Normally, I usually let criticsm slide and take the good with the bad. I probably would have in this case, if it wasn't for that last line. Perhaps I got a little careless.

Exactly where the hell do you get off making that statement? As for your red thread analogy (not allegory - idiot it isn't an extended literary metaphor with underlying religous significance, if your going to try to use the big words use them right), I do believe I have been consistent in keeping Harry and Voldemort at the center of the storm.

Harry and Susan haven't been having any fights, huh? Let's see, first there was an implied arguement and insistence that Harry stay away from Dark Magic after he dropped the bomb on her about possessing Peter, following earlier episodes where she witnessed him torturing a vampire for information, using the killing curse and what not. That tiff was immediately followed up by him flying off the handle and mentally attacking Hannah. The result of that was Harry being tossed out the window and blaming Susan for taking 'their' side.

They almost went at it at #12 after he went on the Ministry raid. Her casual use of don't become a monster circumvented that fight. She let him have a bit of space after he killed Fleur and went a bit nutso on Snape and then put her good foot down right before the wedding telling him to pull his head out of his ass about five or six chapters ago. That would have been around the end of August with the wedding on the 31st. Chapter 33 is set on the morning of Setpember 11. Since the wedding they haven't had a fight, though Susan rolled over and let him go through with the whole bomb the DE HQ thing. Why haven't there been more fights, because they've been married less than two weeks!

Susan's committed to Harry. In poker terms she's 'all in'. She has no family left, don't forget she also had a marriage clause hanging over her head. If not Harry, who would she be 'settling' for at this point? She knows she's not in Harry's league magically, since I have no intention of doing the ubergirl fighting alongside Harry. She's still rehabbing a severed foot and now she's preggers. There is no other role left for her other than to be a supportive wife and a warm set of arms for him to seek sanctuary in.

Look at the story through her eyes for a moment. She's seen him use Unforgivables. She knows he has a connection to the Voldemort and the Dementors. She knows he's afraid that he'll turn into one. She knows the full wording of the prophecy and the pressure Harry is under. Thinking about all that, do you see her picking a fight for no good purpose.

Now, that I have responded to that, let me comment on Harry's hibernation in the last few chapters. Is Scrimgeour going to drag him out of school and risk his MVP on DE raids and patrols? Hell no. There's no political advantage to be had. Would Dumbledore allow it? Hell no! They want him exactly where he is - at school, training and showing all the impressionable school kids who write back to their equally impressionable parents how he's not afraid of Voldemort. Would the DE kids be picking fights with Harry? In reality, he's killed people. They know it. How many teenagers would pick a fight with a known killer who travels with an Auror bodyguard?

He had to sneak out to do his solo mission. He's not sure he likes the current restrictions on him and it shows. As much as I'd like to give you Harry blasting away each chapter, realism dictates that it is impractical. Would Voldemort send an assaination team in if there was a chance it wasn't going to succeed? Does he want more Aurors stationed at Hogwarts? No, he's got his Halloween attack in mind and he wants it to be a backbreaking offensive.

Neville hasn't exactly become super soldier Neville yet, either. He's operating by guile rather than directly attacking people. So far, he's demonstrated the ability to perform a broom jinx, extract gillyweed and put it into a candy and use Susan's allergies against her to steal a dark necklace. He's also using the perception of him as an oaf to keep him flying under the radar, but he is making mistakes and they are probably going to catch up to him.

There are two main protagonists to this story Harry and Voldemort. Others come and go. For the death scenes, I like to give you insight into people before I whack them, it makes their deaths more meaningful. If that's too distracting for you, then this isn't the story for you. When I first conceived this story, I was shooting for those 60's and 70's World War II movies like Midway, that moved back and forth between the sides and gave you insight into different snapshots of people's lives.

In conclusion, you have an opinion of my story. Feel free to express it. Maybe, I'm just in a bad mood today, but I didn't like it and I reserve the right to smack that opinion right back at you.

Jim

 

Woof.

Big Dog Jim just smacked shit up.

 

While I do agree with everything that Jim has stated so far. I do believe the Jungle is the better of the two stories. Then again, that's due to my preference for speedy updates and the humorous edge that bungle in the jungle has.

I will not agree to saying that this story is done carelessly, I know that Jim is a much better fiction writer then I will ever be. Maybe on a non-fiction basis I could criticize him but at best seeking understanding is where I shall drive my stake. Of course, as far as content of the story itself I reserve the right to judge. I'll just stay away from technical details.

