I wasn't trying to start a fight at all. I was just saying that it sounded like you were not putting effort into trying to be understood, when you're capable of doing so. I STILL had to re-read your response to get the gist of what you're saying-

Fuck it. Ignore'd.

 

Hey sorry for presuming you were starting something. If spelling and grammar means a lot to you guys, then I try my best to write in a presentable format. When I write, even I do check my post, sometimes its hard for me to spot the mistakes but I will use a spell checker in the future.

 

I just read this fic all the way through, and my opinion on it has been reversed. A very enjoyable fic, with a nice fairly original plot, an interesting perspective (3 years above the BWL), OCs that - though I hated them at first - grow on you, interesting magic, a good length and plenty of promise for the future. Post ch-6 is where it begins to get really good.

Two peeves:

The POV is at times odd. For the most part it follows a limited third person, focusing on Harry, much like canon. Harry is our main character and we hear his thoughts, opinions, and it is through him the story is told. However, very occasionally Harry will have a plan that the reader does not know of, which is rather inconsistent with the previous POV. In addition, occasional OC (other character) POVs also make the narration slightly inconsistent. This inconsistency would be okay, but due to it I feel that we don't really have a feel for our main character: we don't know exactly what his abilities are, we don't know his plans, we can't predict how he'll react to certain situations.

Secondly, the sheer number of subplots. Subplots are good, too many subplots are a mess. The one where it got "one too many" was Harry's mental illness. This is the kind of idea that could be the main plot in its own standalone fic, and to use it as a subplot is frustrating to the reader, and, combined with all the other subplots floating around, we feel like there's just too many.

Otherwise, a very good fic. I was especially surprised that I appreciated the humour, since I very rarely enjoy humour in HP fanfic. It is not a perfect fic to be sure, but it's highly enjoyable and kept me entertained for a day, so I'm going to give it a 5/5 rating that I usually reserve for fics that I can't find a single fault with.

Edit: Just thought of a third peeve: excessive preaching when it comes to women. Yes, you have your views, and yes, you've given them to Harry, but there's no reason to make him so preachy about it, nor any reason to overly exaggerate the situation to make Harry/you appear more right. Like character bashing, it's highly unprofessional to allow your emotions get the better of you in your writing to the point where it's unrealistic.

 

Firstly, I want to say that I love responding to posts like this. It lets me see how people perceive my story, and it also lets me clarify said perceptions.

So, in regards to the POV. Yes, the story is mainly told from Harry's point of view (the exception, of course, is when we're looking into the minds of the other characters), but there is no real in depth look into Harry's mind.

Why?

I find the unpredictability fresh and fun to write. People don't know what to expect, and I like it like that. It keeps you in suspense, while wanting to read to see what Harry does next more. Stories that have the main character confide in everyone such as: 'I'm going to do this . . .', then, we find ten chapters later, he does, are kind of anti-climactic.

Yes, we knew that was going to happen, so what? You know what I'm saying? I prefer it when/ if my readers are reading, wondering what the hell Harry is going to do next when . . . WTF JUST HAPPENED!!! You get smacked in the face with something you weren't expecting. I try as hard as I can to make such scenes possible, because I know the effect it had on me for Death Note was something I want to (try to) replicate in my readers.

Subplots, here's the ones I'm counting: Curing Lily, Mental illness, werewolf cure, and finally, possibly, the Elder Wand. That's four, with one of them coming to a close really soon, and the second one pretty much happening at the same time as the first one. Honestly, the second one is mainly there to put Harry under the pump. We haven't really seen him react to pressure all that much in the story, what will happen when the pain caused by the illness becomes too much to bear? Will he snap? Will he dope himself up on drugs (the non-recreational kind)? You'll have to see. However, need I remind you that this story won't be ending when Harry graduates, so it's not like they're (the sub-plots) are going to all be coming into play at the same time (such as the vampire business which is MUCH later).

I've mentioned them once, which is enough, and I'll slowly reintroduce them when necessary.

Finally, Harry's view on women is supposed to be overly harsh. It's supposed to be unfair, and seemingly over-exaggerated. I wanted that to be an insight into his character. The only real bashing happening in the story is when Harry word-bashes Rhona, and you can't tell me you didn't know a slut girl like that in high school that didn't deserve that shit. Other than that, he (unfairly) puts most girls in the same category without getting to know them (Katie Bell for instance), and doesn't much care if he's wrong about it.

I'm more than willing to answer more posts like this by the way, it makes me happy to do so because it tells me people are truly reading the story and not jut skimming through for the 'awesome' parts.

 

2/5 tho his PMN is godlike, he deleted it cuz hes a fucking idiot. but whatever.

 

Can you please do me a favor and kill yourself? That story was shit, the fact that you liked it proves three things:

1. You're an idiot.

2. Your mother is an idiot

3. The standard for Naruto stories on ff.net is horrendously low.

 

Your Pokemon story rocks socks though.. It inspired me to bust out my old GBA and now it stole the place of the Maxims next to the crapper.. I've spent more time in the bathroom this month so far than I had the first 4 months of the year combined cause I'm leveling up my Charmeleon every time I squat..

 

I Agree his a idiot. Plus what the hell is he actually trying to say???

