Title: A Shadowed Soul
Author: devilblondie
Rating: FF.net rated T
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: Harry/Tonks
Status: WIP
Summary:

He was abandoned at a young age, the world believing him dead. They were wrong. Death Eaters believed untoucheable are dying. Who is this assassin? Will he join Dumbledore or take the war into his own hands? Not typical powerful!politic!Harry. HONKS
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Link: A Shadowed Soul

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A well-written piece so far (both technically and in terms of characterization). The typographical and usage errors are few and far between.

Harry did not attend Hogwarts in this; rather he went to a school in Canada. He is powerful, but not so much as to be invulnerable, and is written with enough élan to participate in the conflict as a major player in his own right.

There are a few hackneyed ideas (blood magic and wandless magic among them), but they do not particularly detract from the story. This Harry (known by a different name in the narrative) is a confident and independent individual who still manages to play well with others. The romance aspect happens quickly, but it is facilitated by pre-story interaction between Harry and Tonks which is fleshed out in periodic flashback sequences (as is Harry's personal history).

Overall, this has made for an enjoyable read so far. Updates have been sporadic lately, but there is enough story already written to get into the world. As near as I can tell, all the major players have been introduced, and the story is starting to get into the main conflict now.

 

I'm sure that this has been recced. That said, it's an alright story if you can ignore Harry's retarded name, and the questionably homo-erotic vampire feeding scene. 3/5

 

I made sure to run a search and didn't see it, unless the original thread didn't follow the current posting guidelines (ie. story title was not in the subject line).

And, yeah, the vampire feeding scene was off, but I think the intent was for it to be creepy, not particularly erotic.

 

I could have sworn this one was posted already as well, but I didn't find it.

Anyways, if you're looking for a reason to dislike this fic there are plenty of them out there. Some of them laughably bad and would make for much mockery quoted and posted here.

Nevertheless, this is definitely a guilty pleasure sort of fic for me and though it's been a while, I read the whole thing and looked forward to updates.

Somewhere between 3 and 4 out of 5, but I think the author's run out of steam and it'll be another unfinished WIP. For that, I'm rounding down to 3/5 for now.

 

4/5, its been a while since I have read a good Honks. Though yeah I agree with Sesc on the updates.

 

Didn't get past the first chapter.

Technically speaking, the writing is full of flaws. He can't go a paragraph without messing up his tenses.

The trap laid for Harry (I refuse to call him Kai) was too perfect. Rule number 1 of any plan is that nothing ever goes to plan. Now, Harry's plan didn't go as planned; Voldemort's shouldn't have either.

Big problem of swords. Characters using swords to duel rather than using magic without good reason is a signal that the author doesn't really grasp the point of the Harry Potter, particularly that it is a story about magic. This is further shown by all the other alterations to the HP magic system that the author has made (all of them for the worse).

I never got that far, but ass-backwards!Britain usually annoys me in fanfic too.

Voldemort's characterisation is crap. One of the worst characterisations I've ever read of him.

The motivations of the people involved are suspect. It seems to me that the author just wants to create a few visually cool scenes (see: swords) without thinking about it properly.

The whole idea of assassins is something that needs explaining, but never is in an assassin!Harry story. There's not enough demand for assassins in such a small community for there to be full-time assassins.

So many things wrong with this fic that its not only bad, but also pisses me off. 1/5.

 

Although the writing is indeed full of flaws, the story as well features an assassin!Harry, swords fights and of course an all time 'cool' character such as Ka... Harry Potter... it is still an interesting read which might not leave any lasting memories of good characterizations or superb plot twists but remains a good read nonetheless.

I've always been trying to avoid stories, an HP stories that is, with the main character being snatched from some manga series and then shoved into the HP universe(not literary, but close)...
... Why?! ...
... because it is not an HP fic anymore but rather a story using familiar names of characters and places for some unexplainable reason since the problem our hero is faced with, is not his problem and he could just as well walk away and put an END to the story before it has actually began...

...but the interesting thing is that I liked the story. It was interesting to read if for nothing else at least for its easy going pace and not demanding plot. It is just like one of those Hollywood productions featuring action heroes(Hellboy, IronMan, Hulk) that you start watching and though the movie is horrible in any aspect of it you keep on watching because you simply have nothing better to do in this boring Sunday afternoon...

