After 4 years of reading fics, i wanted to try start writing one, but i know i do mistake hare and there, and help is always good.
These is the first chapter of my story

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3729268/1/Ninja_Life

 

Err...please tell me that this will be a HP/CrapAnime crossover. Because if it's just CrapAnime I really need to ask you why in the blue fucking blazes did you post it here?

Ps. It seems contrived and boring. But maybe that cause I hate that stupid Anime.

 

It going to be crossover, in later stages, but any way, it the best place i know to ask for a beta ^_^.

 

Now, I don't claim to be any sort of expert about Naruto, I know nothing about it. But, from a grammar and linguistic point of view, most of that chapter made no sense what so ever. What I would advise, is that you take the chapter down, you read it over, fix what you can. Then head over to Perfect Imagination and ask for a beta there. They're slightly more forgiving than most DLPers.

 

Is it just me or did you just join the forum just so you could ask for a beta?

 

Or just go here:

http://forums.demonsdesire.net/index.php?act=idx

They might even appreciate your request.

 

It looks like it. I'm somewhat afraid of offering myself, looking at that post. Your writing style is like a long checklist, it doesn't hold any drama whatsoever, even if the grammar isn't too bad. Most betas can make a good story better, but can't make a good story out of a crappy one.

 

mybe i joined just for it, but i knew and read in the form long before it (=
after long time of reading(it is my hobby for alot of years), i thoght it will be nice to try and write, but it is just not for me as it seem (=

 

oomri: There is an "edit"-button at the bottom of each of your postings.

- Go to the first post and click on the edit button.
---> A screen appears to edit your posting.

- Below is a button "Go Advanced" - click it.
---> A screen appears with advanced settings to edit your post

- Reread your posting and look if something is missing, incomplete, etc.
- Below the field with your posting is a button "Spell Check" - click it.
---> A screen appears to spellcheck your post. Use it.

- Submit your changes.

- Redo the procedure with every single posting you submitted here.


ps: If you really have been lurking here for quite some time, you should know that not capitalising your "I"s is already a reason for a most painful death.

 

Your emoticons are backwards and your spelling and grammar both suck.

If I had to take a guess, you asked somewhere else for a beta, and some delightfully cruel individual told you that this would be a swell place to get your crap story turned into a non-crap story. Guess what? It ain't. GTFO.

 

To convey the collective emotion of this community, there exists the following action. The Danza. Simply put, a Danza is the act of slapping someone with your penis. Suffice it to say that DLP wishes to Danza you to death, and GTFO.

 

It's pretty hard to get an emoticon wrong.

I thought there might have been a possibility for a crossover. Then I used the Find function, and couldn't find "Harry" at all. You are either terminally stupid or someone has misled you terribly.

 

Anime crossover are all fail anyways...

 

Not all are fail... but about 95% are... just like slash writers. They don't all all fail... most do.

 

Dont know what you soo piss off about, i wanted to try and write, i failed, i am still going to read pics, and read in these fourm.

All your other idea about me are just plain wrong, and i will be happy if these thread could be locked plz.

 

I think we may have established what went wrong here.

Seriously, though, keep trying to write. Just try to pick up basic grammar and English first, and then once you have the whole writing thing down, try the storytelling aspect of it. Then, when what you have written is readable, then you could try and get some constructive criticism from a beta. Good luck!

 

1 ) Thou shalt not fuck up the English Language.
2 ) Thou shalt not ask for a beta for a Naruto fic on a Harry Potter board, especially if thou hast just joined.
3 ) Thou shalt actually lurk to understand the forum, not just say thou hast lurked.
4 ) Thou shalt not write crappy fics.
5 ) Thou shalt not link to crappy fics.
6 ) Thou shalt quit with the fucking up of emoticons.
7 ) Thou shalt edit thine posts.
8 ) Thou shalt not fail at life.
9 ) Thou shalt not bitch when we inevitably mock thee for failing at life.
10 ) Thou shalt GTFO. Naow.

EDIT: Also, cocks.

 

Lawl haven't we developed a retard filter yet? I swear there has been an influx lately.

 

Well, I doubt anyone in here had actually ideas about you, except perhaps a nice barbeque with some roasted oomri as main course.

You want this thread to be locked? I second that - and suggest to move it to the Hall of Shame.