Hey everyone, I recently started a small Harry Potter esque webseries and I was hoping to get some feedback from the die hard harry potter fans. I'm specifically looking for what was good, what was bad, and what you'd like to see in future episodes.

http://thescientists.info

Thanks

 

Sorry, but I couldn't make it farther than the first 3 minutes. I got to the point of the girl calling about jobs and decided I really just didn't care that much. The only hint of anything out of the ordinary in that time was a coin not working, I'm presuming because it was a Galleon or something to that effect. If you want more people to watch it I suggest you have a better way to grab attention, frankly I doubt many people care about watching some drama between two girls (over something incredibly idiotic), that they have no attachment to.

Later on I think it would be fine to open that way, but in the first episode you really need something that gets the viewer interested, especially for an online series that we know nothing about really. Best of luck in the future, but unless something dramatically changes I'm guessing you won't find many people here that are interested.

 

Interesting.

Shot on a DSLR? Which would explain the decent low-light shooting and ease of use. But there's a variable framerate used on the shot of the hip flask... If there are seriously a grand total of two crewmembers, I'm very impressed. You're doing the colour grading yourself also?

How are you handling sound in it?

My only crits would be technical - predominantly, you need to invest in a follow focus! Creatively, it's interesting, talent needs to settle into their roles a bit more as there's a very slight awkwardness in it which is common in webseries and other smaller, shorter-term projects. Could have probably done with shaving out some of the little dialogue bits that don't achieve much and stall it a bit, but writer/directors can be precious about that sort of thing.

But yeah, interesting. How's post on the second installment coming?

 

Mostly what elvin) said. That 'argument' at the beginning was boring, and felt unrealistic. To me, all the dialogues between the two girls were kinda stiff, and didn't really feel right (ie the opening sequence, the part of the two of them on the bench, the part of them when it's night). Also, many of the dialogues in the open were hard to understand, especially that part with that man on the bench.

tl;dr: While it wasn't bad, it's not something I'm probably going to watch. Still, good luck with this project.

 

Yeah, that's what a lot of people are saying. I need a faster hook, and the dialogue is a little iffy at times. Also, it's not supposed to be a galleon, but that's an interesting take. Very interesting.

Wow, a film buff. This is a pleasant surprise. T2i.

I shot the flask on 60i and slowed it down on twixtor. And let me just say wow, you have a pretty good eye.

To be honest, it was 2 crew members for one scene, and that was the very first scene of the film. Everything else was just me and my actors.

Sound recorded on h4n with rode videomic. (I placed it on a tripod.) Also the sound was dubbed for the bench scene for one of the actresses.

Were there any scenes in particular or moments that screamed follow focus. I'm still developing my eye for these types of things and if there are any moments that just scream amateur I'd love to become aware of them and never do it again.

I wonder, do you think I could shave the whole first scene altogether? Or atleast move it some where else?

This is a one man crew. I colour corrected on Premiere, basically just saturation, contrast and brightness levels. Didn't really change the color at all.

Thanks Grinning Lizard, really appreciate the feedback. Next episode will be released by the 15th. (We shot the first three episodes back to back.)

Well, I'm glad you made it through it. Sounds like the sound is turning out to be more of an issue than I thought.

 

Was worried this'd be a spam-dump-&-discuss! thing, so cheers for replying.

Should hope so, been in film since my teens, though I started as an actor/V.O. artist I hear good things about the T2i. Though nothing beats a proper camera, I've used the 5d Mk.II and 7d myself, and indeed am using the 5d (I think) on an evening shoot next week. Do you own it?

Then kudos is indeed in order. Astounding effort for what is essentially a one-man show. Mic-on-a-Tripod is a nice touch - I'm a fan of the Rodriguez 'what you can't solve financially you solve creatively' thing, as you seem to be even if you don't know it. Also, massive props for doing what 99% of film-makers never get around to, by actually just picking up a camera and shooting something. Any past works I can take a browse of? PM if you'd prefer. I've seen one or two of Andy Wood's prior pieces, were you involved in those?

