Title: Harry Dursley and The Chronicles of the King
Author: Shadenight123
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Mystery
Library Category: AU
Pairings: None
Chapters: 96
Words: 512,320
Updated: June 25, 2013
Published: December 6, 2012
Status: Complete
Summary: Nothing is as it seems on the path to power. Bodies and conspiracies litter the road as daggers shine in the air. Treacheries centuries old leave the place to decade long plans that are just now coming to fruition, and Harry Dursley questions himself through a journey that shall lead him to drastically change his perception of the world. It's all a matter of perspective, after all.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8770795/1/Harry-Dursley-and-The-Chronicles-of-the-King


I ran into this one a day or so ago, and read it straight through (so probably rushed a little - it's 367,000 words atm). This is a Super!Harry, but it's not a badly done one. The author hits a bunch of stereotypes (doesn't dwell too much on them though); he's got the special wand, he's got the mysterious teachers, he.... well, I'm not going into it. It's super!harry, let's just say that.

But it's well done. I hate blatant & useless ego-strocking that a lot of authors with this trope get into. This is not it. And Harry isn't near the top of the pile - hell, Voldemort ranks at 5 or 6 (Harry not above). He has these advantages that place him above his fellow students, but he's still a small fish vs the big boys. And I think the author must be a big history fan, for a lot of the thinking that goes into Harry's thoughts.

Problems: a few plots holes (though the author does foreshadow a lot), but they left me wondering: huh? Also, the multi-perspective that he does bugged me like I was reading Robert Jordan. So evenly split in the chapters that I knew I'd get a bit of the plots I really wanted advanced, advanced. But was a bit of a wait sometimes.


This is an adventure fic - done in a grand style, and it keeps you guessing all the way. I'm reading it a second time, just to see what I missed.

Not sure about the rating. maybe.... 4.5? I'll round down, there were a few things that seemed odd, but who knows? After a more careful second read I might up the vote. This fic was a lot of fun. There's lots of action, and enough plot twists that I had to slow down a bunch of times & go back to the beginning of the chapter because I found myself skimming to find out what happens next.

This definitely belongs in the library.



The author started a sequel:

Title: Harry Potter and the Duties of the King
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,191
Updated: July 11, 2013
Published: June 28, 2013
Summary: Sequel to TCOTK. Dumbledore is dead, the Horcrux's might is shattered, time has righted itself and the Ministry is splintered. Duke of England and King of Hogwarts, Harry Potter faces the truths of power as he battles against himself to avoid becoming what he has defeated. Outside enemies prepare their forces and ready themselves...as Atlantis' shadows loom over them all.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9435619/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Duties-of-the-King




Checked by Minion, July 26, 2013

 

The summary kills me. You can just tell that the author really, really wanted to sound cool. Seriously, what does the highlighted line even mean?

Edit: I'll take a look at the story a bit later.

 

Eh, English isn't his primary language and it shows in his phrasing sometimes (only sometimes). Don't judge the book by it's cover.

Summary sucks though, yeah whatever

 

I think this belongs in "Almost Recommendable." After reading your review and the first two chapters I just don't think there's anything about this story that really makes it stick out. The writing isn't outstanding, there isn't a hook, the author doesn't seem to grasp the timeline (i.e "Harry Dursley" asking "Lillian Potter" about cell phones and talking about GPS), etc.

I know it's a long story, and it's not fair to grade after 2 chapters but I give this a tentative 2/5.

EDIT: I couldn't get through chapter 3. There just isn't anything overly entertaining about it.

 

I twitch every time he calls WWII the 'second world wide war'.

On ch9 right now. It's no masterpiece and probably doesn't belong in the library. Almost recommended definitely fits. It can be a guilty pleasure if something happens soon. So far, in 9 chapters, Harry is going through his third day of lessons, hasn't managed to cast a single spell, hasn't talked to this supposed cousin of his, his wand talks to him, James teaches DADA and sounds like a twelve-year-old, and Sirius teaches flying lessons...

Almost recommended. 3/5 for halfway decent writing and the fact that it's complete.

 

The title makes me think of a lardass Harry hitting people (Malfoy) with a Smeltings stick. I would imagine myself being quite disappointed if I read and found out this was not the case.

 

I've read up to about the 60th chapter. The first twenty or so chapters suck quite honestly. However the author eventually hits his stride and creates a decent work of fiction. Not great by any means, but the intrigue of what happens next surprised me. He does have an epic scope.

