I personally wouldn't mind seeing more detail in spell mechanics, etc. Though I recall something about Vector and the Amaterasu spell (will his eyes bleeds too?) in an upcoming chapter.

It seems a bit off that there's so much lack of mention of spell work, or even potions work. So far, Harry has pretty much set out to do what he's wanted to do with ease, even going so far as to demolish the laws of Transfiguration.

With all these geniuses running around, it'd be fun to see the base components of magic.

Also, there seem to be a fair few tiny cross-over components that seem relatively unnecessary. Perhaps they'll come into play later, but is there any reason for Harry and Lucile to have swords from Soul Caliber? Or Harry to have a spell from Naruto? Or all the Casino Royale references?

 

There's no point in commenting on something you're not sure has been defined yet. You're not sure about the Amaterasu spell, because I haven't had Harry use it yet, you don't know about the swords because there hasn't been an instance where he's really needed it yet, and, if the Casino Royale reference you're talking about is the Poker scene, I don't know what to tell you other than . . .

I knew about poker before Casino Royale?

Also, Harry isn't the only one able to 'break the laws' of Transfiguration . . . many other wizards can, Dumbledore, for one.
​

 

If canon second year can kill a basilisk with a singing hat, you would expect a much stronger and older Harry to beat a few werewolf's with the freaking Elder wand.

 

Meh, I wouldn't count killing a basilisk as a show of skill; any two-bit wizard who can get their hands on a rooster can kill a basilisk too.

 

Quoted for truth

 

This is not how you respond to a review. But since I'm such a nice guy I'll continue being nice.

Now I can pull out the "did you even read my post" card. So you're a one woman kind of guy, right? Yet you still date girls. Harry doesn't even do that. Do you get where I'm going here? It's obvious painfully so that you want to 'ship' Harry/Fleur. Hey, it's stupid in every other shipped fic too.

The 'Harry hating everyone who loves him for being a quidditch star' bit is stupid as well. Every girl in Hogwarts thinks that way except for the few listed above? That's not even close to being realistic.

It pisses you off? Oh well, get over it.

I should have said 'filler' I guess. It's all filler. There is no conflict.

If it's just a character building prologue then it's too long. You mentioned before that people said there are two many side plots. These side plots generally don't hint towards future conflicts that may arise from them.

It seems like you just got a little carried away with this prologue.

Chachy means those faggots you see that have a fake tan and popped collar with $500 shoes and gelled streaked hair and 'designer jeans'. Diamond studs fit in there too.

...Because it makes for an extremely boring story? Things don't always go as planned. Just because he never puts himself in those situations doesn't mean they will never come to him.

I notice a distinct lack of flaws. He's cool and witty with a biting tongue but also a hot genius and mature for his age. He's like the typical mary-sue.

 

Preach on






I finally got around to reading it.
I like Harry's attitude with his friends.
Its not a chore to read.

HOWEVER

1. The muggle tech is pissing ME off.

2. The way you told everyone everything that was going to happen drops a nuclear missle on any foreshadowing which is very important part of fiction. You have made it so that there is no point to paying attention because hell we already know whats going to happen.

3. Harry is perfect. He makes no mistakes, always exactly whats going to happen, doesnt give a shit how his actions effect others, and is basicly Superman without the pesky problems known as Doomsday and Kryptonite. Basicly he cant be beat. I dont give a damn how book smart or talented you may be, experience goes a hell of alot further than either one of them. But Harry who has no experience basicly out does everyone that he comes into contact with. Do you honestly think that Albus Dumbledore would let your Harry Potter get away with threatening a student in the middle of the Great Hall? Harry Potter at what 13 years old does not even register on the rader compared to Dumbledore.

4. Of your 284,774 words, 90% is useless filler. Harry has done nothing. His only action is when he was thrown in Azkaban, and when he fought the werewolves.

 

There's no point in responding to anything other than what you've written here, mainly because you don't know what's to come. I've dated one girl in my life, and I actually loved her, I honestly haven't even thought about dating again since.

Let's not forget the fact that Harry's sixteen, I hadn't had a girlfriend until I was eighteen, and at least thirty percent of my friends were in that same boat too. Sure, we appreciated the 'hot' girls at school, doesn't mean we dated them, nor that we were interested in doing so. I'm obviously not speaking for all of my friends though, as the other seventy percent had no problem with it.

My cousin didn't get a girlfriend until he was nineteen. He's twenty one now and probably going to marry her.

My other friend is in the same boat as my cousin, but I'm not too certain about the marriage. Though he hasn't even looked at another girl since . . .

Then again, I have another friend who had his first girlfriend at fourteen or something, and looking back on it, that was the most pathetic excuse for a relationship I've ever seen. The unrealistic thing, I think, is the concept of relationships before either of the two parties can fully comprehend what the hell they're getting themselves into.

Let's not forget the issue that Harry constantly feels guilty about the fact that his mother is lying in a coma, while he's living normally. It's why he's so determined to save her. I just don't see him taking his mind off the prize and screwing around with 'frivolous' teenage relationships . . . of course, it's a different story if the possible relationship is anything but frivolous.

Also, I never said every girl in Hogwarts thinks that way. Just those who are fascinated with 'teen idols' and Quidditch, which is a fair few amongst teenage girls, admittedly.

Also, as for those who don't treat him like that, I only listed those who are main characters . . . why would I list every one? I could say Haley Carter doesn't think of him that way, what good does that do? Who the hell is Haley Carter?

