Well - it was only a matter of time.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Moan-Twishite-Twilight-Parody/dp/1843174448

From the back:

'I want to bite you, Heffa. I want to bite you very hard. I'll be gentle, I promise. If you really loved me, you'd let me.'

Heffa Lump is just a typical, pale and interesting seventeen-year-old, who doubts that anyone will ever see her true beauty. But then she moves to Spatula and meets Teddy Kelledy, an impossibly gorgeous boy who eats rare meat, is super-strong and never goes out in sunlight. Could he, just maybe - be a vampire? (Hint: totally.) A tale of first love, painful longing and even more painful pointy teeth, "New Moan" is a hilarious parody of the phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga.

One of the better parodies and one that is likely to hit the mainstream soon enough.

A few of the better lines:

• 'I backed away from the make-up wielding goth, conscious that their circle was closing in on me. Escape seemed impossible, but maybe it wouldn't be too bad; The Cure did have a couple of good albums...'

• "I must go - the smell of your blood is overpowering!" he ejaculated.

• 'I spun around - the Spunky Puritans were manhandling the prop penis through the theater entrance, and one of them had lost their footing on the stairs. I froze as the giant member thrust forward. There was no way to avoid its tumescence. It fell full onto me, knocking me down. My head struck the cold tarmac, but I felt strangely warm beneath the elongated rubber hardness.'

• "And the thing is, if you grow up anymore, you'll realise I'm just a shallow romantic cliche, a thirteen-year-old's idea of a perfect man. You won't care for me at all once you reach maturity, and I can't bear the thought of losing you. You're all I think about. I can't sleep - well, I don't sleep, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't be able to - I'm off my steak, I've barely even investigated the men's spring collection. Images of you possess me. If I can't plunge my teeth into your inviting flesh, I don't know what I'll do."

"Oh, my darling," I sighed, and held him tightly.

While no great work of literary prowess, it is a brief, humourous look at the whole absurdity of the Twilight phenomenon. It captures a lot of the idiotic prose and plot (or lack thereof) in Meyer's books.

Definitely has its moments.

 

The most satisfying bit on the page was the link to this book under the "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought" banner.

It Looks Like a C**k (Hardcover) :awesome

I honestly did a double-take.

 

Fuck this person for making money (even satirically) off of the Twilight phenomenon; specifically, the anti-Twilight phenomenon. And Schrodinger's "New Moons" cover > 'New Moans by a factor of over 9000.

That being said, Heffa Lump made me lol.

 

Is there a link for that?

 

yeah, I've seen this in the bookshop for a few weeks now. I just facepalm and move on.

 

Nah, I think Photobucket axed it. No appreciation for art, I tell ya.

 

I respect the fuckwit who wrote this even less than Stephanie Meyer. Her works were already in the territory of self-parody, making this redundant.

Edit: There happens to be a whole slew of parodies. Cockfags.
In addition to those, there are other books related to the franchise. Why does Twilight need a companion guide? Even the actor in the movie's written a book about hismself.