KenderCleric's Challenge #22: Binn's Revenge

Summary:

“They say that those who do not learn from History are doomed to repeat it,” muttered Harry Potter. His eyes stared out over the ramparts of Hogwarts at the smoldering remains of Hogsmeade and the army camped beyond.

“Have you seen Binns since the attack,” asked Hermione quietly as she broke her tear-stained eyes from the horrific destruction.

A quiet snarl escaped Harry’s lips before he replied with a curt, “No. I’d be too likely to exorcise the bastard.”

“I feel the same way mate,” commiserated Ron, “if I hear him say ‘I told you so’ one more time I’ll go mental.”

The trio finally turned their backs on the smoke-filled horizon and slowly strode back into the castle. It would only be a matter of hours now and the army would attack. They had to prepare.


The war with Voldemort had ended with Harry Potter’s triumph over the Dark Lord. However, the wizarding world had suffered horrific losses both in life and property. Estimates said it would take nearly ten to fifteen years to rebuild their society to where it had been before Riddle’s second rise to power. Unfortunately they weren’t going to get nearly that much time.

Throughout the tumultuous years of Voldemort’s first reign and second rise there had been a faction with ill intent toward all wizards that watched. They sat in the shadows biding their time for they knew that eventually an opportunity unlike any previous would arise. The humans would be weak from their civil war and easily overcome.

This time the Goblin Rebellion would succeed.

Two months after the Battle of Hogwarts they made their first strike. It came without warning or mercy; Diagon Alley had been “purged” of its human taint. In the time it took the Ministry to respond the Goblins had fortified the Alley to such a degree it made immediate retaliation impossible. No one expected the Goblins to rebel, and no one could have predicted such swift and decisive actions.

They also never expected the Goblins to swarm out of the Alley into Muggle London either.

The Statute of Secrecy literally went up in flames along with Buckingham Palace and most of London.

The Goblins were fighting for keeps this time, and it was going to take more than the Deathly Hallows and a teenager to end the bloodbath that had only just begun.


The Challenge:

Write a fic based loosely on the summary above. The Goblins have never been allies of wizards or muggles; they have simply been biding their time. What better opportunity to strike than when the wizards are weak from their struggle against Voldemort.

Plus, it's their chance to get back at that Potter brat for stealing from them.

The Rules:

• No Harry/Ginny
• No "Nineteen Years Later"
• NO Albus Severus Potter
• The Goblins should be a bloodthirsty, intelligent, and ankle-biting enemy. They are not "just misunderstood" or "seeking justice against those evil racist wizards".
• Deathly Hallows are fair game, but make them realistic not godly.
• Voldemort is dead and gone and so are most of his fanboys and girls...er Death Eaters.

 

If the Statute of Secrecy is broken, the Goblins will just be overwhelmed by Muggle forces.

 

Wow, what a shocker I'm sure no one here saw that rule coming. I agree with the doctor. Goblin vs Muggle army=dead goblin. End of story...Is that a new pic doc?

 

Yep. I go through Avatars quickly. But they're always Doctor Who - centric.

 

...

There are such things as wards and spells.

 

Right...and Wizard vs Muggle army = what? Goblins have magic too, but then that would require imagination to pull off I supose.

 

The question is: how good magic is against chemical and biological warfare? Because goblins would have to deal with, possible, B and C type of response from the muggles.

IMO magic can withstand a lot. But if you keep hitting a warded building with kinetic kind of strikes it will crumble down after some time.

 

Not to mention that since London has been taken, that pesky 'no government would nuke itself' excuse is gone.

 

After trashing your other challenge, Kleric, I'm going to throw you a bone here.

Straight up, this is a great idea that no one inside the walls of DLP wouldn't read. Of course, it would be highly difficult, even for one of our better writers, to create a worthwhile story.

But where most of the replies have been centered around the thought that Muggles would easily throw off Goblins with their chemical warfare and sheer numbers, fucking have some imagination.

JK Rowling's world pretty much sucks, but with a bit of improvement to it any story can be done convincingly. I personally believe that the story should stay away from Muggles in general because to make the story complete it would take a monumental effort by authors who are not getting paid to do it.

