I wrote the review notes for the chapters on a little post-it note thing while at work and also trying not to get caught so sorry if it's not coherent.

Chapter 8:

McGonagall bit was a fresh change to the sequence of events but I don't as Headmistress she'd have time to spend so much time on a former pupil of the school to be honest.

The chapter in general was "freakishly good" I've got scribbled down but I thought you could have used more emotional commentary on Harry's part. E.g. during the dream where he sees his healer dead with an arrow in his back - how does Harry feel about that?

"said coldly the healer" -> "said the healer coldly" - a minor point but at the time I thought it might have developed into a consistent mistake but thankfully it didn't.

Then I reached a point when I realised I already read this chapter... Oh la la

Chapter 9:

One thing you could do to up your game is to connect the chapters more fluidly. It's not hard, just have a little time/weather-related sentence to keep it flowing. E.g. "The torrential rain had turned to bitter blizzards since Harry's meeting with McGonagall." Not only a subtle reminder of what happened in the previous reminder, but makes the story easier on the eye for those who are reading all the chapters through.

"...were only too frequent" - you don't need the "only" in there at all.

I tell you what I love about the fic (which this chapter reminded me of) - it's the tree aspect. It's so interesting and kind of chilling that it's fascinating to read. As Raven said, it does remind me of the old fics that used to be dotted here an there and I have to congratulate you on the idea.

How can Harry be bemused and then suddenly angry with milliseconds of each other about the same thing? That was a bit of a weird moment and I'd advise you remove one of those emotions (bemused from the looks of it).

I think what you need to make this a more...relaxing...read is some more moments of humour. Not so much to spoil the mood but some lighter bits with certain word choices which are more humerous like puns and stuff. It'll make a world of difference because this is really quite dark at the moment.

Another thing is the description. At the moment it's excellent but you're telling things as they are from what I can remember - add some emotional description or feeling e.d. using metaphors, similes, Harry's opinion, contrasts etc.

I know you're a med-student, but I think using phrases like "jugular artery" is just too scientific for a fic like this, it sticks out like a thumb. Think about wording in relation to mood for the next chapter.

The last bit was a bit annoying. Not just because I always get put off by bits like this but also because you're taking away the mystery. Keep the tree-being things as complete enigmas - it's far too early to start bringing in superior beings' conversations.

I absolutely love what happened to Malfoy and that you didn't shy away from killing him. DLP brownie points to you.

I hope you know where you're going with the tree thing because from where I'm standing (or sitting) it seems like a very delicate plot. If you take a wrong turning, it could blow up in your face...or the reader's anyway through you digging yourself a hole then abandoning the fic.

The fic overall is dark and different as I've said before which is a good thing, by the way. It's kind of spooky as well, reminds me of chilling films such as Sixth Sense (one of my favourite films of all time). Just remember to keep up the atmosphere because that's now the most important aspect of the fic.

Ok. In conclusion, this was a great chapter, really engaging - you've definitely raised the bar from the previous ones. It's still missing a little va va voom to push it into the brilliant boundary, but it's getting there. Just keep working at it.

Stylistically - very sound: 4/5

Plot-wise - excellent: 5/5

 

Flattered that you should go through so much trouble in order to give me a review .

Probably not. She's already doing more than her duty--when marking essays--and she really can't afford to spend much time on Harry. But she doesn't, not really; she talks to him once--at night, so it doesn't disturb her schedule--and offers him limitless access to Hogwarts; and that's it.

The dream was meant to sound... dreamy. You're hardly ever surprised, shocked or even horrified in dreams. The weirdest and creepiest events look like the most natural things in the world. I should probably have made that clearer. Maybe add more ellipses. Problem is, I think it's a cheap effect, and I've been allergic to ellipses ever since I read an author called Sarraute. (You are so lucky she was never translated in English, people.)

Otherwise, I agree; my descriptions tend to be a little too clinical, and I usually flesh them out on second read. I must have been lazy.

I’ve already got that remark from other readers... It's unfortunately the way I write; a story, the way I see it, isn't an immense chapter artificially divided into subchapters. Every chapter is an entity, with a beginning, an end (for most of them) and a point. However, a small line like the one you’re suggesting still fits quite well with my idea of what a chapter should and shouldn’t be =). And I’m the first to admit I need to work on my transitions.

But I must insist and say I am following a very precise timeline, and I try to show it as clearly as possible. I edited chapter 8 to include a paragraph at the beginning, which made the transition smoother; and the very first paragraph of this chapter situated it quite precisely in the timeline (late autumn, therefore a mere few weeks after the events told in the previous chapter).

