The Voldemort scene was needed to show us some inside into Crouch's character. It also made the estimation of how he would react to failure more believable.

The impostor probably took a lot of measures to protect his identity. A direct approach, such as spying, probably wouldn't have worked too well. Just how I feel about this, you might beg to differ.

Pretty good filler overall, the opening was perhaps a bit stronger than the rest, though.

 

The 'plan' that Crouch would have supposedly never fallen for is you all not seeing the underlying point. There is no way Crouch jr would have known Moody well enough in canon to be able to completely and accurately portray him well enough to fool Dumbledore, it's just not possible.

Then there's the issue of Neville dying, or being kidnapped before he is able to complete his mission. Crouch jr knows what's at stake if he fails, and what will happen to him if he does. Frankly, I think what happened in canon in regards to how Crouch jr acted around everybody to be unbelievable. Sure, he can maybe pull off a fairly convincing, if not a very much convincing act, but there's no way a person who's as screwed up as him could be able to keep himself composed in a situation like that, especially if what I made happen happened.

Let's not forget he has been in Azkaban for a long time too.
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There were a couple errors which your beta missed but otherwise it was a rather average chapter.

Nice insight into his relationship with Vectra and how Dumbledore isn't a fool. Definitely nice to see Harry being treated as a somewhat normal student rather than the BWL. A little bit too much fluff for my taste but I don't think you could have avoided it.

 

I wasn't much of a fan of your Voldemort. For a start, all the "ssss" was annoying. Just say that he hissed the words out rather than try to spell it phonetically.

You also make him rather stupid. Voldemort in canon was a calculating and extremely intelligent young man, who was a master at manipulating his followers and tortured them far less than fanon shows him to.

I would think that with someone like Crouch Jr., Voldemort would have played to his loyalty, fanaticism and the idea that Voldemort was like a father to him (an idea obviously planted by Voldemort himself) to achieve his desired result, rather than fear. Every man is different, and it takes a different motivation to win their loyalty. For Wormtail, it's fear. For Barty Crouch Jr, it's his fanaticism. For Bellatrix, it's her sexual desire for Voldemort himself and her love of pain. For Lucius, it's the politics and the money.

See where I'm going? Voldemort may not have understood love, but he knew what made people tick. I think you do him an injustice by making him rather one-dimensional.

 

I think you're not only underestimating me, but you're overlooking one key thing.

Voldemort is a little homunculus of his former self. While Barty Jr may see Riddle as a figure to look up to, he's anything but impressive in the form he's currently in. The added s's on the ends of the words were there to drive that fact home too. While I buy the fact that Riddle is very 'snake' like after his resurrection, I always took his voice to be silky smooth and dangerous, rather than snake like.

In other words, Riddle, at the moment, is forced to grasp at straws. Honestly? All he knows of who is still loyal to him is what Wormtail has told him, and if I was Riddle, I wouldn't be taking those words to heart . . .

We know from canon that Riddle was very charismatic and manipulative, I just don't see how he can inspire those two traits very much in the state that he's in.

I should also point out that, even though Dumbledore and Harry are both brilliant, that doesn't make them always right.

 

The whole thing in canon is that Crouch Jr is very smart an incredibly talented actor, and fanatically devoted. He manages to perform while on trial, right next to dementors, and he would have the real Moody available for questioning while in Hogwarts. Maybe he wouldn't be good enough to fool Dumbledore, but yelling histerically at Dumbledore is just plain stupid. By willingly taking the spy job, he knowingly puts himself in great danger; he wouldn't be scared for himself and trying to play on a devoted servant's fear is stupid from Voldemort.

Also, hasn't been in Azkaban that long (from memory, maximum one year) and has had a decade since then to recover.

Apart from that I think your Dumbledore is a bit weird. Not only is he not quite smart enough (I see no reason why his intellect wouldn't be at least as potent as Harry's, but I can't help but feel he would handle Harry better, and have more presence in their conversation), some things also just don't work:

“I know it would bother me if I were forced to listen to someone besmirch my father’s name during classes, especially if it is as regularly as you portray it to be.”

???

Generally, the chapter is entertaining filler, but from your previous posts, I was expecting more.

 

Good Post, though there was a scene that bothered me.

Dumbledore's interaction with Harry seemed off. Throughout the story we have barely seen any Harry Dumbledore moments, which gives me the impression Harry is just an average student to Dumbledore. Granted Dumbledore admits the kid is a perfect student and smart, but there is no relationship between the two beyond Headmaster and student. This leads me to disagree with what went on. It seems hard to believe that Dumbledore would agree to have Harry participate in testing Moody. In my opinion it would be more appropriate to have Dumbledore do this on his own, or asking Harry not interfere. Hell I even thought Dumbledore was too open with Harry. He's like that in Canon because he has a different relationship with Harry there (Neville in yours), but in this one I think that the connection is lacking.

 

Voldemort in canon was also fucking insane.
On this point, I agree with Joe about the baby homonuculus being retarded, slightly out of it, and irritated by the fact that he couldn't put the fear of Crucio into his followers himself. I don't see him being particularly note-worthy until he regains a body and the use of his own magic. That being said, decent filler chapter as said before.

 

He does some killing (and Horcrux making) before getting his body back. And some decent plotting as well. Arguably he is very week.

 

Uh, what?

Canon Voldemort did nothing but plan. He didn't kill anyone is freaky baby mode, he had others do it, Wormtail or Crouch for the groundskeeper muggle guy. I forget. He definitely didn't make any Horcrux(es, i?) after he went all spirity, as Harry was his final and unintended Horcrux.

As for the chapter, I thought Fleur was overdone. Before this chapter she didn't seem like the type to respond to emotional pain with moping, brooding, and being sad. She seemed more like the type to distance herself and become icy, but whatever.

