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Fanfiction's Worst Summaries v2.0

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Master Slytherin, Feb 3, 2007.

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  1. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The Marriage Stone by Josephine Darcy

    SSHP. To avoid the machinations of the Ministry, Harry must marry a reluctant Severus Snape. But marriage to Snape is only the beginning of Harry's problems. Voldemort has returned, and before too long Harry's marriage may determine the world's fate.
    Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 44 - Words: 187,522 - Reviews: 2507 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 4-9-07

    How in the hell do they come up with this crap?
     
  2. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Ginny, Who? by silentxsoul
    SUMMARY INSIDE! Please just check it out. Rating for mild language
    Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,129 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    Is it really that fucking hard to put the summary on the outside? If it has to be two pages long than your a fucking retard and you shouldn't be writing anyways.

    Boot Camp by xX Konoha Ninja Xx reviews
    Harry goes to boot camp to help him prepare for the war, against his own will. But then his bunk mate is the last person he expected it to be..and what? Romance? [Draco x Harry]
    Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,026 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    Yeah, because a boot camp is obviously the place to go to learn to beat Voldemort and get gay bum secks... Sounds like someone's been having a few naughty adventures at band camp.

    The Story Begins by Twilight-Songstress41269 reviews
    The beginning of Harry Potter from a different character's point of view. slightly Terry BootOC. Please R&R
    Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,001 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    Who the fuck wants to hear about what Terry Boot thought?

    Much More Exciting Than A Potions Lesson by Bloomingpoet
    A brief encounter of the most intimate kind.
    Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 519 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    Yeah, and we have such a good clue just who is having this intimate encounter. Could be Hermione/Snape or Harry/Snape or Harry/Malfoy or fucking Furry!Harry/Animagus!McGonagall. At least a pairing would be nice. Or a slash warning if it is slash.

    Gryffindor’s Princess or Slytherine’s Heir? by Alpha Wolf Demon reviews
    Full summary inside. HBP never happened HGDM
    Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 16,181 - Reviews: 81 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 3-27-06

    I keep dreaming the same thing (besides the HG/DM part) but that doesn't excuse the complete lack of a summary.

    Good Girls Don't Lie by Tayyee
    Lily James. Wrote this about a year ago.
    Complete - Fiction Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,226 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    ......

    A Different Kind of High by bayb43 reviews
    HarryDraco...Harry, Draco, a pipe, and maybe a choice.
    Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,483 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    I really hope that pipe is just being used for pot smoking purposes.

    I figured I'd figure something out by just giddy reviews
    total surpirse inside. like im not going to even BS a summary cause i want you all to R&R so badly. please?
    Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 484 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 7-1-07 - Published: 7-1-07

    Or, rather, your just a lazy cunt who can't take the time to write a proper summary.

    (I was actually surprised- in a happy sort of way- to not see a hundred 'I CANT RIGHT SUMMARIEES BUT PLEAZEE REVEIW ANYWAY!!!! SQUUEEE!!!'
     
  3. Vayne

    Vayne Second Year

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    Am I alone in thinking that the implication that Voldemorts return is recent would mean that Harry is at least one year underage here? Given that Voldie returned at the end of 4th year when Harry was 14 (And the canon troubles with the ministry started at that point) and was finally publicly acknowledged when Harry was 15? And that's just the age of consent; I've no idea how old you need to be to get married.

    On an equally creepy note, those numbers at the bottom scare me; a little under 3 months to put out 44 chapters, or 187k words? Worse, 2.5k reviews earned in that time? And I somehow doubt they're all, or even mostly, the flames and putdowns this fic deserves.
    [/rant]
     
  4. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    You'll notice though, as you go through the reviews, that there isn't a single male sounding screen name. Is there a reason for this? Hell yes. It is because the 2500 reviewers are all 12-16 year old virgin girls who know nothing of sex or relationships and imagine two guys going at it as warm and fluffy.
     
  5. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    Hmm... I think we have some pretty skewed views on just who all the slash-fans in the world are. I'll say this much, you don't get that many reviews that fast with only the 12-16 year old girls. There are lots of older friendless ugly fat women who like slash too. And it's gotten 60 more reviews in the hours since you posted that summary.

    I remember reading a little essay on "How to Spot a Mary Sue" by the Josephine Darcy. Don't get me wrong, the summary and premise of the fic tell me I won't ever want to read that fic. Ever.

    But I think it looks like a perfectly fine summary. Probably a lot better than average even.
     
  6. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, we probably need to start a 'world's most horrible Harry Potter fanfiction plots' thread- if there already isn't one. Harry and Snape being forced to marry for some crackhead reason should be on that list.
     
  7. Lyndon Eye

    Lyndon Eye Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    This one made me sad. In the bad sort of way.

