I'd like one too.

 

Try this one:

It's the summer after fifth year and Luna is bored, so she decides to go visit her good friend Harry Potter...

As always, anything unpleasant happening to the Dursleys is a plus.

 

Throw one to your boy Averis. You know.

 

Okay.

The Weasley twins have just created their greatest invention ever. It is now being mass produced and sold to their shoppers. Little do they know that it was already invented in the Muggle world and is called crystal meth.

 

There's a good chance I'll regret this but can someone throw me one? Make it good yes?

 

I'm sure most people just got confused by your rapidly changing forum name.

Someone hit me up with something too, I want to stretch my creative muscle. :V

 

His virginity.

 

I was thinking more that he'd be bound as a sex slave to an insanely beautiful immortal goddess for eternity.

I'm sure Vash'll come up with something special.

Meanwhile...going to work on mine tonight. I seem to have a lulz-block. Anything I come up with is massively predictable.

Edit: On second thoughts, reading Dresden instead.

 

Someone throw me one. I'll get to bed now, take it up whenever I feel like it.

 

I think I'll come off the sidelines and take one as well.

 

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: Jenkins
Line: "They did say she was a moaning one."
Length: 1000/1800
Time: 60 Minutes

Peeves, please?

 

Well, we certainly have enough contenders. Let the lulz begin!

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: Krull
Line: "Harry why is your girlfriend's ass on fire?"
Length: 1000/1800
Lime: 60 Minutes

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: The Morning Star
Line: "Yes- because I've always wanted to watch a bunch of seekers, chasers, and beaters play with a bunch of balls. Because if that isn't a metaphor waiting to happen, I'm not entirely sure what is" she said.
Length: 1000/1800
Time: 60 Minutes

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: World
Line: "You know what, forget it. I'll just get back to you when your not so busy" Harry said, looking at the strange menagerie of animals, wondering why Ron kept casting summoning charms.
Length: 1000/1800
Time: 60 Minutes

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: Atomic Lightning-Bug
Line: "So is there a trick to it?" Harry asked.
"It's all in the wrist. You need to-" Hermione stopped, noticing that Harry had somehow gained the attention of everybody in the common room.
Length: 500
Time: 30 Minutes

 

Ive got one for anyone who wants it.

Time: However long it takes

Length: Decent sized for a One-shot

Summary: A honks fic with a twist. " Erm... tonks whats that??!!!!!1!11"

 

Not a lot of challenge answers so far. Come on, if I can do it, you can do it too!

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: World
Line: "You know what, forget it. I'll just get back to you when you’re not so busy" Harry said, looking at the strange menagerie of animals, wondering why Ron kept casting summoning charms.
Length: 1000/1800
Time: 60 Minutes


„Hey Hermione, do you know where Ron is?”

Hermione looked up from her homework, to find Harry dressed in his Quidditch garb along with a few other Gryffindors.

“We still need a keeper for our pick-up game against Ravenclaw.”

Repeating his seventh year at Hogwarts had turned out less interesting for Harry than expected. Despite the need to study for the NEWTs, and Hermione’s insistence that he do so, he found that he had much more time on his hands than ever before. Without any external or internal threat to his health, general well-being or the Wizarding World in general, he was rather bored.

Thus he spent most of his time playing Quidditch, Exploding Snap or Chess with Ron, who was equally uninterested in studying, as always.
“I think he went to the Room of Requirement again.”

For a moment Harry thought she had turned a tad green, but she was already focussed on her homework again.

Wondering what she meant with ‘again’, the seeker told his teammates to go ahead to the Quidditch Pitch while he would get Ron.

Quickly making his way to the seventh floor and easily locating the door in question, Harry stepped in only to have his jaw drop.

The room was filled with enclosures featuring an array of assorted animal pairs, though never of the same race. In one, a cat and a dog were ignoring each other. In the next, a turkey and a chicken resided. Sheep and chicken, horse and cow, dog and pig, nearly all possible combinations were present. Most dominant, however, were a cow and a pig together.