But still, stop saying it (or something like it) can't be done. We'll assume that Goblins live underground and have protections against chemical warfare, have most if not all of the gold in Wizarding Britain and can manipulate the economy to suit their needs, and are some pretty tenacious little fuckers. It's not a stretch to see them dominate a weakened society of wizards who are more concerned with cleaning up their dead and getting back on their feet.

The best way to go about this story, in my honest opinion, would be to altogether disregard anything to do with Muggles (I think Goblins could easily determine the reasons for a Statute of Secrecy and decide the amount of "goblinpower" needed to take over Muggle Society is quite a bit more than what they have at their disposal. It would be in the Goblin's best interest to keep the Statute going) and have the Goblins move on the Ministry of Magic, Diagon Alley, St. Mungo's and then Hogwarts, destroying the fragile government running the British Wizarding world.

And, to satisfy the need for Harry (as he is the main character according to Potter Law) the story will revolve around the trio with the Goblin v Ministry aspects going on behind the scenes, except when involving the three. Of course, as the Wizarding World's savior, the Goblins want to kill the Boy Who Lived, and the Ministry wants to control him, so he's on the run.

And forced to actually do some shit this time.

 

Okay, so the muggles won't be involved. Where the fuck is the rest of the wizarding world?

Just because JKR writes as if the world beyond the British Isles doesn't exist (or doesn't matter) doesn't mean that somebody doing this idea right would do the same.

 

Yanks to the rescue?

Heh, Hermione gets knocked up by a G.I. "I'll never forget you, Hermy-own!"

 

Forget the Muggles. While I fully believe wizards can conquer Muggles, it would take far too good and dedicated of an author to do this.

Instead, focus on the idea that Goblins want - and are in a position to get - wands. Remember, Griphook said that Goblins had always wanted wands but wizards hadn't allowed them to get any? Maybe explore what changes Goblins getting them will make.

Probably really good, if we assume the distance between Muggle and wizard medicine in those areas is as wide as the one between mending broken bones ('mend bones in a heartbeat' versus weeks-long cast). However, we really just don't know, so the author can decide in this area.

This has no logical basis at all. Its magic, you know, not physics. Expecting magic to adhere to physics is just wrong (given we've seen things in canon that cannot be explained by our knowledge of physics.

 

Please let's not make this another Magic vs. Muggle debate. There was a reason that thread was closed.

Besides, the debate is irrelevant in this situation. Goblins don't have magic beyond their metalworking abilities.

Which is the reason why this challenge doesn't work. Goblins are weak, uninteresting creatures. Even if they got their hands on wands, it still takes years to become good at magic, and that's with an education system in place.

Wizards are far superior to the Goblins magically, Muggles are far superior physically and technologically.

The only advantage the Goblins have is surprise and their enchanted weapons. But surprise doesn't last for a whole war, and the wizards also have enchanted weapons that they have bought/stolen off Goblins in the past. Plus, enchanted weapons only get you so far.

 

This fic would need to be epic in length if it is to be done right. Or it could just be a one-shot centering on the Goblins taking everything in the aftermath of the war.

If you were doing it epically:

I have always been on the magical side of things. If you can make an area so muggles can't even FIND it, physically or on a map, than how the hell are they going to bomb it? If the goblins take Diagon Alley and all the mines underneath it, then they would have a perfect fortress that muggles can't see, let alone attack.

And guerrilla warfare is every wizard's friend. And goblins, who theoretically could have built tunnel systems underground throughout all the world, could easily do the same. If this was a world-wide joint Goblin movement, then the muggles would be quickly over run in all countries- It would be up to the survivors on both sides to retake the earth.

This story would obviously pit Wizards and muggles against Goblins (with muggle and wizard factions working alone as well, such as purebloods). Therefore, weaponry would be equal on both sides. Goblins could use muggle weapons and magic while the wizards would be using magic and the muggles would be using muggle weapons.

