hello all,
i'm new here, so i might as well introduce myself - Damien

i have never written a fic before, so i thought i might get some advice before i mess it up. i didnt like HBP, so its a 6th yr fic.

harry thinks that dumbledore is manupilating him. harry is still a gryff. he realises he has neither the cunning nor the skills to fight back. he doesn't suddenly become smart etc. he needs someone who is on the light side but still isn't a mindless follower of dumbledore to help him.

enter andromeda tonks. there is no chance of her joining voldie, but she was a black and thus is not prejudiced against dark magic.

i've read a lot of manupilative dumbledore fics and i think if a 160 yr old politician wants to manupilate a 15 yr old orphan, its gona be pretty easy.
in the fic, i dont want manupilative dumbledore. i'm gona go with him not really caring about harry's childhood etc. he feels that harry is too immature for him to mentor. now that he sees the new harry, he will try to teach him.

will most probably be harry/many because deep down inside, i still like porn

 

I have two tips if you want to write a story:

1) Manipulate, Manipulated, Manipulative, Manipulating. Read it, memorize it, correct it.

2) The shift key is your friend.

That said, your post is way too vague; is that all you've thought of putting in your fiction? Merely Harry being trained by Andromeda Tonks, then being noticed and trained by Dumbledore? What is his goal? Just find Voldemort (not voldie; Voldemort), duel, and win? Rise to power himself? Defend the "Light"?

Harry/many: what does it mean for Harry's characterisation? Will he submit them to his will? Need them for something? Just shag them up because he has nothing better to do?


Meh. Such as it is, your story doesn't seem any different from the hundreds of thousands Harry-is-trained-by-whoever fics, or Harry-has-a-Harem (and I still don't see why him having a harem is interesting, except for a non-serious smut fiction) fics. Unless you decide to focus on the Harry/Andromeda relationship, whether it becomes a sexual one or a mother/son one, but it would require a very careful characterisation of both Harry and Andromeda... but given that you want Harry to have a Harem... yeah. As far as characterisation goes, you're screwed.

 

...Eh, straight off the bat - nobody is going to take you even semi-seriously until you fix up your spelling, grammar and punctuation. A good fic needs a competent writer and so far...you're not doing so well in that area. Simple capitalisation can do wonders in a post like this. 'I' in the place of 'i', Andromeda Tonks, Harry and Voldemort, Dumbledore etc.

Onto your fic idea....well, it's not terrible but you do need to flesh it out slightly. Does Harry call for Andromeda's help? What is it about Harry that is so immature? What is it that deters DD from mentoring him?

Do you see where I'm going with this? Right now it's just a few statements laid out on the table. Once you begin to formulate a plot in your own head, it'll begin to make sense to other people.

So...go back and edit your post, think a bit more about your idea and maybe you'll get some serious help. I'll be the first to point out that I'm not so hot with my spelling/grammar/punctuation ... but seriously? -looks at above post- I'm not that bad.

...Oh yes:

..lolol hahaha.

 

First of all, CAPITALIZATION. If you want to write, bloody well capitalize proper nouns for the love of God.

So Harry is a complete incompetent loser and wants someone else to hold his hand through his troubles…wow, way to make him even more of a failure than canon HBP.

My kingdom for an author who doesn’t think people are ‘prejudiced’ against dark magic. It is fucking DARK magic, coming from place of evil, hate, cruelty. It is not just another type of magic, the fact it has teeth comes from the fact that it is evil. People should shun it, be afraid of it, because it can kick their ass in the most hideous ways.

Do NOT pussify Dark Magic by making it a victim of public prejudice in this painfully politically correct world of yours.

And how is this different than any other Dumbledore trains Harry to be uber wizard fic. Nothing new or engaging here.

Just…Don’t. Please, really, no one needs more bad harem fics based on porn they like. For the sake of your own intelligence…just don’t.

Oh! And I am certain the like of porn isn’t too deep inside. Just remember recycled porn can never get better just worse.

 

Sorry bout the i, in my intro I capitalized them all and I was told it wasn't necessary. About the rest, thanks for the criticism, I just had an idea and I didn't plan it out before posting

About manipulate, I've heard ppl say manupilate so many times, it just slipped I guess.

Thanks anyways, will think it out first

 

...

Yeeeeaaaah... That's called sarcasm.

Also, please note that a sentence ends with a period. That means, this ---> .

 

This story has exactly one thing about it that's even slightly original, and that's Andromeda. And with you claiming to have never read DH, you're basically working with OC!Andromeda - which was done in the R series. What, if anything, have you got that hasn't been done to death already?

 

Your avatar makes me happy.

 

Actually, his signature makes me slightly more so.

 

OMG UR GENIUS THIS IS JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER INDY FIC I EVER READ. HOW DID YOU EVER COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???!

moron.

 

Says he who has proven himself over and over to be an utter fuck up at everything he does. Including live.

At least he tried to put some thought into something he might write, unlike those posts of unmitigated shite that you posted in the challenge threads which were obviously unplanned (like you yourself must have been).

Don't flame someone who's obviously attempting to do things properly. Flame someone who isn't. Perhaps you could try flaming yourself. Then we could all laugh even harder at you.