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Abandoned Wit of the Raven by japanese-jew - M

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ip82, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. Rumbleroar

    Rumbleroar Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    203
    Location:
    The Lesser White North (Green Bay, WI)
    Your story has really progressed in both quality and substance since those first two chapters.... but there was obviously something to those beginning chapters that hooked me, and others, even if you feel they were mediocre.
     
  2. Learn.Patience

    Learn.Patience Squib

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    18
    Location:
    Australia
    With all due respect, where I grew up, every third word was fuck, shit or damn at age 11. I did live in the city with the highest Teen Pregnancy Rate in Australia however.
    Yeah, I realise I just posted two years after the original comment, but I wanted to say how much I liked this story, which is a lot.
    I'd probably say that it's the best HP story I've ever read so far, even if it never finishes.
     
  3. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2008
    Messages:
    413
    Location:
    Texas
    Have you ever read Harry Potter and The Wastelands of Time by Joe?
     
  4. Learn.Patience

    Learn.Patience Squib

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2010
    Messages:
    18
    Location:
    Australia
    No I have not. Time to investegate!:)
     
  5. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2007
    Messages:
    1,302
    Location:
    San Francisco
    This is one of my favorites, too. So much win in this story.
     
  6. Kerrus

    Kerrus DA Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2008
    Messages:
    168
    You're getting angry at something someone said two years ago?
     
  7. ab546122

    ab546122 Backtraced

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2009
    Messages:
    108
    I got lost amid the sea of new ideas. Too much ideas are bad. They ruin the flow yo, like trying to do tae bo while trying to row on a [something that rhymes]

    Off topic but what happened to IP82? Is he still active?
     
  8. turtle7

    turtle7 Backtraced

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2010
    Messages:
    65
    This story is too frigid it seems in trying to keep some sort of new magical structure of knowledge forced into the reader constantly active and solidified.

    But a good read nonetheless, better if it were still active.
     
  9. Ledivin

    Ledivin Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2009
    Messages:
    8
    I loved nearly everything about this story. The cussing was a bit excessive, and Hermione seemed a bit OOC. It really is a huuuuge shame this is abandoned (at least I'm assuming so...). Wonderful story, wonderful new ideas, and the plot was starting to get interesting.

    Good work, this is an easy 5/5 for me.
     
  10. japanese_jew

    japanese_jew High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    598
    Just updated it. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty rusty and it hasn't been completely betaed, but I figured it was better to get something out today than to let it stay abandoned until the two-year mark had passed.
     
  11. Blazzano

    Blazzano Unspeakable

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2009
    Messages:
    775
    Holy crap - you live!

    As far as the chapter goes, I liked it. It's nice to see that some real progress was made in some ways (e.g. the start of the "Dream Team" or whatever). And your modified version of the canon troll story was entertaining enough.

    Actually, my only real complaints are story-external - like the estimated completion date, which is probably at some point in 2025. Keep up the good work, though, and thanks for the update.
     
  12. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    143
    High Score:
    1756
    SPIT TAKE.

    SPIT TAKE.

    UPDATE?????

    Damn, I'm impressed.
     
  13. Skykes

    Skykes Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 14, 2006
    Messages:
    1,353
    Location:
    Ireland
    Fuck games, fuck finding a soul mate.
    Get out the quill and ink and update.

    That is a poem to express my need for another update.

    I really really like this story. So much originality, especially in Hogwarts.
     
  14. Kerfitd

    Kerfitd First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2009
    Messages:
    32
    Basically what Skykes said. One of the best stories I've read in quite a lot of time. Your Hermione is... well just take your 5/5 and go write the next update.
     
  15. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2006
    Messages:
    143
    High Score:
    1756
    Hee hee - I do like your Hermione, although she's clearly insane. But in a good way.
     
  16. Nicholas

    Nicholas Muggle

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2009
    Messages:
    2
    Japanese-jew hasn't posted anything new for beta-ing yet.
    I'll contact him to know whether the story is being written or not (but from what I collected, he's rather busy).
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2010
  17. Rumbleroar

    Rumbleroar Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2007
    Messages:
    203
    Location:
    The Lesser White North (Green Bay, WI)
    That would be pretty awesome. I would love to see this continue, though I can understand shit coming up.
     
  18. Sageun

    Sageun Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2008
    Messages:
    128
    Location:
    Arizona
    I'm so glad I found this. Pure :awesome

    By far the most win is this conversation between Harry and Hermione:
    Bold is Hermione (emphasis mine).

    I love the whole Circle idea. It seems logical that wizards and witches (considering they have, you know, magic) would have some form of internet.

    Even the elements that seem terribly cliché today but I assume weren't in 2006 come off as original. I mean, of course, stuff like Harry having a staff instead of a wand.

    Anyway, I really hope the next update is much faster in coming, because I really want to read more right now.
     
  19. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2008
    Messages:
    760
    Location:
    Ann Arbor, MI
    I enjoyed this story as well.

    The magic system detailed here - while, I certainly admit, is confusing and not as in-depth as I'd like to completely understand the commonly used Jak and Tor spells - is really interesting and fun. It's different - this is placed in the Alternate's section for a reason, after all - but I think the author is introducing some excellent elements without either the system or Harry being entirely too overpowered.

    I believe that the criticisms of Hermione joining the team while having Neville, Daphne, and Hannah on the outs aren't well founded; as portrayed, most of these are essentially new characters with familiar names - Hermione's mouth being on illustrative example of a big difference. If JJ can play it off as interesting (and hopefully still keep some bit of rivalry between the two going), I'm supportive of it. I would definitely like to see more of the Daphne character he's crafting here, as the "Hunter of Sentient beings" is a nice morally ambiguous profession that is ripe for all kinds of juicy conflicts.

    I'm fairly ignorant of program design and coding, so I can't speak much to the bit about "Circles" and how they're like programming a computer, but in my ignorance I understood enough basics to get it and move on.

    All in all, good enough writing to keep me interested, good enough universe to keep me reading - hopefully some action and plot advancement will turn this into a true masterpiece.

    Looking to see more!

    Kevin