I just wanted to comment that...

...this appears to make the story immediately win. Now to actually read it...

 

Update: Chapter 8 added at PC, and at FFN.

We've reached the end of the beginning, for everybody who expressed their concerns about it. The middle part of the story is going to begin next, and none too soon, either.

 

Epic. Just like Swimdraconian and Joe6991, you have achieved what few in fandom ever will.

Small touches like your description of the origins of dementors make the story all the better.

Great to see that you have a plot, too.

But beware of making your story too epic. Don't do what joe6991 did (by that I mean not his blow-up-the-universe plot but rather how Harry never relaxed, ever). Have Harry laugh once in a while, have Harry have fun. All work and no play makes a reader go away.

Suggestions (without which your story is still awesome):

-One of the things that would make your story one-of-a-kind in all fanfiction is to have Harry battle Voldemort. You would do it well; your battle scenes are terrific. Then have Harry lose, lose badly - an idea I got from this chapter - despite all his foreknowledge and all his power. The blow to his psyche would be terrific to watch.

-Get rid of the different POVs thing. It takes away from the whole cachet in your fic, which is how Harry deals with his situation. And the sense of mystery weakens.

Rating: 5/5

 

If Harry sucks, who cares about all his brooding and potential for doing evil deeds? The entire reason there's any suspense about Harry's unstable mental state is that he IS powerful enough to fuck people up if he loses it. This would be one-of-a-kind because it's a shitty idea.

That aside, I like the story so far and if it were completed I would have no complaints about the pace. However, given the slow drizzle of chapters I'd like to see more plot movement or we're not going to be anywhere by 2010.

 

NVM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The story isn't completely Harry-centric, and there will be other subplots in the future. Writing it solely from Harry's POV will just add to the confusion. Though I acknowledge that some of the POVs were there solely because I wanted to write them. And I think I did all I could to keep the sense of mystery intact.

If I'd written all of it from Harry's POV only, all you'd have gotten till now would be a bunch of introspective monologues bandaged together. And you wouldn't have known that anything of import was happening at all outside Hogwarts. That's the problem with many fanfics - so much time is spent within Hogwarts that the readers are bored long before the conflict comes to a head near the end. And usually the villain has to gloat for a full page before the reader can understand what the hell had been happening all the year.

I don't want that to happen here. It's not efficient.

And I've committed myself to multiple-1st person POVs already, so unless I'm convinced that the whole story needs a revision before I write any more of it... it stands as it presently is.

And this won't certainly be a Super-Harry! who owns everybody else with his power and foreknowledge. That also doesn't mean that he'll suck. We'll just have to see.

 

Updated at FFN and PC.

 

^That^ pretty much sums it up. I've been following this for quite a while. The updates come a bit slow but it's well worth the wait. The different POVs are a little disconcerting but I caught on quickly after a couple of chapters.

Dunno about that one. Many authors (Joe6991 included) make it work just fine. By introducing the element of Time Travel, you have made Harry the protagonist by default --the timeline will change if and only if Harry intervenes. So when anything important happens, it's bound to happen somewhere near Harry or because of his actions. You can certainly advance your plot and not bore the audience without having to switch POVs. A few interludes (in different POVs) thrown in between the chapters can cover anything important that happens outside of Hogwarts.

All criticisms aside, I see a lot of potential in this story. And for a first fic, this is some damn impressive work! Take a well-deserved 5/5.

 

I've enjoyed the story, the Voldemort you've presented caught my interest, and although I've been reluctant to touch this story in case it was a rip off of Joe's "Wasteland's of Time," I've got to say I've enjoyed it.

The scene of the soul of the Death Eather being at Voldemort's mercy creates a nemesis for a super powered Harry which I am sure to enjoy. The existence of complex sub plots with the control of Umbridge gives you many avenues to explore and enrich your story.

The last chapter was intriguing to say the least we now see more forces come into play. This story deserves 4/5. I'd give it 5 but its not complete or long enough.

 

Yeah, but I'm not arrogant enough to think that I can match him at my first try.

Rofl, I posted mine before he did his, if that helps. And I've always avoided reading that particular fic after the first couple of chapters because it was entirely possible that it would've influenced me unduly. Or stop me from writing any more in self-disgust. But nice to know you liked it.

But yeah, comparing me to Joe gives me a major ego boost, I'd admit. Even if I'm pretty sure it's not really deserved...

I'm not sure what you mean. Just because Harry's journey through time changed the time-line doesn't mean every shit he takes becomes an "intervention". Something changed the timeline, and he was directly involved. That much I can agree with. But from that point on, history is written anew. He doesn't get to play God, even indirectly. His foreknowledge gives him an unique insight into the workings of the world, yeah. But as days go by, the timeline is diverging more and more in a cascade effect. It follows that all the "important" things, which are frankly so much shit in the eyes of Time, don't have to follow a track even similar to before.

His foreknowledge or whatever won't help him directly. He's only certain of people's motivations, not actual happenings. It'll probably become clearer as chapters go by.

 

Joe's work is very polished, but yours is certainly no slouch too. Both give me that sense of epicness when I read them.

I love your characterisations, especially that of Voldemort's, like many other DLPers have pointed out. To me anyway, his characterisation is the best I've seen so far. Give me yours over Mizuni-Sama's humanized version any freaking day.

We've yet to see Joe's version, though I personally think you've set a pretty high benchmark.

Does this give you enough of an ego boost to update earlier?