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Fanfictions most terrible spells

Discussion in 'Fanfic Discussion' started by Seratin, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. The Doctor

    The Doctor Unspeakable

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    R/Hr is the only ship I'm more opposed to than H/G.:wall:

    With the latter you can always play the slut, groupie, or love potion card. With R/Hr... what? Have Hermione regain the use of her brain? Have the lobotomy reversed?

    And I have to agree, that has to be the worst use of Harry's time ever. Period.

    Yeah, I'm ranting, but I recently started reading Adrift in a World, and in the second chapter Harry has to summon his happiest memory:

    :wall::wall::wall::wall::wall:

    Jesus H. Christ.
     
  2. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    ya... just.... Ya.

    Read that one, much to my shame I even enjoyed it somewhat. Granted this was about my second month into HP fiction, but still...
     
  3. The Doctor

    The Doctor Unspeakable

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    That's not so bad.

    My first foray into HP Fanfiction has into H/Hr stuff, and on reflection, almost all of it - no, ALL of it - was shit. Complete and total shit.

    Cliched does not come close to describing it. Harry stays at the Grangers, the swimming pool and Bikini!SuddenlyHot!Hermione, every answer can be found in a book, Harry realizing he's secretly loved the bookworm for years, Ron and Ginny being their usual jealous selves, the sex ("Oh, we were virgins until we were married, really! All we did was perform oral sex and engage in mutual masturbation!"), Hermione leading Harry around like a fucking terrier, leash in hand...

    I admit that I'm a fan of the ship, but it's become nearly as bad as H/G. The number of fics I like with the ship can be counted on my left hand.
     
  4. Helltanz98

    Helltanz98 Professor

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    Both ships suck, actually all three suck, leaving romance to pros is probably the best idea, well besides sending fangirls to boot camp. All in all I prefer fics where Harry tell the three to go to Hell when they try and get involved with his romantic life, and we're getting off topic.
     
  5. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    "will you come to hogwarts with me next weekend?"

    Has Binns history of magic class moved to Durmstrang?...and how would anybody be able to cast the dreaded multiple patroni while remembering a a scene with Ron in it?:confused:

    oh and here is another contribution to the thread.........spearus amorus = the spear of love........all together now........awwwwwwww
     
  6. Helltanz98

    Helltanz98 Professor

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    Agreeing with the Ron thing, pathetic prat.
    Yeah the spear of love, it kills by making you gag in disgust.
     
  7. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    No, it was a long time ago but I dont think it killed him at all. It destroyed the evil in Voldemorts heart. He tried to atone for his sins and spent the rest of his life in Azkaban. It was a bit of an anti climax.
     
  8. Iztiak

    Iztiak Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    I fail to see how a story with idiotic ideas like that could ever build up to a climax....
     
  9. PsychicLunar

    PsychicLunar Third Year

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    Shrinkilious, guess what it does. Really. (Not the worst I've seen, but the only one I remember. I think I spelled it wrong though.
     
  10. Helltanz98

    Helltanz98 Professor

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    anticlimactic, that is pathetic disgustingly so, almost as stupid as the ending of book seven. Voldemort on the subject of Harry winning should die, preferably painfully, Voldemort is an ally, in which case Harry should stab him in the back after he's done and assume total power.
     
  11. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    I just came across one that was remarkably re-occuring crap a year or so ago...

    'Orgasmo'

    Gee... I wonder what it did...
     
  12. Helltanz98

    Helltanz98 Professor

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    The max spells have all been adressed, love spells too, stupid adding o to the end of verbs to make spells covered, what else have we forgotten?
     
  13. Banner

    Banner Dark Lady

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    Oh, I know - all the spells that only Harry can cast, because he was muggle-raised and was never taught that certain things were impossible. Unlike ALL the other muggle-raised magic users in all of history.
     
  14. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    They didn't have Harry's blind indifference to reality.
     
  15. Helltanz98

    Helltanz98 Professor

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    Good point, though at times those fics are good for a few laughs or if properly explained. But then again, there is the ever true, magic itself is considered impossible in the face of logic. So should then with magic should any thing be possible.
     
  16. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    The Harryistic method of apparition that combines apparition with elf popping, is completely silent and can break through wards.:rolleyes:
     
  17. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

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    I think that wouldn't be totally without value.
     
  18. AceOfSpades

    AceOfSpades Slug Club Member DLP Supporter

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    In total honesty, if the spell or such can be explained in a manner that according to the Laws of Magic (Which we DLPers should write) is possible than it is acceptable.

    I will give an example using Harryistic Apperation.
    Harry learns or gains the ability to see magic flows.
    He then watches a house elf 'pop' away (Which, they can actually use to get through wards, how else could they do some of their jobs)
    He then combines the theory of Apperating and 'Popping' & BLAM!, Harryistic apperaton.

    Now give, if works the way I think, as flows and weaves of energy then it is possible to slip the the miniscule holes in the weave of magical energy which constitutes the wards.

    As you can see i spend way to much time on this and if i really tried and had the people to do so i could start a theory group on the mechanics of Magic.

    Comments?
     
  19. Heleor

    Heleor EsperJones DLP Supporter

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    The first time I saw that used was in "This Means War" by Jeconais. Definitely not a DLP type of fic, but I thought it was pulled off rather well in that one. Of course, the H/G Super!Harry puts a lot of people off, but from what I can tell, it was the first one with that particular cliche.
     
  20. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Yeah, I remember that part. Harry himself didn't even realise what happened and nobody was allowed to speak about it - to prevent him from losing the ability.

    Like most super!Harry fics it was never finished.
     
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