Ohhhhh, epic chapter is epic. I've gotta say it's great to see even more polish on your chapters as they continue on, makes reading them a joy.

My only gripe with this chapter: You nerfed Jensen by making him a stereotypical government mouthpiece of a reporter. WTF man!?

Also (I know I only said one gripe, but I changed my mind): What was up with Dover's sudden "connect the dots" moment? I mean, I get the pureblood angle but it just seemed really fast to me the way he worked up that lead.

Now on to the awesome. Honks... Honks, Honks, Honks. I really like the way you write your Honks. Your character development is really good. One word: Dover. I really like the guy. Your fight sequences were great. They were concise in a way that kept them from being boring yet imparted enough information to really paint a picture in my head of what was going on. Well played, sir!

This whole scene. You brought the authorial smack-down with it and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, it's no Wastelands, but hell, what is? Everything about the Atrium scene was great. Harry's handling of Robards and Boot was great, I really like your Harry's "IDGAF because I do such a damn fine job you wouldn't fire me" attitude. It's well written and doesn't come off as contrived or cliche. Good stuff, man.

The flashback with Harry and Tonks and the werewolf colony, well... fuck man, that was intense. The last scene with Harry and Remus was quite poignant. I think you do a great job of showing the consequences of Remus' choice and the tension that puts on his relationship with Harry.

Spoiler

I think the Constellation Killer is Loki.

That's all. A damn fine chapter, sir. Damn fine. :cheers:

 

Jensen's not exactly in the best position, professionally. I detailed the fact that he's under strict bindings and all kinds of regulations in chapter one, because he was decided to make his ghost reporter status official, unlike Rita Skeeter's Animagus thing.

(But if it makes you feel any better, I can write a one shot or something of Jensen being a lot more badass than he is at the moment.)

Yeah, as far as contriving a situation goes, that one was pretty high up there. But here was my justification: I've written Dover as a lazy bugger who can be a good Auror if he puts his mind to it. And because Harry isn't a pureblood and Loki is stonewalling him on information, Dover's the one who said, "Hey... What about the whole pureblood ritual knives thing?" Either way, he got his ass handed to him for his initiative, and the case has progressed a bit more.

Thanks. Consequences are good. They make things markedly worse in the future. Yay!

You're the second person to guess that, actually. I did write chapter three in such a way that you could work out the killer's identity by the end, but you'll have to wait and see.

Thanks for your thoughts Jenos. I've got a feeling you'll dig the next two chapters immensely, but that may be my ego talking.

 

Story seems interesting so far. Liked the L&O:CI reference with the eighth victim lol.

 

I went back and re-read Chapter one and I just forgot the binding stuff about Jensen in light of the fact that he's a ghastly journalist! I see what you're saying though and the fact that you put some thought into even that part of Jensen's backstory is just good writing. Fleshing out even your secondary characters. I wouldn't mind a one-shot of maybe Jensen's death and becoming (or staying, if it were his profession in life) a journalist. That would be cool.

Dover: gotcha, that balance helps to make some sense, at least for me.

I don't care if it's your ego talking, as long as it keeps your fingers typing out that next chapter! MOAR!

 

This is a weird story.

On one hand it has interesting characters, situations and dialogues with a great mystery which makes you wanna read the next chapter.

On the other hand this killing to keep the reality stable looks more like a not well thought out concept.

Now we know he sometimes needs to kill even in 2 week periods to keep it stable, I have serious doubts the amount of bodies he would need during his lifetime would make this such an idea I can't imagine Harry would even consider it.

Neither would it be likely he could keep this up forever because he might not have the opportunity due to some hospital, prison, death, whatever ?

What happens after it all falls together ? The backslash could be worse than the initial reason to do it.

How could Harry not consider this at all ? That's what feels like the logic bomb to me and I even think you opened that can of worms unnecessary because you wanted to make Harry's life more obsessive dramatic.

He could still have killed all these DEs for personal reasons, no need to add this permanent ritual contract payment issue.

 

Hmm. When the concept of the story itself is being challenged when I haven't even finished it yet, I'll try to not spoil the next two chapters by replying here.

Uhh... he doesn't have to renew the contract every two weeks. It varies, but it's generally months between each renewal. The exact number of people he's killed to renew it in nearly three years is probably lower than you think.

As to why he would even consider it, I'd like to think I justify it throughout the story. Bad shit happening during the war + Kingsley and the purebloods starting a witch hunt and trying to prosecute the Order for that bad shit + Harry not wanting to have his friends imprisoned and stuff + Harry doling out some justice to the Death Eaters who escaped imprisonment = constant murdering to keep up a reality shift that solves most of his problems.

And herein lies Harry's super ability to repress it all, a side effect of the reality shift I've given vague notice to a few times. (More explanation in the next two chapters. I don't mean to sound like I'm hedging, but my personal interpretation is kinda dependant on the coming events.)

Well, yeah. Drama for the sake of drama is pretty much what I'm doing. But while I considered in the initial drafts for Harry to go all avenge-y on Death Eaters for the hell of it, I thought it to be a new-ish twist that he forced himself into it so he could give everyone else (And maybe himself) a 'happy ending' after a crappy war. The idea behind the contract was what shaped my Harry's characterisation and gave me a backdrop for most of the events of the story. But I do fully acknowledge it would've been possible to write the entire story without the contract/reality shift stuff, but it wouldn't have been the challenge I'm imposing on myself.

Some interesting thoughts and I hope like all hell the next two chapters fleshes out some of the issues you may have, but I'd be more than happy to hash it out and lay down my general thought processes behind the concept if need be. (But I'd rather the story spoke for itself.)

