Title: Harry Potter and the Other Path
Author: Cocobolo
Rating: M, 16 for occasional violence and gore
Genre: AU/Action/Humor
DLP Category: Alternate Universe
Pairing:
Status: Work in progress
Summary: Harry's life up to his eleventh birthday was painful and harsh. Dumped in an abusive home by dead parents, running away from that home to take his life into his own hands and then surviving by his wits and his feet. Then a letter came, and opened a whole new world...

Link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=224105

Hi,

Not much else to add except that I do intend to do an Other Path version of all seven Cannon books. Haven't quite got there yet (I'm halfway through posting book 5) but I'm moving along at a fair pace. Anyway review please.

 

WTF an HPFF link on DLP!

OP bad form to self-plug without even an intro thread.

Edit: Will read and review...since I just had to express my disbelief at an HPFF link. -kicks himself-

 

Lol calm down. Newbs aren't the only ones on HPFF.

 

Nothing to do with "newbs." More like the stories there aren't usually what jives with our community.

 

Fair enough.

This story, for example, definitely doesn't jive. Read the first five paragraphs, had a couple of errors, run-ons galore...I'm thinking the OP/author doesn't speak english as a first language. All in all, really juvenille.

It's over 30 chapters though, so if someone is feeling particularly patient (read: bored), they can provide a more in-depth review.

 

Some reviewer over there recommended the author post this here. This means that he probably doesn't no much about us at all.


I really liked the story about a year ago, shortly before a ended up here. The plotting was superb, particularly enjoyed Quirrelll at the end of year one, and the escalating situation during CoS. Lost track of the fic shortly after that, for whatever reason.

Looks like I attempted to beta the first chapter, I see that I didn't do a very good job. But I would like to think that my English skills have improved since.

FYI, the hard life only sets the stage for the story, and isn't a setup for pointless angst. And I actually liked how that Marauder group developed, unlike in many other stories.


Would have to read all new instalments before giving a proper rating, but what I remember probably deserves around a 4

 

Lots of responses

Wow, that's more responses than I expected! Ok, what were the points...

Didn't write an Intro thread because... well what would I say other than "I'm here because someone suggested I put my story here for review and it sounded like a good idea." And that's not much of an intro. In the end I decided not to (after reading a thread that said I didn't have to) It would be a very short intro anyway.


Sesc:

"(New) Marauders" Does not mean there will be silly pranks. There may be some pranks, but mostly not. After all silly pranks don't really advance the plot at all.

I don't believe that someone can become kick ass in one summer either (and always hate fic's that do that) but I can't reveal more without giving away plot. And anyway he mostly wasn't fighting people on equal terms (MY Harry sees nothing wrong with stabbing people while their backs are turned). And everyone's not suddenly on his level, they're practicing, they're getting better, but they're not there yet. Not by quite a long shot.

Well, if it would convince you to read more Harry does spend quite a lot of time doing his own thing. Your choice though. Obviously.

Sorry (braces for being slapped with a dead fish) It means I won't tell. I mean putting a paring field tells you what's going to happen in the story!!!! It ruins the supprise! Would you have read Harry Potter if it had a big "VOLDEMORT IS KILLED WITH THE ELDER WAND IN AN ANTICLIMACTIC BATTLE" sticker on the front?Sorry... this is a personal bugbear of mine. Ignore me. Anyway I can at least promise that the story is not a romance story. Any parings/relationships will be secondary or even tertiary story lines, never prominant ones.

Anyways it may just be me being bias but most of the things you seem to be reacting badly to are explained/diluted/generally-bettered in the part between the first two chapters and the last one. But if I can't convince you never mind, thanks for leaving a nice long review anyway!

Memory King! Hi! Lost track of you with the betaing thing. Nice to see you again.

 

Could of read the intro template, that has some good suggestions for what to put in it.

Not trying to be a dick, just an idea.

 

Well... where to start? First off, the story seems to have some plot. Then comes the spelling. Getting the names of characters wrong is fail. Major fail. When you didn't get Rubeus Hagrid right... I started getting suspicious. Rubious, seriously dude, how on earth did you get it to Rubious? Anyway, then along comes Gringotts. But that's not all, take a look at this bit.

