Well first of all, he already has begun the fight against his former friends. Remember Hermione? And a lot of people at his work want to kill the third kind, and he just happens to be part third kind (Whether that's from Lily being part Isiame, or something the trees did). He's also already pushed everyone in the Wizarding world away from him. I think the real decision he will have to make is whether he wants to stay with something familiar (although potentially hazardous), or delve into a new world that could give him something greater in return (although it scares the shit out of him, and goes against everything he's ever been taught).

 

Changing (momentarily) the subject -- I'm quoting bits of a review left on PC, because it raises a few points I really want to talk about.

Our canon knowledge of the Founders is limited: we know that they were the most powerful witches and wizards of their time, that they founded Hogwarts sometime in the course of the tenth century, and that they led the school in near-perfect harmony, until the muggle-born issue caused Slytherin to leave the school.

This is all canon, so yes, I went with it. Just like I made Harry a dark-haired orphan with a saving-people thing and a talent at flying. Those are facts; if I intend to write a relatively canon-friendly story, which I do, I can't disregard elementary canon facts.

Nevertheless, I fully meant to write the Founders in my own way. I haven't read any other Founder story, so I don't know if they are often said to have conquered Hogwarts. This is a non-canon fact; the Founders aren't perfect and noble wizards, they are usurpers, all four of them. They built their school on a land taken from another people, which they mercilessly massacred. Not one of them -- whether it was the 'wise' Ravenclaw, the 'sweet' Hufflepuff, the 'devious' Slytherin or the 'noble' Gryffindor -- hesitated to kill their exhausted opponents, men, women and youngsters alike.

In comparison, the Isiames were the civilized ones; but they were weak, because overconfident and neglecting to train their people. Their civilisation was coming to its end; the wizards' began, and it wasn't a nice and clean beginning -- it was a seriously bloody and messy one.

Then, the founding of Hogwarts: I made it Slytherin's work. Of all the Founders, he was the most eager, the most passionate. He saw it as a work of art, contrary to Gryffindor, who saw it as an absolute necessity -- even if I don't doubt he ended up loving the school as fiercely as Slytherin did. I worked a bit on these two's characters, I don't exactly know if they turned out right...

Because Slytherin loved Hogwarts and saw it as the achievement of his whole life, he also was most afraid for it, and contrary to his clichéd character (all calculating and cold) the thought of losing Hogwarts to the Muggles prevented him from thinking straight. To him, Muggle-Borns were a threat, but not because their blood wasn't 'pure'; he was afraid that they would go back to their Muggle family and relatives, the wizard-hunters, and betray wizarding families in order to protect themselves against the popular vindict. This is my interpretation of Rowling's line in CoS: "He thought Muggle-Borns couldn't be trusted."

So, that's for my interpretation of the founding of Hogwarts.

Cassiopeia isn't beautiful. She never was. Her one beautiful feature is her eyes; otherwise I describe her face as pale and lean, and her hair as black and long because women didn't cut their hair at that time and in that society. Rosalyn, on the contrary, is beautiful.

Cassiopeoa is amazingly powerful, because only an amazingly powerful person could be the Queen of the Third Kind. She's like Dumbledore under that aspect; he, too, was extraordinarily talented, even as a teenager.

And last -- I remember that, when studying French history (long time ago), I was struck by how young kings and queens were when starting their reign. Most weren't twenty yet. Cassiopeia had to be a young and inexperienced queen to make the mistake of letting the wizards overpower her.

In fact, it's strange that you picked Cassie as Mary-Sueish. She's not beautiful, she's foolish, and she escapes in the end; she just is more mysterious than Rosalyn, who is in great danger in falling into the Mary-Sue category.


Thanks for the very interesting review, including for all the bits I cut out.

 

Somehow, I completely missed that Slytherin was not a blood purist. His opinions toward muggleborns was wholly driven by fear of their potential to betray what he cherished and venerated rather than the stereotypical unthinking racism that I'm used to reading about. It's to my shame that I missed that.

It makes me wonder what Slytherin would think of pure blood sentiments and muggleborn integration today. One thousand years of history and societal development later, I think his opinion would be rather different and at odds with typical House Slytherin attitudes.