Hum… That remark surprised me, to be honest. Perhaps it’s due to a misuse of the word ‘bemused’; it may have a connotation that escaped me, and which made it completely incompatible with ‘angry’. Ah well, I’ll try to fix that… But personally, given the circumstances, I’d be astounded to see such a strange and disastrous result for my hard work, before I realise exactly what a waste it represents and get angry.

You, of all people, should know that puns and play on words are bound to be a weakness of mine. I’m not being whiny, unlike most authors it was my choice to write in English, therefore I have to do it as well as possible; but for some things I need to acquire more experience.

Anyway, that’s not an excuse; I am aware this fiction is way too depressing for its own good, and it’s the main reason why I introduced the bit with Lance and the search of Malfoy Manor—which began quite well, despite its grim ending.

Otherwise, some humour sometimes slips into the chapter quite unexpectedly—for example, the ‘tomato sauce’ bit in chapter 4. =) I’m not proud of that line, it’s certainly not my wittier one, but people liked it for some reason.

Ouch. Bad news. I must’ve been lazy again, that’s usually the kind of things I fix at second read. I’ll have to find the time to edit the chapter.

I know ... Actually, ‘la jugulaire’ isn’t such a scientific term in French. But its translation may have sounded off. In fact, given that ‘jugular’ only exists as an adjective, I had to add ‘artery’ behind. Substantives aren’t my thing.

I’ll just put ‘artery’ then. (Be thankful, I should’ve said carotid.) Don’t ask me to write ‘vein,’ please. Even a more flowing style cannot justify such an anatomical absurdity.

Don’t you assume so soon, mortal! Only I know all about what you call ‘superior beings’. If you are able to solve all the mysteries in that fiction with just that little bit, I take my hat off to you—but without any conviction whatsoever.

I just had to put that bit here. Maybe I could have made it shorter, but it had to be there; simply because of the timing. Harry killed Malfoy using his new powers and they felt it immediately. Besides, I have already introduced those ‘beings’, with the archer in chapter seven. I can’t leave a mystery lagging behind while all the others are slowly unfolding. They’re all entwined, therefore they all have to advance together.

And well, if you always get put off by bits like this… there’s not much I can do. Sometimes for the fluidity of the story, and especially for the timeline, plotline and coherence, I need to stop writing in the main character’s point of view—for a (very) short while.

I knew that passage would be well-liked around here =).

I know where I’m going; I just need to be careful as to how I get there. I’m currently trying to write a plan for each of my chapters to come (though I know I won’t follow it anyway).

And I have absolutely no intention of abandoning that fiction. I merely keep my fingers crossed and hope I’ll have enough time to finish it before the next century.

Thanks for the longest and most constructive review I’ve got since I started writing.

Thank you also for the nice, quite flattering (especially coming from you) comments in your review; I didn’t quote them nor did I comment on them, because this reply is already too long.



EDIT: Rewrote the end of the chapter. I'm sure you'll find something to pick about, but it's far less revealing as it is.

 

Sorry for not giving a lovely review like MS here - but its 2.00 am and I don't even know why I'm awake, much less posting here. But first, I'd like to say that jugular artery isn't really that too scientific; I think most are familiar with the phrase "go for the jugular" and adding the word artery just gives a more specific location.

But anyways, wonderful story. I've slowly obsessed myself with the HP fandom over the last year, and I can't say I've read another quite like this. So kudos and props for that. Aaaand my brain is shutting down so I'll just hit the post button and shut up.

 

Big fan of Tinn's work, only just realised that i hadnt posted here to be honest, and i love this fic. To be honest at the start i wasnt really sure about it, i found it too angsty and i felt bogged down if anything but as i got into it i found it brilliant and well worth the read. 5/5 very much recommended

 

The Song of the Trees.
Tinn, you have created a loveable, likeable characteristic of Harry and his friends.
It's not hard to see why other people enjoy your story.
You can easily identify with the characters, and the plots capture your imagination. I like that Harry is not eternally young, but is growing and learning. He isn't perfect and has his flaws. He is even learning of the perils and mysteries of socializing with girls, even if he isn't very good at it.

Keep up the good work Tinn!

 

Story was updated.

Chapter Ten: A Slytherin, a Gryffindor

Yeah I know, the title sucks. I just hope that the chapter makes up for it; personally I've been working on it for so long that I ended up hating it with a passion.

Special thanks to Sree, Lord Bill, nuhuh and Dark Syaoran, my personal grammar whores.

 

Ah Tinn another brilliant chapter in my opinion, caant understand why you would hate this as it is very good. I do agree that the title to the chapter kinda sucks but after reading it i cant think of anything else you could call it so it does the job. Great work, looking forward to more.

 

Thanks for the review, huntedorange, and yeah I generally suck at finding chapter titles. Chapter 10 was--among other things--about introducing Daphne and Romilda, so I chose the title accordingly.

Updated again.

