Eh - maybe I'm thinking about this too much, but this doesn't see to be that great - it's pretty decent, and possibly it will be library worthy eventually, but not now - I'll keep an alert on the story, because I'm curious, but not intrigued. The paragraphs are split up a bit too quickly, and it moves a bit too fast - and I don't care for the Japanese part at all.

Still, it's above average, at least.

For now, a solid
3.5/5

-J

 

That scares me a little. 4/5 Understandable, well laid plot, and character introduction, but could use another rewrite.

 

Great start and nice plot. But I can't envision an update soon, with the author having a lot of story in progress at once. I'll keep tab on it, though, as it is really interesting.

I have no objection against the Asian things as I'm Asian myself. It symbolizes a different style and way of magic apart from western ones.

 

No it was not done magnificently, quite the contrary. If the only Dumbledore/Harry interaction we saw was an indication of future characterisation and communication I will be disappointed given the rest of the material.

A flat one dimensional character added for angst would charge into the cell of a person you illegally persecuted and who's only parents you got killed with the only thought running through their non-existant brains; Please like me! Oh why won't you like me? Why won't you be my little puppet I can sacrifice?
He just ran in, got a dark look from Harry and ran out again slightly depressed.

Please make Dumbledore not a retard, pretty please.

 

Eh... It's better than 90% of the other shit out there, but it really isn't all that great. Seems fairly super-harry-ish, and the angst seems fairly out of place in the overall story setting. Not great, Not bad. Eh. 3/5

 

The author has a tonne of other fics which only have 1 chapter after years of being published. This will never be updated. Still, it's a decent start to a story, not terribly original though.

 

Did anyone notice that the author has around a dozen stories started and only one of them has reached 10 chapters/ 100k words, most are resting in peace at ch1.
Doesn't bode well for the potential that some see in this.


Huh, I see that JoJo did already. Anyway, I agree.

 

So much negativity. Yes, it's too early to judge this one and the author doesn't have a particularly good track record for finishing what he's started but really? Never going to update?

Well, I hate to rain on your guys' parade but there's been an unbetaed 22,000 word version of chapter 2 on Rorschach's Blot's yahoogroup since last Friday. Here if you don't want to wait for the betaed version to be posted. It's got a few things that annoy me quite a bit and a few that intrigue and interest me.

Claims that 'this will never be updated' seem a little premature.

 

Just finished the second chapter. I'm enjoying it, albeit reluctantly, and I'll definitely continue to follow it unless he really fucks up. Some of the ideas introduced into the second chapter are unique, from what i can tell of the fandom, and definitely interesting. Black Hand indeed...

 

Yeah, I actually signed up for a yahoo group to read the massive second chapter...and I wasn't disappointed at all. The Black Hand was a nice touch, not to mention how Harry's 'family' is being written. Very nice. Still not quite enough for a full rating, but I'm getting excited.

 

It's good so far... But if this turns out to be one of those generic 'England is shit but other countries are so much better and we will pwn you with our super technomagic amazingness,' I will be disappointed.
Will read more when it comes

 

The Harry involved struck me as far too heavy-handed and just a bit more super, as if the Author is trying to capture several different ideal protagonists into one bubble. In an effort to achieve maximum self-satisfaction, many characters are shown as inept and on the whole, weaker than Harry. Yes, many ideas that are introduced could be seen as creative, but many go a hash too far.

- Dumbledore's hold on the world seems unrealistic. He's forced passage of laws on an international scale with apparent ease.
- Harry's an amazing ninja, skilled in ways of magic such that he could "Break out of this prison, and kill most of the Aurors but ultimately lose because of their sheer numbers." Aurors are meant to be highly qualified individuals; disregarding the potence of Asian magic, such tasks are too advanced.
- Harry punches Dumbledore. Yeah, Ok.
- His "connections" seem far too great in a world where Dumbledore has such a hold on all forms of bureaucracy. Harry happens to know people that have such control in the British Ministry, mostly through his title as Sirius' godson.

I can see some people enjoying this fic, but the sheer omnipotence of Harry's upbringing and the brash, irrational character combined with a heavyhanded and blatant approach to life doesn't place this story on the top of my lists.

