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Abandoned Traitorous by Flamata - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palt, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

    Joined:
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    980
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    USA
    The beginning of this story was great but the later chapters are meh 3/5
     
  2. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2008
    Messages:
    111
    Personally I thought the story was pretty good. Its refreshing to see a fanfic that doesn't look like it was written by a retarded monkey. My only problem with it was that it was too short in my opinion.
     
  3. Epic Dark Lord

    Epic Dark Lord Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2008
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    8
    Location:
    At college
    I really like this story. Harry's fall into darkness was well done and progressed with believable speed. The Atrum Effect was a nice addition to the story in allowing Harry to ease into not hating Death Eaters and their children.

    QFT

    The last chapter was pretty fucking awesome. Harry making a Horcrux, torturing Ron and then sending his mutilated corpse back to Hogwarts was epic win.

    5/5

    This is in response to some of the posts above.

    The asomata spell didn't allow harry to block an unforgivable it allowed it to pass through him, as in there was no resistance. Also, you can block unforgivables with solid objects, as shown in the DOM fight.

    The mention of the "man who holds the key to the wards" was most likely just a metaphor that means Albus Dumbledore.
     
  4. BsuperB

    BsuperB Headmaster

    Joined:
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    1,137
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    England.
    Awesome fic.. Harry/Daphne is an added bonus =D. :fap

    It is far from finished though... lots to do, the sacking of Hogwarts & so on. I've really enjoyed this. A take on a Dark harry thats not.. silly, but understandable & logical with it's own twists & turns.

    Saying that, I wouldn't mind someone doing something like this with Serpant-Sorcerer's 'Stranger In An Unholy Land' so we can see it all from the Dark Knights PoV before he gets switched with canon Harry.

    But back on topic.. brilliantly done so far, I is wanting MOAR!
     
  5. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Jan 7, 2008
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    1,595
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    Finland
    A great dark!harry. Now, if he only got out of Voldie's thumb ASAP...

    4.5/5
     
  6. TehLicha

    TehLicha First Year

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    Sep 2, 2008
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    US
    Whoot! It updated. Going off to read it now.
     
  7. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    It was a good chapter. Most of the story is pretty good. I like how Harry thinks, it's a very uplifting thing from Canon!Harry. He actually uses his smarts, and is not lazy.
     
  8. kraytkiller

    kraytkiller Second Year

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    Livermore, CA
    What a fag. The author didn't show us the duel with Dumbledore at all instead choosing to show us everyone elses slightly interesting points of views. I hate when authors ice stuff over like that.
     
  9. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Eh, remember the first chapter/prologue. There never was a battle. Others caught him, Harry simply killed him, when he was already dying.

    Other than that, not bad at all. Great with Hagrid's title having more than symbolic meaning; I'd hoped that would be the case. Also, can't wait to see more of Harry usurping Voldemort, so, since I trust the author to not suddenly use the instant-fail (Harry getting second thoughts and regrets and becoming pathetic DH-Snape #2), it looks more promising than ever.
     
  10. peregrine1989

    peregrine1989 Third Year

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
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    82
    I agree, I always thought that the keeper of keys meant more than it did in the book. And the fact that Hagrid is a half Giant makes him the perfect ward guard. Well ignoring his ingrained trust.

    Great story, the decent into darkness isn't bad, it doesn't use the bad cliches that injure most dark Harry fics. The only thing I didn't like is that after Hermione started to question Dumbledores side after finding out that the purebloods were right, it is then forgotten about.

    4.5/5 and a dancing banana:banana:
     
  11. fanficlover

    fanficlover Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2008
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    123
    The last chapter wasn't bad, but I did feel that it could have written a lot more better.

    The initial chapters were quite good, but the last few ones don't seem to be at the same level as the first ones.

    Still an excellent story neverthless, and one to keep track of.
     
  12. Seer

    Seer First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2008
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    27
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    Near the Knights of Ni
    A sad few fics with well-done dark/evil themes. Thank satan for one more. Kudos
     
  13. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

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    United States
    Wat

    filler
     
  14. MonCappy

    MonCappy Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2007
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    154
    I don't think that story thread will be abandoned. However, considering everything that has happened, I doubt, Hermione's concerns are going to be at the forefront of her mind.
     
  15. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    He's being hardcore on teh interwebz.
     
  16. parselmaster

    parselmaster Sixth Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Annon
    This is interesting. Nowadays I normally avoid most of the Harry Potter Section on Fanfiction.net, way too much slash and cliche pairings. Nice to see Harry Daphne, and a Darker Harry. Could have been done a bit better, more fluidity, but overall better than most on FF.net. 3-4/5
     
  17. maidros

    maidros Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2007
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    119
    The last chapter was actually quite interesting. On the plus side, I really enjoyed Harry plotting to off Voldemort, and his manipulations with Lavender. The Hagrid killing was done well, although Dumbledore was really being naive to trust Hagrid with something as the Hogwarts wards keys. The Moody duel was acceptable - nothing great, but definitely not bad. The real minus point was the death of Dumbledore. I was hoping to see how Dumbledore got into that battered shape before Harry put the old man out of his misery, but it happened off-screen. A real pity, when you think of it.

    Oh well - if the story continues in the same vein with Harry plotting for his own success, I will be delighted to read it.
    With regards,
    Maidros
     
  18. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    566
    Suppose Harry manages to off Voldemort, including the bit in his forehead. What will he do with Hermione and Ron? Ron will still want to kill him. And he would have all those Death Eaters to take care of. How will he achieve anything beyond being the next Dark Lord until someone manages to kill him too.

    Also, what happened to Dumbledore's wand? It's not mentioned.
     
  19. Potterondrugs

    Potterondrugs Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
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    NJ
    I thought the initial idea was good however the character interaction made me hate this story. For whatever reason I always hate when Dumbledore is depicted as this manipulative evil person and yet is underpowered and oblivious of almost everything. I didn't want to admit it before but I am most satisfiedwith JK's Dumbledore and this one ruined the entire story for me. Also Harry was kind of a bitch and a bit dim witted, Oh no I was always told Voldemort was evil and now he isn't, he killed your parents he doesn't like you.

    So while it was decent writing I struggled to get past chapter 3. 2/5
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2010
  20. Stalin's Pipe Organs

    Stalin's Pipe Organs Auror

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Messages:
    667
    I actually enjoy fics where Harry joins Voldemort.

    However this story fails badly on that premise. I mean why the hell would Voldemort teach Harry about how to make a horcrux? Does he have a fucking death wish? It should be obvious that Harry will make the mental jump and realize that Voldemort himself has made horcruxes, one of Voldmeort's most closely gaurded secrets, yet he still will let his enemy in the prophecy know about them?

    This fic is guilty pleasure worthy at best.