Title: Enlightenment
Author: Roahta
Rating: T
Genre: General
DLP Category: Independent
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Status: W.I.P
Summary: Takes place the Summer before third year. A chance meeting with a former Death Eater reveals some startiling truths. Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter.


An Intresting story probably the only fic I have read where 'Harry meets a death eater' but it happens so early on.
Well written however a few Grammatical errors and spelling errors are present the update rate seems okay (39 reasonable chapters in about a year) and is IMO well worth a read.

P.S Sorry if my critique is lacking im not used to this

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3902850/1/Enlightenment

 

Cliche after cliche dominates this fic.

Reformed Death Eater who suddenly found a concious at the fact that Voldemort was going to kill an infant and ran away. Not only was he high up in the Death Eater ranks and privy to the prochecy, out of the blue he decides to resurface and talk to Harry about everything he could pull out of his deus machina ass. My main fault with this guy is his existence. He joins up for the culling of Muggles, but can't stand the thought of two infants dying so he runs away. Wtf? If it is such a mortal blow to his insanely fucked up newborn concious that two kids are going to get killed, then why didn't he grow a pair and do something about it.

"Ya I feel really bad about those kids, but not that bad that I'll try to do the right thing and help them out."

I hope this fag gets a flaming stake through his eye at some point in the fic.

Harry gets pranked by his deranged murderous psychotic godfather after obtaining access to his numerous vaults in Gringotts.

Harry remembers Griphooks name.

Harry immediately thinks of Hermoine once something "above" a child his age's intelligence is spoken and he wishes she were there to help him out.

All of that on top of bad characterizations and awful conversation scenes.

I stopped reading after 5 chapters. If someone decides to brave this fic and try to find something redeeming in this fic then godspeed and I hope your eyes don't bleed tears of agony.

1/5

 

Malnourished!Harry, MadManipulator!Dumbledore, friendly and helpful goblins, magical trunks, large inheritances, a letter in a vault...

Really, even if Dursleys actually did starve Harry (no canon evidence), how can he be still malnourished after two years of Hogwarts? Why do most authors forget that goblins start bloody rebellions against wizards every other century?

Generally speaking I don't mind cliches, but as this fic has no redeeming qualities even I couldn't read past chapter six.

2/5

 

Didn't even get past the first page.

Barely readable dialogue, out-of-character internal musing, blatantly horrible usage of commas, punctuation, and all other adherence to convention, to name a few.

If that doesn't make you cringe, it should. Fail.

---

PS. This seems to be your first post here, Argentum, without even something as basic as an introduction in the Newcomers section. Your public profile says that your account was created June 22, 2008 - you should know this by now.

 

I've been following this for a while now, I just skim the more cringe-worthy parts. The biggest reason for my enjoyment is that almost nobody writes Pre-OoTP Indy!Harry. Aside from those PS AUs that don't change anything worthy of note.

This story gets better some time after Harry arrives at Hogwarts, but it only becomes 3.5/5 at its best.

But conveniently placed characters and plot points, characterisation problems (especially early on), and those infamous classic Diagon Alley sequences, force the rating down.

2/5. Good enough if you're bored and need something new to read that isn't terribly hard to digest, or relatively new to fanfiction, but not DLP material.

 

Ohh umm my bad then.
I think I'll read a lot more fics before posting again so as I don't mess up again sorry.
On that note does anyone have any glowing reccomendation to give me a point of reference for good fics and bad.

 

Everything you need to survive at DLP.

 

Ahh I thank you, I have been 'Enlightened' you might say.

 

This story's literally only quality is setting up for that pun.

 

You know I was almost tempted to not read this due to the poor reviews. But I gave it a shot. I needed a distraction while at work...which is exceedingly boring and I work as a security guard on the grave yard shift.

Despite this being the most cliched thing I've probably ever read...it is not uber terrible. The writing style actually progresses as the story goes on. Its definitely not library worthy...but its okay for Harry/Herman slash.

1.9/5

 

For fuck's sake. Stop rating with such arbitrary numbers. I'm seeing all this 4.5, 2.9, 0.0063x10^2 out of 5 bullshit. Your choices are 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. Deal with it.

 

I rate it a 0.9/5.

Likewise.

 

So do that then, if you can post a screenshot of you rating this thread a 0.9 I will take my hat off to you. If you can't, please shove your own arm down your throat and stop your heart.

Kthxbai.

 

Enembee. I've read through the rules several times. I've read through many threads several times containing these "arbitrary numbers". I've seen no Admin/Mod ruling against their use, nor any rule which prohibits their use.

You do realize that the ratings in and of themselves are arbitrary don't you? For example something I might rate a 1 might be rated a 5 by someone without any standards at all. And as the rules have no stipulation or mandate that only whole positive integers in a sequence of 1-5 must be used when writing a review. And you are not an Admin or Mod.

I kindly ask you to go fuck yourself.

 

lol, what are you talking about? Sree, himself, rated a fic 4.5. Also, the rating system goes from 0-5. I believe .9 and 1.9 are within that range...

 

Any decimal number other than 0.5 just makes me doubtful the reviewer has any idea what he's talking about.

The story by mayoki (On the Wings of a Phoenix?) handles the reformed Death Eater idea immeasurably better.

 

Well, giving a fic .9 instead of .5 shows how important certain properties of the fic are to you.

One person could give 4.5 to a fic because of occasional misspellings. Another person could give the same fic 4.9 because of the occasional misspellings, only that it doesn't annoy person B as much as it does person A.

 

I think it makes more sense just to stick with the .5 increments. Anything else just gets confusing and I know whenever I see a x.6786 or likewise, I just round it up/down to a .05 increment anyway.

On to the story. The first few chapters are already fail.

2/5

 

This is my least favorite of her stories.

The short stories a better, and would have been put into the library a few years ago, but now the bar might be to high for them.
"payback is a witch" has a real DPL to me, your mileage may vary.