Hesitantly calling out for Ron, Harry finally located Ron on the other side of the room, with his wand brandished towards a balcony that was offering a splendid view of the Hogwarts grounds.

"You know what, forget it. I'll just get back to you when you’re not so busy" Harry said, looking at the strange menagerie of animals, wondering why Ron kept casting summoning charms.

The redhead finally turned to him.

“Harry, come here, come here, let me show you my newest business idea,” he enthusiastically called, motioning for him to step closer.

Harry immediately grew apprehensive. Ron’s last ‘brilliant’ business idea consisted of him selling magical crack. The fact that he had no clue about Potions whatsoever apparently didn’t stop him. Harry still wondered where he got the Muggle crack from. Ah well, it had been an interesting two weeks.
“So, what is it?” Harry asked, hesitantly.

“Well,” Ron began, as he started walking through the maze of enclosures, motioning for Harry to follow him, “you know how chickens lay eggs, cows give milk, and pigs give us bacon?”

Harry slowly nodded.

“So, in order to get all three, you would need to have three enclosures, three types of food, basically, three types of everything. So, in order to have all of the benefits, and none of the drawbacks, I’m creating an animal than can give milk, lay eggs, and produce bacon!” Ron finished with a huge smile.

Harry’s eyes bugged out at this point. “So you’re trying to ... crossbreed these animals?”

“Yes, yes, exactly.” Ron was still smiling, ignoring his friends growing apprehension.

“Of course, you can’t cross three animals at once, so I’ll have to do it in several steps, but the possibilities are endless. Look, over there, I’m trying to get a dog that gives milk. Wouldn’t that be a marvellous pet? And over here, the first stage of my grand plan, eggs and bacon. Just think of the deliciousness.”

At this point, Ron had started salivating, while Harry was just looking resigned at this next business venture doomed to failure.

Trying to get his mind of this, Harry decided to steer the topic somewhere else. “So what’s with the balcony?”

“Oh, yeah, that. Well, you know you can’t take anything the room has created outside, right? So I decided to summon real animals, so I can later sell the finished product.”

The Boy Who Lived couldn’t suppress a smile as he imagined pigs flying across the countryside, ignoring the obvious crime of theft.

Suddenly, Harry noticed a young girl, who looked like she came from a farm, sleeping in one of the cages. Somewhat used to Ron’s strange antics, he could only ask, “And what are you planning on crossing her with?”

Ron snorted with laughter at this. “Harry, I’m not going to cross her with an animal. I’m not a pervert, I’ll have you know.”

Harry’s initial relief changed into confusion.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll have to run a few more experiments,” Ron said, opening the door to the girl’s cage and stepping in.

Harry fled.

 

@World:
You are a sick, sick man. I'm honored to know you.

 

Not sure how good it's gonna be, but I'll give it a go. Thanks.

 

I was going to bed at 3:30 in the morning and this crossed my mind. Pardon me if it has any flaws.

He had red hair like his brother, but they weren't entirely the same. A scar arched over George's eyelid and Fred didn't smile as much. Fred's clothes hung on him and George swept his hand over the skin of his suit, his teeth shining in the storeroom.

"I know what you want," he stage whispered, closing in on her left ear. "You want a good time."

She couldn't help but nod at that, giggling at his proximity. The tone of his voice peaked her interest and she leaned in, questioning.

"We've been working on something. Something special. Something different. Have you ever been under a cheering charm?"

She started to answer, but he cut her off with a wink. "What about ten cheering charms? One hundred cheering charms? I can make you genuinely happy, Susan."

She wanted it to be true, and it was. She could feel a smile already. "Well, what does it do--"

Again he cut her off, smiling mischeviously, this time with a waved hand. He looked over at his brother and nodded, his brother's eyes narrowing slightly.

She assumed he was angry at his brother's antics, but didn't see Fred's desperate glances her way. Oblivious, she turned to George.

"It's not what it does, dear Susan. Just ask me how much it is."