I can see it being somewhat like a huge, world-wide Vietnam. Goblins live in tunnels under ground that muggles and wizards usually can't find. Wizards and muggles would live on the surface (or maybe in a huge flying fortress, lol?). Most fighting would be ambushes and the medieval tournament style fighting would go out the window.

Harry would of course lead everything, because this is a Harry Potter fic. He would grow to be all kick ass of course.

EDIT: Wait, Taure, aren't you the one always bitching about canon this, canon that. When did it say in canon that goblins only do metal work magic? This is FANTASY, FICTION, MAKE-BELIEVE. This could easily become epic. All you have to do is..hmm, I don't know... Make the goblins powerful, maybe? Seriously, fanfiction is expanding on JKR's work. If we are unable to do that than why are we writing fanfiction?

And the Goblins would EASILY take England. Who owns a gun? Not even most cops, thanks to the gun control laws. And didn't you just mention metalcrafting? Why wouldn't they be able to make their armor immune to muggle bullets? With a little imagination you could actually make the story interesting.

 

Ve do not allow zis "imagination" you speak ov.

 

Who owns a gun? I don't know, maybe...the army?

And if you remember the process by which Goblin armor gains its powers, it has to come into contact with a magical substance and absorb those powers. While magic is most likely capable of stopping (or redirecting) bullets, I can't think of any substance that does this right now, though there probably is one. An unbreakable potion or something, as opposed to the charm. I suppose you could dip the armour in Phoenix tears to make the wounds heal instantly, but Phoenix tears are rather rare.

But with all these situations (phoenix tears, strengthening potions...) you wouldn't be able to outfit an entire army with it, because the ingredients/potions are rare and/or difficult to make/only wizards know how to make.

As for...

There are some things you can change, and some things you can't. I'm not saying you aren't able to change the Goblins to be badass, I'm just saying that it would make a bad story.

Miranda Flairgold's story shows this. You retcon a world too much - change too many things - and you just end up with a mess. In this case, you'd be doing the same as Miranda did with vampires, only with goblins.

Where does it say in canon that they have any abilities other than their metalworking?

You have to assume the negative until the positive is proven.

In this case, that means you have to assume goblins have no abilities until we're told of them. Otherwise you can start saying canon backs up all kinds of abilities, simply because it doesn't explicitly rule them out.

Did you know goblins can fly and that they have laser eyes? Yeah, canon never says they don't, so it must be true.

The only two magical skills that we know of is their metal crafting, and that they can use wands. And even if they can get their hands on wands...

Finally,

There is a reason why there hasn't been a story about Goblins in almost a decade of fanfiction.

There is a reason why the kids at Hogwarts find Binn's lessons dull.

Goblins are boring.

 

If thousands of goblins (they have been preparing for the attack) came streaming out onto Charing Cross, which I believe is rather close to whatever Parliament building the Brits have, then the army would have no time to get there. They cut off the head of Great Britain's government and retreat back into their unfindable hidey-hole in Diagon Alley.

That sounds feasible to me, and if there are underground tunnels that the goblins have built then they could pop out of their warded area, annihilate, and pop back in. And the wizards at that time would be to busy with themselves, as always, to care about the muggle problems. Countries would fall.

I am confused about the next bit. I don't remember any details about how goblins make their armor. Couldn't it be something like Mithril: resistant to magic and harder than diamond?

I stopped reading that story about halfway through, for that very reason. But we haven't heard about vampire rebellions have we? No, but we have heard about Goblin Rebellions. They practically teach a whole class on it, by what canon says. Maybe they have been building up for the next rebellion. Maybe Griphook, uber!General of the goblin army, comes up with a new strategy of guerilla warfare rather than the risk style, army v. army bullshit. I don't know, make shit up. Like I said it is fantasy, and I am fond of this challenge.

Anyways, this next part kills me. Like I said, THIS IS FANFICTION. If we are never supposed to add our own little ideas than how are we ever going to make things interesting? This site loves Dark!Harry and Independent!Harry but the Harry in the books is a floppy, little cunt with no brains and no power. Do you think we should leave him that way, because we should:

Should we leave Harry with Ginny or Cho because it was never proven that he had any attraction to anyone else? You bring out the 'We can't go against Canon' thing far too often. Fanon is, essentialy, changing canon to make what we want to happen, happen.

