Draco? Why the fuck would he help her?

Thats quite a fucking personality change, you know. A bit fucking HARD.


And lastly, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE MOTIVE TO JOIN VOLDEMORT???

 

Procrastinator, I think that you were missing a sense yourself when you posted it. The author just idealized Hermione in every way possible.

I could respect the author and her story if she explained how she wormed her way into the Death Eaters.

She didn't.

The story begins with Hermione explaining to Dumbledore what she had done, which translates to me that the author just had an idea, and plunged into the story with very little forethought.

She gave away Snape? I'm sure Voldemort would be pleased, but so what? Snape's value is dubious anyway, and Voldemort would just kill her off anyway. A magical oath in exchange for Snape's loyalties? Sure. Then Hermione would have to extract oaths from the entire Death Eaters ranks, which Voldemort would have to explain, and Voldemort would no longer be a worthy villain.

"nothing had prepared him for the graceful majesty, the quiet determination that filled her eyes now". Why, certainly! When the Hermione we know never had a shred of charisma or physical presence. Bucktoothed, bushy-haired, snobby, etc. This happened literally words into the first chapter.

"She moves like an old woman". WTF? That was a pitiful attempt at attempting to make her even more of a heroine. She recovered from the curse in the Ministry. Even if she hadn't, any sympathy towards her evaporates when she is compared to Harry.

 

She moves like an old woman because she just came back from a Death Eater meeting. She wormed her way into the Death Eaters by visting a high society Gala with Draco and coming into contact with Lucius. She "seduced" him although really (and she knew this) he was just taking advantage of young willing meat and things develop from there.

And the way she's described in the first chapter? Horribly melodramtic and a typical first story mistake... It does get better later...

 

To be honest, the first chapter makes the rest of it completely unreadable for me. Anything that starts that badly just doesn't have a chance, especially when it throws out logical inconsistencies.

 

Ah... I premuse that I was supposed to know that, given that it wasn't mentioned once up till that point?

Oh well, this is the kind of fic that I imagine would be popular among many that ship those pairings, which is evidenced by the amount of reviewers. But it doesn't fit the taste of DLP at all, or any group of people with a more critical view.

 

Sorry couldn't get past the first chapter. I don't like non-Harry centric fics, after all it's "Harry Potter and .............". But I make exceptions.

While this fic is semi-well written, I just could not get myself into the meat of the fic. Aside from all the facts mentioned above (mudblood, pureblood etc) I don't see the motivation for Hermione to do this. "Oh we need a spy in the Death Eaters" just doesn't fit!! Why would they trust her? Why would they even let her near them? And what good will she be?

I mean she has to realize that even if (and thats a big if) she gets into the Death Eaters, she will be accepted only as a toy. Besides hours of torture for being Harry's friend, or former friend or whatever, she is MUGGLEBORN. Thats the crux of the whole thing. IF Voldie accepts her then his entire concept for this Dark Lord reign is send down the crapper. How will all the purebloods react when they find out what he's done?? His entire power base is castrated with that one act.

Are you saying she's a masochist??? Cause that all that can point to. Another point. What good is she if she's only a torture and fuck toy?? Are they going to moan out secrets as they grunt their seed into her willing womb? Are they going to gloat their plans as she's screaming under the crucio?

Ok I can see that as a plausible way of learning Occumancy. Not arguing that point.

So what good is she???? She's even less effective than Snape!! How the hell is she going to be a master spy? Is she going to be just ignored when there are important meeting (like a servant or hood-ornament) until the refreshments are server (ie her)? IMO, from the point of view of the light, she replaced a fairly good mole with a useless one. How is that good? She just single handedly destroyed the small chance of the light finding anything through Snape. How is she going to be sane enough to report back? And more importantly what the hell makes her think she is going to leave the damn place?

Too true, and for the most part those said Fanfics are discarded at DLP. But the fact remains that this is not a small step in OOC, but a giant leap into OOCness. The character is so twisted to fit the author's concept that its only a girl with the name Hermione. Sorry this is not a HP story.

 

There's really nothing to say about this fic that hasn't been said above, but I would just like to wonder exactly what was the inspiration for posting this fic here.

Hr-Centric
SuperSpy!Death Eater!!Hr
Hr/Death Eaters
etc.

There's no way that this was gonna get a good reception at DLP, no matter what justification you post below the link. This is quite possibly akin to posting H/D slash or the latest Kinsfire miscarriage. Admirable gall, perhaps, but impractical and foolish, and more so to keep defending the story in hopes of bringing someone over to your camp.

