Title: Old Man Potter
Author: sarmad88
Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Drama
DLP Category: Time Travel
Pairing: Harry Potter x Ariana Dumbledore
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: Harry's rage ignites in King's Cross. Now he must suffer the consequences and witness the terror that shaped the man who would one day become the pitiful, delusional, yet most powerful Light Lord in existence. Time Travel. Grindlewald.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4810934/1/Old_Man_Potter


The story centers around the question "What would Harry do in the three way duel between Dumbledore, Aberforth, and Gellert?"

The fic has a dark-humor feel to it tied in with copious amounts of introspection. It is difficult to describe this story, it is in first person and has a first person dialog similar to what you would see in the Dresden files Work by Authors section.

A better example of the dialog would be Knight by Gene Wolfe, but I doubt anyone has read that novel here.

Harry seems very human-like and has no amazing super powers. He even describes himself to be a pretty crappy wizard-which is true, but that doesn't stop him. He has his rage and a touch of cynicism, yet he seems to use both of them in some crazed angst ridden sonota to overpower his enemies.

Its fun, realistic, and it leaves you wanting to see what happens next.

Cons though is the grammar and repetition, but that can be overlooked by the sheer emotions thrown out within each line.

I would encourage anyone to read this story if you want to see some original time travel, make your own decisions on what the rating should be however I give it a solid 4/5.

 

Honestly, the writing is too terrible for me to get past half of the first chapter. 2/5.

 

Couldn't finish the first chapter. Too poorly written.

 

Characterization was extremely poor, in my opinion, given the stage Harry was actually at during the 'King's Cross' chapter. He just sacrificed himself, making peace with the world around hiim - why would he snap and become a screaming psychopath? It doesn't make sense, yet it is used as the premise of this story. I also think Dumbledore was done extremely poorly too. And the dialogue was atrocious - no questions asked.

The story just seemed... sloppy, to me. More polish, more thought, could have made this a decent fic. As it was, the writing was terrible and the story could have definitely been improved by better characterization and better dialogue.

1/5

 

I read until Harry took up his mother's name of 'Lilly' [sic] and spur-of-the moment nickname 'Flower' as an alias. That's right boys and girls; Harry Fucking Potter is now Lilly Flower. Finally, a worthy competitor in the Olympics of retarded alias'; Rahkesh, you reign no more.


Poor dialogue, poor narrative flow, poor continuity, poor character development, and riddled with stupid shit. No. Fuck this shit: 1/5.

 

I gave up right at the start, fucking aura-battle with a dead wizard? That just fails.
0/5
Oh, and that king cross thing already sucked at the book, no need to write it on a fanfiction...

Rahkesh had an actual meaning? I cant remember nor gather the amount of effort it would take me to find the fic and find out.

 

No, it didn't have a meaning (IIRC); it just sounded retarded. Lilly Flower sounds retarded and has a retarded meaning, thus the dubious 'win' for it.

And Rahkesh is from the 'A Second Chance at Life' series (cbf to link it, it's in the Recycling bin anyway).

 

Actually, 'Rahkesh' or rather 'Rakesh' which would be pronounced about the same, is a real Indian name. Though I can't remember what it actually means at the moment.

On the topic of the fic, I can't even bring myself to try it, (Lilly Flower? Admittedly crappy wizard?) so I won't rate.

 

It means "Lord of the Full-Moon Day."

Anyways, yeah, this story is fail. If there ever was a seed of a good idea, it's gone now. 1/5

 

I can't believe you compared this to Gene Wolfe. This a billion times worse. I apologize, that's an insult to Gene Wolfe.

 

LoL, Harry is throwing a temper tantrum against Dumbledore while still calling him sir? WTF? Is that supposed to be his great fit of anger? Where are all the insults and stuff? No one is this civil during a fight.

And shit like:

and

and

are an instant turn-off.

 

Not really, certainly not and really couldn't care less.

If you want emotion in a fic then this really isn't what you're looking for. If you want a temper tantrum reminiscent of a seven year old on the other hand...

The fight scenes are appalling, Harry becomes the fucking terminator except he doesn't have sunglasses and isn't cool. He just keeps taking more and more damage but just overcomes it or is about to collapse and just keeps himself going but for about 2000 words.

Stilted dialogue and rambling randomly inserted introverted moments meshed together in prolonged sequences also make it difficult to follow. And although having never read Gene Wolfe if he's a published author I doubt his dialogue is anything close to as bad as this. There is no flow, no continuity in his writing

As for original time travel, go read IP 82's The Last Dinosaur's Roar.

Ultimately it fails epically in my book solely for

NO!

Terrible 1/5.