With the above being said, I do feel that the addition to making Susan preggers was a bit over the top and cliche. Then again, the whole "Harry is a father" plot arc has always bothered me. I'm sure that teenage pregnancy wasn't on the list of huge priorities.

I'm hoping that the child which Susan is carrying will end up stillborn. That way we don't have to deal with the constant angst which will come from Harry worrying about Voldemort targeting the child. Furthermore, it seems a bit of the old rehash of the "Lily and James" paradox.

 

Alright I liked this chapter a lot better, seemed to get moving again and lots of cool scenes going on. First I thought Harry using bombs on the DE's was a bit cliche, except you saved it with a few things in my opinion. The fact that he was using WWII bombs and not nukes as seen in many fics, he dropped anvils to disable the shield first, and the fact that it didnt wipe out everything and Harry went in and did some clean up himself.

Next is Neville, Im not sure why but i liked him better this chapter when he was manipulating people then before when he was killing and training. I think its because he had less time in the spotlight and accomplished the same amount of things but in more interesting ways. Anyway that was just my two cents on him.

With Dumbledore allowing Harry's parents to get stolen I think you handled it well, however I think it would have been more interesting to have Harry start yelling at him and then have him get pissed at Harry. I always like conflict between them and one the things that has always bothered me about OotP is how meek Dumbledore seems in it.

Next up is Susan, honestly I think you are doing her quite well. She has a good combination of backbone but also allowing Harry to do what he needs to do. Still not a fan of her being pregnant let alone with triplets but my current hope is that they will only show up in the epilogue.

Finally Harry, I think you are also doing a very good job with him. Having him kill the DE's without hesitation but still having him fell somewhat badly is a good balance I think, though I hope we see it progress to where he does it without a second thought. He is also being truly independent and not letting anyone else plan what he has to do for him which is a great feature in a fic i think.

Anyway you have restored my interest in this story so looking forward to the next update and keep up the good work.

Elvin

 

jbern: Well, if you want to play this kind of game...


First, I'd like to thank you for the 'idiot'. I always love it when people show me the true extent of their social capacity. I find it highly interesting that you think it a good idea to call me names because I dared state my opinion when a lot of people actually share it to some extent. So I'm new here, know no one and basically am free for all with a bad day? Because I have no reputation of my own you think it wise to shoot at me like that? Good lord, isn't that cute.

Furthermore:

Dictionary.com
al·le·go·ry /ˈæləˌgɔri, -ˌgoʊri/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[al-uh-gawr-ee, -gohr-ee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -ries.
1. a representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning through concrete or material forms; figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another.

Wikipedia.org
An allegory (from Greek ἄλλος, "other", and ἀγορεύειν, agoreuein, "to speak in public") is a figurative mode of representation conveying a meaning other than the literal.
Though it is similar to other rhetorical comparisons, an allegory is sustained longer and more fully in its details than a metaphor, and appeals to imagination, while an analogy appeals to reason or logic.


If you want to fling crap at me for not being proficient in a foreign language you had better make damn sure you have your facts right. Especially when this language, to you, isn't all that foreign.

Of course, I will not bother you with my idiotic ramblings anymore. I've come here to offer my point of view and my opinion as a means to help you spot critical points in your writing and deciding whether it actually is a problem or not. Obviously, you have no need for that as your writing is perfect and without fault. I will therefore neither waste your nor my time any longer.

 

Thus was the first caramel carp made.

 

That I didn't say.

It's a hard task to keep a story on track especially when the plot-bunnies are humping all your limbs at once. What I did say was that I think he left the story's strong path on several occasions to get rid of his overly enthusiastic pets. THAT, in my opinion, was careless.

With all the fanfiction I read, his stories, both of them, are a shining example of how fanfiction should be written. They are not perfect and, dare I say it, there are better stories out there. But compared to the majority and even to the average class of stories, his are just really good. Again, my opinion and nothing else.

As it seems jbern isn't the only one who saw my post as insulting I'd like you to point out to me where exactly the insult was. For the life of me, I can't find any insult.

 

Perhaps its that you said he was a careless writer. Given that JBern is one of the more skilled writers currently creating fics on DLP, saying that he's careless is an insult.

And JBern was in the right about the allegory thing, you used the word incorrectly.

 

It was like I said yesterday. I was in a very bad mood and that particular comment suggesting that I had been careless touched a raw nerve. So, in that respect I'll offer Kokuyo an apology and skip the RoboJesus argument, though I got a good laugh out of it.

