Alright, I've got a couple issues that need working out with my Satanist!Harry fic.

1.) He's freaking eleven. I sort of started it that way because I wanted to portray Satanist!Vernon in Accio Brain! The problem is, I don't want to freaking re-write book one, although there's a lot of fun involved in getting him to Hogwarts and the start up. I hate book two with a fiery passion, and frankly book three was a whole HELL of a lot of nothing. Any suggestions on how I move him from the introduction to the teenage years at a reasonable clip?

2.) He's freaking eleven. Yes, THIS Harry is going to ruthlessly exploit his fame/fortune, but he's freaking eleven. This is one place where Satanist!Vernon will have a lot more competence. How do I balance the Vernon/Harry interaction to keep it entertaining but not retardedly-smart!Harry or worse SuperVernon?

3.) He's freaking eleven. Admittedly, I was an inventive and morbid little shit during my middle school years, but the all-of-the-sudden-adult!Harry-baby is crap. It's one of my epic failures in Double o' Hex. I tried to show Harry and Hermione as children playing adult games (Hermione FAR more so than Harry), but the concept was lost somewhere between my mind and my keyboard.

4.) He's freaking eleven. When I was eleven, and especially for the years after that, I would have stuck my pecker in just about any warm wet willing female hole. Not that I was able too, but a couple of my classmates were more successful. I consider that a symptom of the age. Still, while it may be realistic it's abjectly disgusting to read about once you pass that age bracket. So, leave it out (and favor sanity over a few cheap gags) or leave it in (and make myself as creepy as Piers Anthony). Yeah, it'd be a sentence talking about an 'off-camera' event, but still... Should I forget about it (and all the comic potential it has)?

5.) Did I mention how much I fucking hate book two? Even if I waste my brain and life on book one, I don't want to waste time on books 2 & 3 except for a few days of each year (the interesting ones). Any suggestions?

6.) Much to the dismay of most DLP-posters, I included Hermione in the mix. I did this for two reasons. First, Hermione's had time to read up on the magical world. This allows Vern and Harry to know about his fame before he hits the alley, and gives Vern time to plot how he'll exploit the world. Second, two humping aardvarks. I've got plans for Harry to lay the verbal smack-down on Hermione as she (like she always does) goes overboard, but I'm not sure what the proper balancing line is. Some advice would be nice (excepting the 'just have him strangle the bitch and rape her corpse' type suggestions, please).

7.) Houses. Yes, Satanist!Harry (and Hermione for that matter) are insta-Slytherin. Problem is, any non-evil!Harry with some knowledge of Hogwarts knows that going Slytherin in the current climate is pretty much insta-fail. So, where do I stick 'em? Right now the scene goes something like this:

The assemble students sat impatiently as the Sorting Hat hemmed and hawed. Finally, the hat spoke.

"Fuck it! Pass!"

8.) Harry's level of studiousness. Frankly, the canon-crew were a pack of utter douche's compared to the earlier generation. Even that slimy shit Snape (unless I'm mistaken, I've blocked large portions of HBP from my memory) made his own spells. Satanist!Harry would go apeshit over magic, but I want to avoid the great pack of lose that is SuperHarry! By canon, the most 'impressive' display of magic from an eleven year old was Hermione's use of a second year unlocking spell during her first or second month of school. Should I keep Harry around that level? More? Less?

That's about it for now.

Thanks for any help.

 

Points 1, 2 & 3 seem obvious. If he's too young at eleven for it to be plausible (not that it is plausible even in the slightest) then don't start the fic when he is eleven.

4 He's eleven. I don't know where the fuck you're from, but in the United Kingdom only chavs and sluts have sex at 11. Have him start at 14 like every other normal person.

5 See Points 1 through 3.

6 Don't call him Vern and verbal smackdowns are over rated.

7 At this point I give up and call Troll.

Either this is epic fail troll (you spent too much time typing it) or you're a moron. I think by most traditional standards worshipping the Devil makes you pretty thoroughly evil. Unless you are going the whole LaVey line and that isn't really satanism.

This entire idea doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. Please rephrase it in a way that makes me understand.

 

Hmmmm ... it's the same problem with most AU stories trying to rewrite canon. Most parts are boring because every reader already had read them over and over again.

I suggest you try to follow Big_D's way (What would Slytherin!Harry do?):
Don't rewrite the whole story. Pic some central elements, some pre!Hogwarts scenes explaining the Satanist thingy, receiving the Hogwarts letter, perhaps dealing with Voldemort at the end of book 1 etc. and write out these scenes.

 

Everyone is right so far.

