Title: Time to Fix the Mistakes
Author: DisobedienceWriter
Rating: M
Genre: Tragedy/Adventure
DLP Category: Time Travel
Pairing: None
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: The Deathly Hallows Epilogue was truly unsatisfying. Here’s the rest of the story. Begins two years after the DH Epilogue. Not for Ginny enthusiasts. Character Deaths. Time Travel. Avenging!Harry.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3802762/1/

This piqued my curiosity, and drew me in pretty quickly. It's initially Harry/Ginny, but it rapidly becomes no pairing, as Ginny decides she wants Harry's money and not Harry himself.

Harry finally has it out with Dumbledore's portrait the way he should have had it out with Dumbledore himself in that King's Cross chapter, and grabs back the Elder Wand like he should have done in the first place.

 

Hmmm seems jerky and disjointed. Not up to his usual standards I would say. The whole scene with Ginny was... abrupt and forced and what followed looked like it was thrown together at the last minute. Not a satisfactory ending either.

2.5/5

 

Disobedience took a couple of steps back in the developement of his writing in this one. The Ginny bashing was done in poor taste, and Harry's characterization just sucked horribly.

It's one of his few forays into something outside of the rewriting the past, fixing every possible mistake genre, and it failed.

 

Well i have a problem here because i have liked all of the authors other story's. I think i will have to wait for a few more chapters before i rate this one, to see if the author manages to improve it

 

All in all the first chaper is lousy , story has beed used a few times before but here he uses pureblood family spells , even if they are poorly done its a big + for me. 3/5

 

I actually flamed this story, which I almost never do. To paraphrase a few passages from my PM response to a PM response...

Oh, I like time travel and AU stories. Like I said, I've read all your other stories and enjoyed most of them. I just didn't like this one.

As for explaining criticisms, it all basically comes down to poor characterization. It simply makes no sense that Harry would start as a canon!Harry, switch to Ginny hater in a minute and then end up digging through the events that for a 40+ year old Harry should be an ancient history.

Why is he so interested in saving 200 or so wizards he never even knew? If he's already time travelling, why not prevent WWII, or Napoleon's conquest, or black plague, or the fall of Rome etc... Why is after 20+ years he so obsessed with Dumbledore's manipulations, Fudge and Crouch giving carte blanche to the Aurors, etc... These events might have been important for the canon!Harry, as they directly influenced his life. Your Harry should honestly worry about other things than the events that had happened ages ago.

Now, your stories never had that good characterization to begin with, but they always made that up with bunch of cool magic, new ideas and action. Here, characterization (and rewriting of history) was basically all we had.

Ah yes, the rewriting of history. Besides the fact I've seen most of these conspiracy theories a million times, they don't really have a place in the mind of THIS Harry - a middle aged guy who won his war decades ago and outlived all the participants. Maybe this could interest him from a historic point of view, but to start obsessing about rewriting his past to make it perfect is honestly pathetic.

About Ginny...

If you wanted a quick start of your story (without wasting too much space on dealing with the character you don't like), you should have tried to setup the plot with what you had, instead of trying to rewrite the entire character.

For instance, instead of having Ginny hide her hatred towards everything for 20 years and then strike and gloat about everything, thus giving Harry the chance to kill her, you could have had their marriage slowly fall apart and then have her and the kids die in an accident. You would have achieved the same effect, only without the unrealistic character change described in too few words.

Or if not, you could have just skipped through the change and depicted Harry after the disaster.

Either way, you would have achieved the same goal, only without mangling the characterization.

......

 

This story is honestly terrible. I like the occasional Ginny-bashing, but seriously, writing Ginny to be a greedy, scheming witch in the not so literal sense who had been plotting the murder of her children and husband for 20 years is more than a little too much. It's simply ridiculous. And I dislike how just as quickly as we were shown Ginny's true colors, the author simply disposed of Ginny utilizing the often badly used plot device of pureblood laws. The Potters may ONCE been a pureblood family, but Harry Potter is NO pureblood, hence, I don't see why pureblood laws should come into play at all.

The rest of the story was simply too bland to capture my interest.

2/5

 

I am sorry to say that this makes no sense at all. If Ginny wanted out of marriage, she could have solved it by simpler means than resorting to poisoning her kids. Hell, she could even have kept her marriage and her career without resorting to such terrible and idiotic means. As IP82 remarked, it makes no sense for Harry to go back to the manipulations of Crouch, Dumbledore and Fudge. He has been in Law Enforcement for 20 years, so he probably knows most of what there is to know. He would also be familiar with all the games LE people usually play.

While I have no objections to an evil Dumbledore (heck, I am writing one myself, in two of my stories), it makes no sense to have a pointlessly and mindlessly evil Dumbledore. Dumbledore would have very specific reasons for what he did - not this kind of ad-hoc, hotch-potch stuff that seems undirected. The one thing I cannot credit Dumbledore with is stupidity.

Last but not the least, why is Harry so obsessed with the past? What is there that is so important to him? His parents? Heck, he never even knew them. The other nameless, faceless people who died in the war with Voldemort? What is so great about them? Would it not make much more sense to go back to just after Voldemort's death and his marriage with Ginny? He could at least reconstruct his life, with someone more worthy of his affection.

All in all, this story gets a 2/5 in my opinion (I am being rather generous here).
Regards,
Maidros

 

2/5

Everything I would say about this fic has already been said. Though I generally don't like DW's presentation, this isn't even up to his usually good standard of ideas.

 

Haha, IP flamed it before it was posted here for review.

 

The last two chapters show vast improvement if you discount several illogical plot holes. But I'm afraid that the first chapter ruined it without real hope of redeeming. He should rewrite it now. IMO.

 

My Lookie

I am ashamed to say that I saw the summary and skipped over it a few times. When I saw it here -as I dont bother reading the other threads for spoilers- I thought 'why not?' and read it.

Well, the first chapter with Ginny is a bit unexplained and forced. I am usually fond of HG, though not Albus. I do however refuse to believe book 6 or 7 exist in usual timelines. Rowlings last two books were a little.... off to me.

I did like the eventual outcome and how it is proceeding. Chapter three has a little good news. Sure, it may be a little rushed at some places, and Harry seems really alone, but I think it is a good story so far and now frown out those flamers.

...I hate flames and believe there should only be constructive criticisms and goodies. I mean, really, why post bad things at all when they make authors just not want to write anymore?!

 

You flame someone in the hopes that it will be scathing enough that they will never write again. Honestly, if every vapid, one-liner review for Kinsfire's stories was a flame instead, he would naturally retire, and rid the fanfiction world of his odious presence. The same to all the other dumbass authors that can't write a decent story to save their own lives and everything they love.

DisobedienceWriter isn't the best, but he's certainly not the worst. In this case, even IP made sure to direct the flame towards the story, not the author, in the hopes that he will devote his time to a project more worthy of it.