Complete Pornography by PhoenixAeternum - M

b0b3rt · Jan 5, 2011

Title: Pornography
Author: PhoenixAeternum
Rating: M
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: H/G (only referenced)
Status: Complete
Summary: AU/Dark Fiction. HG. The downward spiral, and what the bottom brings.
Link: FFN

Genre should be Horror/Tragedy, really. Warning: graphic torture, death.

Tenages · Jan 5, 2011

I couldn't get past the first chapter. And it has nothing to do with the torture or the graphic nature of the story. It's the style of writing.

The author uses phrases like "Of the three, she was furthest along in the ecstasy of adolescence" all the time. The ecstasy of adolescence? What the hell does that even mean? The author tries to aim for an epic, intensely descriptive, metaphor laden style of writing and fails miserably. It comes across as someone sitting in front of their computer looking up words in a thesaurus and using them without any clear idea of what they imply or how they fit together. The result is sentences that sound like the author is trying far too hard and that make very little sense.

The content seemed to be another Bellatrix tortures someone to death and breaks them, along the lines of "To Break A Good Man". If the characterizations and mental games are well done, it's always good to see a crazy, sadistic Bellatrix in action fic. But I just couldn't read the story without ROTFL at some of the lines like the one above.

EDIT: And upon further review their characterizations et al. reach the same lulzy heights as the writing. I'm not sure if I should be impressed or appalled by this work.
/ 5

b0b3rt · Jan 5, 2011

That line threw me a bit too, but it doesn't happen often.

Sesc · Jan 5, 2011

LOL!

That story needs a bit more explanation. That author once was on the staff at SIYE, and his buddy was the admin. Now as some may know, SIYE is a moderated side, meaning, before anything goes online, it has to be approved by the staff.

So that author started to write and post above story (on SIYE!), validating himself, which created a huge internal shitstorm as the other staff members read what was now their Most Recent page, and they axed the chapters that were there like you wouldn't believe. The reviews were in the general direction of that one memorable one Pers got for his story, I remember at that time I especially liked "I barfed all over my keyboard".

So the staff and the author had a falling-out, but that wasn't the end of the story (pun totally intended), because eventually, they angered the admin (who hadn't liked how they handled that story, incidentally). The admin decided to chuck the whole business and left, but not before he had his Last Fuck You: He took that story, posted it as a single chapter and set the date manually to one year in the future, which meant the story stayed on top of SIYE's most recent list for an entire week (and H/G shippers raged), until they could figure out how to undo that.

For that alone, that story ought to be in the library

Also, one the most awesome Fuck-You-I'm-Leaving's I have encountered so far.

... oh, the story? I remember only bits and pieces. The author said he was fighting depressions when he wrote it. I don't think he ever polished it. That might explain sentences like the quoted.

Grinning Lizard · Jan 5, 2011

Tenages said: ↑

The author tries to aim for an epic, intensely descriptive, metaphor laden style of writing and fails miserably. It comes across as someone sitting in front of their computer looking up words in a thesaurus and using them without any clear idea of what they imply or how the fit together.
Click to expand...

Well, I lol'd, because this is exactly what was going through my head by the end of the first chapter. Almost verbatim. I never read reviews before I read the story, now I scroll down and see that someone else has said exactly what I wanted to say.

Aside from this ('this' being the war of attrition the author is waging against the English language), it isn't terrible. Lost a bit in translation and yes, the latest of a few torture fics, but not terrible. I'll have to think a bit about the rating.

As a postscript, it wasn't the 'ecstasy of adolescense' line that made me blink, rub my eyes and think 'crackfic!?' but rather;

The cacophony of mirth and suffering shook the two girls from their insentience and forced them into a state of stunned perspicacity. When the boy had been scorched to her satisfaction, the woman gave a dismissive flick of her wrist, cancelling the boy's awakening.
Click to expand...

Edit: quick reread of the last chapter. He does at least - gradually - start to just say what he wants to say. I'll go with a 2, methinks.

b0b3rt · Jan 5, 2011

That's hilarious, I never knew that. epic.

GL: the only thing I noticed about that line was insentience and how I thought that sounded a bit off.

Portus · Jan 5, 2011

Holy fucking balls.

b0b3rt, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for recc'ing this fic. I haven't LOL'ed so hard in ages. This might well be the most overwrought shit-fic I've ever had the pleasure of mocking.