Here is my advice:

1. Write it as a series of stories, each a glimpse (a "slice", if you will) of Harry's abnormal life.
2. Stay away from annoying cliches, unless you really really really find a funny way to subvert them
3. Decide whether "Satanism" in the context of your story is truly evil, or just insane. It makes a difference.

Now, as for your SPECIFIC points:
1) (How do I bring Harry up to his teenage years without being annoying?) Follow the advice above - bits at a time, without overloading the reader with too much. Also, think about the type of story you want - if it's not some epic wonderland of blah, keep it simple, and don't write too much about irrelevant areas.

2) (How do I keep Vernon in some sort of balance?) Do you really need to? Just write in a way that doesn't infuriate your logical sensibilities.

3) (How should I refer to sexuality in the story?) Use the Full House + 4 rule. Don't have your character do anything that someone on Full House wouldn't do, plus 4 years. E.g., if a 16 year old wouldn't sleep with someone on Full House (and they wouldn't), in your story a 12 year old shouldn't.

5) (How do I get past books two & three?) See above.

6) (How do I include Hermione without being too annoying?) I'm not sure this is even possible to write without being too annoying. Hermione introduced too early in the story has ALWAYS been an annoying thing for me to read - and I don't hate Hermione as a character, either. But authors try way too hard to play up her precociousness, which ends up reading as just an adult in child form, not a smart kid who retreats to book smarts to deal with peer rejection. And watch the "verbal smackdown" bit too - it can very easily sound like JustSomeGuyYelling - not Harry anymore, and then why should we still care about the character?

7) (How can I reconcile Harry's Slytherin tendencies with his ability to realize it would be bad to end up there?) Well, with that kind of logic, the Hat would definitely put him there. He'd have to "hide" his tendencies to trick the Hat (like pretending to care more about knowledge or loyalty), and it also depends on how slapstick you want the story to be - which could go both ways.

8) (Just how smart and studious should Harry be?) I think you have a good handle on this one - keep him above normal, but below annoying.

Good luck, weirdo.
-J

 

Agreed. It would be the best use of the current story elements to just pick certain key points to insert the AU storyline into rather than re-writing the entire series.

Ravenclaw would be a decent choice, as both prefer intellectualized linear logic as opposed to the crap spouted by the other houses. Or the Pass scene would work.

As for the sex, I have to go with Enembee on this one point. Keep it in his pants until he's 13+.

LaVeyism isn't satanism, no, but they do revel in making the Christians fall all over themselves by spouting Satanistic slogans, etc., etc. Basically LaVeyans believe in self-fulfillment rather than the "For the greater good" or "Parts of a whole" philosophies.

I think that's why he's asking the sex question.^^

Regardless, hell no. Try off-screen sex scenes until he hits a semi-acceptable age, at least.

 

To enembee: Err... sorry about that, completely dumb omission on my part. I wrote a couple shorts using idea of a LaVeyan Satanist Dursley. They, along with my other shorts in the collection (Accio Brain!) were recced and Binned (for good reason). Some people suggested I expand the idea into a further story. I didn't post a link because a.) I forgot and b.) it was Binned.

Dark Minion, Jeram, Korisovra - thanks for the advice. I think the 'collection of snippets' idea is the best course, not to mention a heck of a lot easier to write.

The 'sex' question wasn't about on-screen sex. The question was whether I'd include 'off-screen' sex and the occasional 'on-screen' punchline referring to either immediate (classic 'two (or more) people in bed scene setup) or past sex acts. Seeing as how I'm guessing the answer is still a resounding 'HELL NO,' I'll leave it at that.

About Hermione: Frankly, I'll be writing a LaVeyan Satanist Hermione. At this point, I think she's OOC enough that I could substitute Tracy Davis, Daphne Greengrass, Berlinda Riddle, Ariana Dumbledore or Debbie D. Dallas into the name and it'd be about the same. I'm going to try to keep enough of her personality extant to make it recognizable, but then again, it's not like independant-acting Harry has much in common with canon except the scar.

I should clarify: The idea is that Hermione will go "more-hardcore-than-thou" and Harry will remind her why that's stupid. I didn't mean JustSomeGuyYelling. Is the idea still valid/possibly amusing, or should it be scrapped? Or does it still smack of JustSomeGuyYelling?

Thanks for the tips so far.

 

That's actually a decent idea. On screen punch lines and off screen smex sounds like a pretty good idea.

As for Hermione going more hardcore-than-thou, that's part of her personality, so it would be an issue eventually anyways.

 

Not sure what good it’ll do you; take from it what you will though.

