I took a look at the first few pages of the sample before I bought it, and it looked fine, but I'll let you know if anything crops up.

 

I haven't brought it and I don't plan to until I finish my exams because I know that I'll end up reading it instead of studying but I just wanted to say congrats Joe.

 

I did not see the twist at the end coming, that's for sure. I'll give you a proper review once I've had sleep.

 

First of all: Awesome.

As mentioned before, characterizations were a bit flat, like that Thai hooker you slept with two years ago. Padding was sparse, like her pubic hair. Perhaps too sparse.

In any case, it felt like I was reading the second book in a series. I almost want to say I would have preferred for this to have been the second book, but... I suppose we'll never know. Either way, it didn't stop me from powering through it in a blaze of glory and madness.

On the plus side, while the prose was beautiful, it wasn't so overwhelmingly thick that I had to wade through it. Just right.

Looking forward to buying paperback copies as birthday presents.

Also, tell us how many copies you've sold.

 

Thank you - I'm looking forward to reading the review.

HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY CHARACTERISATIONS! Blasphemy - get 'im, boys.

Thanks for the 5-stars, T3t - it is very much appreciated!

Edit: Copies sold is creeping toward 200, mostly on Amazon. That's amazing, incredible, and damned respectable all at once, given that it's been out only about 48 hours.

 

Sheeeeeeeee-it, son, I didn't know we even had that many active DLPers. But seriously, that looks like a very respectable start to a self-publishing career, especially given the 48 hours bit. Keep us posted, aye?

 

This one wasn't technically self-published, but picked up by an imprint down here in Western Australia. I actually work for them as a copy editor. So a small step above self-published. They'll be doing some marketing and getting the novel on consignment into a few Aussie bookshops.

My other stories are the self-published ones. I'm thinking my writing career, outside of fanfiction, will be a happy mix of traditional and self publishing. There are just so many options these days.

And I imagine this initial influx of sales will die down over the next week, so I'll ride that wave all the way to hell until then!

Cheers!

 

Definitely keep me posted on this. Would be awesome to find this in a bookstore.

I'm about half way through at the moment (damn schoolwork not allowing me much time to read at the moment) but I'm really enjoying it at the moment. My only problems so far have been (like others) a few flat characterizations and I'm not really grasping how the "magic" system works here. Keep in mind I'm only half way through of course, so that could easily change.

Regardless, it's still some great stuff so far. I had some misgivings from reading the snippet you posted a while ago, but this is really good work Joe. Will post an amazon review once I'm done, whenever that is.

Edit: So I ended up powering through to the end tonight. Posted a review on Amazon - 5/5. I need sleep, so I won't go into much detail at the moment. I really, really enjoyed it and I think you did an amazing job Joe. The things I said above still stand though - I think some of Declan's friends specifically had some flat characterisation, though Declan's character and your 1st person was good enough that it wasn't as much as an issue. I also struggled with understanding how the hell the Will system really worked and what actually happened at the end, though that might be because I'm tired.

 

Bought, won't be able to read until after I get some sleep though because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to put it down if I started now.

 

Powered through the whole thing last night, which probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, given that I started at midnight, but I enjoyed it. A couple of things:

1. It was short. Too short, imo - the story could have used a bit more exposition. Keeping it under 200 pages (I assume this was the goal?) is admirable, but it really doesn't suit a story of this scope. You have a whole new world (Forget), and a rather large cast of characters, but with the length, they both get a bit glossed over.

2. The "magic" system. I still don't completely understand it, though it was starting to make sense towards the end. Similar to what I said above, you've created a pretty original magic system, but you spend very little time showing or telling how it works. We got little bits here and there throughout the book, but that means that the reader is kept wondering about a basic tenet of the world for the whole story. In my case at least, it kept some of my focus off of the plot because I was trying to figure out how it all worked.

3. Characterization. The only character I could really connect with was Declan, which is perhaps understandable since the story is from his POV, but the rest are fairly forgettable. This ties into the first comment - and extra 100-200 pages could go a long, long way towards fixing this without making the book too ungainly.

I did find a few formatting errors in the epub. I'll PM you with them.

 

So who's going to be the first glorious bastard to write a fanfic about this story? Hell, if someone does an HP cross, you can get the Shezza or Nonjon effect whereas people read the crossover and then read Dresden/watch Firefly, discover the awesomeness, and then spread the word.

 

Bought. I have finals next week, so probably a bad decision, but oh well. >_>

I went with the Amazon version because of 1-ClickTM purchasing and painless syncing with everything, but I might PM you for a PDF copy just in case.