I also have to say I love his rendition of Durmstrang. Probably one of the coolest ideas I have ever seen.

All in all a 3/5. If his earlier chapters had been as great as the later ones, I could see this as a 4/5.

 

So far I'm on chapter 9. It's pretty clear that English is the author's second language but the writing isn't completely intolerable. I was going to stop reading after chapter 1 but it does get a little more interesting, and the author certainly keeps dropping more and more threads to follow. I'll leave a more detailed review when I'm done (probably a couple days).

 

The beginning chapters were meh. But I kept on reading since I've got nothing better to do. The story really picks up the pace from the 10 th chapter. I am at chapter 33 and the story is at the height of epicness.

While the writing could use polishing, the plot is so fucking awesome in the second book itself.

4/5 till now. The story gets better and better. All hail Lord Grindelwald.

 

I'm on chapter 23 and I'm getting steadily more confused and intrigued. It's like a foreign version of Silens is writing this story.

 

Yeah T3t. Read on. Albus Dumbledore's epicness is touching Partially Kissed Hero and Gellert Grindelwald, I have only four words. All hail Lord Grindelwald. Tom Riddle isn't normal either.

This story is on the epic levels of Silens Cursors's Renegade Cause.

Update: Just finished reading it. The update rate is pretty good. A chapter every day is beyond awesome.

Verdict: Definitely library worthy if the author decides to come back and go through his initial chapters.

The story is EPIC, the Deathly Hallows rock and All hail Lord Grindelwald. :awesome

Oh Albus, why don't you just fucking die? And I'd probably laugh normally if Harry is the heir of the 4 founders, Merlin and Grindelwald, but this is soo fucking full of win that Harry deserves all those titles and the material wealth the vaults entail.

 

Is he called Dursley throughout the entire Fic? That would really, really get on my nerves. I hate Name!Change fics that stick with the new names.

 

Also, does the writing quality improve? So far I've struggle just to get through the first few chapters.

 

Haha..Nah. His name stays as Dursley for like the first year and that's all. He is adopted immediately in his first summer by a magical 'lady' if we can call her that. Her 'mothering' is definitely fun to read. It usually starts and ends with a 'Crucio'.

As for the improvement of writing, it pretty much improves after the first 12 or so chapters.

Trust me, the initial trouble is totally worth it. Other than that,

 

The author is very... Italian, but apart from that the writing is bearable, even in the first few chapters. The anachronisms are annoying, and some of the sentences frustratingly confused, but it's interesting so far. I'll rate it later.

 

Author's here. (Got warned the story was being recced and came over)
[I actually was expecting it to be utterly trashed like at Spacebattles, so I'm pleasantly surprised]
That said, let's get 'down to business'.

I've already written around for getting a Beta help to have the first 'book' corrected, but I'm glad my writing improved over the course of the books.
The problem repeatedly seen is just as it's been stated: the first few chapters aren't that much of a hook, and the plot starts picking up later on. I'm not going to personally go back and re-write or remove stuff, because I've got that really bad vice of 'if I go back and correct, then I procrastinate on the new chapters'. So I'd rather finish a story and then correct the past.

I actually kind of don't see the problem with the few anachronisms that are there.
I mean, sure, if Harry had used Wikipedia to find out who Nicholas Flamel was, or about myths and legends, or if somehow the Zergs played a key role or feature in the plot I'd understand it, but they don't. I actually re-read it, and they're like...the anachronisms, are mentioned something like 5 or 6 times top. (Like I wrote in a note: it's not like I gave the muggles plasma rifles)

The 'Harry changes name' is something that happens with each book. It's a subtle essay at 'finding one's real self' coupled with 'the real enemy is oneself'.
I actually didn't think to delve so deeply in historical things, but the more I looked at the Wiki of Harry Potter (I always write with the wiki of HP for facts on spells and so on) the more I found myself wondering if some things happened in 'our' world could be associated to wizards...hence throwing them in.

The Super-Harry trope is actually sort-of right, because just as it has been reviewed, he does have a special wand (Special Indeed, if you read further down the road) and special teachers (which however are sort of the logical consequence of him being 'ignored' by all that are magical because of the Fidelius) I actually do not think in 'tropes' term, but logic. It's logical for someone who has no real friends to speak with portraits and ghosts, it's logical to self-doubt oneself for the first few times, it's logical to ask someone else to solve the problem.

