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This is the first part of a series of writing games and exercises I'm going to try running on the forums. Consider this a simple test run, so if you might be interested in joining in later, give this a go today.

Some of you already know this, but I've spent a fair bit of time running writing workshops. Mostly for fun, sometimes to exploit the public for feedback on my own writing, and sometimes for cold hard cash. Does this make me the best writer there ever was? Fuck no. It does mean that I've gathered a collection of fun little exercises to help get the old creative juices flowing. We're going to take some of these out for a spin.

For our first game, we're going to keep things nice and simple. And because we're proper classy, we're going to put a DLP spin on it. Here's how it goes:

I'm going to suggest an obstacle. You're going to tell me how you'd overcome it - with magic. Harry Potter magic is our common ground here, but play it as near or far from canon spells as you feel like. A one-liner describing your scenario is absolutely fine. This is just a warm-up, so there's no need to write a full scene unless you really want to.

Some examples:

Obstacle: avalanche
Magic: transfigured into soap bubbles which float away

Obstacle: ninja
Magic: disillusion the blade of a sword so the ninja can't fight back properly

Obstacle: untied shoelaces
Magic: levitation charm on shoes; walk on air

Now if you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll spam tag some people somewhat at random to draw in a crowd (this isn't invite only, still join in if you're not one of the names chosen at random by the ISIS computer) @Zombie @Xiph0 @Halt @Lungs @Microwave @Selethe @Seyllian @Paladin @Paradise @Arthellion @Zeelthor @Palindrome @pbluekan

And here's a list of obstacles. Have a go at this game with one or all of them.

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KILLING CURSE / QUIDDITCH TEAM / JEFF BEZOS / THIN-BOTTOM CAULDRON / TALKING MIRROR / QUINTAPED / MAGICAL TRUNK / SNEAKOSCOPE / UGLY DRESS ROBES / CHOCOLATE FROG / TARDINESS / ELEPHANT STAMPEDE / N.E.W.T.S / PLATFORM 9 3/4 / WITCHES WEEKLY / AN IRISH WITCH / HAGRID'S MUM

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Do I only choose one? Two?

Jeff Bezos: Imperius curse.

An Irish Witch? Amortentia, my boyo.

 

Hagrid's Mum? Amortentia, my boyo.

 

Engorgio to make that bottom thicc

 

Killing Curse: Conjuration of a shield of sorts, besides that dodging. Then killing curse them! Who dares attack me!

Qudditch Team: Summon their brooms. Then Killing Curse them all!

Jeff Bezos: Who is that, is he a muggle? I have no care for a muggle! Find him and Killing Curse him! Thou Shalt Not Suffer a Muggle to Live - TMR 1:1

Thin-Bottom Cauldron: Engorgio make the cauldron bigger but keep the dosage size the same. Then Killing Curse it!

Talking Mirror: Slap a fun little silencio on it, then killing curse!

Quintaped: Finite Incantum, turn them back into MacBoons. Killing Curse them all!

Magical Trunk: Summon belts, seal it up with the belts. Killing Curse it!

Sneakoscope: Oblivate my evil plan from my head, but before I do put a note in pocket describing it. Then Killing Curse who ever dares try to divine my plans!

Ugly Dress Robes: I can only assume they have been enchanted to kill me by my enemies, so vanish 'em. Then Killing Curse!

Chocolate Frogs: They are alive-ish! Killing Curse!

Tardiness: Pshaw, Transfigure skis, a bed sheet, make sail boat, enchant the skis to make snow where ever they go, ventus to victory! And if I show up late anyway, Killing Curse who ever dare says I am late, I arrive whenever I want.

Elephant Stampede: Enchant the dirt into living things, have them grasp at the feet of the elephants and pull them still. Then Killing Curse them all!

NEWTS: Transfigure the desk into oxygen then incendio, instant fireball proves. I'm a magical genius and have no need for NEWTS. Killing Curse the instructor then!

Platform 9 3/4: Has been sealed, Reducto the wall. Any muggle witnesses get Killing Cursed.

Witch Weekly: spreading slanderous lies about me! The only proper response, is fire! Burn the headquarters to the ground. Then pick off any survivors with Killing Curses

An Irish Mom: Pshaw, an Irish Witch, a lesser standing than a proper British Wizard. I conjure booze and she drinks it automatically, its hardwired in her DNA.

Hagrids Mom: She has a bigger arms than I do and therefore more reach. I most remove her tactical advantage. I cut her arms off and run into the night!

Proper application of the Killing Curse can solve most of life's problems, any others can be solved through liberal use of Imperious or Cruciatus, -TMR 1:2

 

Ya'll are lacking imagination with Jeff Bezos. What you do is you introduce the fella to the nice proprietors at Gringotts.

 

JEFF BEZOS: Slip a love potion tailored to Hagrid's mum. Killing Curse Bezos, raise his child as my own, use his obscene wealth to bribe Ollivander to make wands for the goblins. Viva la Revolution

 

HAGRID'S MUM: Fiendfyre. Lots of fiendfyre.

 

CHOCOLATE FROG: Banish it's 'one big hop' off a hill and watch it splat. Or incendio, and watch it melt in a life-like fashion till the animating charm fades off.

MAGICAL TRUNK: Fiddle with it's enchantments a bit, leave a few chocolate frogs set to jump in its direction when the freezing charm you've put on them goes away and..

QUINTAPED: The Quintaped takes the bait and goes in. The trunk implodes in a very dramatic way.

 

TALKING MIRROR: Serenade it, then when it inevitably insults me I challenge it to a rap battle. Defeat it utterly. Afterwards, check my sneakoscope hourly to make sure I didn't go too far.

QUIDDITCH TEAM: Make up a better magical sport.

 

In the presence of Hagrids mom it already is

 

UGLY DRESS ROBES

Add neon tubes. Say it's retro-chic.

 

Jeff Bezos. Introduce him to House Elves, but it proves ineffective as he shows me the conditions of Amazon Warehouse workers.

 

QUINTAPED

Curse it to grow an extra leg and film it on my omnioculars. Sell the brand new 'sex-taped' to the gossip column of Witches Weekly.

 

PLATFORM 9 3/4

Conjure an extra 1/4 to make it a nice, round number. The Hogwarts Express now leaves from Platform 10 at King's Cross.