I'm looking for a story that starts with Harry having a cliche romantic moment with a girl who asks "why choose me when every girl would drop their panties if you so much as glanced in their direction?". Intrigued, Harry uses his secret Slytherin side to coax out more information on the matter before obliviating the conversation from her mind and skillfully dumping her.

Ideally, that masterstroke would be followed by loads of smut, but I'll take anything that destroys that overused scenario.

 

That's really specific, is this an existing story? If not, it doesn't exist.

 

Sigh. What has happened to this fandom. OP, I am disappoint.

 

Something is amiss. If you are female I'd reccomend emotional therapy.

 

There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for how much I do not want to read this story.

 

The Dwarves have a word for this... I wish I knew it.

OP: I used to read all sorts of Indy shit but I never saw anything this bad.

 

I am curious as to what 'secret Slytherin side' this is? Perhaps the one he relies on to hide how much he knows from Dumbledore, the one which tells him which shops in Knockturn alley have the ultra awesome books of dark magic which will teach him how to increase the size of his magic core?

 

Don't forget, he has to get rid of his glasses with magical laser surgery and use the book in question to increase the size of his penis.

He's going to be fucking lots of bitches, amirite?

 

Naturally, and the only way he manages all of this is by learning occlumency is 5 minutes from a book, because old-snivellus never actually taught it properly, on Dumbledore's orders of course.

 

I hear Madam Malkin sells some bitchin' chinos.

 

Don't forget the wand with 21 magical and 42 non-magical core with 13 different wood, soaked in 7 different animals blood and has like 3 gemstones and awesome old runes on it.

 

His "secret slytherin side" would be the one that he didn't have until Dumbledore made him so mad he marched straight to the room of requirement and asked for a time turner and books filled with power level boosting rituals.

This was recommended by PM:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4038774/10/Adventures_in_Child_Care_and_Other_One_Shots

Stuff like that works just as well if I can't have Potter obliviating his girlfriend.

 

Damn, I lol'ed.

 

Please...please tell me you are being a troll here? And that you're not just a complete idiot?

 

He could tell you that, but you know in your heart that it isn't true. Why must you continue to live in this world of delusions, when you know the truth is out there! D:

 

I bow to your vast and superior intelligence on this matter...

 

Fine. Keep pretending. But when an invisible demon is walking around with your head for a hat, or eatting your face on a stick, don't come crying to me.

 

Vash, on the occasion that I have been ritually sacrificed by an evil invisible demon with a proclivity for hatmaking, I will be sure to avoid coming to you crying. If however that event never comes to pass, should I take your vaguely worded statement as permission to turn up on your doorstep crying any time I want?

 

Harry Potter and the News by Big D on a Diet