Well here goes nothing...

Most cannon events are the same others are not (his personality is a bit different than cannon to begin with) Also this story takes place after Sirius dies in fifth year, OOC Harry
Bloody Harry
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August 29

"Sit down Mr Potter. I don't believe your views are relevant to the discussion." came the icy cool tones from Minerva McGonagall Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Harry Potter was seated in the staff room where the Order of the Phoenix had convened after layering ward upon ward upon the room. It wasn't Headquarters but it would have to do Voldemort had somehow found Headquarters and had cast a demonic fire that consumed everything within.

Luckily no one had been there at the time well... besides Kreacher. So for now they were using the now heavily warded Hogwarts staffroom for meetings of the Order of the Phoenix.

Harry however did feel his views were relevant to the discussion. Draco bloody Malfoy had cursed Hermione Granger into what was likely a permanent addled and comatose state much like Frank and Alice Longbottom after sneaking into the room Harry was using to teach defence now that he no longer had to hide his defence club.

Harry wasn't the only witness either; Neville Longbottom, Blaise Zabini -one of the good Slytherins -, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Luna Lovegood had all witnessed it having been in the meeting Harry was having to decide the topics of study for the next year; they walked in on the tail end of it Hermione as usual showed up early waiting for the others.

Something broke inside of Harry that night as he stared helpless as Hermione lay on the floor eyes rolling in her head, face screwed up in terror and pain while her arms and legs jutted out at odd angles.

The Discussion amongst those gathered was one of curriculum for the new school term. By now most of the teachers were in the Order and had decided to teach spells and techniques that might help in survival situations. They were also discussing whom and whom not to monitor, or who they needed to put into protection.

But no they couldn't send Malfoy to Azkaban or the orders private prison no they were going to let Draco Malfoy get away with torture and almost downright murder.

"Well I believe my views are relevant to the discussion Professor. You should expel Draco Malfoy and turn him over to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement I'm sure Tonks and Shacklebolt are more than capable of handling that"

"I told you to sit down!" cried McGonagall standing from her own chair.

"Harry please do as Professor McGonagall has said" came Dumbledore's voice.

"No! Hell no you give people too many chances Dumbledore; she's almost as bad. I'm sick of it; this is all your fault anyways you could have stopped Voldemort while he was still tom Riddle in school but no you had to give him another chance even when you knew it wasn't true I know you've been legillimizing us sir. I bet you did it on Riddle too. There are some people who can't be saved or redeemed or anything else no matter how many chances you give them. You knew that when you looked at Riddle didn't you sir? Yes, yes you did yet you gave him another chance and look what you've wrought Dumbledore"

Well Harry was through with their machinations he had a revenge to plot.

"Where do you think you're going Mr. Potter?" cried several people

"To write a letter”

"Mr. Potter get back here, that door cannot be opened until the end of the meeting" said McGonagall as she tried to prevent him from leaving by transfiguring the door into the stone of the walls.

Harry in his anger simply put out his left hand and held his wand in the other suddenly his left hand glowed red and he walked to the wall deflecting body binds and stunners with his wand in his right hand. As he touched the wall it melted stepping quickly through the hole and quickly cast a reparo as he ran for the room of requirement.

He tore down the ground floor corridor, up a hidden spiral staircase hidden in an alcove behind a suit of armour. Onward he crept slinking in the silky shadows towards the room of requirement.

Harry felt his heart beating in his chest as he paced in front of the blank stretch of wall parallel to the massive tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. Suddenly a set of massive oaken doors appeared in front of him and he quickly slipped in.

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Three Days Later On September 1

Show me Draco Malfoy Harry thought and the room did a door opened to his right and he was suddenly peering door a dank and dark dungeon corridor. There he thought as he saw the platinum blond hair surrounded by burly gorillas.

He drew his wand and fired three stunning spells each finding the marks and soon there were three thuds as 35 stone of dead weight hit the stone floor.

Smiling he bound Draco’s legs and woke him up with a kick to the ribs and dragged him across the floor to the still open portal to the room of requirement. Draco’s fingers tried to find purchase upon the unyielding and unforgivably flat stones as he screamed like a schoolgirl.

“Please… please don’t hurt me. M..my f.father he, he has money we can pay you”

“I don’t have interest in blood money Draco but you’re going to pay me soon enough”

“Potter!” Draco hissed in disdain most of his fear drying up as quickly as it came “You’re a dead man”

“You know Draco you might just be right this time. Unlike you however, I won’t be going down without a fight screaming for my mother or father to save me”

“Ah here we are Draco the Penthouse suite” said Harry as he closed the door causing the room to materialize around them as he imagined the sorts of things he wanted to appear “Ah look Draco they even prepared a comfortable bed for you, how sweet” he said as he slammed Draco onto the rack and fastened his wrists and ankles to the contraption.

Harry placed a silencing spell on Draco and grabbed a pair of Scottish thumbscrews and a choke pear.
He turned the key on the latter until there was a resounding crunch as Draco’s jaw broke and along with several teeth. Mission accomplished Harry turned his attention to the thumbscrews slowly but surely applying pressure to the tips of Draco’s fingers until he heard a snap and he advanced them to the next part of the finger. Out of fingers and thumbs Harry moved to Draco’s toes until the too shared a similar fate.

Harry had had to enervate Draco several times as he had passed out from the pain. Harry spun the rack causing Draco to do several revolutions and then set the rack into a vertical position forcing Draco’s mouth open where it hung limply while Harry poured boiling water down Draco’s throat until his belly looked fit to bursting.

Here Harry said “Having fun yet Draco, wonder if this is how Hermione felt now?” Harry sent several dozen stinging hexes at Draco until Draco had some colour to his normally pale skin.