Bizarrely, the problem the 5D shares with the Rebel IIRC lies in focus. In something of this scale you don't have to worry too much about it as it can be passed off as artistic flair - and to your credit, you managed to get them back in focus in, for example, the scene towards the end where she's running. The reason I asked whether or not you owned was because a shoulder mount and FF w/ puller would go a long way towards future projects and this one too. Any sort of tracking shot, especially shoulder mounted, seems to throw DSLR's for a loop. Something like the below;



might be an excellent investment. Deluxe redrock micro kit, and my personal preference whenever a DP + DSLR is involved. You'll be able to find a cheaper one by not using their official retailers - they're sold second hand occasionally and some of their competitors release much cheaper versions that achieve the same thing. A monitor usually isn't entirely necessary on something that size (when the LCD is 3 inches from your face) but it can help with razor-sharp focus, though this isn't necessary unless you're looking for it to be projected.

Speaking of, what lenses are you using? Until you get a decent wide-angle I'd be wary of wides. Obviously they're crucial for establishing, but keep them brief - that's where you lose some of the credibility that decent mids and closes give you, because those wides turn out looking a little flat and - how do I put it? - cheap-soap-opera-esque. You're achieving something fairly cinematic otherwise, but those shots are letting you down a bit.

Your vision, my friend. Listen to your critics, absolutely, but it's your vision at the end of the day. Do it how you want to see it, and worry about what's on the monitor at the end of it more than anything else. Focus a little more on workshopping your actors is my only suggestion - obviously, the technical bits are taking precedence in your mind, but make sure they're comfortable with the scenes, each other, etc, and do character-work with them until they're more naturalistic. Don't get precious over the script either - only you can see what needs to go and what needs to stay, so think about the final product throughout.

Blargh, not meaning to preach, I've slipped into 'producer mode'. Basically, do it how you feel. The more you do the more you learn.

That's how I gathered it was DSLR. Low budget + HD + natural-but-filmic colour + low-light exteriors. They're awesome for not needing too much in the way of a grade, and are the low budget film-maker's best friend.

Hope it helps. I'll stay tuned.

 

Nope, I just own the T2i. But I don't really understand the difference to be honest, besides the 5d being better in low light.

Thanks, although I don't have any other online works to show. I can't believe you've heard of Andy Wood. This was our first and only collaboration.

That's one sweet rig. I'm looking into something like that. And you're definitely right about my wide lens. Everything is in focus with it. But it's not something I ever realized until now.

I want to thank you again for all your feedback. Is there any chance I could some of your material?

 

LONG REVIEW

I can see promise to it.

I got a whole first season first episode vibe from Red Vs Blue for the clip.

"Do you ever wonder, why are we here?"

But to be honest, the hook for that series was that it was machinima, and at the time fairly new. That was enough to prolonge the series until the plot could carry it all the way.

The bouncing Hip flask seems like it's being over used. I'm guessing its pivotal to the plot at some point but it feels like forced mystery right now.

Two examples of strong hook scenes:

Doctor who: S5-04 "The Time of Angels"
Bite Me: S1-01 "Outbreak"​

These two scenes gather attention through effective use of shock and mystery.

Doctor Who, because we get interested in explaining the guards behavior even if that is not central to the plot.

Bite Me because of the contrast and humour to what is known to come due to the preview.

Quick Questions for You:

What is your Genre?

I get a Mystery Drama Vibe right now but the sort-of-ditzy girl makes me question if this is part comedy?
​

How much plot do you have planned and does it relate back to incidents or conversation that occurred in this first episode directly?

If lots and yes, that's good, if no then bad. The viewer investment in this scene would be pointless if they could not search the scene for things that later on would further develope the plot.​

From what I took from this clip as I watched it: In order

• Is she the protagonist
• Hot
• Trying to move furniture
• Who is she talking too?
• Who is that girl.
• Does she have an injury due to the blue neck pad thing.
• Why can't she help push the couch.
• This is Comedy.
• Is that a canadian coin.
• Don't Scratch out Queen Victoria!
• So she's looking for work and is unemployed.
• Ok this is Drama
• There is a lot of back story here
• Is that black guy Kingsley?
• Still on about the Job.
• What was the agreement that was reached? Did it have anything to do with the letter?
• She's a grumpy one.
• She needs to smile more or use her facial muscles...
• Stupid Hip Flask.
• Why are they talking outside standing still. They're not even near anything. Is this their talking spot?
• Forced humorous conversation about a Boy?
• Is she loosing this coin or is this like her forth version that she has picked up.
• Mystery Chase.
• Picture of the girl holding a package in the daylight at night time. Ok mysterious.
• I bet its time travel.