 

I think PMN was alright...bit overdone with Naruto's skill maybe but it did not seem too implausible when I read it...I generally don't like stories that have Naruto as a puppet master but PMN was better than all the rest put together...but I enjoyed KIP a lot more...and what is heartening about it is that the plots that are right now present have the promise of lasting a while...
A question: will the elder wand shift ownership to Fleur now that she 'defeated' Harry in that little match...or is Harry's vehement reaction at the end of that particular duel enough to let him keep the loyalty of the wand?

 

Yeah, I read your Pokemon story, and it's got me craving to play my GBA so fucking bad right now. Unfortunately, I left it at home and from where I go to school, it's about a six hour drive home.

 

Suck up....

Though he is an idiot, but that is mainly because he didn't read previous post's to know that it annoyed the author when people did that. Second, insulting the said author for a fic he had a good reason for discontinuing, I mean after all if you lose interest you lose interest. The story would start to suck if the author didn't like what he was writing. Personally, I prefer KIP, but that is only because he developed his writing skill's just that little bit more since starting his PMN fic.

Aside from the cliche beginning I can't fault all that much in that fic. To me that was super Naruto done right for once. Much like the HP fanfic section, 95% of the fanfiction on there suck. PMN was a breath of fresh air when I was about to give up on ever reading Naruto fanfiction at all.

So yeah, if he is an idiot for liking it then so am I.

 

Actually I can count a fair bit more subplots.

*Archie and Stethanies romance = Resolved
*Harry and Fleur = Unresolved so far
*Cedric and the TriWizards tournament / Harry mentoring him = still progressing
*Harry and his conflict with Madam Umbritch (introduced back in his first year) = unresolved so far
*Curing Lily = Unresolved though its being worked on
*Harry's mental illness = Being worked on
*The Eldar Wand = Unresolved
*Dumbledore and Harry's eventual confrontation = Unresolved though its been mentioned they need to have a chat sometime in the future
*Remus and Tonks = Minor subplot seems resolved
*Harry and the Vampires = Still progressing
*Neviles futile effort to eventually face Voldemort = not possible yet

(I'm also going to list Harry's semi-quasi mentor like role for Luna)

* Archies learning to control the inner were-wolf (as he mentioned before) = In progress

* Fleurs confrontation between herself and her headmistress and the eventual confrontation when and or if Fleur admits her feelings to Harry. = Leading up to.



As you will notice some of these were VERY minor plot points but they still count as subplots in that they assist the main story arc but are seperete.

 

I'll hardly call those subplots, at most, some of them will take up a thousand words each in the chapter they are 'resolved'. Also, Romance isn't the main drive for this fic, so not much emphasis will be placed on it.

That's not saying, however, that this fic will not contain romance . . .

By the way, I'm six thousand words into the next chapter, so far.
​

 

You're apparently forgetting something...

Voldemort and the war that is undoubtedly to come.

I was just thinking about this, and I thought that Harry really has no reason to stand against Voldemort. Voldemort wants to bring the Ministry down - Harry can sympathise with that. Voldemort kills lots of people, but Harry is apathetic to all people except for his "inner circle". So really, Harry would only stand against Voldemort if Voldemort was foolish enough to harm one of his loved ones.

 

Voldemort will be going to go after him for elder wand.

 

Harry being a chauvinistic asshat is perfectly fine, frankly I assumed since rather early that this was a thinly disguised self-insert seeing as how Harry is following the standard template for Gary Stu. He never loses or if he loses it's nothing minor, he's always right, everybody loves him no matter what and he can be as big of a prick with no repercussions. But that's fine, these things in moderate amounts is a guilty pleasure of mine.

Harry saying all girls (90%?) are cock sluts with inferior intellect is fine, it's the way you've made him but this stopped being about Harry's views the moment you had Cho suddenly realize that Harry was right! (suprise) All girls _are_ cock sluts with inferior intellects. And that's bad writing.

I'm sincerely hoping you don't actually believe girls in real life would act like that cock slut that Harry in an embarassingly childish display verbally berated. Girls, hell nobody actually drools seeing someone hot, their jaws don't touch the ground, just like people don't face-fault, sweatdrop, nosebleed and survive horizon punches. I don't know what kind of school you went to but normally, people and especially girls protect their image like nuns regarding virginity.

 

I'm sure if this was a work of non-fiction then there would be a lot of hate mail/reviews if that were the case. But since it's Fiction I think it's an interesting take on the HP universe since I haven't seen many HP fics out there that portray Harry like that.

 

About the drooling, girls DO go gaga when they see a celeb. Even carrothead, one of the uglies people ever, got fangirls who would spread their legs in a instance - mainly to say they fucked a celeb.

 

It's not Harry's portrayal I'm against, it's the girl's. And Harry being the brooding asshole yet everyone's darling isn't uncommon, rather the opposite.

You missed my point, I was venting out my peeve at excessive non-realistic symbolic expressions like for example drooling. You don't have saliva dripping off your chin, ever, unless your jaw muscles are not functioning properly.
Furthermore, this is not sexually liberated muggles we're talking about. It's pubescent girls in an extremely conservative society. It's the authors perogative to describe girls as slutty, however when having another female make the observation and comment that yes, almost all girls are cum guzzling sluts without brains is taking it too far.

That's my point.

 

-.^ but they are. Every girl has a cock hungry slut inside. Their control over the impulse is the issue.