I read the whole thing. It's actually pretty amazing, if only due to the sheer number of cliches packed into it. It covers everything from soul bonds to demons to Evil!Molly, and doesn't skip out on the minor details such as sword mastery, self-discovery, and learning the most powerful magics known to man. Best of all, even Ron gets in on the action. He bonds with two nymphs.

To give an idea of how awesome it is, here's the last paragraph of chapter 23:

Spoiler

Later that night Harry arrived back in his little house on the Mediterranean with a pounding headache but in high spirits. He had managed to hit Dumbledore with more than a few curses. Most benign. A lactating charm he learned from a very weird chap in Queens New York. One that would give the man cramps and then explosive diarrhea. Another would make his beard attack him. The most vicious had been the one that would cramp different muscles across his body nonstop. Harry had only used that one when Dumbledore upped the stakes and started trying to bind his soul with a ritual.

Also, marriage under the Tree of Life. Enough said.

 

You read all that wonderful, original, more than 150k words, piece of literature? Please, please tell me you flamed the writer! (He's a very very evil man, making me read a part of this shit by making it a Harry/Fleur pairing!)

 

Ranks among one of the worst fics of that length ever written.

 

Slash.

'Nuff Said.

 

Just a few gems I found:

I.
What if Harry Potter was
Funny stories about Harry Potter having an ordinary every day job. Tragicly Harry Potter won't die in every chapter.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 191 - Published: 12-14-11 - Harry P.

Spoiler

What if Harry Potter was ...
Chapter 1: A policeman
In a police station somewhere in the middle of nowhere there was a new policeman, Harry Potter.
One day Harry Potter was in his police station somewhere in the middle of nowhere when a gangster came inside. I do not know why he came in a police station but the thief may have been an idiot. Not my fault!
He ordered. "Give me all your money."
Harry Potter took his cell phone and called 911.
"Ring! Ring! Ring! "
"Hello, here is the police station somewhere in the middle of nowhere! "
"There's a thief in the police station somewhere in the middle of nowhere ... hey, wait a minute I'm the police. "
So Harry Potter took a "hard, black realistic but not a real gun" and killed the gangster.

That's the reason why Harry Potter is not a policeman.

His other stories are equally amusing as well.


II.
Scrooge
Severus Scrooge is a bitter old man, who hates Christmas. One night he gets visited by three Ghosts. Will he change his ways before it's too late? HP/Christmas Carol. No Magic. Just a little Christmas story :
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 621 - Published: 12-14-11

Spoiler

Severus Scrooge was sat in his favourite armchair, reading, when he head a knock on the door. He glanced up at the clock and saw that it was pushing 6pm.

"Who the blazes would be calling at this time of night?" He muttered.

His Profile is worth a read or two.


III.

A NEW WORLD
After DH, Harry couldnt sleep, wandering looking at the damage done in his home because of war, stumbles on two witch accidently or is it. Look at the creation of the wizarding world after the war.Is war have won or started. Epilogue ignored for now

Spoiler

hesitated, he wanted to why they want his help, "why do you want my help and why are you doing this, what would you get?"

Suprisingly the blond girl answered with such venom it felt it could just kill you,"to revenge." She looked at me" dont you want to, these people made your life miserable and now they would come sucking up. Because of such people my friend was killed, i want to make their lives miserable." She crying softly her face contorted in pain her eyes held grief and something he could point out. He felt a change is a must as she was right and he could people who would truly need the help and he would be more famous than before, surely he could use his fame for good, like werewolf laws, his mind started on things he could do and if he needed help

" how could you help me, what sort of power you hold?"

"Oh, we can assure you that we hold more power and means to do. You see are families were neutral and with the help of such other families you could definetly benefit. They would support you just leave all technalities to us. We have studied laws of all sort and we know the loopholes and you can trust us on that." He gulped on seeing the girls grinning evilly, he fervently hoped their enemies would better get of their way.

"Fine i'll agree but you'll have to tell me everything and no hiding things from me on such matters that i should know, and if i dont like something i have the right to disagree and would inform you and i wont have any discrimination on muggleborns and halfborn." He looked at them seriously to convey his conditions. The girls smilled softly and nodded and shook hands to bind the business.

Enjoy.

 

I have a friend who intends to write a story where Lily got hit by a curse which caused her to miscarry every time she reached the third month, and so Snape, who would do absolutely anything for her, invented a new kind of polyjuice that lasted a year but would have permanent side effects, had Lily polyjuice into James so that the baby would look right, and bore the baby himself, with Lily just pretending to be pregnant.

I have been trying to talk them out of it. Wish me luck.

 

I'm too busy being paralyzed in horror. When I can stop that involuntary reflex, I'm going to go bleach my screen.

 

Really, the only use for that kind of setup is a cracky one-shot setting up specifically for a line in which Harry accuses Snape of getting his mom killed, to which he responds by declaring that he is Harry's mother. As a serious story of more than one chapter? Not only no, but hell no. Which is why I'm trying to convince them not to write it. Sadly, there's another person, whose name they refuse to disclose to me, who is egging them on.

 

I'm guessing Snape-Lily had to have asked Lily-James to fuck him/her doggy, as I doubt even Snape's love for Lily would allow him to stomach watching James Potter fuck him. Or Lily. In this case, it would be both at the same time.

I'm upset that I thought so deeply about this. :facepalm

 

So say we all.

 

Everyone should always think too hard about everything.

Otherwise, nobody will ever realize things like the fact that Dudley having a Playstation before they're released in Europe is another example of Dumbledore's manipulations.

"Mmmmm, Harry Potter just isn't miserable enough, how can I fix this? I know! I'll give his cousin a present which shouldn't even be possible, just to highlight how neglected he is! Ohoho! I'm so evil, it's delightful!"

 

^ That had me cracking up.

 

Big D?
:awesome

---------- Post automerged at 10:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:00 PM ----------

Also, this:

Green Gook by MarauderLife
James hit Lily in the back of the head with a rather unpleasant substance during Potions. Lily was fit to kill him.

rather unpleasant substance

Is my mind in the gutter, or are we all thinking the same thing?

 

It wouldn't surprise me if it actually was. :awesome

 

Someone linked me the rewrite of this on IRC, I think it was Jorm. I wanted to check out the original first, so here. Worst.

Wrong Bwl: the darkest of times » reviews
Harry had a twin brother who was said to be the bwl, but is he really, Now harry suffers from abuse, loneliness, and starvation from his parents, he has only one friend and is a child prodigy, can he handle it. contains depression and suicide attempts R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 24,306 - Reviews: 34 - Updated: 1-29-11 - Published: 12-19-10 - Harry P. - Complete

Spychic. :facepalm

The rewrite is somehow worse. Observe.

 

:awesome

/10char

 

I really don't see both Potters being total morons with their children (ie; treating one with everything, and forgetting the other child). It just isn't in their personalities. I don't like "Harry's parents ignore him/abuse him. Fucking bullshit, if you ask me.

 

Leilei Mothra is a fucking awesome name.

 

And spychic is a fucking awesome ability. Think of its possibilities and what you could do with it, for instance, and even more.

 

I wasn't sure if I should post it here or in a 'surprisingly awesome fanfics' thread, but here goes.

Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor » by cloneserpents
Spurned on by a perverted ghost, Harry stumbles on a naughty, yet very special book. With the rituals found in this book, Harry gains power and leads his friends in the hunt for Voldemort's Horcruxes. EROTIC COMEDY
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 275,520 - Reviews: 1116 - Updated: 12-26-08 - Published: 3-12-06 - Harry P. & Hermione G. - Complete

The concept is absurd, but it's a pretty fun read if you give it a chance.