Score:
    2000
    Nah, because after being duped by Snape that very way for so long, I can't really see them being fooled with a used tactic by a teenager dumb enough to get caught by Ron Weasley...

    I always thought it was odd that Harry's identify was so openly announced amongst the death eater ranks. While the ideal solution would be to ninja edit the story so that only a select few (a very well protected and trustworthy select few, and not Draco Malfoy) knew Harry's identity. Failing that, I anticipate a deus-ex-machina that prevents the followers announcing Harry's identity regardless of method used upon them.

    That being said, this is one of the few fics I'm still actually monitoring for updates. 4/5
     
  5. Aurion

    Aurion Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2008
    Messages:
    1,176
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Not a bad story, although Dumbledore is a little too stupid.

    Suppose that could at least somewhat plausibly written off as believing the best about anyone, but that's stretching it.

    4/5
     
  6. cossacks

    cossacks Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2008
    Messages:
    12
    i like it, it asks some good questions. We can't really define dark and light magic. Light magic could be used for bad purposes, such as Windgardium Leviosa could be used to drop a tree on a person.
     
  7. Palver

    Palver High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    557
    Location:
    Lithuania
    Yeah, and Horcruxes could be used for creating a soul bond between Harry and Ginny.
     
  8. Othalan

    Othalan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
    Messages:
    595
    Location:
    Albuquerque, New Mexico
    Yeah, that's my only problem with the story. You want competent bad guys? Great! You want Harry to join said competent bad guys? Even better! But for the love of all things unholy, don't make the good guys completely half-assed. If you don't have capable enemies that actually pose some threat, then what's the point?

    That aside, I guess I liked it enough to watch for updates. 3.5/5
     
  9. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    A new chapter up, and some brilliant cursing of poor Won-Won, I really enjoy this story and this chapters no different.
     
  10. Harsh

    Harsh First Year

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Location:
    US
    Yeah, the new chapter was definitely a good update to the story.

    The author continues to do a good job in describing Harry’s descent into darkness and Voldemort’s operation of the Death Eaters. I agree with the criticism of Dumbledore’s stupidity, which this chapter addresses well through the protests of the Hogwarts students.

    The Dark Lord was reaching out, beckoning to Harry. “My…apprentice, as you all know. Harry has, of course, unlimited access to Hogwarts, as does Miss Greengrass and Mr. Malfoy. Thus, these three shall each lead their own contingent of unmarked fighters, twenty each. It shall be their job to make their way into Hogwarts and remove the man who holds the key to the wards.”
    The above passage regarding the Hogwarts wards was the only part of the chapter that bothered/confused me…when Hogwarts wards are mentioned, I automatically think of protection spells, but this context leads me to believe that the wards are the castle doors...if so, a scene involving the attack on Hagrid (I assume Hagrid, since he is the keeper of the keys) would have been nice to clear up the confusion and make the Death Eaters' entrance into the castle more plausible.
     
  11. Scott

    Scott Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    320
    Location:
    Texas
    I enjoyed the update and the whole story 4/5 for me and I do agree with Dumbledore's stupidness.
     
  12. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    I've personally always thought that the wards were some kind of invisible (unless you have the ability to see magic) kind of shield around Hogwarts, think of Alexander (I think thats the name) wrapping around Alexandria. Perhaps they're tied to some magical foci or something, it would delve into magic which isn't canon to understand it.

    Hagrid as keeper of keyes to me is, he holds keys to Hogwarts, keys to places where students can't go, perhaps keeper of Hogwarts fund key at Gringotts.
     
  13. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    5,158
    Location:
    Hbg., Germany
    Newest chapter was awesome. Are there any other stories (not-slash, obviously) where Harry makes a Horcrux? Somehow, I now have a urge to read one ...

    Regarding the wards -- I'd like it if they were not, for a change, some sort of shield-domes around Hogwarts. That's what they usually are described as. If Voldemort was indeed talking about Hagrid, it would be an interesting concept to give more than symbolic meaning to his title 'Keeper of the Keys'. I hope it'll be explained more in the next chapter.

    Anyway.

    5/5 for this chapter, 4.5/5 for the story as a whole. Dark!Harry/Daphne and an interesting plot, what's not to love?
     
  14. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    I understand that the warding I described is overused, but my attempts to think of a better way all seem to go to LOTR-esque enchantments like where Elrond and Gandalf sent the Nazgúl off by river.

    For another Harry creates a horcrux read This it's the greatest fic ever created :rolleyes: .
     
  15. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    5,158
    Location:
    Hbg., Germany
    I hate you.

    But back to Traitorous. What I wondered, Voldemort told them that Daphne, Harry & co. would enter Hogwarts, since they, as students, still had access. However, in that scene where Ron comes back out of the fireplace, we're told that Dumbledore blocked the access for at least her. Mistake on the authors part, or an error in Voldemorts/Lucius plan to enter Hogwarts?
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2008
  16. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    Haha, the fic is indeed an epic failure. As for Traitorous I presume that they will overpower the wards or something, It will be interesting to see how Flamata does it.

    By the way, it also has a sequel being wrote for that epic failure of a fic, all of his fics are lame.
     
  17. maidros

    maidros Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
    Messages:
    119
    All round decent and enjoyable fic, but has quite a few flaws. Stupid Dumbledore, zero initiative for everyone else in the Order, poorly defended Hogwarts are a few of the most prominent flaws. But the most problematic part is how fast Harry improves to take out half a dozen Aurors. Why are the rest of the Magical world morons?

    Overall, it is enjoyable, so 4/5
     
  18. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    In all fairness, canon magical world is indeed stupid, Dumbledore is not stupid; but even Aurors are shown to be idiotic.
     
  19. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,787
    Location:
    California
    I have to agree. Most of the Magical world in Canon has the same amount of common sense as the average American, which doesn't really account for all that much, sadly, seeing as how most Americans believe anything they hear.
     
  20. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,948
    While that might be true, it turns out not to make for especially good story-telling when writers dumb down the other characters to make Harry competent. It's like beating an infant at mind games.