I loved your portrayal of Cassiopeia and her relationship with Rosalyn (is the continuation of the floral theme intentional Rose/Lily/Petunia). Cass is a young, perfectly flawed character. I want to slap her for being blind to the harsh realities bearing down on her that Rosalyn is warning her about. Instead she has so much faith in her own kinds superiority that she can't possibly envisage the wizards being a credible and devestating threat. I'm sure she'd make a wonderful, delightfully charming princess, but she's not ruthless enough, nor grounded in reality, to be a great leader who can lead her people through the desert and on to victory.

This denial is the kind of flaw I love to see. Often in the bad but struggling to be better fics, we see the author will protest that their main characters really are flawed. They'll then trot out their crappy flaw "Harry's flaw is that he's too powerful. He's so powerful that his magic core overloads a broomstick so he can't fly."

Cass and Rose were awesome to read about. Rosalyn's ultimate faith and love for her friend and queen was scary. Especially when Rose knew that Cass was wrong. Rosalyn was never angry or resentful. I would have been pissed that I was scewered by the enemy because my leader disregarded my warnings, preferring to indulge in her own fantasies about the situation.

I also thought of Cassiopeia as being beautiful, both because in mythology she's supposed to be very beautiful (I'd jumped onto Wikipedia to see if Cass was also named after a flower - couldn't find one though), and I'd envisioned all of the third kind as being at least slightly beautiful.

In the back of my mind I was constantly wondering why the war was happening. Who started it, were the wizards oppressed, resource grab, etc. The answers might have distracted from the story, but I was wondering nonetheless.

Even with your explanation, I still don't like the last scene (Harry/Vol). I'm not sure why. I may have to re-read the chapter later.

Thanks for the fic so far,
Yak.

 

YOU LIED TO ME!

we can never be friends again.

Cass/Rosa forever.

-waves lit lighter in the air-

 

Its good to see a quality story being made, its seem like forever since Ive read one.

 

Updated at last.

Chapter 16: The Hidden World
The same, but on PatronusCharm.

As a reminder: in chapter 15, Harry and Daphne fled before the Ministry and went back inside the Forest. There, the song of the trees caused them to fall asleep and have dreams that made them relive the Forest's history, from before Hogwarts was founded to Voldemort's downfall.

Last paragraph of that chapter:

Happy reading.

 

I think that the vast majority of your story is written in a manner which is superior to fanfiction writing in general (by that I mean the 1% of fanfiction good enough to be put on DLP). As I've said before, you're writing a true mystery novel - well, you were - and that's something that's nearly never found in fanfiction because people simply aren't good enough writers.

There is just one quip I have, which is the tone of the piece. I feel that the entire framework/plot of the story is suspenseful - Harry has the fate of an entire civilization in his hands! But somehow the tone doesn't reflect this. In this chapter, when talking with his Auror superior, Harry's behaving and thinking normally instead of worried out of his mind, which he ought to be, holding the future of the Isiames in his hand and all that. Or two chapters ago, when Daphne and Harry were fleeing from the Unspeakables, Harry should have been shitting in apprehension. But instead he and Daphne joke around, insult each other, and even say hi to Romilda on the road.

 

It's very human of them, isn't it? People have a habit of compartmentalising away big issues like fates of entire civilizations. It's a coping mechanism. You can go batshit crazy worrying about the weight of the world on your shoulders, or you can joke around and wonder what's for tea.

 

I have a couple of reasons for that, one good and one not-so-good.

The good reason is that Harry only just began to grasp the implications of being an Isiame (for a long time, if you'll remember, he thought the problem was concerning him alone -- then he merely sought to avoid being trapped by the Unspeakables and had little time to give it more thought), and is for now more preoccupied with his own survival. Nothing in this story goes as planned, and he's got a one-problem-at-a-time kind of attitude, which IMO is the right thing to do considering all the reasons he has to be scared out of his mind. In this I agree with Tehan.

He doesn't even fully realise yet the part he could play in the Isiames' future. The realisation will dawn on him soon -- next chapter, in fact -- when he actually has time to sit down and learn more about his own power, rather than worrying about his and Daphne's safety.