“Pity I must leave you now I have some inmates to visit you see… Ah well Ta Ta” finished Harry flicking his wand at the handle and ratchet causing it to magically go through it increments. He paused for a few minutes listening to the popping and snapping before he remembered to remove the silencing spell. Draco’s voice was now hoarse and indistinct as he screamed through his broken jaw and closed lips. Harry acted like a conductor waving his wand as various pops, and snaps were heard as the muscle fibres were pulled taut and the cartilage and bones snapping, joints dislocating.

“Ah music to my ears” sighed Harry as he required an exit and a map to Azkaban.

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Hours Later

Harry brushed his hands off after dragging the last of the guards into a cell. The dementors had long since abandoned the island prison. Harry had slowly stunned the individual guards and taken down the small patrols. Once he had checked every foreseeable nook and crannie Harry made his way to the high security death eaters.

The ministry had finally grown a brain and placed some nasty enchantments to torture and if the prisoner remained in the field long enough kill the inmate around the high security inmates so Harry found his job easy and he slowly imperioed them one by one forcing them to the edge of their cells and petrifying them; this process took much longer on some of the more fanatical and stronger willed like Antonin Dolohov who fought him off.

He saved Malfoy senior for last and used the cruciatus him before sending him to the edge of his cell. Harry sat in the middle of the group of cells watching as the death eaters killed themselves laughing manically. He returned to his hidden entry to the room or requirement and found that the rack had split itself into four quarters each holding part of Draco Malfoy pools of blood upon the floor yet to dry.

Suddenly Harry’s vision went black as something covered his face, arms and shoulders before conforming to his face choking him.

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Hermione Granger woke up the next morning to find her husband of two years Harry Potter tangled up in the sheets still, and not breathing one of their leather toys from the night before conformed and airtight around his face and screamed.
​

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So yeah let me know uh how it is then...
T3t you should update you ff.net profile info from your name change
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Needs a lot of work. You're missing periods, commas and semi-colons. Go back and read through it to fix them. I'm sure lots of other people will gladly point them out.

Edit: Sorry, I forgot to give my review. Harry is very OOC in this, somehow I kinda doubt Harry would go over the edge as he has in this story. It's a little bit unrealistic for my taste. Harry doesn't really have the balls to go through what he has (canon Harry, that is).

 

What the hell, someone throw one at me. It will probably be pretty fucking bad, but everyone has to start somewhere, right?


Edit: I would comment on your story, phazer, but anything I write will probably be worse.

 

...you ended on "It was all a dream"

...you ended on "It was all a dream"

Seriously?

All in all it's a good start. You have the basics down, an obvious plot development, you have some startings of characterisation, of theme, of emotion. Its the sort of thing that, I personally, imagine you typed out in at most an hour or so, probably without a break. Yeah?

As I said, a good start. Sit down with it, polish it. As Richardc269 pointed out, your grammar needs work. Also there are times when you use the wrong word. But both those issues are fixable, principally because the problem isn't too severe. You need improvement, but its obvious you can improve.

And in general, I like where you took the prompt. Except for the "Its was all a dream thing". Thats one of the cardinal sins of writing. I'd suggest never ever ever ever ever doing it again

And for Archerdood:

Length: 1K

Prompt: Ollivander says that a wand made from Laurel "will cleave happily to its first match forever, and indeed has the unusual and engaging attribute of issuing a spontaneous lightning strike if another witch or wizard attempts to steal it."

Take that where you will

 

Ah well tbh it turned out better than I thought. I wrote the last half in 2 hours today but I was a bit frazzled from my English and Psych Essays and wrote the first half in about 30 minutes last night.

Anyone mind helping me out with the grammatical issues? The English teachers are horrible here from my experience, frankly the only reason I do anywhere near as well as I do is I've checked out several independent books on it but can't maintain an interest long enough to absorb everything.

Chat move to WbA? I'm looking forward to more prompts

Yeah I admit the dream bit was in poor taste but it was just one of those what the hell moments.

 

Start up a thread in WBA, where you can post your one shots and get better, more indepth feed back.

I'll PM you another prompt if you want.

 

Feel free to comment and remember you are likely to be your own worst critic.

In other news if anyone wants to post anything insightful, criticize or other wise analyze my fic here's the WbA thread.
https://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?p=486289#post486289

 

Could someone throw one at me - for my first attempt in writing? Thanks ^_^

 

A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED: Little Knee
Line: "I'm warning you! I know magical kung-fu!"

 

@phazer - read it aloud, and put in commas. A lot of commas. A comma should go where you need to take a natural break, or if the sentence has become a huge run-on.

Also, as Mordecai said...

A dream... Fuck that.

And finally, someone sling a challenge my way please?

 

Challenged: Thaumologist
Length: 2-4K words.

"Left! Go left! No, your other left!"

 

I didn't know this thread exist.

Could I get a challenge too?

 

Challenged: Basilisk
Length: 2-4k words

"This my dear friend is what happens when you practice transfiguration too much."

 

Ooh. An ultra rebirth rebirth? I've never actually done one before, so I guess I'll give it a shot. Someone hit me. With a prompt. One not too crackish.

 

Here you go, Palindrome:

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle

Through a minor an accident of magic, Hermione discovers that it's literally true. Crookshanks is not amused.

 

"Merlin, Harry! Where'd you get a unicorn from?"

 

Any chance I could get hit with a prompt? I'd like to try my hand at this.

 

Challenged: Kensington
Length: 1-3k words
Line: "Okay, you know what? Fuck it. Knife."

 

Someone throw something my way. I should have some free time over the next couple days.

 

Challenged: Samuel Black

Length: Whatever you want.

"I wonder, Harry Potter, what would they say if they knew you had done this?" - Nicodemus