Not only do you get Gringotts wrong, but this ("They're goblins") bit just looks like you forgot to tell us that they were Goblins.

I think you might need this:

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-use-capital-letters

I can see why someone who's lived on the streets would want to save money... but this is an eleven year old boy who's never had anything new in his life. Now he has money. He's going to buy new things.

The Weasley name is one of the most written names in the entire series. How do you get it wrong?

Why did you have to do this? The story seemed pretty okay... why'd you have to dump this shit into it? "New Marauders" is not only the laziest but also the most cliché name possible for Harry's "gang". That bit right there made me want to stop reading the story... I should have but I didn't.

I don't even know where to start... there's so much fail in this bit. Neville's "But wait!" is probably the worst. No wait, I lied. Harry saying that they're going to a place they a minute earlier learned was forbidden and would most likely lead to their demise is worse. Its STUPID. No wait, its RETARDED.

What? First off, why is he sitting down on the table? Secondly... maps, details, reports and ideas about what? The school? Pranks? Again. NO. That's stupid. Stupid and retarded.

What the fuck. Really dude? Did you actually write this? Interesting document? Flitwick would have been astounded with it? What is Hermione, the new Dumbledore? Fuck that. And why is Malfoy cackling like Dr. Evil when he tells Hermione his evil plan to pretend he wrote this amazing document? (Which probably contains all these new awesomely cool theories on Charms that Hermione wrote up after a few days in school right?)

I can't tell you how fucking stupid that is. Oh wait, I just did. Its fucking stupid. Shit like this really fucks your story over. Then there's the fact that he can't open a fucking door. This is from the same damn chapter:

He was reading about Alohamora. You mention him reading a WHOLE CHAPTER on the fucking spell. Then when he's trying to open a locked door to rescue "New Dumbledore" he doesn't remember it at all? I thought he was supposed to be a bit smarter in your story.

Why? Why has he been "Playing pranks"? And what rules has he broken already? I see no rules broken yet in the story? And why the FUCK do the Marauders (Yeah, a BIG M in Marauders cus' its a name you know?) stop talking? The Marauders are as follows: James Potter (Dead), Sirius Black (In Azkaban), Peter Pettigrew (Living as a Rat with Ron), and Remus Lupin who I'm quite certain doesn't live in the common room.

Oh wait, I guess you mean the "New Marauders". Fuck you and your story. This is where I stopped reading... and I'll never get that time wasted back. Or the time I spent giving you a nice review. Well, maybe not so nice... but honest at least.

You need to get a proper beta. Rubious, Weasly, Gringots. If your beta doesn't catch these misstakes, he/she sucks. And you suck even more for writing them.

 

Forgot to rate the story Anyway, if the Author would re-read his/her own work and stop to think here and there about what they are writing... this could actually be saved. Remove: New Marauders, Harry being friends with Ron, Padma, Parvati, possibly Neville (If he's going to say things like "But wait!"), anyone who even thinks about pulling a prank that is not George, Fred or Ginny Weasley (And in her case it probably needs to be as a diversion for Harry to do something else, like get together with one of those hot chicks outside Gryffindor).

Still... as the story reads right now:
1/5

 

I actually kinda liked it. The numerous spelling errors were annoying, but not insurmountable for a determined (i.e. 'bored') reader. I didn't mind the 'New Marauders' bit too much, except for the fact that there were too many people in the group (it was up to 13 or 14 in the latest chapter, iirc). The pranking didn't play too huge a role, so I'm not sure where all the anti-pranking complaints are coming from.

I liked Harry's characterization overall. A minimum of pointless angst about the hard life that, while realistic, adds nothing to the story. And he's a strong, intelligent, effective hero, compared to the whiny little bitch he turned into in canon.

While Draco's redemption is a little iffy, at least he's still an asshole to the rest of Harry's group. I also like the idea of a competent, but not super! Draco. He grew up in an environment where if you didn't excel, you were nothing, so I tend to despise the more canon-compliant characterizations of him being a talentless twat (not to mention the fact that having a useless idiot as a rival for the main character is kind of stupid, imo).

