My first attempt at reading this story did not go overly well, I admit though that I was tired and perhaps not in the best of moods. I actually had a rather scathing review lined up, but I was not completely justified in writing it. So, I’ll give the author and this story a fresh look. ​

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The writing style does not bother me near as much the second time around, though I still think the author needs to watch it with those long sentences. And, while I understand that Harry is thinking about the letter, the double information the reader gets is slightly annoying. ​

Harry’s angst about Sirius is taken somewhat too far in my opinion. It would be far better and more believable, if Harry didn’t actually feel that much. The fact that he doesn’t feel anything, could make him think he should be more broken up than he actually is. ​

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and sliced his arm into tiny bits when it’s claws ripped the flesh open. Yes? No? ​

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This is one of those mistakes I see being made in a lot of stories. Owls landing neatly on people unprotected arms as though they didn’t weigh anything and don’t need to steady themselves when their momentum abruptly halts. It’s a small thing, but it annoys me. ​

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The letters trouble me, they overstate things and the author is a little too fond of the word “more”. It makes the characterization of the letters rather meaningless. They seem to have all been written by the same person rather than different characters.​

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The Light vs Dark spiel that is bandied about in different places throughout the chapters is frown-worthy and I sense long winded discussion on the topic in future chapters. The discussion will more than likely feature Dumbledore vs Harry as well.​

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I’m somewhat reminded of the Sword of Truth series by Goodkind the further along I read. I can’t say exactly why I get that impression, but if it continues in the same direction, I’ll likely be pissed off by it. That particular series was quite good but it had one massive flaw in its main character: the man never learned more about magic when the opportunities afforded themselves. Goodkind has a tendency to allow plot to overrule the magic of his stories. He also has no real understanding for why a reader actually picks up a fantasy book.
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Anyway, I’ll give this a 2.9/5 for the effort and consistent writing but I’m not willing to set that in stone. The Author claims he’s of the Robert Jordan school of writing, so that will likely mean Harry is going to be moaning an awful lot about wanting to just be normal. The story will likely start to piss me off in later chapters because of that, but I’ll do my best to be hopeful about them.

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Err... okay. Chapter four came out.

And I think my interest in reading more of this was halved, if not squashed outright. The fucking whining and angstiness went up a couple more levels. Dumbledore is just kind of off. I'm not sure if I like him or not, but with this chapter I've grown tired of this Harry. It's like they wanted the 'mature, take charge' attitude of an Independent!Harry story but then they let him cry like a little bitch, get his ass kicked, do nothing in return, and then turn into a fucking mental midget.

It's to the point now where if Tonks sees so much 'goodness' in this Harry, that I'm not even liking her much anymore either. Suck. Suck. Suck.

I'm not going to tempt fate and say it can't get much worse. But at the moment we have a dumb-ass kid pretending to play grown-up, spending alot of time crying and getting beat up by muggles. Whining about his lot in life and thinking about all the people dead on his behalf. The pairing that's easily the biggest draw in this fic is a ways off and Harry's about to spend the rest of the summer with the Weasleys at the Burrow.

He stands up for his first little 'plan', even if he hasn't taken the time to figure out if it's the right thing and then he's fucking crying because he disappointed Dumbledore. I shit you not. Fucking Voldemort, show up and AK this bitch soon please.

I think I'll need a half dozen more chapters before I revisit this one because I can't see the fic turning around any time soon.

Sigh.

 

Ya, the last chapter disappointed me. He's staying a pussy against Albus basically. And Albus still refuses to see any reason at all. Kinda stupid. 3/5 for me. Its your average bitchfest!Harry, at the moment.

 

I dunno I acually kinda liked the Fourth chapter.... It showed that even though he was really upset about the decision he had to make he had to stones to stick to it. Kinda gives me the feel that he won't be an overnight independent Harry, but leaves room for him to grow into it. He's a bit of emotional wreck, but he's a canon kid just accepting his place in life. I think I'll like it better this way, assuming the author writes a convincing kid harry to a stable independent Harry.
Dumbldore could have been handled different, i would picture him being a little more able to handle the Snape defense post situation, but the author a least made use of a seldom used Dumbledore. Hes not manipulative which is refreshing, hes smart and catches alot as shown by the relatives visit, and has the ability to turn stone cold. He did turn cold on Harry a little quick though, I would think him better at salvaging those situations. But it does leave room to portay a more hard cut WAR hero Dumbledore.