Suggestion:
You've made it fairly clear that this is related to harry potter.
You seem to be linked to multiple Harry potter Forums.

Have a scene where something appears like a direct link to Harry Potter but turns out to be something entirely different.

Example opening scene

Camera pans up a brooms shaft all the way past the tip.
Clouds and trees in the distance. Camera angled to allude to flight as it avoids looking at the ground.
Then it turns out that it's the main lead wacking a carpet outside to get rid of dust.

You have the talent to plan and direct a scene, you just need to focus on audience perspective more. Also direct your Actors a little more as some of there motions seem unsure. Example, being the scene at the begining where ditzy was guiding grumpy to latch on to the couch.

 

I'm not so knowledgeable as some of these guys obviously are but I'll make the following suggestions/observations:

• The narrative is confusing and a little pointless - There's nothing here to drag us into the plot. Nothing to immediately establish the characters or make the viewer feel anything but apathy. There's scenes inserted, at what feels like random, that aren't immediately understandable or coherent.
  
• You NEED some form of steadycam, even if its one you make yourself. Nothing worse than 10 minutes of nauseating unsteady filming.
  
• Either colour correct or don't. The scene where her friend walks out is immediately noticeable and jarring. Friend walks down the stairs, the girl on the right appears to be in black. You get a close up down her shirt and it becomes slightly less so. She steps outside, oh look, it's blue.

Some other things that I'd suggest but are probably just personal preference are diversifying and break-up your shots (sticking with the example before, instead of two identical shots of two different girls heading down the same flight of stairs, break it in half and shoot from the bottom of the stairs or something) and not using computer screens for long periods of time, break it up with some shots of typing or something, because its a) boring and b) horrible to look at.

My biggest problem with it is that nothing happened. It wasn't funny, wasn't dramatic, wasn't particularly mysterious until right at the end. ('Oooh a magic coin' followed by 'oh a magic coin' followed by 'blah, a magic coin')

It's not awful, just not very interesting.

 

Thank you for the feedback. Most of your identifications were bang on. I definitely agree with you on a lot of your points, especially the "hook" examples. Those were fantastic.

I have to say that some of the scenes do complete the plot, but some of them are just character development. Also, I didn't intend for people to initially identify the hip flask after the first image, but I think most people are. I was hoping they'd only be able to do it by the third image. I think it'd be a little less redundant.

I probably should've made this clearer but it's a Harry Potter knock off series. Basically, what heroes was to x-men, this is to Harry Potter. So there's no link to characters, although broom travel isn't entirely out the door. In fact, I really liked your opening suggestion. It seems like there definitely needs to be some indication or hint that something mystical is on the horizon.

You seem fairly knowledgeable though. Consensus seems to be there's a certain lack of plot.

It was shot on a homemade steadicam. Looks like I'll have to upgrade it.

I totally missed the cc bits. I'm gonna correct those now.

Thanks for the feedback.

 

Character development is fine and good, it's just that It seems like your trying to pack too much in one episode.

Focus in on one or two primary goals for that episode, figure out a setting or scene. And let your Actors set the mood.

I would make two last suggestion, you seem to have your actors stand still in a spot while you film them. I understand from the perspective of filming and cramped spaces, but the non action of standing and conversing is kind of weird.

Maybe a wider shot of them in the room from select angles and a few good profile shots. Narrow in on them when the leads are talking or experiencing something important so as to help make their actions seem more alive.

As well make sure they are constantly doing something, like a side task. Otherwise they might as well be standing on an X deliver lines.

Example Grumpy could have been searching for snacks or even retrieving the ice pack from the fridge in your opening scene.