His eyes glittered a little and she mistook his greed for goodwill. When it was over she was missing fifteen galleons, a one-time bargain price that he promised would deliver. She knew George and Fred would take care of her--they had been members of the DA together!

Nightfall had been brisk and the weather became frosty, so she swirled her cloak around her as she left the store, the closed sign on the front door jiggling happily. Floating lights guided her way to the Apparition point and she jumped, her sitting room spreading around her.

She ate dinner, listened to the wireless and looked at a photo album. Smiling faces. Waving hands. Happy people.

Her mother was there, and her aunt, even her father with his horrendous mustache, looking up at her. Alive.

She closed the book and sighed, wishing for something to touch. How long had it been? She hadn't been truly happy since...

Yes, that was a good time, she thought. A good time.

The bag hid a pipe and there were no directions, so she assumed the white powder was meant to be smoked.

She went out to a Muggle club, alone, carrying torches for each black suit watching. Alcohol mixed with the nightlife and he carried her home, but she couldn't sleep with a stranger next to her and told him to leave, her pussy still dripping. She felt drained but satisfied, weary and worried that the feeling would leave like he did, so she searched until she found more. Inhale.

She swam through the world and out, breathing heavily, a current of energy rushing in her ears. Anger at herself, alarm at the clock and tremors shook her body with the halucinations. A mirror image of herself slashed at her wrists and watched them bleed casually, the sink swallowing the red water. Her hair rubbed her scalp raw and she pulled at it, golden strings covering the tile floor. Dry heaves. Headaches. Convulsions.

Spent, she crawled to her knees and rubbed at her clitoris, sparks of tears running down her greased cheeks. They fell to her arms and it made her wet, and she moaned with despair, cried in relief as she finished with a throb of pleasure.

The floo flared and she tried to answer with a weak laugh that scared her far more than the voice of her boss. She knew what that meant and she didn't want to accept it. Sleep pressed her eyes into slumber, her bed sheets wrapped around her like coiled snakes. She screamed when she was coherent and barely breathed when she slept but she awoke on the otherside, reality crashing around her with a painful twist. Sober.

The clock was missing as she turned to look for it, wondering where she put it. On the floor. Bed side. Memories came flooding back and washed over her but she couldn't think of anything but the pain in her wrists. Her wand wasn't enough to heal it, but she could flex her writing hand at that was enough. Slim scars trailed down her arms as she brushed her hair, crying as more of her golden locks struggled and died in her hands. Her teeth looked to be darker in the broken mirror and she hurt down there, where she shouldn't have been. She undressed and dressed, a quick movement with her wand cleansing her body.

She looked for it and it was gone, but she knew where to get it cheap when she needed it. Lunch, she decided. The Ministry would function without a clerk, she laughed bitterly, especially one as worthless as her. Disgust.

She considered the stairs as she stood at their fulcrum, wondering how her bones would crack with each step, provided she jumped. One step is all. One step. She could see them again.

Their faces hovered before hers and she thought she saw angels, flying over the stairwell and downward. She reached out for their wings and gave her greatest smile as she touched one. But they flew up and away as she lie in pain, in agony.

She saw the sunshine bend into a billion brilliant lights, touching her face the way her mother used to. The way that he used to. The cloud left her mind and she felt the realization, the shock. Blood dripped from her head and she smiled.

Happiness. Genuine happiness.

 

Alright, I need to improve my writing, so could I get a challenge? Preferably without slash this time?

 

Challenger: General Custer

Length: what you feel would work best

Time: What is time but an illusion

line: “ Harry, whats wrong” “ I think I just saw a Crumple horned snorcrack, in Snapes office, in his pants”


Or

Line: "Luna how exactly did you get your hand stuck in Hermione's.....You know never mind"

 

Heh. Nice World.

Averis. Tis... almost great. You are describing the effects well, but its a bit too muddled up, and a bit too fast. It leaves the reader a bit confused, and thus, is unable to pull me in completely. Spend some time upon it. You could probably make a good one shot out of it.

@Ps. I'd like one too.