When I read your reveiw, I got the impression that it was condescending because you started off saying how this doesn't rise to the level of Bungle, because the plots all over the place and finished by calling me careless. Quite simply it annoyed me and that's why I found it insulting.

The reason it does is simple. I put a good deal of effort into this. My helpers at AFC and I discuss the story and how each chapter flows into the overall plot. It already has the ending well planned out and half of the epilogue written. The only thing that is missing is the body count along the way...

Occasionally, things do get added. The whole Narcissa and Charlie thing I thought about doing as a seperarte short story, but I just decided to merge it in with the rest by request of all the people who wanted to see more of Narcissa.

Anyway, I know the writing has flaws it isn't perfect. This story was my first real attempt at fiction believe it or not. I originally wanted to write Bungle first, but decided to use a more traditional story to 'build' my skills.

As for the perception that the story grew too big, well I'm bringing the threads all back together. Narcissa will be back at Hogwarts along with everyone else. Voldemort will be back in England with his new creations. I hope to move it closer to the Battle of Hogsmeade on Halloween. I'll be happy if I can get it into chapter 35.

In conclusion to this post, when this story is completed, it will make a better standalone story because the reader won't have lost track of the various story threads during the weeks and sometime months that seperarte new chapters. I'd like to think that was the general gist of what's being said. Sorry I went off at you like that and thanks for taking the time to express yourself.

Jim

 

Actually, I think that you did say he was careless. Although it's not literally there it was implied. Other instances of implication within the English language exist commonly in phrases like "Close the window" which has an implied 'you' which is the subject of the sentence.

 

Would you care to supply evidence to that statement as I have taken the time to do with mine? I have found four sources (and that's only because I have better things to do than to swamp you with evidence...) with a simple google search that state that an allegory can be a story with fictional characters that represent a real concept in an abstract way OR an image, a symbol or whatever for an abstract concept.

I have no problem with being wrong but I find it insulting that you deem yourself so much higher in the food chain to expect me to take your word for something that clearly contradicts my vast sources (internet).

jbern: As to the insult. I'm sorry you took it that way. But seriously, what do you expect me to do? I've given you enough reviews for both stories stating how much I like your writing style. I do realize that you can't keep every reviewer in mind but how can that be my problem? This thread was all about how this story was weaker than Bungle and just because I did not take the time to scratch your ego behind the ears before getting to what irks me shouldn't be a reason for you to insult me.

I'll say it again, the whole problem of following the main story thread was inconsequential in Bungle due to the highly innovative style you used. And whether you like to hear it or not, this story here lacks in that aspect in my not so humble opinion. Does that mean I say your story is crap? Hell, no. But you'll have to live with the fact that a guy who's read millions of words worth of fanfiction and who did like Bungle so much he couldn't even find something actually useful to say to make it better happens to think you fucked up with one aspect of this story.

If nothing else, let's agree that we disagree. I don't mean my posts as insults and I accept your apology. So let's leave it at that.

*rolls eyes* of course I said he was careless. I didn't say the STORY was written carelessly. I'd have thought it obvious that this sentence refered to the same things I'd written in the rest of the post which was about one aspect of the whole concept of writing prose. I really do hope that you don't think in this black and white concept of either all good or all bad. That would be a real bummer.

 

Just to clear up the whole Allegory vs Analogy thing. Here are a few links

http://www.wordwizard.com/ch_forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=17737

http://cid.nada.kth.se/pdf/cid_12.pdf

Basically google 'using allegory' and you'll see what I mean. An allegory is when a story, portion of a story or plot device has a hidden meaning that attempts to convey a viewpoint or often a religous or political message outside of the context of the story. Take one of my favorites, Heinlen's Starship Troopers (the book not the movie) beneath the action and growth of the character in the story, Heinlen presents an allegory that a fascist government with strict limitations on citizenship that can only be earned through military service is a superior form of government than a modern democracy.

Or Arthur Miller's 'The Crucible' written in the 1950's was written as an allegory to the Joe McCarthy era Communist Witchhunts by using the Salem Witch Trials as a vehicle.

Anyway, let's move on. Suffice to say, I was already annoyed when I read Kokuyo's commentary. Kokuyo is new to the board, but he has left numerous reviews on ff.net. I didn't recognize him and basically was a bit hacked off when I saw the commentary from a 'noob' after sorting through my mail and seeing I had received a few pm's that basically had the gist of

Y R U wrkin on this when U should wrk on da Seqel to Bungle - God I wish I was kidding!

As an example, spend a few months doing something and have someone come along and tell you that it's okay, but you've done better. Trust me it's agitating.