The second suggestion is get your actors comfortable with each other, maybe even allowing them to free ball lines as need be, as they seem like they are feeling stuck in the scene and not sure what to do as their part is done but they still share camera time.

a little freedom to improvise might make them more dynamic.

 

Thanks for the suggestions.

 

Ok, second episode is up. Let me know your thoughts again. If things haven't changed that much, it's not because I didn't take the suggestions, it's just that they were shot about a month ago, and I'm just editing them now.

Thanks

 

I gotta admit this was a lot better.

But please stop having the girl chew gum. I don't know if its me but that scene with her chewing gum was not attractive.

I definetly believed the friendship relationship a bit more, and the scene where she revealed she picked up the hip flask in the park was funny.

I liked the more mobile characters but the sidewalk was still a little iffy. Either it was the straight shots from the front that you did, or it was the really slow walking they were doing. Maybe consider getting a dolly and a tripod so you can pull it at a faster pace without worrying about making the shot too unsteady.

Or get the super complicated rig that was pointed out earlier.

You seem to spend alot of time filming by hand and not steadying the shot via placeing the camera on mini tripods or surfaces.

The opening scene with the actress in her room could have been a lot more steady if you could place the camera on a surface like a shelf or chair or something and then angled it with a book to prop it up.

Unless you were going for a whole, stalker was watching invisible around her feel.

Actor wise, I think only do a couple more takes as some of the dialogue was shaky and uneven. See the interview section.

Also I got to admit the mysterious scene change music you got going on is kind of throwing me off. Something a little less dramatic might be called for, or something dulled.

Its definetly mysterious and a good piece of material but its being used a bit much. Its loosing its effect.

Ask whoever did that one to comeup with a toned down transitional music that you can use, so as to reserve this one for really mysterious moments.

Or maybe come up with a full melody that you can rip pieces of for different scenes.

Still a much better effort, and I'm actually wondering a little what the deal is with the flask. So good Job there.

That asian dude shot of him starring after your lead was weird though. I don't know what that was about.

 

Thanks Quazi. I see you noticed a lot of things that I was worried about. That's very interesting. The chewing gum, the very slow walk...

Also, interesting to hear the music was a little much. I think you might be right about that. Was it any particular place, or was it just all of it?

The shot of the receptionist at the end was basically just to show his trying to process what she just said. (He's not suppose to be very bright.)

 

The music was just used too much in this case, mainly because you only have one tune to use.

The last part with the knocking at the door was effective and I wouldn't change that, but minor scenes like the flask on the ground, you might want to rip a fraction of that tune and have it play very low in the background so its barely noticeable.

Maybe like a rhytmic beat that could approximate the beat of a fast paced heart. Something to fade in and out with that will run silently in the background would add a lot of subtlety, and cause the viewer to focus more on the scene than the music.

Simple is better in this case.

Consider something similar to the Master riff in Doctor Who. 4 beats continuously can add a lot of suspense.

You should be able to create a repetitive patern of notes easily with whatever editing software you are using.

The receptionist, now that you explain I can see what you were trying to do. Is he supposed to be your comedic foil? If so, keep in mind that close up where he was staring looked more dramatic and conniving.

Consider the use of screen space. The more space a character takes up on the screen, the more the audience will try and pick up on details. In this case with so much of his face in the screen looking blank the audience (me), would have been looking for details to pick up on but getting nothing would think there was something we missed.

Thus mistrust.

 

third episode up.

thescientists.info

 

In general I definetly felt it has improved in Quality.

I liked the change in music and score you had going.

That was a noticeable plus.

I think right now the only nit pick is the plot is still a little bit meh. I'm assuming it will pick up but for now all I know as a viewer is this girl is applying for some undisclosed volunteer program with kids. Is suspicious of a flask that she can't drink from, and has a stalker.

Also has a Bud who is somewhat amusing and hot.

Oh and she has done nothing with her life except do odd jobs to get by.

 

Yeah, it seems pretty obvious that I spent too much time on the job plot line. Just not interesting enough, although you're bang on in your assumptions.