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WIP Harry Potter and the World Beneath by Tellemicus Sundance - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Averis, Jan 21, 2010.

  1. Dungbomb

    Dungbomb First Year

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    Oops, so used to stupid AN's that I just ignore them now.
     
  2. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    I like it. Kind of wish it was a Tyrannosaurus, though. They're bigger than Allosauruses. Also, considering that Harry has apparently grown up in the wild, it's kind of strange that he didn't just carry off what he considered an "extremely pretty girl." I dunno, maybe he just didn't want to give everyone a reason to chase.

    4/5

    Edit: Does anyone know what the feathered predictors were? Raptors? I heard they had feathers.
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2010
  3. pdo91

    pdo91 Professor DLP Supporter

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    [​IMG]

    The Velociraptor - now with feathers!
     
  4. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Eh, this story so far doesn't work for me. I just can't relate to the characters when one is going to be such a drag to deal with socially. Yeah - growing up with Dinosaurs is cool - but I kind of doubt he'll be winning a spelling bee. I foresee 7-9 chapters of Fleur trying to tame Harry - "Non, you must place the 'i' before 'e' except after 'c.'"

    So far this story is roughly a 2/5 for me. The spelling is decent, however I feel utterly disconnected from the plot.
     
  5. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Courtesy of wikipedia, the species Velociraptor mongoliensis:
    [​IMG]
    Jurassic Park Velociraptors are actually based on a larger species called Deinonychus.
    [​IMG]
     
  6. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    Awesome. Chickens sure have come down in the world.
     
  7. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Yep. From 12ft long flesh-tearing, bone rending, intelligent, killing machines... to mindless birds that eat nothing but seeds.
     
  8. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Wasn't a huge fan of the scene with Bill in chapter 4 that was ripped straight out of The Last Crusade. Dude even gave Bill his fucking hat.

    Was rather lame.
     
  9. Darje

    Darje Groundskeeper

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    I honestly didn't think of that when I first read it, Howdy, thanks for the reminder.
     
  10. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    Meh. If only the dinosaur had been a T-Rex flying a fighter jet.
     
  11. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Yeah, I had to stop after this. Up until that point the story was a little meh but somewhat enjoyable, but when I got to that blatantly ripped off scene I said "fuck this shit".

    2/5
     
  12. Innomine

    Innomine Alchemist ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I didn't mind it too much. Honestly, I see a few problems that will most likely make this story unreadable later on, such as Harry's reintegration back into Human society. Also, I just can't see this being continued on long after his initial plot bunny of "Harry makes a Dinosaur friend" has run out of steam.
     
  13. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I enjoyed reading it. It was different and I didn't get bored. Harry sort of reminds me of Tarzan -- only instead of Gorillas it's Dinosaurs, and he was old enough to read/write when he was thrust into the wild.

    Granted the author did blatantly rip off an entire scene from Indiana Jones for Bill, and I'm not sure what to think of that.

    Mostly I'm with Ellisande about the future of this story -- I'm not sure it's going to have anywhere to go once the initial idea wears off. Harry runs off, lives with Dinosaurs, learns to survive in the wild, and then re-integrates into society. It's the "re-integrating" part that worries me. If the author hasn't got it planned out already I expect the story to fizzle. Great potential here though, and I like 14 as an age to re-enter society. I have high hopes.

    3.5/5 for what is written so far. I'm going to round down for the thread for now. If the author continues writing and manages to keep similar quality (the quality of the writing is actually quite good for the most part, though non-Harry characters are a bit rough) I'm going to up it to a 4.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2010
  14. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

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    [​IMG]
    Dinosaurs? Really? You had all the mythology of the entire world to pick and choose from and you went with Dinosaurs? And a Allisaurous name 'Allie' of all things to boot?

    I mean, really?

    Hydra, Quetzalcoatl, Some form of giant snake perhaps? Also, why the hell would harry come back now? he and 'allie' have the eggs, their former nest is obviously insecure, they escape back into the river and vanish forever.

    Oh wait, no doubt harry won't be able to stop thinking about his 'angel' now and will have a 'Monster in his chest' whenever he does. Or Perhaps their soulmates now?

    and finally, dinosaurs, despite being non magical, have a better spell resistance than dragons? Dinosaur skin can stop dragon's breath with only scorching? Harry is JUGGLING a stunner? Is none of this setting off alarm bells for anyone else?

    3 at best unless there is a rather massive explanation on the way. personally I'd say more like a 2.2,

    ...But then I can't deny that despite the massive glaring plotholes it's pretty well written, so Giving them the benefit of the doubt.

    3/5 (rounding up)
     
  15. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    Jurassic Park Rawr!..fail. Where is the drama? Where is the gore? Where are the raptors? The DNA/egg incubators? The hunters? The Spinosaur! Grawwwwww! and the Power Rangerrssss! I demand satisfaction for this epic failure.

    ...interesting plot though. 3/5
     
  16. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    It was obvious from the beginning that it was a dinosaur, and "Allie" immediately gave away the species as Allosaurus. That's besides the point, though. The dinosaur!sister thing is not going to work in the long-term, and just the very idea of having dinosaurs in general is merely a novelty that is very quickly losing its amusement factor. 3/5 at best.

    P.S. Delamort? What a horrible name...is Tom Riddle secretly related to the Delacours?
     
  17. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    It's a horrible pun based on the French de la mort (meaning 'of death'), in the same vein same Vol de mort means 'Flight from death'. In effect Lord Delamort is Lord of Death. As I said, a horrible pun.
     
  18. shadetz x

    shadetz x Second Year

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    4/5

    Somehow, Harry and Fleur in this story reminds me of Tarzan and Jane. I await Harry's encounter with Charlie. Somehow it strikes me odd that dinosaurs will appear in GB without anyone notice given the country's high population density. I have high hopes of some crazy animal sex between Harry and Fleur.
     
  19. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery ~ Prestige ~

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    Shadetz X totally gets this story.

    Are things plausible? Not really. Is there an antagonist? No, not yet. But there are a slew of reasons to keep an eye on this fic - and not just for the dinosaur. First of all, I seriously doubt Harry will turn out to be a bitch. Of course, I've been wrong about things like this before, but thus far the author has kept things surprisingly light, considering the shit Harry has gone through. Secondly, Fleur.

    Certainly this is nothing compared to DLP's best author's works, but we can't expect every story in the library to compare. What this story does have is originality, above average writing, a masculine main character, an interesting potential love interest and a plot that hasn't quite developed yet. With those things in mind, it's tough (for me at least) to give it less than a 4.

    And I just noticed that this is like the third time I've posted trying to convince you all that this story is legit. I'll try to make it the last.
     
  20. silverlasso

    silverlasso Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Wow. I don't know why I didn't see that, myself. Thanks for the insight; I'll continue think it's horrible, but at least there's some logic behind it.

    Averis: While I agree that every story doesn't have to be super-awesome, I still think having dinosaurs provides a short-term amusement factor. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if the author can do better.
     
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