Snape's redemption is also a little iffy, but you didn't make it all flowers and fluff (though you have come close a couple times), which is good. Also, kudos for the excellent Moody characterization.

Essentially, you just need to get a good beta for the spelling issues, and lose some of the "extra" marauders, and you'll be set.

4/5

 

The story has been alright so far. The changes from cannon certainly make it more interesting.

The past few chapters I have found my interest waning. Harry used to have an infectious devil may care attitude. Now, he has accepted the prophecy and has generally turned into an emo dick.

It would have been maybe a 3.5/5 or a 3/5 but there are bigger problems.

- Harry is very average, possibly below average, in everything but charms
- Draco and Snape have been reformed
- Misspelled character names
- Incompetent Dumbledore

These faults bring it down to a 2/5. Possibly bin worthy but it would be barely.

 

I agree with Shadowmage, even with all of the mistakes and things that don't really fit in on this site, this story was entertaining enough for me to read all the way through to the latest chapter. A few things made me question the author's intelligence, like the various misspellings, redeemed!Draco and Snape, and the as-of-yet unexplained conduct of Dumbledore and Lupin. I also had a total wtf moment when he basically took the breakup scene from and inserted Snape. In spite of all these things, it has just enough redeeming characteristics for me to give it 3/5 and a recommendation for the Recycling Bin.

 

Everyone seems to have noted the spelling...

Everyone seems to have noted the spelling. My response is... well it'd be better if that wasn't there but I'm going to spend my time posting new chapters rather than correcting minor errors in the old ones.

Major errors though. Like the door. That I think I'll rewrite. On reflection it doesn't make sense. I mean Harry could have forgotten about allohamora, but that's kind of a evasion.

It's not Harry/Hermione. And It's not slash. I wouldn't write thirty plus chapters then spring slash on people, that would be a bit underhand. It's not any of the common pairings, that's all I'll say.

Not in a fair fight. But Harry has ways of making fights unfair.

It won't last much longer, there are reasons.

I thought that would add to the tension, you know, make Harry not some ultra-hero. Make him flawed. Can I ask what you're specific problem with it is?

Once more, can I ask what the specific problem is? Is it just the fact that they're reformed that you have a problem with or the way I did it?

That will be explained soon.

Funny you should say that... How many chapters did you read?

Everyone hates the New Marauders thing. Once more there is a reason! Damnit... maybe I've just got too many things that just haven't been explained yet.

It's been weeks. Lots of stuff has happened, but I didn't write any of it. I mean you don't write every lesson so I don't write every prank.

 

I'm not being a proponent for Harry to have super powers but there is a gap in logic for him to be good at one wand based magic, yet terrible at the others. Especially when it appears that he is naturally gifted. Canon Harry was very good at DADA but this was largely because he put the most effort into that class. Even still, he managed decent grades in charms and transfiguration.

If you explained why he had such a big mental block for other subjects it might be understandable. However, most DLPers disliked the canon Harry who knew 3 spells and failed at most other subjects. It almost garantees that there will be a deus ex machina way of killing Voldemort.

 

Are you saying the elder wand was deus ex machina? *gasps* Really!? This fic blows balls, btw. 2.5/5

 

If anyone's still interested the latest chapter explains many things.

 

Cocobolo: Fortunately I'm not at all interested, removing the slightest chance that I'd indulge in an activity that so far has been about as enjoyable as having multiple nails rammed through my eye-sockets.

It was pretty much this that told me all I needed to know about the prospects of your story ever improving.

I read this as "I don't give two shits about major writing fuck-ups." While your penchant for carelessness mignh not be minded, or even noticed, on other sites, DLP is different. As h2o so excellently demonstrated, we strive for a higher calibre of writing. Fortunately for you, your fic was was dull enough to stop it attracting attention from any ferverent members (cough *Warlocke* cough).

Though at least you provided some lulz with this:

I spent a few moments chuckling and wondering about the purposes of this spell. Perhaps it was originally a German incantation to greet people called Mora by jumping out at them? Well anyway, if you can't even be arsed to spell correctly when discussing your fic, what are the chances you'll ensure that the fic itself doesn't look like it was by a 7-year-old?