Though this thread is supposed to be about this story recently it has taken a turn towards why Bungle is better than this. It probably annoys me because on some level it's true, but they are two separate stories written in completely different methods. Needless to say, I want to make Darkness the best I possibly can and see no reason to 'abandon' it as some have suggested just so I can do what they want me to.

Okay, consider the dead horse beaten and the spilt milk cried over.

Chapter 4 of the Lie I've Lived will be out this weekend and chapter 34 of Darkness is being outlined and started either today or tomorrow. I should have a tease of it up by Wednesday. Lots of ground still left to cover as I bring all the pricipals back into the same location.

Jim

 

*smiles* I was really going to put this down to a simple misunderstanding but after this last post, jbern, I believe you just have a screwed up logic...

First, my last words on the topic of analogy:

So to go up against wikipedia and dictionary.com you bring a thread where someone whose education is impossible to guess just explains it and people agree with him? So by that logic if just enough stupid dumbasses agree with Hitler, what he did suddenly becomes truth? Luckily, that isn't a problem here. After all, the second posts agrees with me already.

Let me extract a few things:

Ah, so my red thread ANALOGY wasn't, in fact, trying to explain the abstract concept of storyflow by drawing your attention to something physical you can see and touch in the real world and probably have even done so already?

Furthermore:

Yeah, I see where you're coming from. It states here quite clearly that it has to be a story with an underlying message... riiight.


Furthermore, I am starting to highly doubt your ability to understand what you read. Perhaps it is me who is mistaken about what I have written to you but according to my memory I've told you that I'm happy you promised a sequel in a reply to Bungle. How that made you think I wanted to sway you from 'wasting your time' with this story in order to get updates, fast plz lolol is beyond me.

Frankly, I think you're just a prat who's a bit too full of himself. You've written a good story and an exceptional one. But that doesn't make you Shakespeare.

So, with these words I leave you. I see no more reason to waste our time here.

 

Apparently, the horse isn't as dead as I thought. I wasn't refering to your specific post as you saying I was wasting my time on this story. I was stating that prior to reading your post I had been reading a few of these PM's I got from people on ff.net that had irritated me. I didn't mean to compare your post to these. It had merely set the tone for my morning as I looked at the weekend email.

I google allegory versus analogy and saw a reasonably good discussion thread so I cited it and I go on to explain examples of allegories.

Since you insist on this lets go back to

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Allegory

You'll see the single defintion you quoted earlier. You'll also see

1. a representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning through concrete or material forms; figurative treatment of one subject under the guise of another.
2. a symbolical narrative: the allegory of Piers Plowman.
3. emblem (def. 3).

Followed by


1. The representation of abstract ideas or principles by characters, figures, or events in narrative, dramatic, or pictorial form.
2. A story, picture, or play employing such representation. John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress and Herman Melville's Moby Dick are allegories.
3. A symbolic representation: The blindfolded figure with scales is an allegory of justice.

So let's click on the Encyclopedia link off of reference.com

http://www.reference.com/browse/columbia/allegory

allegory, in literature, symbolic story that serves as a disguised representation for meanings other than those indicated on the surface. The characters in an allegory often have no individual personality, but are embodiments of moral qualities and other abstractions. The allegory is closely related to the parable, fable, and metaphor, differing from them largely in intricacy and length. A great variety of literary forms have been used for allegories. The medieval morality play Everyman, personifying such abstractions as Fellowship and Good Deeds, recounts the death journey of Everyman. John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, a prose narrative, is an allegory of man's spiritual salvation. Spenser's poem The Faerie Queene, besides being a chivalric romance, is a commentary on morals and manners in 16th-century England as well as a national epic. Although allegory is still used by some authors, its popularity as a literary form has declined in favor of a more personal form of symbolic expression (see symbolists).

A story can be an allegory. An analogy of a story is not. An allegory is a representation of a concept through a story.

Perhaps I am a prat who is a bit too full of himself. I'm often accused of being full of other things. It doesn't make me any less right.

Generally, I'm a likeable guy, who makes an effort to reply to every review for my stories and this is one of the few times outside the political threads where something a poster has said has irked me enough to where I responded with ire.

I absolutely overreacted and I apologized, but I also defended the points you brought up in your review by pointing out that all is not blissful with Harry and Susan. I also agreed by saying that the inclusion of the Narcissa and Charlie story arc was something that probably could have been seperated out into a companion story. I'll even agree that this is a weaker story at the moment than Bungle. Still it deserves to be finished and done to the best of my abilities, because there is nothing I personally hate more than seeing a decent story abandoned.