1) It’s been said, but I agree; random important snippets are the way to go for that. LaVeyan!Harry isn’t, much as I loath to admit it, really suited to a full 7 year story anyways; it would get repetitive after a while. Take what you have, write it in the timeline where it fits, and don’t worry about filling in the rest.

2) If he must exploit his fame, let him do it in a relatively age-appropriate fashion. An 11 year old (with, apparently, the exception of Tom Riddle) is not going to have dreams of world domination and immense wealth; his concerns will be far more immediate for the most part. If you end up writing bits and pieces of Harry’s teenage years, that can change somewhat, and little bits of ‘adult’ ambition can start shining through.

3) Like number 2, I think it’s a matter of scale. An adult will play for keeps with life, health, and physical wellbeing; there are real, potentially deadly consequences in large-scale plots which an 11 year old just won’t get. Thus, the plots themselves tend to be somewhat more tame. Rather than “Oh shit, gotta stay out of jail – shouldn’t have killed him that obviously” it’s more likely “Oh shit, gotta stay out of detention – shouldn’t have hexed Malfoy with witnesses around.” There are no adult games for 11 year olds. The template remains, but the actions and resultant consequences are scaled down drastically.

4) It’s been covered reasonably well. As long as there’s no terribly graphic 11 year old smut, it shouldn’t be an issue. Probably.

5) See number 1.

6) The line? If the entire chapter is about Hermione being verbally bitch-slapped, it’s probably going to seem either like angsty bullshit (Harry’s annoyance and Hermione’s inevitable guilt) or plotless bashing. I would recommend using it somewhere as a sub-scene, for lack of a better word. Find something else you want to write, let Hermione take that a little too far, and then have Harry call her on it. So long as it isn’t the focus to any great degree, it seems workable to me.

7) I like “fuck it. Pass!” However, that makes any later portions a little odd, because they inevitably have to be stuck somewhere. Having them alternate houses is epic failure; please don’t even consider it. Having Dumbledore desire that ‘unsortable’ means ‘Gryffindor’ is equally fail-tastic. If you go with the apparent favourite format (connected oneshots), you could probably avoid all mention of their house afterwards, but it might make character interactions seem a little strange in places. Slytherin (which does not necessitate an evil!Harry) may legitimately be your best bet.

8.) It isn’t necessary to stick to canon 1st/2nd year magic, but use common sense and a bit of restraint. A few year 3 spells and maybe an easy seeming year 4 are possible. If you make up spells, keep them reasonably harmless. The canon level is probably a good guide, but you really shouldn’t limit yourself to it entirely. Also, within canon, when was it the Marauders became animagi? Fourth year? Fifth? Whatever it was, they would have to have been doing complex transfiguration for a while to even attempt something most adult wizards are incapable of. Canon, as usual, is not really exact when it comes to skills and abilities.


tl;dr.

They’re eleven; they’ll act like it.

 

Thank! Okay, good, the way I'd planned it wasn't too terrible. I'll have to ponder on the houses thing.

Now for the shortest, but possibly most annoying part: The name. Since "What Would Satanist Harry Do?" is dead, any other ideas? Right now I'm almost tempted to simply use "Evil is live spelled backwards."

 

@Anubis Rex - the Marauders spent about five(?) years from their second year trying to become animagi.

 

Odd. I had thought it was fifth year that they succeeded, rather than five years later. Not entirely sure though.

And HP Lexicon is being a bitch right now and not loading.


Its pretty irrelevant though. First years do easy spells, with the exception of the occasional prodigy. If Harry is a prodigy, its gone Super!Harry or Intelligent!Harry, and will die accordingly.

 

Suceeded 5th year (in before Taure)

 

Damn, guess I remembered wrong. Well I got close, at least . Still, it took three years for them to become animagi, starting in second year I believe.

 

Another, DLP and forum specific question: Is it considered 'fucking up' if I post small scenes here to sound out whether the scene is worth including? I'm asking because sometimes a scene is easier to understand if it's written out instead of described.

Or would it be better to simply send the scenes to my Beta's, and let them decide on their own time?

 

Work by author is your friend. If what you have written is any good then that is the best place to post it for advice.

 

If your still going to use the Horcrux' then im thinking you should introduce the Dark Lord Jesus, a muggleborn fanatic and zealot who was the creator of the Horcrux magic (rising from the grave as a spirit...sound familiar?). Im thinking that if your going to do a satanist HP this would be icing on the cake so to speak for a justified and possibly revolutionary plot device...shit you could bring the church to its knees and the muggle world will rape, pillage and murder before sinking into another dark age with HP as an emperor.


Hope no one has thought of this Jesus concept?