Who in his right state of mind at eleven-twelve-thirteen wishes to be flung in a magical war of ideas? The 'Rowling' Harry ends up entered in the triwizard cup tournament at fourteen. At fourteen, I was happily eating ice-cream and dreading homework, not battling blast-ended skrewts (or disarming mines in the middle east, to make a comparison).
So an eleven years old should logically suffer severe consequences.

Many of the plot points have 'holes' that are filled with time, but that's because the genre is mystery. I mean, who reads a mystery novel with the culprit written clearly in the title?
'The murderer named X killed the girl: now read the story and enjoy'.
So, considering the first chapters, if I manage to get a willing Beta they might be revamped pretty soon. On the other hand, if you'd like to ask me question concerning why something was written/implied/made manifest in some way rather than another, I'm here to answer.

On the topic of Grammar:
I'm Italian (Yes, it shows and it's the truth) but when I began writing fanfiction (Dear heavens, did someone read my very first story?) I was preparing for the Proficiency exam (Which I then passed with a wonderful 79/100, B grade) then the writing part stuck to me.
Hence I kept on writing. As I state in my profile, I'm writing because I both enjoy to write and because I want to improve my writing. My grammar isn't good? All right! I'll do better next time. Knowing where I make mistakes would be better though...so I can, you know, improve on them?

I sincerely shudder every time I re-read The Harsh Truth, (Naruto fanfiction) first chapter, for the sheer amount of commas I put in there. Now that's no longer (I hope) the problem.
I'm improving, give me a hand and I'll get better.
See ya!

 

Glad to see the author! Welcome to DLP.

Well, I've read on a bit and I'm happy to say that I think it's brilliant... after chapter 17. Your grammar improves almost dramatically, the plot thickens, the characters get more interesting. It's like a whole different story.

I must congratulate you on producing a 350,000 word, interesting, well-written story - and in a second language, no less! Though clichés are apparent, and sometimes idioms are misunderstood (always a problem when speaking/writing in a different language), this is better by a large margin than most natural English speakers could produce.

The anachronisms are annoying, even if they don't have a massive impact on the story. Could they be replaced by something else? Could Harry be playing Elite on the Dursley's old Packard-Bell? Could he look stuff up in an encyclopaedia and copy it out? There are lots of things you could do to change it.

As for the first few chapters (1-16), I would recommend just going over them with a native English speaker and giving him/her free reign to edit.

 

Indeed, I was actually thinking something like that concerning the anachronism, if it's really a major turn-off, and I do hope someone will eventually pick up my 'beta-reader' needed thing. Concerning the summary too, if anyone wants to give a hand in making a better one, feel free to suggest it. Problem with writing long stories is that in the end you just can't fit everything in their summaries...and my summary skill (even in Italian) are horrible.

I simply didn't have any insight of old games, and those I did have on were a bit too 'future' than starcraft (like Neverwinter Nights of 2002)
My stories getting better the further they go on is something that puzzles me. It's always been like this: probably because I try my best to first lay down the 'boring' details and then write on top of them?
Anyway, it seems my Gellert is being well received. I'm glad since there's little of Gellert actually seen, and so his personality was a bit made up.

 

Haven't read your story yet because I get stuck in the first chapters.
But I have a few ideas that might improve the start:
Chapter 1:
Let Harry play Super Mario on NES or Game Boy.
Research in a library.
I think Harry's reaction to the truth about himself and his parents is too mild.
Vernon doesn't believe in magic early in chapter one:

But later he accept it without a problem.

And I also think you lay it on a little thickly with the whole he's average.

Chapter 2:
GPS in 1991?
Tetris, Pong, or something like that instead of Diablo.
It´s weird that Snape openly says that he will be a dick to Harry because of James. Edit: I misread that.

Chapter 3:
The comments about Harry being average is still a little too much.
Cellphones?
The Internet research could be changed to copying from an encyclopedia as mentioned earlier.

Chapter 4:
Harry mutters a lot to himself it seems.

Whut?


I'll try read the rest of it and come up with a rating later

But I hope you can use this to improve the first few chapters.

 

The sorting hat has a...let's say history behind it.
(The only thing I defend are plot-points or plot related things, since well, it's plot)
I re-read chapter two, and it isn't mentioned anywhere that Snape says something concerning James.
He doesn't even openly let his resentment known, and acts normally.

It's Harry who thinks there is something going on and believes his 'tripping' to be a sort of low-blow from the man, and thus he makes it known.
The rest I'll get to it once I finish the following chapter. Thankfully I always keep around the word documents.