Chapter Eleven: Another crappy title, namely "All Those Who Knew"

Oh, and I also added a very short Interlude between chapters 7 and 8, in an attempt to fix the time-jump problem. I really need feedback for that one.

 

....i would like to know the same thing since the first chapter? Hope he is though lol. Or as close to one he can possibly get.

 

I am so editing that chapter.

 

Hiya Tinn

Just started reading your chapter and got halfway through; up to the introduction of the ironically intimidating Unspeakable Martin. Reviewing now when its fresh in my mind. I might not get back to the chapter again for a while, busy with work and such.

Enjoyed the opening scene quite a bit, though I had the preview, seeing it in full context was fun. McGonagall’s characterization is excellent, your depiction of her hopes, weaknesses and strength flows very well from canon, and extends the depth her character which she has so far not gotten in the books.

So far I like the way the story is going. The introduction of the Unspeakable department is intriguing. I’ll find out more as I read along. Curious if the shocked realization McGonagall had about the identity of the being who killed Greyback is going to be mirrored when and if she finds out about Potter being the Third Kind. Would hate to have him lose her.

I see that Snape is alive, I am forgetting is this post HBP? I am sorry if you clarified this before, I forget if you’ve vindicated Snape already or if that is yet to come.


Other thoughts~

Spider man? Wtf? I need to finish reading this chapter. Oh! And I think I’m weirdly paralleling your Harry’s desensitization in one of my fics, not quite, but there are things common in the physical area.

The use of that word here throws me a bit. Without specifying that the conversation was memory-evoking or thought-evoking, in the context of a fantasy fiction, you jump first to the thought that he was evoking the actual person, which can be case in a not fantasy fiction as well.

An inspired word choice. It works well in that it is a more creative use of vocabulary. I like it, just curious if you meant to use it that way to give the scene a more literary creative affect or it just came out that way.

^Quoted because I really liked the description there. Very evocative of the feelings that you're describing.

Don't think that needs to be plural. I would make it plural only if you were going to go ahead and list behaviours separately. I think typically the plural is used in more technical psychiatric context.

Again, quoting for emphasis on a very good setting of mood and environment. I always like the kind of writing which pulls you into its world.

This is what I have for now, eventually I'll get to the rest of the chapter. Now get the boy back into the heart of the forest woman, enough teasing and suspense!

~nuhuh

 

First off, may you be blessed with all kinds of favours, involving Ancient Mai and/or something related to Vash's latest avatar if you like, for giving me the first long, detailed and intelligent review I've received in a long time. *pointed look at posts #49 and #50*

Anyway, thanks for your comments about McGonagall; she's one of my favourite characters in canon, and a Gryffindor if I ever saw one. I'm very careful with her characterisation. Plus, writing in her PoV is always a nice break from the rest of the story. As for the Department of Mysteries, it's a surprise-addition to the original plot... and one I really like... so yeah, much ninth-floor to come; hence the introduction of the Unspeakables in this chapter.

Chapter 6, two thirds down:

The story follows canon as much as possible, and since it is quite likely that Snape, while remaining a greasy bat, worked for Dumbledore all along, I went with that interpretation.

Blargh. They're talking about a tiny miserable sentence in the first chapter, that I'm going to edit out if I keep getting moronic reviews about it.

"Evoked" is Frenglish at its finest. I meant "mentioned." Will edit, thanks for telling me.

...To be honest I couldn't remember the word so I unwisely asked my dictionary... and it came up with "inspiration".

As for "behaviours", I'll change it >_>. Was confused by the grammar rule.

What can I say? I'm a description-whore

...In...three chapters...if everything goes well...

*flees*

 

Story updated.

Chapter 12: The Other One

Rereading the end of chapter 11 might be useful. In short: Harry has been given a secret and quite illegal assignement, discover who is behind the events in Hogsmeade. His cover-mission is a routine investigation in Frog End, where he is to be accomodated by Daphne Greengrass.

I also edited chapters 1, 2 and 3, getting rid of that fucking 'spider' line (so now Sree, please shut the fuck up about Spiderman), rewriting the short scene with Cho that I found horribly written (ch2), and modifying the trio scene at the bar (ch3) because as I reread it I found Hermione irritating beyond viable level.

Comments are always welcome.

 

Truly one of the best HP fanfics. I enjoyed every word. 5/5

 

Story updated.

Chapter 13: The Cat and the Spy

A million thanks to Nuhuh for betaing this chapter.

*finally drags her exhausted self to bed*

Night all.

 

Chapter 12 was great. Especially with how you revealed Hermione's involvement. I'd forgotten she had joined the unspeakables.

Really, this story is a little out there with things, but I like it. It succeeds at being fresh and mysterious.

5/5

 

Another excellent chapter, though i wish it was a bit longer.