    Friendships that Bind Forever by omalleyanatomy

    Voldemort is destroyed but that vicotry comes with a price. How Harry and the Weasley's deal with Ron's death. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I live for reviews now!

    Grammatical errors aside, the author needs to sort out his/her priorities. And stop messing with the "caps lock" button.
     
  8. nuck

    nuck First Year

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    this ones pretty bad
     
  9. Mordac

    Mordac Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Maybe Harry is a masochist too..

    HAWT! :eek: :rolleyes:
     
  10. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

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    I could venture an accurate guess.
     
  11. Crazy1

    Crazy1 Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    The Zabini family runs out of lube?

    I'm impressed. The author summed it up in one letter. Unreadable - move on.

    What was Dumbledore's fault? That he ran his beard through a toad? Oh, wait - that was Flitwick.
     
  12. MysterioX

    MysterioX Professor

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    The Road to Hell by creamtea-from-FAP reviews
    UPDATED AGAIN Chap 34. ALT BOOK 7: STORY ALREADY WRITTEN AND BEING PUBLISHED WITH FREQUENT UPDATES. FORTY CHAPTERS. Love potions, emotional shootouts, expulsions, hex fights, fist fights, kidnappings, bank jobs, secret weapons and battles. And …DRACO!
    Fiction Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 164,049 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 7-9-07 - Published: 6-29-07

    Was looking tru c2 Independent or Dark or Powerful Harry, this was no.1. LOL Don't even want to look at the first chapter.
    It's has if she knows all the right words to use when you want something sold in the streets....
     
  13. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Harry and the Changed Time Line » by teddylonglong reviews
    After the demise of Voldemort time travel to the Marauders Harry spending a lot of time in the hospital wing changing of the time line finally Harry's finding of his own family AU HBP. Everything belongs to JKR, only the plot is mine
    Complete - Fiction Rated: K - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 54 - Words: 131,563 - Reviews: 231 - Updated: 7-9-07 - Published: 4-23-07

    Stars That Align the Full Moon » by The Dark Cyan Star reviews
    COMPLETE SLASH FGHP Harry was just a boy when he was bitten against Fenrir’s wishes. That is until the Alpha discovers that this tiny pup is his mate and will do anything to protect him. What happens when the Ministry gets wind that Greyback has Harry in
    Complete - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 123,354 - Reviews: 1775 - Updated: 7-9-07 - Published: 7-20-06

    It's unbelievably sad that these were the first two on the list of completed, 100k Harry Potter stories.
     
  14. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    When I saw this one:
    I figured, '92 words? Heck I'll read the whole thing.' And of course a half dozen typoes doesn't seem like much, until you realize it's only 92 words. This line was the best one: "It was Dumbledore’s fault for not peppering him for what was to come."

    I know I like my Potter with fava beans and a nice chianti.
     
  15. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    Punishment » by Catri Howlman-Carthaki spy reviews
    Snape get's found out as a spy, and Voldiepants takes his revenge. After being returned to the horrible age of five, he is returned to Hogwarts, under the care of proffessor MDogg. read to find out what's going on.
    Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,441 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 12-26-06 - Published: 10-18-06
     
  16. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Note: I have another pet peeve about fanfics that I can't stand. Plays on Voldemort's name! How fucking pathetic is that?

    Emo!Hermione!
     
  17. Lorelei of the Sea

    Lorelei of the Sea Unspeakable

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    I read this summary and burst out laughing. Not as funny as some of the ones posted before, but something about it amused me greatly.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2007
  18. KenderCleric

    KenderCleric Lord of Plot Bunnies

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    All I can say is... :wall:
     
  19. QuaziJoe

    QuaziJoe Dolphin Boy

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    Is it possible these alleged slash fans are spam bots? I always here about some giant controversy on YouTube where some sexless dork is spamming themselves to get featured.

    Could this be that? I refuse to believe that there are that many... 'People?' who enjoy reading about snape's Rectal orifice.
     
  20. FallenDruid

    FallenDruid First Year

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    It's worse than you think...'The Marriage stone' in question shows the perfect match for the person looking into it. Perfect match for Harry = Snape? yahright.

    Basic premise is that the minister is planning on adopting Harry to gain political advantage, and has outmaneuvered everybody else. Fortunately, due to an obscure law dated back to 1504, marriage age is 15(it's a sixth year fic), and once Harry is married he'd be considered to be a adult, and therefore not need a legal option.

    Number of people considered before marriage stone was pulled out and the situation decided: 1(Hermione). Ginny (fortunately or unfortunately) was not even mentioned in passing, nor was anyone else.


    Spelling and grammar are surprisingly solid, oth.
     
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