 

Well, just finished it off and I did not see the twists at the end. Well done Joe, review is left on Amazon and I can't wait for the next book.

 

Thank you, my friend. For your review and the epub errors. I'll take what you've said onboard and apply it to the second novel, or perhaps a prequel. This was meant to be a fairly fast paced book, in and out kind of deal, but it is good to know that certain aspects could do with refinement.

Ha, you glorious bastards. I may just do it myself under a pseudonym to generate sales.

Cheers, mate.

DLP, still taking me to school after all these years.

 

I powered through it in one night as well, and enjoyed it a lot. However, there were a few flaws that I spotted.

Spoiler

The biggest one was the Degredation. What exactly is it and why is it so dangerous? If it was explained in-book, I apologise, but the most I caught was that it was a big shield around Atlantis that occasionally spouted out monsters. Sure, that's a pretty big deal overall, but not the world ending cataclysm it's made out to be.

As well as that, the Degredation apparently affected the Story Thread, but I never really got how that was important because the Story Thread was never really explained. I get that it's something fundamental to the universe to the point where destroying it would be a Bad Thing, but it's not described enough to show exactly how bad that would be. Would it destroy everything? Prevent people from travelling to other worlds? Open the Void? Get rid of Will as a power? I never picked up on exactly what the consequences of the Degredation actually work, which ruined a good bit of the suspense for me.

Secondly, most of the characters were too forgettable. Clare especially was supposed to be really important to Declan, but she never made an impact. You needed more back story for her to make her seem influential. As it is she seemed to be there solely to die near the end and give Our Hero a reason to hate Renegade on a personal level. Ethan barely had anything to do with anything; when you introduced him I figured he'd be the audience surrogate, but nope, that was just included in the internal monologue instead. Sophie was better, given you tied her in to Tal and Declan's relationship, and when you do the sequel I reckon that'll be her time to really come into the limelight, but as it is right now she was just Tal's Sister, rather than her own character.

Marcus was alright, but didn't have enough screen time to make his betrayal more than just a casual thing. I liked Aaron though, he was well done for how little time he was in the story, and his attack on the zombies was awesome.

On that note, you should have established that Declan could run out of Will earlier in the story. When that happened after the zombie attack I was pretty much caught by surprise, because I was under the impression that he had an unlimited amount Will but a set limit in how powerful he could make his spells. I'll also echo the sentiment that the magic system in general was only hinted at, rather than discussed. We have an outsider's view of how Will works, despite being in a powerful former-Knight's head for the whole book.

Fourthly, the Immortal Queen. She was cool, I'll give you that, but if there was any foreshadowing of Emily being her I really can't see it, even in hindsight. A subtle hint or two should have been included for the reader to look back on and think 'Ahh! That's what that meant!' Her husband too was a bit too flat for me. I know, he's the Big Bad Evil Necromancer dude, but when I got to the final fight with him he was just flat. He didn't have a character beyond anger, and later insanity. I know he was basically the Dragon for the Immortal Queen, but he felt more like a mook than some badass leader that struck fear into the hearts of men.

That said, the Immortal Queen is awesome. She's the true Big Bad of the book and it's quite obvious she was playing her husband (and Declan) for a fool the majority of the time. She was also one of the better characterised people, to the point where I felt her to be a credible threat to Declan despite having little or no talent in the Will compared to him.

Lastly, it was over too quick. It needed another hundred or so pages worth to flesh out the characters as more than just titles. Apart from Declan and Emily, the rest could easily be summed up as the Chick, the Newbie, the Spy, etc. You'll need to work on that in a pre/sequel, and I'd advise going for a higher word count than you did for this one. You're not a writer designed for short novels; don't try to play against your strengths.[/quote]

So yeah, while I did find a few things jarring in the book, as you can see, I did enjoy it a lot. Enough to put off sleep for a few hours while I read it and being unable to put it down for that time too. Of the parts I did like the pop culture references and Declan's madness were the most fun for me. Hell, after a day at work with nothing to do I've basically pinpointed exactly what this book can be compared to.

In short, Distant Star is an amalgamation of the Dresden Files, Discworld, the Belgariad and the Wheel of Time. The last one was especially obvious in the Roseblade, it was way too similar to Callandor to not be noticed. Considering how these are basically my top four favourite series I cant find it in my heart to complain. Not one bit.

So, at last, we come to the conclusion. I enjoyed the book a lot despite its flaws, and your writing has obviously gotten better over time. I reckon you just need some more practice to hone your skill, then this series will really live up to its potential.

