Title: The Boy Who Died
Author: DracoLovers of Tommorrow
Genre: Angst/Horror
DLP Category: Dark Arts or The Alternates.
Rating: T
Summary: Her own son dead, Bellatrix raises the child she was sent to murder as her own. Harry Potter has become Henry Lestrange and don't you try to tell him otherwise. New Summary, Dark Harry AU mild H/Hr.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5267405/1/The_Boy_Who_Died

...
So far it's seventeen chapters long, and is 153,836 words. While Harry is not super powerful, he is well beyond the level of most of the other characters his age. Bellatrix is still loyal to the Dark Lord and in some ways even more insane; she honestly believes that Harry is her son, and no one knows otherwise. I think this story is pretty realistic, and apart from a few grammar mistakes it’s easy to read.

The Potters are alive and in character, they believe Harry to be dead, and do not get on well with 'Henry' because they believe he is the son of the woman who murdered their own child. Harry is not taught at Hogwarts, but ends up there in his fifth year on a mission to capture Longbotton.

I mostly liked it, and will give it a 4/5.

Edit by Vash the Antismile: God damn it lay off on the smiles, dumbass.

 

Why in the Fuck did you use that many smiley's.

 

Was about to give it a go, saw the authors name and quickly hit the backspace. Hopefully someone else has a greater taste of taking a huge chance on this one than I.

 

The story is decent, but there is nothing in the writing that makes it library worth.

Merits a mention in the Almost recommended thread, but nothing more than that.

 

Let's see pairing check, sure Harry/Bella can be done decent. Summary check, oh it's a bellatritus(tm) and a Dark Harry, pairing is actually HarryxHermione, decent grammar within, good statement of purpose, good hinting of potential plot elements. Rating check, T, ok good, often fics are rated lower for more hits. Length, even better, it's past the hundred thousand barrier so even if it get abandoned tomorrow your still going to get some enjoyment out of it. Update rate, interesting, relatively fast, around 1.5 per month. nice decent speed, not enough to get overwhelming, but enough to have you still remember what happened previously.(*cough*this is for you Watermage*cough**cough*) Author name check, considering I likely wouldn't have picked up a fic by someone called HowdyU had it not been posted on DLP to rave reviews. Allong with the prevalence of ironic humor in this world currently. I think I'll give it a shot.

I'll review the actual story in 2 days or so.

 

God-awful writing.

I used to be a pedant when it came to the passive voice and thought I was more tolerant of it, but what on earth. I understand sometimes it's suitable, and it works, like the stories of Obsidian Warlock, which I still like. But here, the writer's aggressively trying to fit in passivity wherever she can (must be a she).

It's like the reverse for most good writers, who replace instances of passive voice with the active voice. She's actually doing the opposite.

This Bellatrix would be interesting in the hands of a better writer. I see where you're getting at it about her irrational behavior toward Harry, but the writer has a tendency to tell and show where showing is imperative.

Does the narrator create a meandering, voice steeped in madness? Tinges of paranoia, shadings of manic depression, branching tributaries of fragmented thoughts?

No.

She does this:

If I wrote:

That doesn't make it valid.

Furthermore, Bellatrix is only unsettlingly insane regarding Harry. When he isn't involved, she's only violent and prone to mood swings, like your jaded psychotic ex-girlfriend.

The Snape-Voldemort interaction was really bad.

James-Sirius-Peter-Lily was nondescript, generic.

Bad Voldemort characterization, bad Snape characterization - I actually don't want to see him made a pussy by someone who, by all indications (ie, from the username) should like Snape and therefore be inclined to give him a backbone. I'll give Silens Cursor that much on Snape's character.

But there's also a critical meltdown in Voldemort's intelligence. He is knowingly antagonizing Snape for the shits and giggles, and is actively setting up for whatever contrived betrayal when Snape stabs Voldemort in the back that the author is planning on revealing to her surprised readers on chapter 20.

Another failure in writing:

Actual stories are not actually written like this. Barring some intentionally minimalist works by authors who had the talent and skill to write in whatever style they wanted.

Pick any non-experimental professionally written mature story excepting the above, and you'll see that writers of fiction have mastered the art of scene fluctuation (or some such term) so that enter pages aren't deadening harangues of: "He said, she said, he said, she said, he said, he, she said".

