I presume you meant wand
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Either you meant curtains or Harry forgot to mention that a peephole was involved.
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God I wonder how the "Potter what would i get if i added powdered root of asphodel with an infusion of wormwood?" scene go with Meciel involved.

I see a Snape potion in the works. Good post, keep em coming.

 

There's still a difference between gay and pedophile.

whether / if

Either "from a _, to a _, to a _", or "between a _, a _, and a _"

books

to the

I'd leave out the with, his

He turned into a girl and gave a groan?

Shouldn't

flared

taken

 

Nice start Shezza. This chapter is looking good. Looking forward to finding out how Harry will handle Snape and Umbridge now that he cannot openly insult them the way he did before.

Harry better learn to control his temper if he wants to stay alive. Just out of curiosity, can Meciel forcibly take control of Harrys body if she really wants to? Or his mouth atleast. I mean lets say Harry is about to say something really stupid and insulting that could get him expelled. Could Meciel forcibly stop him? I mean I can imagine that it would really piss Harry off but a pissed of Harry is better than a dead one.

So Dumbledore is supporting Harrys dark magic skills. I suppose he must really trust that the sword will keep Harry straight and narrow. A question occurred to me here. Does using dark magic affect Harry in any way? I mean in dresden books it was made clear that even a single use of (true) dark magic corrupts the wizards mind somehow. And Harry has used true dark magic several times. Does Meciel protect him from any negative side-effects?

Is Hermione in this story one of those that refuse to believe in Voldemorts return? I mean it was Voldemorts lackeys that killed Krum. Harry did not do it and yet Hermione blames him enough that she was ready to attack him. Harry really had nothing to do with Krums death.

Amanda!
The interactions between the two are always great. Amanda/Harry FTW!

Loved what you wrote so far, but now I really want to see the encounter with Snape. Please hurry with the next chapter!

Thanks!

 

Thanks for all your reviews guys. Hopefully I'll get the next scene out in a few hours. If not, I'll definitely have it done by tomorrow. I'll be out for the weekend, but when I come back, I should have another one done as well.

Amersion: thanks for the suggestion, noted and edited.

Sree: Patience, my Indian friend, patience

Necrule Paen and World: Thanks a bunch for catching those. It's gotten to the point where I might need to get myself a proper beta, methinks- not that you guys don't do a great job

Syao: Yeah, like you said, he's pissed off at everybody.

Dakatim: Harry will have a hard time calming his temper down. Canon Harry was always a bit moody but Denarian Harry practically thrives on anger. As for your question, the answer is no. Currently, Meciel cannot forcibly silence Harry unless he allows her. Sure, she could try to wrest his mind into submission but such an act is likely to leave permanent mental trauma if Harry resists.

As for the dark magic- it affects him as much as everybody else, I guess. Consider that Harry likes killing people, constantly goes into little battle-lust modes when he's fighting and is practically remorseless and unfeeling when he's mutilating/murdering somebody he feels deserves it. He does have a twisted code of ethics, but it doesn't mean that none of the above reply.

No, Hermione doesn't believe that Voldemort is back and she'll be on Harry for a while in the story. I'm giving them some tension so that they can have great make-up sex before moving onto the H/Hr aspect of the story.


Just kidding.

 

Looks like Snape won that battle. I am somewhat surprised that Dumbledore did not say anything about this though. I mean Snape does work for Dumbledore and Dumbledore knows about Harry's lack of self-control. I would have thought he would have warned Snape not to deliberately try to provoke Harry the way he did. Dumbledore may not be able to control Umbridge but he can control Snape afterall. The fact that Snape was told what would happen to Harry incase he was expelled only makes this worse in my view. Almost seems as if he was trying to get Harry killed here. Would Dumbledore really have no problem with that?

I also wonder if you are going a bit overboard with the whole temper thing. I mean I can understand that Harry has anger issues but he seems like a complete and utter idiot here with absolutely no self-control at all. Maybe it is important to the plot that thats how Harry is shown but it did feel a bit weak to me. Almost as though you were deliberately trying to show "LOOK! Harry cannot control himself! He has a temper!".

When compared to the renegade potions class where Harry manipulates Snape into berserk rage by appearing kind/polite his behaviour here seems really crude. I mean back then he got angry too but he was able to strike back in a more subtle and manipulative way. Here he is literally enraged to the point that he starts to physically shudder. What has changed?

I dunno. Maybe it is just me? What do others think about this? Was Harry a bit too berserk here?

EDIT: When I think about this a bit more I wonder why Meciel did not do more to stop it? I mean she may not be able to physically control Harry but we know from dresden books and renegade that she can manipulate Harry's senses. A bucket of freezing water dumped over his head (or atleast the feeling of it) would probably have cooled Harry down nicely afterall. I hate to be so negative here but I cannot help but get a sort of contrived feel for this one scene.

 

I'm agree with datakim, while before Harry only got really angered to the point of acting like that was with a comment about either Meciel, or his power. Though reacting at Snape the way he does now comes to me as unbelievable.

All in all, the feeling I got while reading it was as if you were trying to make it appear as if Harry isn't perfect. While I can understand that, it was in my opinion too much in this part.

Anyway, this is probably the first part of your story I didn't like

Gl, and I'm looking forward to the next part.

