Today, I come to you kind gentleman (or very butch women) with an idea suitable for adults (or very butch women).

Harry Potter, after defeating the Dark Lord and setting his angst-ridden soul free from the binds of prophecy, has moved on to a canon-worthy happy ending. Almost a year later he has moved in with Ron and Hermione in a two-bedroom flat, he's a part-time Auror, full-time Quidditch pro for the Chudley Cannons, he's engaged to a Ginny Weasley, and he is now the pride of the wizarding world in general.

He hates every fucking minute of it.

He is the most powerful man in Britain now, with Dumbledore's murder and Voldemort's eradication. He is one of wealthiest batchelors in both the Wizarding World AND Muggle Britain. He has all of his body parts in order except one: his penis.

Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, the Chosen One, is still a virgin.

But here's where the story gets going...

After a night of drinking celebrating Ron and Hermione's batchelor parties (at the fucking Burrow of all places), Ginny follows Harry back to his apartment, and they have beautiful, consensual, hardcore action on Ron and Hermione's bed.

And try as he might, the Boy-Who-Lived can not escape the incredible things that happen to him... when he orgasms for the first time his magic levitates everything in the room and (humorously) a disco ball/strobe light effect hits the room.

Afterwards (pardon cliche but it's necessary) he finds himself able to use magic just a little more easily. He's just a little more powerful. He wants just a little more poon.

But he finds that the second time, nothing happens. The third time, nothing happens. The fourth time, nothing happens.

To make a long story short, he thinks about it for a while, and he notices that the most powerful wizards and witches never got married... THEN he notices that almost everyone in the wizarding world marries right out of school--the first person they fuck.

Thinking he's on to something, he asks a few well-meaning questions (night confessions, alcohol, Professor McGonagall) about Dumbledore's life and finds that in his youth he had been engaged to marry a woman around the age of twenty when he (blah blah blah) came to the same conclusion as Harry.

And then... an author takes over:

Rules for this Challenge:

This story must take a cynical tone about Harry's life be it first person, second person or third person. He is not happy about where he is, and the author must show this.

The story must make fun of the cliche relationships of canon, namely Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny.

Use innuendo. Borderline offensive innuendo is preferred; fairy tale innuendo is frowned upon.

Harry must have sex with a least 3 other women. Please don't make this too over-the-top; the man is rich, famous, and handsome, but for god sakes, George Clooney doesn't have a harem.

Make me laugh. Pissing my drawers is preferred; a grim smile is frowned upon.

God, I crack myself up.

EDIT:

Pardon me for putting this in the wrong spot; it was meant for the Challenge bracket, but I'm an idiot. Do move it for me if you will. Thanks.

 

Now THIS is interesting.

The biggest problem here is, why would he want more power when there's nowhere to use it? Voldemort is dead and he's on top of the world. I really don't see the canon!Harry (which is what this guy basically is) wanting power so badly that he gives up family.

Now, if you used a plot tool like in "Make a Wish"... Say, Harry doesn't think he's gonna make it and takes Ginny on a trip around the globe, to have some fun before Voldemort catches them... That would make Harry's dilemma much more interesting.

 

If you want you could always make him be very curious about it, like a pet project of his to see how sex can be used in magic... Could be interesting to see some of the effects, and the experiments he could be 'forced' into trying out himself...

I think I quite like this idea . Hope someone writes it (well).

Aekiel

 

The feeling I got was that this story was more about his unhappiness with what he thought he wanted than the sex power. Changing that aspect of it would ruin the point. Also, it could be that unhappiness that makes him so willing to give up those dreams of family and shit. He might not need power, but he wants it more than what he has.

 

DarthBill pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Harry is not so much concerned with how much power he is gaining (although that is a quite nice side effect, don't you agree?), rather he is sick and tired of the same routine life that he'll be bound to for two hundred years. Also, when he has sex with a different woman, because of their magical cores being intertwined, he feels a rush of power AND PLEASURE that is somewhat addictive.

So of course, like any red-blooded male, Harry wants more.

A 'Make A Wish' type storyline probably wouldn't work well here because he has defeated Voldemort and he's just bored with the monotony of 'civilian' life. There's a large difference between being on a Horcrux hunt where everyday was new and interesting and action-packed, and sitting at home everyday, reading the Daily Prophet and eating dinner with the Weasleys. He comes to realize that all of those times where he wished to be normal, well... he should have wished for something else.

Unraveling the world of sex magic would be nice too, but things like Parseltongue cunninlingus have been done before.

I do hope someone picks this up, even for a short fic. I think it has the potential to go somewhere...

 

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! The feared VOID arrives! He who shoots down all da challenges without remorse. He who strikes fear into challenge writers everywhere for no apparent reason but for his own gain!

Sorry guys, I am such a bad guy in the challenge thread it carries over to anything that mentions 'challenge'. Personal vendetta or something I guess.

Now this idea is full of nothing but win. Someone had better take this up fast, and when they do they will be legendary! None shall have da power to stop them, for this is food for da God's. Fate herself will help to weave this story, so hurry and write it damn it!

 

I'd be very interested in reading this, when (if?) it gets made. Harry getting addicted on Sex because of his boring life sounds full of win to me.

Mog

 

I guess I'm going to grab this one and give it a shot, but I've got a lot of work coming up until the beginning of May, so I don't see a lot of productivity. If anybody would like to see a particular idea or plot device used in this story I'd be glad to oblige. I think the story is going to be written from Harry's point of view so you can tell exactly what he feels about each situation he is placed in.

 

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=117389#post117389

This is a link to my story. I hope y'all enjoy.

 

So this is basically a challenge to write a sex magic / semi-harem fic set post Voldemort that is heavy on adolescent humor and half-baked innuendo?

 

Actually it's more of poking fun at every Harry/Ginny Ron/Hermione happy ending by laying down the brutal truth: if you were Harry Potter would you settle for your best friend's decent looking little sister?

It just happens to have Sex Magic because it's probably the easiest route to humor. No harem though.

Sorry you didn't like it. Guess that's one negative vote.

Anything you would do to make it not suck would be appreciated. Everyone else seemed to like the "idea" if not my take on it.

 

Meh. I think it's mostly an issue of sense of humor. I'm sure a lot of people would enjoy the humor of a fic based on this challenge. I just don't have that kind of sense of humor though so the entire thing is pretty much a red flag for me.

Really, I should have just refrained from commenting on the challenge. Feel free to just pretend I didn't post here.