Get an eye full of this from ch. 3:

By the time he had been submerged in this magic up to his waist and his arms had been completely overtaken, his eyes began to shake and his eyelids fluttered, opening and closeing(you need a verb) at an uncontrollable rate. His whole body began to shiver and shake as the magic overtook him more completely with every moment. His mind, which had been concentrated on breaking his chains, went blank as his vision went black. As the magic within him fully encompassed his body, it expelled itself from his body and spiralled up and down his body like white-blue bolts of electricity.
Click to expand...

Notice where the author left in his notes to go and get a verb. Priceless.

There was another great example of what GL dubbed the "war of attrition" on the English language, but I forgot to copy it. It's like a train wreck, really; a horribly lulzy train wreck, and I can't look away...

Oh, and not only is Ginny gonna be the "second most powerful mavocal creature in Britain, behind Harry of course", but Harry is raised by the Flamels and he and Ginny are tutored by them, having omg-super Occlumency shields at 12. And they've known disarmng charms for a decade (12-10=2?). And Hermione is apparently the sub-Ron-level retard sidekick in this story.

Hope I didn't spoil it for anyone. >->

I want to read the rest of it, if I can get someone to keep my hands from gouging out my eyes of their own accord.

Lulz score: :awesome:/5

True score: -9,000/5

Blaise · Jan 5, 2011

From the second I saw the thread title, I knew that stacks of failure and AIDS would follow.
Fortunately, Sesc's backstory was enough to get this fic more than a cursory glance.

I should've just glanced. 1/5

The Fine Balance · Jan 5, 2011

Quick and shallow breaths overwhelmed the otherwise silent basement of a large and forgotten manor in central London. Three figures, unconscious and insentient, were roughly bound to the back-wall of this basement. Their wrists were cuffed, arms over heads, with their chains attached to the ceiling above. Their ankles were also chained, forcing their backs against an unforgiving stone wall behind them. They were central to their dungeon's being.
Click to expand...

Since this is the style I love to write in, I do feel for this guy. Getting it right is nearly impossible, and getting it good is bloody hard.

Nevertheless, I could help lol'ing at the last line of paragraph one.

Jormungandr · Jan 5, 2011

I understand the style that he's trying to go for, but Jesus Christ, I'm laughing so hard right now. :awesome

Portus · Jan 5, 2011

More from this masterpiece. Seriously, it's as if Charlotte Bronte were raised from the dead, lobotomized, and set to work with Ayn Rand as her anti-muse.

And there's no need to thank me. Your tears of horrified disbelief are enough.

"Be calm, Hermione," Harry said gently, urging her to be reasonable. "I meant my earlier words; Bellatrix needs us. I know it, Ginny knows it, Bellatrix knows it. If you consider the matter yourself, you will know it. We are of no use to her dead, and she is aware of it; she wants to trade us back to the Professor for... something. Some kind of leverage, fortasse. Perhaps she wishes to extract information out of us." Harry paused. "But from us she shall receive nothing." Harry's voice was harsh, in a confident fashion. A moment later, his tone became one of warning, speaking to both his comrades. "We must not underestimate her, however; remember always that she has evaded the Professor and about half of Europe for a decade. Never forget who she is and what she's done, and to whom she's done it. Bellatrix has emerged from hiding for a reason. I suspect we shall know her reason soon."
Click to expand...

Hermione's fears having been over-ruled, the room fell quiet. After a few minutes of silence and reflection, Hermione broke the silence they'd crafted in a small, almost childlike voice. "Harry, what did you say to her?"

"What?"

"When she was... when she was..." Hermione tried to skirt around the word, but it wasn't working, "torturing you. You said something... I didn't understand what."

"Oh." Harry was silent for a moment, trying to remember his wording. "It was Latin; I more or less asked if she thought I was up to snuff."

"And what did she say?" asked Hermione.

"'Aye,'" supplied Ginny.

"Oh."

Silence again.

"Harry..." sniffed Hermione just a few seconds later. "You... you don't have to take the burden for us... We're... we're strong too, you know."

Harry sighed, having seen some shade of this coming. "I know, Hermione, I know." He felt very old in that moment, realising that he sounded like Dumbledore. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. "But I am more certain of my own ability to keep a level head through this than I am of either of yours."

That wasn't the right thing to say.

"We are not so very weak, Harry," Ginny spat. Harry could hear her scowl.

"I know, I know," Harry agreed wearily, "I believe you. But in the heat of it all, I cannot stop you from saying something or revealing something in the way that I am able to stop myself. I have no control over your mouths."

"This is not your burden to bear, Harry," Ginny said stiffly. "You must trust that we too can endure."