 

I agree, and it's not just this scene either, there's a noticable difference in Harrys temper and the control he has over it in this story compared to Renegade.

 

Great scene. The whole "anger" part was good. Snape hates Harry so he wouldn't care if Harry would be killed. he would be working for it.
I just hope to see a scene where Snape is killed grousemly(sp?) by our young Denarian Knight.

 

Although there's also the point that before, Harry never really had to restrain his temper. He always let it out in various snide comments/etc. But here, it is believable because the entire chapter, from the beginning, was a build-up of tension: Harry's been repressing his rage since breakfast, and I can understand how it all exploded at that one instance when he lost his grip.

With that said, the slime-into-mouth thing did seem a bit severe, especially considering the recipient, and the circumstances.

While amusing, it doesn't seem very likely that Harry would snap that far.

 

Aye, Thats why Harry is so much different here than in Renegade. In Renegade he can be sarcastic and tell Snape to suck a cock, but here, he has to be respectful even as Snape is provoking him.

Harry doesn't do respectful.

 

I think the anger in the Carpenter house was believable enough. I mean Daniel was insulting both Meciel and Harry's abilities which are both extremely important to him. Also, as far as Harry knew at the time the only thing he had to lose was a couch for the night. He had no idea that the white council was lying in wait.

This time is different. It was just ONE DAY since Harry was standing there with a blade on his neck. He would remember the terror he felt when he believed he was about to die. He also knows that the ministry/Umbridge would want nothing more than to find any excuse to expel him and that the result of being expelled would end in his death.

The idea that he would so completely lose his temper even knowing that doing so had a real chance of being fatal is just nuts. I mean just a day before he called everyone in Hogwarts retards. So why exactly does he care so much what Snape says?

He knows (or should know anyway) that Snape is trying to make him lose his temper, he also knows that that could result in death. And yet he STILL RISKS HIS LIFE simply because of some random insults from some professor that he barely knows and should not care at all about.

That just seems far more idiotic than anything that even the canon Harry ever did. I just have a hard time believing that someone raised by a fallen angel and who had survived all that Harry has would act so stupid.

EDIT:

@franki: Oh I agree that Snape would like nothing more than see Harry killed. Dumbledore does not want that however and for the moment atleast Snape works for Dumbledore. (In both OotP and Hogwarts). It just felt strange that Snape would so openly try to get Harry killed caring little about the potential consequences to himself. I cannot imagine that Dumbledore would be too happy with him right now.


As for the whole respectfull thing. I am sure there are ways that Harry could have pissed off Snape and released his anger while stile maintaining plausible deniability. He sorta did that in Renegade. He did not tell Snape to suck cock and yell crude insults left and right. Instead he proclaimed himself a Hero which while arrogant and annoying was probably not against the rules of Hogwarts. It did manage to drive Snape absolutely mad though.

Sigh. I suppose its not a huge thing. I just cannot help but feel that Harry acted incredibly foolishly here. I think I preferred the smoother Snape approach of Renegade where Harry acted with intelligence and Cunning. I like my Harry smart.

 

....I actually don't like that part of the chapter. Call me a too soft-hearted, but I found it quite sad that he could get a kick out of doing something like that. It isn't evil, it isn't bad-ass, it definitely isn't funny. Quite frankly its pathetic.

I hate and love this version of Harry. He's damn funny and bad-ass at times, but @ some moments...God, I just want to rip his head off.

I think I'm probably the only person the site who thinks that. Aye?

 

:awesome:

-1 point to Meciel.

Harry/Amanda odds just improved ^.^

 

Silence infidel! It is merely a disguised subplot to bring Harry/Meciel closer toghether later on.

As concerns the chapter, after reading the issues raised above I have formulated an opinion.

Harry is undeniably going through a lot of stress right now. Snape, as we all know is the antithesis of a person you would want to be around with at times of emotional high. Snape was being his usual snarly self, Harry snapped and did what he did.

I too agree that the potion in the mouth bit was exaggerate and Snape would kill him on sight given the opportunity, but we will live and see, I guess.

 

Hmm, thanks for all the reviews, guys. You've made your point- I'll go back and figure something out. The reason I had Harry lose his temper was because, frankly, I needed him to have a flaw, I needed to show that it was difficult for him at Hogwarts and I needed some Meciel/Harry conflict. That said, I've done something wrong here.

I'll post the edited bit when I've finished making some changes

 

Ha! Far better, since Meciel is not as annoyed at Harry as she was in Version I.

I like it, but I didn't have that much criticism of the previous one.

 

Personally, I think you could have left out the whole slime part all together, but this is still an improvement. I like it more.

Some errors:

Drawl implies slowly, I think it'd flow better if you removed it.

You're missing something here. An if and a have.

"Ah, even if I could have stopped, it was happening no matter what," is the best rendering I can come up with. The sentence is probably better off being revised entirely (it's a little wordy).

Also, I think you've used quite a bit of adverbs here already, it might sound better if you just leave it as "Harry dismissed," since we can assume he's thinking to Meciel already and not saying this stuff outloud. And even then, we can assume from what Harry's thinking that he's dismissing Meciel's point, so it may be best just to slash the whole "dissmissed/thought dismissively" since it is already understood from the context.

Them? Unless you mean Draco too...