4/5

 

I powered through it in one night as well, and enjoyed it a lot. However, there were a few flaws that I spotted.

Spoiler

The biggest one was the Degredation. What exactly is it and why is it so dangerous? If it was explained in-book, I apologise, but the most I caught was that it was a big shield around Atlantis that occasionally spouted out monsters. Sure, that's a pretty big deal overall, but not the world ending cataclysm it's made out to be.

As well as that, the Degredation apparently affected the Story Thread, but I never really got how that was important because the Story Thread was never really explained. I get that it's something fundamental to the universe to the point where destroying it would be a Bad Thing, but it's not described enough to show exactly how bad that would be. Would it destroy everything? Prevent people from travelling to other worlds? Open the Void? Get rid of Will as a power? I never picked up on exactly what the consequences of the Degredation actually work, which ruined a good bit of the suspense for me.

Secondly, most of the characters were too forgettable. Clare especially was supposed to be really important to Declan, but she never made an impact. You needed more back story for her to make her seem influential. As it is she seemed to be there solely to die near the end and give Our Hero a reason to hate Renegade on a personal level. Ethan barely had anything to do with anything; when you introduced him I figured he'd be the audience surrogate, but nope, that was just included in the internal monologue instead. Sophie was better, given you tied her in to Tal and Declan's relationship, and when you do the sequel I reckon that'll be her time to really come into the limelight, but as it is right now she was just Tal's Sister, rather than her own character.

Marcus was alright, but didn't have enough screen time to make his betrayal more than just a casual thing. I liked Aaron though, he was well done for how little time he was in the story, and his attack on the zombies was awesome.

On that note, you should have established that Declan could run out of Will earlier in the story. When that happened after the zombie attack I was pretty much caught by surprise, because I was under the impression that he had an unlimited amount Will but a set limit in how powerful he could make his spells. I'll also echo the sentiment that the magic system in general was only hinted at, rather than discussed. We have an outsider's view of how Will works, despite being in a powerful former-Knight's head for the whole book.

Fourthly, the Immortal Queen. She was cool, I'll give you that, but if there was any foreshadowing of Emily being her I really can't see it, even in hindsight. A subtle hint or two should have been included for the reader to look back on and think 'Ahh! That's what that meant!' Her husband too was a bit too flat for me. I know, he's the Big Bad Evil Necromancer dude, but when I got to the final fight with him he was just flat. He didn't have a character beyond anger, and later insanity. I know he was basically the Dragon for the Immortal Queen, but he felt more like a mook than some badass leader that struck fear into the hearts of men.

That said, the Immortal Queen is awesome. She's the true Big Bad of the book and it's quite obvious she was playing her husband (and Declan) for a fool the majority of the time. She was also one of the better characterised people, to the point where I felt her to be a credible threat to Declan despite having little or no talent in the Will compared to him.

Lastly, it was over too quick. It needed another hundred or so pages worth to flesh out the characters as more than just titles. Apart from Declan and Emily, the rest could easily be summed up as the Chick, the Newbie, the Spy, etc. You'll need to work on that in a pre/sequel, and I'd advise going for a higher word count than you did for this one. You're not a writer designed for short novels; don't try to play against your strengths.

So yeah, while I did find a few things jarring in the book, as you can see, I did enjoy it a lot. Enough to put off sleep for a few hours while I read it and being unable to put it down for that time too. Of the parts I did like the pop culture references and Declan's madness were the most fun for me. Hell, after a day at work with nothing to do I've basically pinpointed exactly what this book can be compared to.

In short, Distant Star is an amalgamation of the Dresden Files, Discworld, the Belgariad and the Wheel of Time. The last one was especially obvious in the Roseblade, it was way too similar to Callandor to not be noticed. Considering how these are basically my top four favourite series I cant find it in my heart to complain. Not one bit.

So, at last, we come to the conclusion. I enjoyed the book a lot despite its flaws, and your writing has obviously gotten better over time. I reckon you just need some more practice to hone your skill, then this series will really live up to its potential.

4/5

 

Also bought the e-book and read the first few chapters... sounds really good for a first time novel. Will try my best to spread the word.

Not sure if I will write a Review.. I have the feeling that everything of importance has already been said.

 

Sweet.

Thanks for an awesome review, Aekiel.

I think the most pressing question is, would you all (those who have read it) buy the sequel? The follow up instalments?


Also, just received an email saying the paperback should make an appearance on Amazon in the next 4 - 6 days. So cool.

 

Sweet, can I get a signed copy then?