"I believe that both of you can, Ginny," said Harry. Under his breath, too quiet for the others to hear, he murmured, "But I hope to never know."

"But —"

"Ginny," said Harry, cutting her off as a deeper desperation struck, "you must listen to me. You must let me take care of you." Harry let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, reclining his head. He sighed and looked forward again, facing neither Ginny nor Hermione. "You must let me do this. This is my role."

Ginny and Hermione were both silent.

"You know that I can get us out of here," Harry spoke with resolve, "if you would only follow me."

"We... we'll get out alive, t-then?" Hermione asked moments later.

"Yes." He said the word with determination, with resolve.

"Do you... do you promise?"

He felt like Dumbledore again as he nodded. "I promise."

Hermione nodded quickly, in short bursts, not moving her head more than a few inches with each movement. Ginny, on the other hand, simply looked resigned. She caught Harry's eye, when he had shifted his vision to her, and she exhaled through her nose. With a solemn nod, their fate was sealed and the weight of their lives fell squarely on Harry's shoulders.

Harry could not be certain how long had passed since the trio's last encounter with their captor. An internal clock was not something that he or any of his fellows had ever developed and the lack of light in the room did not allow them to judge time based on the brightness or darkness of the outside.

To Harry it did not feel long. While Hermione and Ginny were sleeping, Harry concentrated on forming some kind of plan. He had asked for the burden of keeping them alive and it was a mission he intended to accomplish. Part of his responsibility to them was to come up with some semblance of a plan, however fragmented.

And his plan was fragmented.

He could only hope that Dumbledore would make the necessary deal to secure their freedom, and that he did so before Bellatrix succumbed to her more dangerous tendencies. He hoped that Dumbledore could save them before Harry had to.

Whether the time that passed since Bellatrix's leaving was infinite or infinitesimal ceased to matter when she re-entered the basement in which Harry, Ginny, and Hermione were being held. As she walked down the stops, she locked eyes with Harry. Her face was blank, her eyes betrayed nothing. Harry, in response to her coming, smiled politely and mockingly. Though his arms ached from their unusual position, he gave a small wave to Bellatrix. draco dormiens nunquam titillandus he knew fine. But no one had ever told him serpens dormiens nunquam titillandus. So he prodded the viper.

"Hello, Bella," greeted Harry pleasantly. Bella was a dangerous thing to call her. "It is very kind of you to rejoin us."

"Thank you, Harry," she said poisonously, "but I thought we had established that the pleasure would be mine?"

"Surely you do not have a monopoly on pleasure? I must say that I have found events thus far to be to my satisfaction," countered Harry. What did it matter if he spoke lies? It was all in an effort to keep Bellatrix talking anyway.

"A masochist, are you, Harry?" she asked hungrily, a glint in her eyes.

"In the loosest sense." Naturally, he spoke nonchalantly.

"If it is pain that you revel in, Harry, I am keen to stoke your fire."

Harry said nothing. Instead he winked.

That got Bellatrix going. She frowned impatiently at him, "You have proven yourself to me, Harry, but you cannot endure eternally."

Harry smiled coyly. "You and I both know we needn't wait so long."
Click to expand...

Scrib · Jan 5, 2011

[QUOTEThe author tries to aim for an epic, intensely descriptive, metaphor laden style of writing and fails miserably. It comes across as someone sitting in front of their computer looking up words in a thesaurus and using them without any clear idea of what they imply or how the fit together.][/QUOTE]

For some reason this reminds me of the scene in the matrix where Neo tries to jump from building to building and falls flat on his fucking face.

"If it is pain that you revel in, Harry, I am keen to stoke your fire."
Click to expand...

lulz.

General!Harry is awesome though:

"Be calm, Hermione," Harry said gently, urging her to be reasonable. "I meant my earlier words; Bellatrix needs us. I know it, Ginny knows it, Bellatrix knows it. If you consider the matter yourself, you will know it. We are of no use to her dead, and she is aware of it; she wants to trade us back to the Professor for... something. Some kind of leverage, fortasse. Perhaps she wishes to extract information out of us." Harry paused. "But from us she shall receive nothing." Harry's voice was harsh, in a confident fashion. A moment later, his tone became one of warning, speaking to both his comrades. "We must not underestimate her, however; remember always that she has evaded the Professor and about half of Europe for a decade. Never forget who she is and what she's done, and to whom she's done it. Bellatrix has emerged from hiding for a reason. I suspect we shall know her reason soon."
Click to expand...

enembee · Jan 6, 2011

This work of fiction, wrought by a fanatic, has affections and allusions of grandeur and eminence yet merely illustrates the asininity and cretinism of its maker. Forthwith.