I also didn't really get the scene with Vector. I can somewhat understand Harry's 'peers' putting up with his asshole attitude, but an adult who is exceptionally intellectually gifted as well? I just can't see them taking that kind of cheek repeatedly and still be willing to help Harry, genius or no. I could maybe understand if Vector found it amusing, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe she's just jaded. Whatever.

Archie and Stephanie seem to have become little more than a catalyst for Harry and Fleur in the last two chapters, which is fine, since the sooner they get laid the sooner we can get past the relationship angst.

Contrary to what a few others have said, I actually liked the Dumbledore bit. He's always seemed to me to be the type to focus so completely on one thing that he blinds himself to almost everything else, in this case the need to do something about fake-Moody.

However, the Moody scene was too contrived. I actually do believe that Dumbledore could have been deceived in canon. He's a busy old bastard, and Moody is private and secretive by nature.

 

I did Fleur the way I did for one main reason: to my knowledge, there is no teenage female on the planet who doesn't act insecure at one point in their lives, at the least. I don't know how much women will actually admit to that, because my sister got her back up with I 'interviewed' her on the subject, before my mum told her to shut up and that I was right.

Though, Fleur's reaction to Harry can't be completely attributed to him alone, because being a champion is stressing her out to no end also, especially considering the fact that she just found out exactly what she'd be facing.

Methinks Harry's going to make his mind up about Fleur when he sees how she handles that stress.

Besides, anyone who thinks that a teenage girl being insecure, no matter who it is, is OOC for them really doesn't know anything about girls. The only way I can see that it would be OOC is if they're seriously troubled in the head, and I mean that as gently as possible (as in something happening in their childhood to make them jaded or completely apathetic to the world around them - rape victim etc).

Professor Vector is somewhat of a young genius too, as she (in my story) is only twenty five years old. If she was anyone other than a young woman (McGonagall, Sprout, Mrs Weasley etc), she'd never put up with Harry's antics. I think, she's spent enough time around Harry to get used to his behavior now, and 'cool' enough not to let her position, or Harry's behaviour affect her any. Harry and Septima's relationship will be somewhat similar to how I related with my VCE (end of highschool) teachers back when I was still in high school, though they were sometimes old, and still cool anyway.

Granted, I think it would probably read better if I did some character bonding between the two sooner, because I plan to give her a bigger role in the story later on. Oh well, shit happens.

Also, one thing I've noticed in the fanon world, people don't pay enough credit to Dumbledore. Whether it's bashing him for leaving Harry with the Dursleys, how he hid the stone, to everything in general. The man is utterly brilliant, despite the fact that, I think, he purposefully acts senile. He isn't normal by a long shot, because absolutely brilliant/ genius men rarely are, but that doesn't make him stupid in the slightest, or just a 'barmy old coot' either.

I really don't want to comment much on the Moody/ Crouch situation though, because I'm not done with it yet.
​

 

I had a somewhat similar relationship with most of my high school teachers as well. Maybe not to the extent that Harry's is with Septima, but something along those lines. Perhaps that is why I can find that relationship somewhat believable.

Anyway, nice update. ip82 makes some valid points.

*Waits patiently for next update*

 

Wow now I'm really impressed about your VCE teachers... Judging from the fact your attending Melbourne Uni, its very likely we went through VCE about the same time. Around the time I went through VCE there was this MASSIVE crackdown on student teacher relationships. Even the appearance of what is acutaly a casual friendship between Harry and Professor Vector could be publicly damming and result in the teacher being dismissed in disgrace...

I enjoyed this chapter though it had the one thing that I have had a problem with this fic since near the introduction of Fleur. That is everybody telling Harry or each other that Fleur is the best thing to ever to happen to Harry. I HATE that line. It makes me grit my teeth as I am reminded of one to many fluffy fics I found myself reading ages ago. It does not seem to make the relationship believable.

The insecurity I think was handled well though Artie and Stethanies reaction to it WAS a bit of a problem. Arties attitude towards Harry's dismisal of Fleurs feelings did not quite seem to fit there. And really if somebody took that tone with me I would have punched him and in no way am I as casually dismissive as this Harry is.

Overall a nice setup chapter, good job.

 

Personally, I thought she tolerated him out of respect more than anything. Good chapter, can't wait to see what happens when things start moving.

 

Incorrect. Voldemort made Nagini a horcrux using the death of Bertha Jorkins.

 

I totally agree on that. It's what makes him fun to read too.

And he kills Frank Bryce as well (Sol, you should really check your facts).

 

Frank Bryce was killed by Pettigrew using Voldemort's wand, I believe. Though now I say that, I can't remember where we're told that.

 

We aren't. All that we know is Wormtail turns Voldemorts chair around to see Bryce, Bryce screams a lot, and 'death speeds towards him'. Oh, and Bryce's shade says something along the lines of 'He was a real wizard? Killed me he did.'

Sorry about the lack of direct quotes, but I seem to have misplaced my copy of GoF.

 

I haven't read the book in years, but in the first chapter Harry dreams of the scene and I think homonuculus Voldemort has his own wand. And he kills Frank when he (and we) see what's in the chair. I allways thought Voldemort never let anyone use his wand, because he refuses Lucius, and I suspect wormtail would use Bertha's; also, in Priori Incantatem very few spells come out of the wand. But then I also thought he tortured Bertha and breaks Crouch's memory spell on her, which also doesn't appear in priori incantatem.

 

We know Voldemort let Pettigrew use his wand for at least one thing: killing Cedric.

However, you're right: as far as we can see, Voldemort himself killed Bertha and Frank, and made the horcrux, and tortured Bertha to break the memory charm on her.