Maybe i missed the part where he was a pussy to Dumbledore? He was a bit embarrassed and shy yeah, it's the first time he's really gone behind Dumbledores like that, but at the end HE bullied Dumbledore into changing the teacher.... If anything i saw Dumbledore back down there, not Harry.

 

I don't care how impressed you could be with this pathetic Harry's resolve, this chapter was still shitty. It casts a disgusting pall over the potential I could find in the first three chapters. I'm still not gonna rate it, because my rating would be based on Ch. 4 instead of the story as a whole. Meh.

 

I Think alot of you are getting spoiled or used to Instant!badass Harry. I prefer stories where he acts like a more realistic cannon Harry, and slowly changes. It gives something more to the story than Harry just getting more Uber every chapter to kill Voldemort, and keeps him from sounding like some rebelious faggot punk kid who thinks he knows everything, throwing around his fame that hes never done before compeltely overnight with no problem. If he doesn't progress, I'll agree, but right now it looks like the author is setting stage to move him forward.

Either way, it has the potential to turn out a solid 4.5/5 or so, or turn into a complete pile of crap. To early to rate.

Hopefully we don't have to deal with more than another chapter or so of him being a closet wimp. He'll probably have atleast one with Tonks or something, at which point she'll either bitch slap him or coddle him back together. If it drags on much past that I'ts gunna go into crap territory.

 

I feel like I read the Harry/Tonks confrontation scene with Dudley somewhere before.

*shrugs*
Not enough atm to give a solid rating. I am not too big on the Harry/Dumbles interaction. Seems a tad bit over the top, at least for my taste.

I'll keep an eye on it, if nothing more than for teh Honks.

 

There's a difference between "instant badass Harry" and "Harry who doesn't fucking CRY when he argues with Dumbledore". Canon Harry may be a retard but he wasn't a bitch. He didn't cry when he got bit by a sixty foot long basilisk.

Dumbledore wasn't terribly IC with his reaction (look at how tolerant of Fudge's retardedness he was) but his half of the argument was acceptable. It was Harry's acting like a 14 year old emo girl breaking up with her boyfriend that was disappointing. Still, the earlier chapters were solid so hopefully he's just overcompensating to avoid Badass!Harry cliches and will move on from here.

 

The latest chapter sucks..... Harry shows that he is actually a pussy beneath all that macho bullshit in first chapters....

And to think it had so much potential...... But as I said earlier nothing much should be expected when the author is a slash fan....

 

Wow...that was really...just wow...

ONE bad chapter and suddenly the story is utter shit? And of course, the auther is a slash fan so that MUST be the reason. You are an utter dumbfuck if you really think that.

Harry's crying sucked balls. There's no going around that. But his interpretation of Dumbledore was original (at the very least not a common one), and Scrimgeour not being a complete ass and ally shows a lot of potential for a well-based story.

So the author had a bad chapter so-fucken-what? While he has some grammatical errors ( like ALL authors do), at least his story isn't it, "An den dey all live haply ever affter!" Like a great majority of the retards of fanfiction write.

As long as Darth Cious doesn't continue on with the weak Harry he's built up this last chapter, the story's a good read and still holds a lot of promise.

 

I really don't see anything special in this story. Nothing too original, nothing too remarkable. Definitely not good, but not instant fail even. Have only read it, because everything else in the review section looks worse than shit.
Put it in the recycling bin.

 

Let me just ask you one question. Suppose you are NOT a slash fan. How tastefully do you think you can write a slash story? I know I can't even imagine doing that myself. So it is natural to assume that the reverse is also true. That a slash lover will find it difficult to write a hetero fic. Sooner or later his natural tendencies may come out in his fic.

Also you admit crying Harry cannot be forgotten. Then why do you suppose he restrained from cursing his relatives? If you don't remember Minister gave him permission to use magic to some extent. When he had a very good opportunity to vent some frustration, what does he do? He goes and cries in his room after managing to strike a deal with his dear relatives.

No thanks. I would rather read some of Melinda's H/G than read a cry baby fic......

 

I found the last chapter made me say "huh".

I hope this can be turned around, time will tell.

 

Speaking as a card carrying member of the I-Have-A-Penis Club, I cannot ever imagine any non-homosexual male telling themselves that they could 'have a good cry later.'