Republic · Jan 6, 2011

Wait, why is it called "Pornography" if it only contains "graphic torture" and "death"?
I was expecting a horribly done smut fic derailing a canon female character(or, heaven forbid, a male one) but what I saw seems worse.

enembee · Jan 6, 2011

Because it's crass, distasteful and when you're finished you feel dirty inside.

Admonkeystrator · Jan 6, 2011

Portus said: ↑

True score: -9,000/5
Click to expand...

it's um.. Under 9000?
Over 9000!!! in negative?

Dare I even click the link to the story now?

Portus · Jan 7, 2011

Admonkeystrator said: ↑

it's um.. Under 9000?
Over 9000!!! in negative?

Dare I even click the link to the story now?
Click to expand...

Do it; you know you want to. And yes, it's over 9000 in the red. When Sesc says the author was depressed I believe it. Now, whether that was from reading his own work or not, I can't say...

From chap. 4:

Harry's eyes were closed. He was not breathing. He lay in a small puddle of mixed dust, ash, water, and blood, the left half of his face resting in the murky solution. His jaw and face alike were slack. From him was given not the slightest indication of life.
Click to expand...

Here's what I feel is the author's best part by far:

Ginny, thrashing in her chains and shrieking like a banshee, was in immeasurable pain. Nothing could have prepared her for this torture; nothing could immunise one to such violent, consuming excruciation. Her legs thrashed and her arms writhed as her spine curled and twisted in agony. It was an overbearing, drowning, smothering, engrossing kind suffering, whose capacity for malice seemed infinite.
Nothing — neither the way her toes curled so intensely that the bones broke, nor how her spine twisted and redoubled upon itself, not her screams of anguish, nor the fact that she had balled such a fist as to break skin and draw blood, nor that she could not breath for lack of a reprieve in which to take a breath.

Neither that her screams had become so intense that the blood vessels in her throat had ruptured from overuse, obliging blood to jet from her mouth, nor the reality that, if she didn't stop screaming now, she would begin to drown — nothing could describe the pain she felt. Nothing could come close to portraying the feeling of pure, foreign magic forcing itself into one's body and devouring the substance it found there. There was nothing to do but scream out her blood, her anguish, her terror...

And then, without motivation or clear purpose, the pain stopped mounting. In an instant, it was gone, and all that was left were the after-effects: the horrible, empty-stomached, crimson retching of acidic fluids and scarlet blood; the choking and gasping breaths, borne themselves of a near-futile dream; the lingering anguish of aching bones and absence of essence.
Click to expand...

Note please that Even Though NOTHING could describe the pain poor Ginny felt (and he means it; nothing could come /close/!), our intrepid author goes right ahead and describes it anyway. >:-S

TheDarkAvenger · Jan 9, 2011

Portus said: ↑

Do it; you know you want to. And yes, it's over 9000 in the red. When Sesc says the author was depressed I believe it. Now, whether that was from reading his own work or not, I can't say...

From chap. 4:

Here's what I feel is the author's best part by far:

Note please that Even Though NOTHING could describe the pain poor Ginny felt (and he means it; nothing could come /close/!), our intrepid author goes right ahead and describes it anyway. >:-S
Click to expand...

This is one of my favorite stories. I don't know why no one appreciates the youthful pain the author feels. He feels tortured and pained. No one understands it.

The poor tortured, frustrated soul... Woe be him! :facepalm

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Complete Pornography by PhoenixAeternum - M

b0b3rt Backtraced

Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

b0b3rt Backtraced

Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

Grinning Lizard Supreme Mugwump

b0b3rt Backtraced

Portus Heir

Blaise Golden Patronus

The Fine Balance Headmaster

Jormungandr Prisoner

Portus Heir

Scrib The Chosen One

enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

Admonkeystrator Seventh Year

Portus Heir

TheDarkAvenger Squib

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Hi there, Guest

Complete Pornography by PhoenixAeternum - M

b0b3rt Backtraced

Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

b0b3rt Backtraced

Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

Grinning Lizard Supreme Mugwump

b0b3rt Backtraced

Portus Heir

Blaise Golden Patronus

The Fine Balance Headmaster

Jormungandr Prisoner

Portus Heir

Scrib The Chosen One

enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

Admonkeystrator Seventh Year

Portus Heir

TheDarkAvenger Squib

Useful Searches