 

You miss understood me. I have no real problem with the contract/ritual aspect of the story to create some custom reality, though it's a pretty big deus ex.

What I meant is, ritual to change into a "stable" reality,Harry has his DE hunt hobby going on, somebody else notices this wrong reality and does his own ritual to break Harry's.

That wouldn't have changed anything fundamental to your story besides me sitting here and wondering about the problems of your concept

 

Nevermind.

 

We've already tried that here at DLP. It did not go over well. At all. I try to forget it sometimes. It scares me.

 

Hmm...my first impression of the story: boring.

I may get flamed for saying this, but this story just didn't grab my attention, and I forced myself halfway through chapter three! The character relationships have zero development so far, and the only interesting part of the story is the mystery aspect, which at 40 thousand words is woefully underdeveloped, and at this point I've lost interest.

In summary: No interesting dynamics, no interesting plot, nothing amusing at all, 40k and barely anything has happened...I feel like I'm being generous at 2/5.

 

Some excellent elements here that I really enjoyed.

At times, it almost reads like a Dexter!Harry - urges to kill and all that. First season Dexter, my favorite. I really appreciated that, as I've never seen that done well.

I also like the investigative aspect of it - very well done, decent work with the crime scene scenes and I like the little blurbs about "Cutters" and all of that. Speaks of NCIS, CSI, Law and Order, etc. There's a reason those are popular, and that's because the suspense is a very interesting genre. I think that this will explode in popularity as you keep going.

I also like the "Zodiac Killer" allusions...you should have included misspellings in the first letter, I think, but I still caught the nod to the Zodiac letters.

Keep this up, I'm liking what I read!

Kevin

 

Crime dramas aren't really my thing, but I'm really enjoying this. The fact that the reality shift needs a sacrifice every now and again to keep the batteries charged is a cool idea, even if I was wary of it at first.

It gives an extra level of urgency to the plot, and I like the duality of harry being what amounts to a cop/vigilante serial-killer, nice duality there.

Interesting plot, good characterization, nice pacing. 4/5, keep up the good work.

P.S. Harry's reaction to Robards was awesome.

 

I'm very impressed with your writing. It's technically very sound and tight, while managing a fairly hardboiled, mature style.

I'm tempted to call this some of the best writing stylistically I've read in quite some time, but you lack the consistency. At times, it feels like you're jerking off your way through the parts you'd rather skip.

The HP/NT bit could have waited awhile too. That said, your first chapter is some standout writing. The rest are a bit uneven.

5/5

It sort of makes me want to update my own story Lost Time.

 

Awesome. Thank you bommor, kmfrank, CaffeineAddict and Amerision. Reply time:

I do love me some Dexter.

Heh. I also went out of my way to avoid naming my bad guy the Zodiac Killer, although I very very much wanted to. Hence, that plus my perception that the wizarding world sucks at naming things... The Constellation Killer.

Thank you. I've actually gotten a few people tell me they don't usually read mystery or crime drama stories but like this one. I think that's pretty cool.

Thank you very much. As for the consistency thing, I think I can answer to that one: Chapter one has its build up. It's a normal crime scene for Harry, a normal lunch with Tonks and a frosty one with Remus. All day we hear about this contract renewal thing in a mysterious fashion. Them BAM! Kill's Selwyn and we get the explanatory flashback.

I think chapter two and three might suffer from uneven writing because I probably wrote Harry less of a "my mysterious contract renewal" and more of a "lawl I shifted reality once" in the latest two chapters.

Oh, and we all come across bits we can't wait to skip over and occasionally jerk off through. Nearly every damn scene has its importance in finishing up the mystery or adding to characterisation, but it's no surprise to me if some read like they're herky-jerky. That's just one thing I'm trying to tackle and improve as I go.

*shrug* Chapter three is my mid point, and the timing of the relationship upgrade helps for things coming in the next two chapters.

If only...

 

So, I've just caught up on this and I've got to say I'm loving it. Great writing - as someone said earlier, you really get the hardboiled style. Characterisation is good, very believable, and the plot is very intriguing. Can't wait for more!

4/5 (with strong possibility of 5/5 by the end).

 

Cheers shinysavage.

And here is Chapter Four for your reading pleasure...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6166553/4/

As usual, go nuts with reviewing and discussion, and maybe use spoiler tags if you think its necessary. One chapter left.

 

I really like Dover and Harry's relationship, how they can totally cut each other down but are there in a pinch for each other.

I liked this chapter in its entirety, save the part with

Spoiler

Remus

because it seemed like a deus ex machina that helped Harry renew the contract.

Spoiler

Need a dead body? Oh, here's one now! How lucky am I?

Still, good work on writing the action. Great stuff all around.

Spoiler

Jensen and Fallon

DUN DUN DUN! Consequences will never be the same! Can't wait for the Endgame!

 

Pfft. In my mind it's not a Deus Ex Machina if I built up to it like all hell in the rest of the story, heh.

Spoiler

The attack itself was the thing I built up to. Though I'll take the party line and say Harry renewing his contract after killing Remus was merely... "convenient". *Cough*

Glad you enjoyed it though. Cheers, Jenos.

 

Eh, I enjoyed

Spoiler

Remus' death.

There was clearly going to be a smackdown between them eventually, and

Spoiler

using the body

did emphasise how ruthless this Harry is.

Should have seen the twist coming really, but...I didn't. So kudos on that. Great chapter!

 

I'd actually guessed the killer by 3rd chapter. Glad to see I was right, as it was only a guess.

This update was absolutely great. Keeps the tension in the story and makes me really want to read the next chapter.