Harry comes off as completely bipolar in this fic. Sometimes he's doing pretty well for himself, starting to man-up, the rest he goes complete oversensitive sissy-boy.

Shouldn't he feel good after standing up to Vernon? Why didn't he take his wand out once he suspected something was wrong? That whole thing with Vernon seemed contrived.

The Tonks pretending to be Harry's girlfriend has been done pretty much since Fleur was introduced, let alone Tonks after the next book. This fic does have it's decent points, though it's wobbling like a nearly-spent top at the moment.

 

After reading the first two chapters and the cliches I worried about the future of the story. I thought they were delt with fairly well and read it like I would if I didn't know about the cliches. So it worked for me.

Maybe it's becasue I've seen the same crap over and over again that we've become jaded as to what a decently written cliche looks like.

Anyway, first chap. was okay and average as every other fic out there is. Second chap. a little better. I actually really liked the third.

Even though the Tonks/Girlfriend thing has been done countless times, and the Tonks/Beating up Dudley and his friends has also been done, I think it was done realisticly this time. Ending the chap. with Tonks defining their relastionship (none) made it more realistic for me. At this point I'm rating the fic 4/5.

Then chap. four hit with weaping!Harry. He was in no means crybaby!Harry falling over everyone's shoulder bawling that everything was so unfair. Tears fell in one scene, that was about it. But as I mentioned in a note to the author ... Harry never cries, he endures.

The author's responce was (paraphrasing) "Harry realized that his childhood was gone." Now while in any other piece of fiction or in movies, something dramatic might be portrayed this way and be a perfectly typical response to the scene, it doesn't work for this one because of who Harry is. He just doesn't cry, weep, blubber, whine, turn to others for "comfort," share his "true" feelings with his soulmate, or any other typical fangirl angsty expressions.

He endures, gets mad, whips his wand out, throws himself physically into fights, insults, ignores, sulks, and pouts. While it might make for decent "drama" it makes for poor Harry characterzation.

3/5 at this point, but I'm waiting for a few more chapters for the author to flesh this story out a little before making it official. I think it has great potential.

 

Why would he curse his relatives with the LIMITED amount of magic he had? If /you/ don't remember, Harry's starting take a step towards the political part of the world now. Unless he can make it out to them attacking him first ( or some other great fiasco), it would be suicide in the papers.

As for slash, I'd say it's bound to be seen in some aspect. Especially for people who do nothing but read books and fanfics; However, say for one second you DON'T hate slash. Wouldn't that make it a little easier to write? You don't have to experience something to make it a good story. Hell, how many people here and in fanfiction ( or JKR ) have actually attended Hogwarts? I doubt the author is secretly harboring some hatred for all straight women and men everywhere, and knows what goes where and everything else.

I'm not saying this fic is perfect, because it's not. It's got flaws, crying Harry in the most recent chapter being a good example. Then there are the letters, the two sided POVs that can be annoying for some people, a Dumbledore that some don't see or agree with... What I'm trying to get at, is that the fic, despite the flaws, still holds good aspects that could make it into a really good story later on. It's the part that author being a slash fan must be the cause of the flaws that pisses me off.

 

The Harry curling up in a ball crying was kinda gay. Not really something I'd picture cannon Harry to do either, but i endured becuase i favored realistic emotionally distressed teen that would atleast try and play the field abit, as oppossed to a Dramatic the worlds out to get me teen who seeks revenge on his relatives the second he gets to use a little magic, and then probably gets said privilege taken away for abusing it in 10 seconds.

However the latest chapter 5 isnt really doing much for me. I'll still follow it just for the potential Honks, but Harry needs to start manning up real fast. He made his decisions, and now he's showing embarrassment/shame and weakness at the key time he needs to show authority to cement his position. If he stays emotionally crippled with no signs of moving forward in the next couple chapters I'll have to drop it.

2.5/5 right now.

 

Wasn't great, but I liked the rift starting between the Weasley's and Harry. Less dependency should mean Harry will toughen up soon...

 

Chapter Five was decent, I suppose. I'd probably have liked it better if it hadn't come in the wake of the huge pile of shit-tacular-fail that Chapter Four turned out to be. Still got potential, but there's also still not enough there to really rate.

 

I'm giving it one, perhaps two more chapters for Harry to grow a set before I drop this one. All the whining and drama is starting to give me a head-ache.