First and second year muggle born students probably wouldn't even know of him all that well, let alone think of him highly enough to treat him that way. They'd only know anything from what their newly befriended peers would say, and I very much doubt he'd take precedent over a whole new world they're beginning to discover.

Then there's those not interested in Quidditch . . . I know if I saw a 'world-class' Rugby player, I wouldn't give two shits. I don't even like Rugby, nor am I impressed by someone who plays it very well.

I just figured that those people would be a given, and not have to be mentioned. If it bothers you so much though, there are going to be scenes with people not impressed by his status later on . . .

Commenting on anything else you pretty much mentioned would be pointless, considering that what you're be looking for could very well be happen in the next chapter.

1. It will be necessary later on - magic can't solve every problem, and he will be venturing into the muggle world. So, technology will become a factor later on, though that doesn't mean Harry will be using a gun or anything . . .

2. What have I told you? I need to know to understand how significant a spoiler it was.

3. Harry would have gotten expelled for threatening Marcus Flint like that in the middle of the great hall, along with Archie, had they not proven that the kid put one of their friends under the Imperius. For a stupid who's never stepped a foot out of line until then, it would be fairly harsh to punish either of the two for something like that.

You also need to remember that Harry's a sixteen year old school kid, not many people (Karkaroff and Maxime aside), would take what he says very seriously. Though McGonagall's patience seems to be running thin . . .

As for experience, I could just say that he's spending a lot of solo time in the RoR, but I'll let his first true battle speak for itself when it occurs. The werewolves don't count at all, after sparring with Lucile, a couple of overpowered muggles with sharp claws (which is what those werewolves basically were).

Harry has also never 'outdone' Albus Dumbledore, except for maybe his skill in Transfiguration (Albus Dumbledore was never 'gifted', just a smart kid who is now a one hundred and teventy something year old man)

4. It probably all seems useless until I call back on it later on, I guess.

 

Less time arguing. More time writing.

 

Quoted for truth!

 

If many wizards can break them, then why are they laws or rules? Why was Luna so surprised? As for Amaterasu and the Swords, why not just make an original spell/item that creates the desired effect, rather than borrowing from a different universe, where the items have their own history and effects? It seems pointless and lazy. As for the Casino Royale references: Poker scene, laptop scene, Harry and Fleur's talk at the club. Little bits and pieces.

 

He's done things with a wand I've never seen before.

Sounds gay, but then, so was Albus. (Rest in peace, bitch)

 

Dumbledore knows many things others don't. Maybe he wants to be the best, or maybe they aren't strong enough so he doesn't even try explaining. Also, if you think about the Horcruxes, most wizards don't know what the hell are they. And even if they did, they would think one is the limit, though it is obviously not. Laws are meant to be broken.

How do you know the sword history? You are guessing.

... that's just plain dumb. Gambling, a computer and a sexy lady in a club are not really new. James Bond didn't invent everything.

 

HERETIC. Take it back now. James Bond and my old Ag teacher invented everything and have done everything.

 

I lol'd hard.

 

Aside from the last line, how is this relevant at all to the fact that the Golden Rules of Transfiguration can be broken with apparent ease by multiple wizards? Wouldn't this point to the laws being wrong?

Uh, no. I'm not. Flambert and Soul Edge are swords from the Soul Caliber series of video games, which, dun dun dun, has it's own backstory. Apparently Harry also uses Raphael's fighting style to boot (slashing with stabbing weapons, they'll never see it coming).

You're right, of course. However, in Casino Royale, Bond won a highstakes poker game, used a satellite (presumably without permission) via a laptop to locate something he was pursuing (also on a beach), and had a psychoanalyzing match with a beauty who he'd recently met. Sound familiar?

 

...wowzers, even I didn't realize the parallels to Casino Royale - and I have the dude from the first scene in my avatar.

/self failure

 

Yes, but how do you know it have the same history?

 

"Raphael dragged his wounded body back to his mansion. He spent several days on the brink of death, but eventually recovered. But he didn't notice the evil energy that had radiated in his Soul Edge induced wounds. He had come across the phenomenon of malignity transformation before in his research, but the transformation was already completed by the time Raphael thought this. The symptoms even spread to Amy, possibly infected while she was treating his wounds. Their minds were intact, but they suffered physical symptoms. Their skin turned pale and their eyes shone red. They felt weak and sluggish by day, and a powerful thirst by night. Not long before, the neighboring people learned of their strange behavior. Thinking it was some form of plague, they attempted to drive them away. Furious, Raphael thought on taking vengeance, but having priority in Amy's safety, he took her away for good.
They traveled to Wallachia and purchased a castle ruin in the mountainous terrain, taking advantage of the war throughout the land. But Raphael had no intentions on living on the run. Since Amy has turned into a being who cannot interact with the world, he concluded that the world would change for them, and started spreading his evil plague."

Raphael is also a French aristocrat.


But that's beside the point. Why bother when you can make your own sword and backstory if it's that important to have it?

 

Gratuitous tie-ins can be golden*--when subtle, they're Easter Eggs for astute readers; when not, they're even better.

I need only point to the finest piece of literature ever crafted: Mark E. Rogers's Samurai Cat series, which, coincidentally, contains the greatest fictional villains ever written (Nazi tyrannosaurs). If ever I do a cross-over, it'll be with this universe. (Well, this or Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground with Percy as narrator--it's almost too good a match to pass up).

*Spoken by one who buries Star Wars references in Hedwig fics.