Hey guys, felt the need to reply. This is my fic... thank you all for reading it, and your comments. I'm glad most of you are enjoying it as well.

I wanted to say this isn't abandoned (its been over a month, i think, since my last update). Excuses mainly being my summer classes have started, I'm still in the process of moving apartments, blah blah blah. Anyway, for those who have kept up with it, I'll have something for you soon. I lurk here all the time, so if you wanna bitch at me if I'm slow with updates, feel free to do it here.

 

Finally got time to read this one, lack of time even though I graduated seems unlogical somehow.

Anyhow, I'll jump on the OOC-Bellatrix bandwagon. I crave a crazy Bellatrix. Otherwise I quite enjoyed her impact, I didn't quite understand her motivation for switching sides, how on earth can she expect anything but betrayal from Harry once he learns all that he needs? Unless she wheedles into his good graces by giving him some crazy milf sex of course.

I'll agree with Trooper on the Rookwood fight though. For some reason I got these nasty flashbacks from that story; "The dark witch and the necromancer" or whatever it was named. Raising skeleton animals from the ground is forever branded as a no-no to me.

As for the positive parts; the writing was indeed good, even though the chapters is a tad short. Plotwise it's hard to tell, can't really judge much since it's still quite short. It has great potential though.

A 4/5 from me.

 

That's too bad, necromancy is one of the oddly unused things that should be overdone in fanfiction by now. It's a fun idea and comes with more omph than Harry's darkest power being the fact he can shoot green and cackle.

 

+1 well written
+2 Plausible Harry/Tonks
+1 Avoids most stereotypes
+1 Decent dueling
+1 Interesting characterization of Moody

-1 Written in first person
-2 Badly written Sane!Bellatrix as a main character

3/5

 

Aww. Come on guys, you can't give up on the Independent!Harry, then you just don't have anything left. Honestly though, I love the fic so far. Cliches? They don't make a difference to me, because underneath all those poorly copied stories was a very good idea that everyone tried to emulate, and if someone can do it well and keep it interesting? That's more power to them.

The writing style? It's one of the most engaging 1st P.O.V stories I've read in the longest time, and doesn't have the kinda jarring transitions most seem to have. Of course, my "most" is limited to about 5fanfic at this current time. The minor spelling errors? Inevitable, and not really worth taking points off of. They just need a beta.

Characterization? Bellatrix seems kinda.. off for me. I'm not sure I buy it, but I'm not completely certain why. I'm unsure of whether I appreciate the "power" the Inner circle has... it definitely made me hesitate when Rookwood summoned that undead thing, but that might have been due to flashbacks of really bad stories. Still, those being my only "maybe" concerns, I'm definitely looking forward to the next update.

4/5 until I can see more, I guess.

 

Quoted for truth,

3/5

 

Moderately disturbing and logically driven. Bellatrix was off as hell in some places, but overall an excellent time-filler. 4/5

 

It was a decent fic then it crashed and burned into the FAIL sea when Harry was to weak to break Bellatrix's Imperio to save people he cared about despite breaking Voldemort's so as not to be humiliated.

The real Bones still being there when the death eaters show, not to mention that Bones didn't call in her own backup was an utter P.I.S. Bones doesn't work for the old man and if they told her not to she would tell them to bugger off.

Harry has a free shot on Malfoy and instead of stunning him or even *gasp* killing him he uses a banisher... are you fucking kidding me.

If you have to pull a Rowling, and turn the characters into retards to make your grimdark plot work that should tell you your trying to hard and should change the plot.

1/5

 

This.

Far too contrived.

 

Personally I like where this story is going, since I have a feeling that Harry will have to make some really hard decisions, that will cause the shit to hit the fan.

Minor complaints with Bellatrix, but that may be from to many fanfictions in which she is depicted as the crazy-uber bitch and not the manipulator or intelligent villain that I have a feeling she would be.

4/5 for me

 

Here this is why it sucks http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotBall or this works even better. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PlotInducedStupidity


The truth is Shake the only way you can save this is by doing a rewrite otherwise... bury it.

 

This started out nice I liked the way Harry,Tonks and Moody were presented. that being said I stopped reading as soon as I seen a sane Bella so I'm with Lance dump everything after the last scene with Tonks in Chapter 1 and start over

 

Hey, pay attention to the last post date. This hasn't been updated, so don't necro it. I just read through the whole thing thinking there was another chapter.

 

There is a tiny, minute chance that I might be repeating something I've already said, but... There is no such thing as necroposting in the Library. As long as you give a valid review (and cloud's review is valid, although he does things to punctuation that I've never seen before), there is absolutely no need for an update to comment again.

However, since you read the whole thing by mistake... what did you think of it? :mrgreen:

 

One major point that irks me is the Death Eater's strength. While I'd definitely prefer them to be more competent than the bunch of jokes that they were in canon, I think the author is way overpowering them.

Moody, Tonks and McGonagall being unable to deal with just a single Inner Circle member? If that were the case Voldemort would have won long ago. Dumbledore can't possibly match what would be an overpowered Voldemort and his entire Inner Circle.

I hope the author remembered that in the First War, the Death Eaters had ten times the manpower of the Order but still failed to wipe them out. While Order members like Arthur and Molly are probably more logistics/support personnel and hence utterly useless in a duel, I doubt all of them are that incompetent.

I also agree that I dislike the author's style of writing. I'm not sure, but it just doesn't seem to read as a story should.

 

Harry talking to the birds kind of killed the fic before it really started, and Bella not being bat shit crazy was a disappointment in chapter 2, she gets better in 3. I did enjoy Tonks though, so point there.

For now, a tentative 3/5.

 

Hey guys, this is my fic.

Just to clear things up, its abandoned. I appreciate all the reviews though. This was my first attempt at a fic, and hopefully if/when I start a new one I'll make it a little more palatable.

 

... and I was actually looking for an update here... disappointment ... a big one...

Despite the OC Bellatrix, you had something good going on in there and I honestly wonder why you'd give up on it, but then, perhaps next time you'd manage to do a better version of it. Just keep up with the good Harry/Tonks work there, and you won't get red points from me...

 

no offence to you shake but i don't like it i have never really seen a death eater able to help harry because i always thought that the dark mark tied their minds to voldimort as well witch stops them from helping his enemy's the fact that their was a raven in the first chapter did not help out side of Petigrew every death eater animagus i have ever read has been a raven i have to say around 2/5 but hey who am i to judge since anything i write would likely go striate to the recycle bin

 

Oh my God why.