 

Well, I joined the yahoo group and I have to say, I don't like it. It sufferers from many problems the most prominent of these being the uber-Asians. The entire second chapter to me made little sense as it was filled with words which had no meaning to me. I had to google every Japanese word that came up to get what was going on. It also appears that this fic is going to be a Britian basher. I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure that Hogwarts is meant to be the best magical school in Europe. Not filled with a bunch of incompitents. Ech, some may like it, it just irked me on so many levels.

On another note that yahoo group dissapointed me once agian. I found a fic in which apparently Harry was raised by the scooby gang, but it tuned out to be a buffy crossover.

 

The title of this story made the grammarian inside of me cringe. Penultimate means next to last, meaning that nothing in this story can -- by definition -- spur him to action. This title tells me "prepare for a lot of words about nothing" -- which is acceptable for a Seinfeld episode, but not for a HP Fanfic.

Perhaps Kinsfire had more to do with the beta'ing of this than some here have assumed.

 

Hmm, too early to rate, in my opinion. I've read some of the author's other works previously, notably Shades of Grey and Bonds of Blood. Shades of Grey, notably, was eerily similar to Jec's White Knight, Grey Queen to me. Of course, it had the addition of a harem, so that made it...so much...better? Right. Oddly enough the author is female and not an overweight 14 year old boy playing with himself while typing, but it was still a harem that was barely R rated, if I do recall.

Eh, this has some unique things about it, but some of it makes me go "why?" Particularly about the ICW being so against Britain and Britain's government being so crazy. Fudge may have failed to believe a boy's word (the boy had no doubt been badmouthed all year by his confidant Lucius, no accounting for taste in advisors) that a Dark Lord was rising, but was he really malicious? Not in canon. I've grown somewhat tired of the blatantly manipulative Dumbledore who's using Harry only for the prophecy fanonism, I think.

I think that the author probably chose "Penultimate Straw" because "Final Straw" is the name of another story. And she probably didn't bother learning that Penultimate =\= Final.

I won't rate it yet, but its looking like a 3/5 so far.

 

I don't see how anyone can find this story good. It's sole redeeming feature is the quality of the writing: everything else is unlikely cliched crap.

3/5

 

Has been updated with the second chapter at last on FF.net. I'm about three quarters of the way through it and stand by my earlier rating. More comments when finished.

EDIT: Liked it considering the type of story it is.

On the characterisation front, Dumbledore is shown to be a very competent opponent and the several other factions involved all receive their due attention. Their motives are explained well and without be dull, either.

It's easy to understand and sympathize with Harry. Since his family was killed because of Dumbledore... well, yeah. Not particularly original, but it isn't anger for the sake of anger.

Dudley so far has been an... interesting read. He's somewhat reformed but nothing drastically unbelieveable.

Daphne appears to be an up and coming major character. Not much known about her yet so I can't comment on her personality, motives or general characterisation.

Plot wise, it appears to be a revenge fic. Basing it on that, I'll give it a 4 for its great writing and well done characterisation. Plot, being the clicheness that it is, it loses a point. Taking it at it is, I'll read the next update.

 

Hmm...not very impressed. Writing was definitely good but otherwise nothing to write home about. I disagree with Voldemort being able to see out of Harry's eyes. After all, it's Voldemort's soul fragment in Harry's scar not the other way round.

Too much is happening at the convenience of the author too. Lots of laws and magic just put there for the sake of forcing a plot and also the standard cliches of Lord Black/Potter/other-powerful-family, reinstating Tonks etc. They were handled differently from the norm though, in the author's defense.

3/5

 

Good: Narcissa as a capable politician, the Black Hand business, and Harry's own character - at least, he's got some backbone and initiative.

Bad: Too vast in scope (why, oh why, do people think world-domination plots are cool? Is one country not enough?), the Asian magic pwns the British system (if it were so, the Japs or the Chinese would be ruling magical Britain), British monopoly on bigotry, and useless Hogwarts.

Personally, I don't like his Dumbledore either. I have nothing against an evil Dumbledore, but the old man is subtle, never overt. This Dumbledore is more the club than the rapier.

All in all, I will be keeping an eye on the fic, but I am not sure that the direction it is headed in makes for good reading.

No rating yet.
Regards,
Maidros