 

Well after I had posted it (which on hindsight does seem like a mistake *laughs*) I didn't have a lot of choice but defend it. Worse than starting a polite discussion (that is no sarcasm... there have been no insults traded which seems to happen a lot here when people like me can't take criticism) about whether or not this story totally sucks, would have been bowing down and agreeing with whatever people say. I still believe it develops into a well-written story with a nicely done plot and that the characters are 3D and whatnot (as soon as one has gotten over their OOC-ness) or I wouldn't even have considered posting in the first place and yet I realize I didn't think enough before acting. I must say that I totally forgot how bad the beginning was and I guess this story really doesn't match the forum. I accept all you comments and am in no way challenging them.

<O</O
Now I'm going to gracefully slink out of this discussion while I still can and watch this story on its way into oblivion. I've learnt my lesson and will think twice before posting whatever crosses my fancy next. And now I'm going to move on and get to know the rest of the forum because I have already wasted too much time on this sinking boat.<O

 

Procrastinator- I liked the story too. It was better written than most Hermione-centered fanfics, and did have decent characterization and writing.

I think the only problem was bringing it up on this forum, which is entirely Harry-centric and anti-Snape.

But approaching it from a neutral view, I'd give it a solid 4/5.

 

And here we have a rapidly growing cliche: Whoremione pimps herself out for the cause as a super-spy.

Supposedly she's in it to save all the good little boys and girls and Potters* and fluffy bunnies. In actuality, she just really digs debasing herself in front of the people who would gladly kill her just for existing. And, hey, while she's at it, she can enjoy fucking those very same murdering, raping, racist people. Hell, she revels in getting prodded by the same creeps that murder her friends, destroy families and spit on her as she passes by (though, to be fair, this genre's Hermione is a Hermione that deserves to be spat upon).

This all ignores (well, shit, it ignores reality but allow me to elaborate) the fact that Hermione would get raped, tortured and/or killed the minute she showed her face around a group of death eaters, let alone Voldemort himself.

If they actually did let her live long enough to pitch her offer to 'give them Harry Potter', she'd still end up dead in short order. After all, as one of Harry's best friends, there is absolutely no reason she shouldn't be able to just hand him a portkey or lure him into the forest, etc. the very minute she sees him next.
Bearing that in mind, if she doesn't deliver in that time frame, Voldemort would not hesitate to kill her. She has no viable excuse for failure.

The notion that she would try to infiltrate the death eaters as herself instead of employing even a rudimentary disguise requires either a tremendous suspension of disbelief or an assload of background. This story gives zero background, which is par for the course. After all, the authors of these stories are too eager to start putting her into bed with death eaters to spend any real time making it remotely believable.

This very simple flaw keeps rearing its ugly head without ever being addressed to any degree of satisfaction: Death Eaters KILL Mudbloods, they don't work with them!

And near the top of the pile of reasons why this goes against nearly every personality trait Hermione has; she's too proud to let herself be treated like a piece of meat by the terrorists who think her people are less than cattle, just so she can get the same useless intel that Snape gleaned when he was a spy. Or is how Lucius' likes his cock sucked suddenly relevant to winning the war?

These fics are always the same; ignoring every defining trait of Hermione's character in order to turn her into a whore for the dark side in exchange for nothing. It's just another weak excuse for her to fuck Draco, Lucius and Snape. End of story.

This seems to stem from the misguided notion that if the author has Hermione spread her legs for the enemy as a spy, instead of as a result of blackmail, kidnapping, love/lust potions, binding spells, et cetera, that it makes her a noble, self-sacrificing and empowered woman instead of a victim or a dime-store hooker. Oops...

*(Actually, come to think of it, in this genre of stories, Harry is almost always either rendered inconsequential to the war effort compared to Hermione or she actually hates/dislikes him or he's portrayed as an immature little boy who couldn't possibly understand war, conflict and the inner workings of the dark side as well as worldly wise Hermione Granger. Never mind that he's lived in conflict since birth. Just another reason these fics reek.)

 

And that, my friends, is what happens When A Lioness Fights.

And for the sake of completion:

By kayly silverstorm.

 

Actually, I didn't think it was that bad... Seeing as I don't mind most pairings unless it's HG, RHr, or DH, all I had issues with was the angst. Recurring, over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. Blargh. The grammar and spelling could have been better, but I'd give it a 4.5/5 (G&S), mostly- and the author actually does have a plot, which could be pretty good if it weren't for the plotholes...
Overall, maybe 3/5, because I'm the forgiving type. Because, you know, there's worse out there.
For those who thought this story almost tolerable, you might want to check out KS's other story- forgot the title, but I'd give it a 4/5 (Snape's a major character, though, KS seems to like him a lot) because Harry is portrayed as a maddeningly tranquil person who pisses off Snape...
Wait, but then, Harry has a tragic past in this one. I think it had Dursley abuse. Some warnings.