The campiness is severe, the heroic-villainous retorts exchanges fail.

1/5. A little harsh a rating, but I tried to find something to give the story before I started to hack away at it, and couldn't find anything. It's legible, I guess, but if it weren't, it wouldn't even be submitted for review in the first place, and the mechanics don't even meet FFnet norms.

 

I like the premise but it's too badly written to actually stick with. 2/5 is reasonable. The scene with Lily and the marauders was cringeworthy.

 

Agreed, got through the first 2 chapters since posting that. Had potential, utterly ruined, but has decent grammar and spelling, 2 out of 5.

Not anywhere near worth reading unless you are completely bored. It's tedious and annoying.

As to Snape being made a pussy, once again, I point out ironic humor's prevalence in modern internet parlance. It's the same reason one of the authors here(or possibly on what used to be ADD, then became a shit load of other names and I lost track of it.) tends to list his Naruto stories under a slash pairing.

 

I know I was being very generous with the 4/5 rating, but I must admit stories where Harry is raised by Bellatrix do really interest me. Unfortunately because there are so few, and most of them are very poor when I see one that's not too bad like this one I tend to skip the bad points and focus on the good ones. But being fair I would have to give it a three. The fact that Draco is seen as an equal and maybe even a better to Harry in power annoys me, but I’ll keep reading it because I like Bellatrix. Either that or I’ll keep looking for good Harry/Bellatrix stories.

 

Wtf OP? Post stories that everyone ELSE will like, not just you. Story sounds horribly written. I didn't read it, so I won't rate it.

 

The combination of the author's name, and the overuse of emoticons in the original post made me want to flee in terror, but I decided to poke at it a bit.

The premise is interesting, though something about the name Henry instead of Harry bothers me. Perhaps they're 'too' similar, I'm uncertain. The plot isn't that bad, I like some of the ideas, but the writing is technically pretty crappy. Very choppy, difficult to read.

I dunno. I'll probably keep reading it, or at least skimming it, but I'd have to give it a 3/5 at it's best, and probably closer to 2/5 in actuality.

Sort of wish I hadn't. Waste of time, 2/5.

 

What the FUCK is with those smilies...?

Story looks bad, do not want.

 

I skimmed through the story, and overall I have seen worse. The writing gets better in later chapters, and eventually she seems to plan out a plot.

Nevertheless it definitely isn't enough for the library.

2.7/5

 

Why in the world do people always give Harry such obvious pseudonyms when they're creating alternate identities for him? "zomg gais i never would've guessed that James Evans was Harry!!!!!"
The Lestranges all have antiquated and arcane first names like Rodolphus and Rastaban. If they really wanted to hide Harry, they'd call him Rectumizard or something.

 

I dunno. It honestly grates my nerves when people get a little too creative with his name. I like my main characters names to be simple and short, generally speaking. Harry. James. Matt. Rick. John. If I had to read Rafuriolon or some shit hundreds of times through a story, I...wouldn't bother.

Call him Harry. Disguise him in other means, both magically and physically, if need be. But, shwatever.

 

That's it.

"James Evans" or "Henry Lestrange" are short, readable, and even some dumber reader doesn't get confused. It's not a plothole that Dumbledore doesn't get the similarity but a simplification for the reader to choose a name which sounds similar or is related to Harry.

"Rakish Aspergillus" or similar names are just plain stupid.

 

I've read this one in the past, up to chapter 6. I never finished it because it was pretty bad. I can think of two other similar stories that are a lot better in comparison with this one (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3923625/1/Harry_Potter_or_Harry_Lestrange)
(http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2590595/1/A_Surreal_Tale)

 

I don't typically like these types of stories, ever. I gave it a try and got through two chapters. I skimmed another 3-4 chapters and didn't find anything that I felt warranted reading through the rest.

The writing was horrible, for reasons already mentioned above. The writing would have to be around 40 times better than it is in this story to get me to read past the beginning.

The idea is okay. It's rather original, but wasn't good enough to interest me in the plot.

2/5

 

'A Surreal Tale' is good, but 'Harry Potter or Harry Lestrange?' is just as bad, if not worse than this one.