Now, the reason we haven't had goblins as the antagonists in years of fanfiction is because Voldemort is there to be the ready-made bad guy. He is easy to write if you write him like canon. He has his evil laugh and he tortures his own servants and he looks like a snake. Yay.

If you don't write him like canon and make him a good antagonist than you are dealing with a far harder villain to write. You have to make him human, and you have to make the reader hate him more than just as an ugly, snake-headed psychopath.

It's the same with goblins. Yes, as canon made them, they are rather boring, dull creatures. Having a canon goblin rebellion would be like having a canon Centaur rebellion. But if you change the goblins a bit, as fanfiction allows, and make a good group of enemies out of them then this story, as I have said, could be epic.

 

Is it possible that the Goblins, who have been waiting for the British wizarding world to fall for years in which they planned extensively, are aware of the reprecussions of fucking with Muggle society?

All it would take are a few operatives working turmoil in countries Allied with Britain's Ministry of Magic. Controlling people in power through potions and curses, creating situations of interest within each country, and encouraging uprisings in other countries would be just a few of the possible shortcuts in this seemingly monumental task.

And what's to say that in the end they will be able to hold all of Britain? It would be much more realistic for them to quickly come to peace with the Ministry of Magic in exchange for rights and more land. Drawing a picture of three young adults in the midst a war that has been going on for years will probably be much less difficult than starting from the moment that Voldemort falls.

And I'm high.

Edit: And any author worth his weight in bullshit could make a Goblin interesting: Just make them terrifyingly vicious, vile creatures that are also smarter than humans. If it's significantly smarter than a Human, it is more interesting than the Human.

 

Hmm, it follows DH and no Harry/Ginny?
I'd recommend having George go to Diagon Alley to look over his shop and mourn the loss of Fred, with Ginny escorting him for moral support.

"Mum, Harry... It's just to Diagon Alley. Any death eaters still around are running scared or trying to pretend they were innocent all along. What could possibly happen?"

They're still there when the goblins decide the time is right to hit the already staggering Wizarding World and swarm into the Alley.

Whether George makes it out alive is neither here nor there, but Ginny doesn't make it. This gets back to Harry somehow, probably when he sees Ginny's broken body carelessly tossed in the street or a photo of said scene.

He has just been through the worst, most tense year of his life, he and his friends have nearly bought the farm a zillion times, he lost a large percentage of his loved ones, he has a godson he's supposed to be helping Andromeda raise, he was KILLED briefly, and he thought that his trials were finally over... Now the goblins are systematically killing wizards and his girlfriend is dead because of them.

He is furious, he is motivated and he has the elder wand. Who knows, this may finally be the catalyst for him to display some skill and awe-inspiring power (proving he really was Voldemort's equal).

And if things don't go well, maybe Ron will bite the big one too. This opens the door for your standard H/Hr, or pretty much anyone else you're interested in. Maybe the gobs kill the Malfoys and Harry swoops in just in time to save Narcissa. Shit, why not...

Hr: "I suppose it was only a matter of time. This is what happens when a people are repressed and the goblins have been very poorly treated by wizardkind."

H: "Got that out of your system, Hermione?"

Hr: "Yes, thank you. I think we've all realized by now that we were repressing them because they're awful, backstabbing, vicious little bastards who wouldn't hesitate to kill us all the moment we loosed the restrictions on them."

R: "I told you that rotten berk, Griphook, was a no good little shite!"

H&Hr: "Yes, Ron."

 

How on the earth goblin rebellion can suceed? Sorry but it cannot. There is absolutely no reason why this rebellion is diffrent from those wich took place earlier. I mean, what are goblin advantages over wizards? If they were strong enought to do it one of many rebellions from the past will be succesfull. And here they are also fighting with muggles this time (why not eliminate wizards and then attack muggles?). An please... statue of secrecy broken?? IMO Nobody stand a chance in war with muggles.