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Title: Black Siren
Author: Minniequill
Rating: M
Genre: Drama/Angst
DLP Category: Independent Harry (?)
Pairing: HPBL
Status: WIP
Summary: Post HBP. 'I'm nobody's to own, boy. I will do what I have to in order to achieve what I want but the second I am treated as a mere possession, then you are my enemy.' HPBL Manipulative!Dumbledore. Dark!Powerful!Harry
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3585330/1/

As this site is a goldmine of Dark!Harry stories I thought that you might all find this story by Minniequill quite good. I wouldn't usually put a friend's story up, but the HPBL pairing is so bloody rare I made an exception. Well written, good plotline, and good Lord, Bellatrix wasn't under the Imperious Curse and didn't love Sirius.


Edit by Minion, Dec. 9, 2012
Dead link is dead. If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

If you look around, there are a bunch of examples of HP/BL. Not enough, really, so I'll give it a try.

 

I actually enjoyed this one quite a bit, although where it goes remains to be seen. I like that the author doesn't try to go with any of the Bella's a goody-two-shoes under imperious or the redemption type thing. I also like that Narcissa's not a side line character although that... scene with... Lucius...

 

I know there are a few around, but for them to a) be written well and b) make Bellatrix the utterly psychopathic person she is, is extremely rare. 'Only Enemies' by leavethisworld has done it brilliantly, but no other story really comes to mind.

 

I was under the impression that Dianame was Minniequil's friend. I could be wrong.

Now for the story. It is written well enough, with no glaring mistakes. I also like how Bellatrix stays in character, crazy and sadistic is always good in my book. It's pretty short right now, but I will continue to follow it. I am interested to see where she takes it.

 

Interesting story so far. I'd like to see how it plays out. Bellatrix seems insane, but not enough in my oppinion. Ah well at that, very few keep her crazy at all.
It does contain one my least favorite bits though. Direct overwhelming child abuse. The Dursleys have abused Harry in the books, but not as bad as many stories play it out. I dispise the Dursleys but I wouldn't want them out of character unless forced.
Other than that things are looking fine. I give it a four out of five.

 

I have a bit of a spoiler question that I'm a little confused about.



Is Dumbledore still alive?

 

Enjoying the fact that Bellatrix is in fact a nutjob, though not quite as much of one as she appears to be in canon.

Spelling: Good.
Grammar: Good.
Plot: A little thin, but only 12k words into it, so plenty of time for it to straighten up.

I'm not sure about some of the word choices - proselytized, in particular. While technically it is accurate, it doesn't ring very well in my head.

I'm not particularly enthused by the proposed HP/BL pairing, and, in fact, what has been going in that aspect feels pretty rushed to me.

The child abuse - particularly the mentioned rape - doesn't ring well with my expectations of Harry's home life based on Canon - Harry accepts physical contact far too readily in canon, to my mind.

Given the premise, it's somewhat understandable that Harry would take such a risk as going with a psychotic Death Eater.

Reserved the rating until more chapters are released, but for now, 3/5, possibly up to 4/5 if the relationship flows well.

 

Got it in one; computers are expensive (well, good ones anyway). It was easier to pool resources and share rather than having two shit ones.

 

See, for me, I prefer that they skip the transition when the plot they're headed towards is so drastically different from canon. Like say, if we're headed towards Harry/Bella, then I'm already throwing out any preconceptions I had from canon. Because there's no way Harry in the first four canon books could ever even contemplate that. I don't need to see how he is changing, I expect to pick up as we go on how he's different. If many of the other characters in canon are going to be way changed (like the level of manipulative!Dumbledore in this one), then I don't want that transition. Personal preference, I guess.

As for this fic, I read the first chapter and that was enough. Seems well written. Seems interesting. It's just been a couple years since I had any desire to read this sort of angst though. And of course, so far, it is completely-retarded!Harry. This kind of fic I'll give a try when it's done as there's nothing satisfying for me in reading WIP angst.

 

I liked this story, very much, thought there were some things I didn't agree with you on.

The beginning was perfect, but I didn't expect Rodolphus to betray Dark side, give more reasons, why?

Bella was dark lords servant for some time and it's unlikely that it was the first time she was punished and scarred, you wrote: - "white scar would forever tarnish her formerly perfect ivory skin." What you forgot is that if Lord Voldemort punishes his servants as brutally as he did Bella than her skin wouldn't be 'perfect'.

Harry, at least canon one, wouldn't have believed Bella right away, few sentences aren't enough, plus, if Sirius was Harrys father-figure as bella says than he wouldn't have gone with her, he wouldn't have listened to her at all, being in rage, wanting to kill Bella more than anything and he wouldn't have believed her when she said that Lord Voldemorts servants were coming for him at midnight.

Dursleys may have beaten Harry but sexual abuse is too much and if Petunia knew, she wouldn't have supported Vernon, she would have been jealous.

Block on Harrys magic is just too cliche.

Harry wasn't able to crucio Bella in 5th book, killing curse is much harder to cast than crucio, so he wouldn't have been able to do it, I won't even start talking about silent killing curse.

If it was ten minutes until midnight as Bella said, Ministry owl would have come after Harry cast a killing curse.

It's unlikely that members of Most Noble and Ancient House of Blacks were punished like mere house-elves, which words "It takes one to know one, Potter." imply and even if it was true, Bella wouldn't have given it away.

Bella wasn't insane in the story, thought her character was done well, she wasn't insane, at all.

I liked Narcy in this story, her characterization was done brilliantly.

Narcy and Bella aren't much alike, besides hair colour, Bella spent 13 years in Azkaban and Dudley is very stupid, he wouldn't have recognized similarities between them.

When all the Durselys are killed, Dark mark is in the sky and Harry's nowhere to be found, I expect Minerva to be more concerned.

Smoking is muggle habit, as far as we know and Bella wouldn't have been able to start smoking, being raised in pureblood family.

If Harry spoke when asleep, Ron would have found out about him being abused.

If Bella was punished Because of her husband, it's only logical for Narcy to be punished because of her sister.

Sleeping Beauty is muggle tale and Bella would have no idea about it.

Bella says that at 17 she could withstand the Cruciatus Curse for twenty minutes, at 17 she was still at Hogwards and free from dark lord and her parents, while harsh, wouldn't have put her under that curse for 20 minutes, fearing that she may go insane.

Harry wouldn't be able to withstand the Cruciatus Curse without crying out, he was under it only once if I remember correctly and that one time he screamed.

Harrys not arrogant enough to tell Bella that he defeated her Lord, especially after being put under Cruciatus.

Narcy against Azkaban guards?
She would have lost. If it were that easy to best them, Azkaban would have been attacked long ago.

Minerva, Narcissa and Bellatrix all took an interest in Runes when at Hogwards, but what about other schools, or home-schooled students?

Glamour charm prevents people from seeing scars (it doesn't prevent people from feeling them), but when the place where charm is cast touched, person is able to feel it.

I like the way Narcy thinks, but Lucius is too OC for me.

Well, that's all I guess. English being my third language prevents me from writing long posts, I'm just unusually bored now, so excuse me for my mistakes.

As I said earlier I loved this story, hope it's updated soon and rate it 4.5/5.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Third for Cata's post. Not that great, but it isnt bad.