I hope you continue to enjoy my stories. We seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot on this board. Perhaps in the future, it will be different, but odds are we'll never meet in person so it's no big deal.

Jim

 

I really have to find some time to re-read this story.

I've always liked your writing style. I used to read this one back when you started it and then I simply forgot about it. Now I tried to pick it up from where I left, and I can't remember anything!

By the way, do you intend to finish this one before you write Bungle in the Jungle's sequel?

/Bernardo

 

I just outlined chapter 34 and have most of the first scene written. I hope to have it done by next weekend.

To answer your question - yes. I plan on finishing it before I start putting out Turn Me Loose. Most likely I will have 4-6 chapters of it done before I start putting it out. The first chapters will likely show up by the end of August.

Jim

 

3 months to wait.

Whats the writing time line for TILL (I name it TILL since it looks better than TLIL) I seem to remember you saying they were going to short 4-6k chapters with about 40-50k total.

I wonder how you intend to keep it so short its allready at 12 and nothing much has happened apart from scene setting. The fact you intend to write it out with more challenges I don't see how it would fit under 100k much less 40k.

 

I'll answer that in Lie's thread when I put out chapter 4.

Jim

 

Just gonna chime in on Darkness and its plot. And since this is my first post to this forum (joined specifically because of Jim's stories), I thought it might as well be a big one.

One of the things that I really do like Darkness it is its complexity. Complexity during a time of war is something that most if not nearly all HP fanfiction fail to really delve into, and I really have to congratulate Jim on stepping up to the plate and really hitting a home run with Darkness. His treatment of this story has been one of the best I've seen. The story has diverged in a number of directions, but has done so in a realistic and interesting manner. However, this is how things happen in real life as well. Events transpire and evoke and create new events in their wake. Take Narcissa's story for example. Narcissa's actions may never feed back into the main story significantly later (or it might) but it's made for intriguing and interesting reading all the same. In fact I found it to be rather flavored like a 1940's era plup romance in a number of ways. There they are, a WWII pair of lovers fleeing the events in europe as the flames of war keep lapping at their feet trying to drag them into the war.

That aside, part of the problem with other HP wartime fiction out there is that the authors don't try to understand what really goes on in a war and convey that it's not just a battle between good and evil... that it's a battle for survival. Fortunately, Darkness does not suffer from this problem. Harry clearly gets that survival is at stake here, and that he's not going to be held to a set of rules if those rules limit his chances of surviving as well as keeping those he loves in one piece.

Anyway, as Jim mentioned above, Darkness is written along the lines of the 60s and 70s war movies like Midway, and honestly, it shows. Meaning that both sides of the conflict are shown so that the reader gets a real feel for the human side of how thing are unfolding, rather than just showing you what happens amongst one group of protagonists in the story.

That's the thing... and part of what makes the story so worthwhile. Harry is a protagonist, and so is Voldemort.

In most HP fan fiction out there, Voldemort is just this thing... a two dimensional cardboard cutout that is meant to represent the evil side of the story and nothing more... he is an antagonist and nothing more. To be honest, JKR does a poor job of showing any real depth to Voldemort beyond his being a nasty piece of work. In Darkness we have exactly the opposite going on. In the first 5 chapters we are shown that there is a very real difference between Tom the person (the powerful evil mage, busy applying Veela burn cream and sucking down healing potions, having just been sucker punched when his knickers were down around his ankles) and Lord Voldemort (his stage persona that has to never show a hint of weakness) Thus, seeing both Harry's humanity, as well as Tom's limitations drives home that these are intended to not be cartoony characters, but much more realistic and gritty treatments of these characters.

Anyway, back to using Midway as an analogy again for how this story is being told... Tom and his group are Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku and the japanese strike force, while Harry and Co are the American forces in the Pacific, and you can't just show one side of their maneuvering without seeing the other sides, and still get the full depth of the story.

Just like in that movie/real world battle, there is a constant back and forth, showing the how and why of the unfolding plotline and battleplan.

This is a good thing. Particularly in a story with a war being conducted. Wars are never simple, and part of their complexity is built upon human nature and the impact of events on those people fighting the battles. For example, let's take the events of Harry's "Carpet bombing" of the DE head quarters. There are some serious and very real psychological repercussions that will follow that action. One of those is that now the DEs will also be sitting in their beds late at night, wondering if THEY'LL be the ones that get attacked without warning.