 

I am going to speak in defense of this fic, it is wonderfully write, has an detailed and complex plot. Also as for why she joined and became a spy in the first place you would know if you read past the first few chapters you would see why she joined and see that the reason why only strengthens the snape/hermione relationship.
Furthermore, Voldemort accepted her as a spy because she would be useful which is what voldemort cares about, and if you read beyond the first few chapters you would know that she helps out voldemort in a huge way because she is the best friend of Harry Potter, Voldemort would let go of predjucies if it would help him in such a big way, and we can see that after she was no longer of any use Voldemort did "put her in her place" after she was no longer of use to himm something that agrees with his veiws.


"upposedly she's in it to save all the good little boys and girls and Potters", not true if you read the story you would know this.

"It's just another weak excuse for her to fuck Draco" she is best friends with Draco, they never have sex, and she says several times that she would never have sex with DRaco because he reminded her of his father

Additonally to the comment:

"#1. - She was able to get time-turner
#2. - She says that Dumbledore can't choose what to do, because she's already 18, but has no way to prove it and if she does she will have a one-way-ticket to Azkaban.
#3. - She says that she'll quit the school, when few years back, she was afraid of being expelled from said school, more than she was afraid of dying."

1. She had a time turner in book 3 to get to her class, she used it for a year, have you not read the books?
2. The ministry knows she used a time turner as she said to Harry, that Dumbledore had to write all kinds of letter to the minsitry to let her have one, so they know that she used it and would know she is 18
3. People change. In book seven, Hermione did not return to school, or have you not read that either? She thought that school less important then fighting voldemort and helping Harry. She knows what is important, again have you read any of the harry potter books?


So what is my point- Before totaly bashing the story, and calling it horrible, I do not know read the story, because some of the claims that you are making are untrue and without merit. Do not read the first chapter and say there are huge plot whole, read the whole story because like any other good other the auther of this fic does not gove the entire story away in the first chapter,

I rate this story 5 out of 5

 

... Which does absolutely nothing to the story's rating here.

I have no clue how a time turner works into the story. More importantly, no one cares because in the end, this story just doesn't fit our taste, nor the taste of any other male. The Alan Rickman and/or Tom Felton - pardon *checks casting* Jason Isaacs - fans can enjoy it all they want.

I can't help but think kayly is trying to make a statement - I assume that Hermione is the lioness, who fights by exercising the endurance of her gaping cunt.

 

Quoted for the fucking truth. Sadly some can't handle the truth.

 

This is why i like other people wasting their time by reading absolute random fics, where people with intelligent minds choose to ?defend? of all things.
Hermione plays way too big of a role, and the nauseous concept of her and Snape winning the war while all the other little children dont know a thing about it, makes me laugh with scorn.
1/5

 

I'm sure that the rest of you gender would your gender would enjoy your massive stereotyping of males by saying that this story would not appeal to any male. Ok, say your basically saying that you don't like this fic because it protrays a female in a postion in which she merely stays home and makes cookies. Deal, just because you can't wrap your head around the idea of equality and prefer to be sexist does not give you the right compeley ignore good writing.

Also, FYI, the time turner comes in only once at the beginning of the story when she tells Dumbledore that he can not control her because she was of age. Some one tought to point this out as a huge plot hole, even thought it was a small factor in the story, and only a mistake that someone who never read the books would make.

Furthermore, this story is not pro Hermione/ Lucius at all. Lusius is constantly discribed as a monster, and a horrible person. THis stoy only deals with the ship Hermione/Severus, which is not really a large part of the story, and includes no graphic sense. In fact, we although that she is having sex with Lucius to continue her role with the death eaters, she does NOT have sex with Severus at all.

Kaylay may be trying to make a statement but it is not "that Hermione is the lioness, who fights by exercising the endurance of her gaping cunt." It many deals with the mask people are wearing and perception of illison vs. reality. Which you might know if you read the story.

 

I'm sorry, but I could have sworn you just called Snape "Severus"...

FAIL

 

Protip: Get back in the kitchen and make my dinner, then you might actually be useful.

 

I love the smell of flaming noob in the morning...

What did you think you were going to achieve here? With the power of words, you would hide the gaping plot-holes and convert us all to mindless fans of this story? Uh, no. The majority of this forum dislikes Snape, so him in a sympathetic light is a mark against it right there. Hell, a large chunk of the regulars here dislike Hermione. This was a lost cause from the start.

Oh, and speaking as a member of the rest of Andro's gender, I did enjoy his massive stereotyping. Très amusing. Especially the part where you went batshit over it.