And yes, I'd buy a sequel. I like the protagonist enough to want to see him in action again, and while there were a few problems with the story the world itself and some of the secondary characters/antagonists were very interesting. I want to see more of this world, and I'd be willing to pay to do it.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I missed off a bit of my review.

The world building. It was awesome. When you introduced Ascension City I could really imagine myself there, and the villa in the nearby town was so well described that I had an amazing mental picture of what it looked like. However, both of those were blown out of the water by Atlantis. I could practically see the desolation and leftover grandeur from one of the greatest cities to have ever been, and it just left me gasping for more.

So yeah, the world building is the one part of the story that I think you pulled off perfectly and I've got absolutely nothing I can say that may help improve on that. It'd be like trying to invent a better spoon.

 

Eh, I suppose I'll leave my review here, since Amazon is being a bitch.

Let it be known now: I may have formed a wrong opinion because I missed something, but I don't think so. I make no demands of Joe. I think not that my opinion applies to everyone. This is how I saw it. Nothing more, nothing less.


First of all, I will echo the complain about the length. I feel that the story ws greatly hindered by it, because on many, and I mean many, accounts we were told things rather than shown.

This also ties to my next main concern. You say this is a standalone novel. I don't see it. The first couple chapters, and indeed the description you've chosen for the book, are one ... compilation (avoiding the word "mess") of names, facts and places we know nothing of, and have no idea how to feel about. It reminded me of many, many LoTR copy-pasta books and universes that just rain down names and places, hoping that it is enough to form an impressive world. It is not.

Not to say that you haven't. After a few chapters, when some more things were explained, it was ok, but at first, and to some extend the whole thing, it was awkward.
Again, it doesn't feel like a standalone. I would say this feels like a sequel, but it does not. It's like the second series to an already concluded series. This feels like it would if Rowling decided t write about Harry later in his life, after the seven books. You start the book with references and names that we can't understand the meaning of. This is especially cringe-worthy during the description. I am sad to say that if I read a description like that in a random book in a bookstore, I would put it back down and keep browsing, or try looking for book 1.

That said, I am not against starting at that point. I like having a character not start 12 year old, powerless and clueless, for once. I like Declan, his characterization. I just didn't like how you went about it.

The thing that I disliked most about the book, however, was how much alike it was to Wastelands. I mean, you said that Wastelands prepared you for it, and that it'd have some similar points, but damn. Declan may as well be Harry, with his thought proccess, behavior, speech pattern and even their goddamn eating habits.

Some scenes were practically the same. To such an extend that I would go as far as to call it plagiarism, only I'm not sure if that applies since, you know, Wastelands is yours. Tweedledum and tweedledee, being stabbed by a formerly incospicious woman (wearing a red dress?). Having his dead lover come back, being something else. Finding Atlantis. Finding and destroying the Infernal Clock. The flower and petal bussiness.There are more, facts and scenes and random details, but I can't remember them all.
Your attempts to separate the Will from magic were cute, albeit failed. We are given no in-depth explanation, only told that it is not, in fact, magic.

The world you have made, I felt it was incomplete. No, not even incomplete. We are given bits and pieces of information, with little explanation as to how it functions. The Realms, the Forget, the Earths, Atlantis. How do they work? What are they, even?
I found myself filing in blanks from Wastelands, and dammit, I could picture you doing the same.

I felt that it was rushed, too short, and that big part of was at least heavily inspired by, your earlier works. I'm not accusing you of doing it on purpose, however, I suggest that you try to avoid writing the same thing in a somewhat different setting.


Now, the above may seem like one long bitch-fest, but the truth is I enjoyed the book very much. It was expertly written, I fucking loved Declan Hale, I liked the story progression, and I am itching to get my hands on the sequel.
The whole concept with the Knights, Renegades and their Will, though hardly original, were very saisfying to read.
I was dissapointed though. This was great, but it was the same kind of great that Wastelands was. Dammit Joe, you are a great author, not a one-trick pony. I wat to see that.
Admittedly, for someone who has not read Wastelands, none of these would be a problem. But I have, and they are. I am judging by how much I enjoyed the experience, and despite how much I liked it, there was always something at the back of my head nagging me, not letting me dub it as perfect. I am confident though that the sequels will lack my main complain, similarities to Wastelands.

So, in conclusion: A 4/5, plans to get a hard copy of the book, dreams for the sequels, and compliments to Joe for being such an awesome guy with a worrisome fixation on scotch and steak.

Edit: Perhaps I need read the book again, under less stressful circumstances. We'll see.