Before that act, warfare in the wizarding world was very much a medieval sort of affair. It was Besiegers on the outside, Besieged on the inside, and thick stone walls and wards providing the ultimate in defense and giving the besieged a decided advantage unless you are very much using overwhelming force and numbers. The DE's circumvented this warfare by attacking homes instead of fortresses. and thus were using a form of warfare that the wizarding world was unable or unwilling to confront or change itself to be able to confront.
Wards and magic, it was thought, made a fixed location a virtually impregnable fortress, but small home or settlement could be made into a fortress.

In one night, Harry shattered all illusions of safety for the DE's by showing that he could kick down their doors and kill them at will, even in their most secure fortresses. His bombing run dragged the magical war out of the 12th century, kicking and screaming, into the much more frightening and uncertain world of the 20th century, where fixed emplacements are a liability instead of an asset. Now the DEs are finding themselves equally on the receiving end of wanton carnage, where previously they were the only ones dishing it out.

The thing is... if you look at the beginning of the story, Jim spelled it out early on with Snape's comments on what Dumbledore has been trying to do. Dumbledore has been trying to limit the scope of the war and keep it at a brushfire stage by denying both sides a proper education in how to project power offensively... likely because he's seen how far muggles have taken the concept of war in the last 100 years or so. Prior to WWI and WWII wars were limited in scope, far more so than they have been in modern times. The firebombings of Dresden, Berlin, London, and Various cities in Japan, likely showed Dumbledore a glimpse of what would happen if the magical world adopted modern warfare practices. The problem now however is that its possible that the genie is now "out of the bottle" and isn't going to go back in just because one old man wants to bubble wrap everyone to keep them safe.

By the way... on the Allegory vs Analogy thing.

I've always used analogies as the "likening" of something that someone might not be familiar with to something else that someone is familiar with, mostly done to drive a point home.

For example...I can make an analogy of a computer to a car thusly:
A computer is like a car... you don't just buy it and expect to not have to do maintainence on it to keep it in tip top shape. Just like a car, you have to occasionally put time, money, and effort into a computer to keep it working properly.

So, while not everyone is conversant with computers, most everyone knows that if you have a car you have to occasionally take it in for maintainence or do the work yourself. Therefore likening the computer to the car places computer maintainence into a frame of reference they can relate to.

In that case, I'm likening one thing to another.

An Allegory (to me at least) has always been the actual story itself with its underlaying message or "moral lesson" that it was meant to impart.

 

Chapter 34 is posted

First thanks to Garret for the massive review. I appreciate the long reviews and that you 'get' the Midway analogy (or is it an allegory - oops sorry).

Now onto the author's notes -

Welcome to another installment of this story as the story begins heading to it's conclusion.

Scene 1 - The downside of inventing a new style of warfare, realizing it can be used against your side. I hope I captured Dumbledore's condescending attitude correctly. Naturally, he's going to start monitoring Harry more carefully.

Scene 2 - Steven A. and I talked at length about the damage caused by WW2 era bombs and several other topics. I appreciate the input to this chapter. I also thought it was time to remind Peter about who is a real motivational speaker. My version of Revenants are magically powered assains created from the dead bodies of the shared parents. They draw their energy from the closest person who shares their blood. Much like Gage in Steven King's Pet Cemetary - some things shouldn't come back...

Scene 3 - Narcissa hopefully with layers you haven't seen before. Until now, she's been a fascinating part of the story with quite a bit of lightheartedness. Still, she had to have a reason to break free from the Malfoy life style. Having quarrelled with my own mother, arguments between parents and children have many different levels to them. As I continue to grow older (though not necessarily up), I appreciate this even more.

Scene 4-6 - Harry and Susan as the first symptoms of the Revenants begin to surface. Things aren't going so well for him right about now.

Scene 7 - The theme of this chapter is that no one is happy like the song says. Pansy is a prime example of this. I'm curious to see what you readers have to say about her in this chapter.

Scene 8 - Ginny's been absent for a time, what's she been up to? She finally has her wand back and can cast spells again.

Scene 9 - It's not a HP story if he doesn't end up in the infirmary at some point. Well actually, that didn't happen in Bungle, but you get the gist of it.

Scene 10-11 - Oh dear, did Neville just have Pansy kill all the Slytherin 4th years using Herbology? I guess I need to update the body count. He still hasn't outright blown a hole in someone, but it's only a matter of time.

Thanks for reading,
Jim

ps - Continuing the Midway theme, isn't it about time the Lexington went to the ocean floor?