Tehan got it quite right about the passage where he and Daphne flee before the Unspeakables. I'd like to add that Daphne doesn't realise the danger, and Harry, while practically dragging her all the way, only forgets it for the time of his conversation with Romilda; considering he went into a frenzy when he thought she had been killed, and hadn't seen her ever since, it was a little understandable. Retrospectively, of course, it sounds incredibly careless and stupid from him -- but in my defence I had a very good reason to write this scene.

And now, the not-so-good reason: the story has its fair share of tension-filled chapters. It is actually wearing to keep writing Harry as alone against the rest of the world, and constantly worrying about what will happen to him next. That's the reason why I had him crack down two chapters ago, in Daphne's arms. No one can stand that kind of tension and relentless gravity for so long -- not Harry, nor me, and I imagine it would be trying for the readers too.

Harry's scared, helpless days are pretty much over, in fact. He'll be worried and apprehensive, but won't feel so helpless in the future; he's got Daphne and Eunice (even if he doesn't fully trust her yet); he's got Robards (and several others, as we'll see) standing up for him on the wizarding side. Furthermore, he's powerful, and starting to master his power. Things are slowly getting back under his control.

Thanks for the reviews, all three of you.

 

Off the top off my head:

Though I am disappointed by Cassiopeia’s fate, I really like the classical tragic, unbending, and foolish, heroine. Yes, she died for her follies, but bravely. For someone shown in a few dream sequences over the breadth of two chapters, it feels almost as if you’ve told her story from day one of this fanfic of yours. Rare talent to make a character so engaging in such a short time.

Second, see through knickers with blue rosebuds, enough said. You had me at “see through.”

Bravo on succeeding with Daphne’s characterization as well, quite easily on of the most mary-sue characters out there, but you consistently give her a personality. One is jerked between sympathy for her to annoyance with her, and suspicion of her as well.

Harry’s and hers interaction is also well thought out and realistic. Them being irritable and inconsiderate of each other after the painful forced dream experience, the panic of running through the river, moments of softness and intimacy after that, and finally a cathartic and nonsensical laughing session, all flowed like one would expect after people have been through a traumatic experience.

There is really more I can say, about the environment, about the intricate story of the Isiame and their revelation. But overall, content wise, I think your success here is revealing so much of the mystery, yet leaving us wondering “What does Harry think? What will he do now?”

So even though finally, finally! The mystery is revealed, I am ready to turn the page over to the next chapter. And that is a hallmark of a true storyteller.

 

Reading back on my post, I think I didn't articulate my point correctly.

The point I was making was that as a whole, I felt that the tone of your story lacks tension, most specifically when describing Harry's thoughts. Harry's situation is full of suspense; when I read the bare facts I'm gripped to the story. But I feel that the writing itself doesn't bear out the suspense generated by the framework; I don't see Harry going, "Holy fuck, I'm so screwed!" much.

And I gave you the Daphne/Isiame examples to prove that point. You're probably right when you say those particular scenes didn't need tension. But you ought to write tension somewhere, and I don't really see it.

So when you state that "the story has its fair share of tension-filled chapters," I respectfully disagree.

Still, this critique doesn't seem to have that much bearing on the future of the story, as it's already beyond that point, as you stated, and I do look forward to Harry getting things under his control.



Too bad Harry wasn't an elf, though.

 

Harry being gay would've been unforgivably faggy and fail.

Good job with the chapter, Tinn... I was waiting for Robards to be revealed as another co-conspirator though... dunno why, lol. I'm kinda amazed that he went with Harry's plans so easily, he doesn't seem to be the type to trust anybody much. o.o

Waiting for another chapter.

 

Since Harry's among the Isaimes now, he needs to get his ass in gear and convince them to revive Ron and Luna.

 

Nah, he just needs to get his ass in gear to get them to revive Luna.

 

Fuck Ron.

 

Lets not fuck Ron.

 

Indeed.

Still, great fic, though I am surprised Harry hasn't been more aggressive towards the Isiames, I would have expected him to be acting in a more "Tell-me-who-poisoned-my-friends-before-I-kick-the-Shit-out-of-you" manner. But the confrontation between Harry and Granger was brilliant!

 

Excellent story. Looking forward to the updates.