So, 3.5/5 and if anyone finds himself with nothing else to read it comes recommended...(shouldn't be over a 3/5 but +0.5 for the Honks... doesn't matter that her character is there for no other reasons but to fill the role of the long legs next to the bad ass hero)

 

I'm fully with Taure on this one.

1/5

Renaming the main character is auto-fail for me.

 

"Boys, show him how its done.”

Ha. Epic shit.

 

Couldn't even get past the first chapter. And the name Kai made me cringe every time I saw it.

 

This must have been posted before. I have attempted to read this about two or three time before this current post... I'm not trying again. 1/5

 

Was posted in the almost recommended post. I remember this, as the next response was discussing the acronym. And called it just that. ASS.

 

The dialogue Voldemort uses is like a freight train of fail slamming with frightening suddenness. Open up the story and you think "Hey, this guy can kind of write."

By the end of the first chapter, you know better.

Granted, you could enjoy the story if you overlooked the main villain sounding like a mafia boss, homoerotic scenes, a Japanophile name, the lack of assassinations which was the primary selling point, the senseless action scenes involving swords... but who can do that?

Okay, 900 reviewers on FFnet can, but those people are freaks.

I disliked the lack of assassinations. No one in the HP fandom, including myself, has been shown themselves able to do it. If I remember correctly, Harry wound up a teacher at Hogwarts. I want to see him killing things, not teaching.

If the promise of attraction is what drew you to this story, a far better read is: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2703722/1/Halo_3_Collapse

 

I couldn't get past first chapter and even reading this one was a chore. Author seems to be unable to write whole story in one tense, be it past or present, and mixes them. I can't say what exactly is it, but narration is... annoying.
Plot is inconsistent and contains tons of cliches. I hate when authors change main character's name, especially when it makes no sense (and how would Harry get japanese-sounding name in Canada I'll never know). The idea of being found & raised by another assassin is ridiculous. As far as I knew assassins were heartless bastards with no morality, not some romantic chaps who just couldn't stop themselves from helping poor little orphans found on streets. Then there goes wandless magic, it's actually my favorite cliche, yet still they way it's written here just doesn't feel right. Then there is fighting, as someone wrote before, this is fiction about magic, there is no point in muggle style fights with swords. The last plot hole to the point I read was Harry's & Tom Riddle's OOC-ness. They even act out of their changed character. If Harry was assassin and TR wanted him in his ranks, offering him money sound way more reasonable than trapping him.

Overall, this story could be good, it really had potential, but awful writing style and lots of plotholes and cliches (did I mention HP being metamorphomagus?) made reading it a chore.
For me, it's 1.5-2.0/5, because it still has potential to get worse.

 

I typically have a problem with sword fighting in Harry Potter fics in general, namely because a.)there's often no reason and b.)because it is nearly always done very badly. This fic fits both of those descriptors to a tee. Why the hell would Lucius Malfoy have a saber - it's bad enough he's portrayed with a cane in the movies.

And the dialogue from Voldemort was so bad I actually winced in pain. This person can't write Voldemort to save his life. And Harry's characterization is absolutely asinine - you can barely tell that this 'assassin' is even Harry Potter, especially considering the utterly unnecesarry and moronic name change.

I could barely get past the first chapter. 1/5, and the only reason it isn't lower is because it isn't strewn with spelling mistakes (a pet peeve of mine).

 

:O

Movie!Malfoy's pimp cane is pure win.

 

I dunno... it's entertaining, to be sure, but I always thought it as a tad bit pretentious for Lucius Malfoy to have it. His character doesn't have the characterization in the book that would fit for a cane. I mean, the Malfoys like to flaunt wealth and such, but giving Malfoy a cane seemed incredibly unnecessary.

I will say that despite my personal opinion the cane, it's better than Lucius Malfoy having a damned saber filled with 'Death Magic.'

 

I've just read the first chapter. 8/5. There was epic lulz to be had. One of the better parodies I've read. I nearly fell off my chair when reading the Voldemort scenes.

 

Not great but still a nice read.

3/5